On Kindness In The Face Of Coronavirus

As happens when there's a pandemic, much has changed in the very short time since my last post on coronavirus.  My position on this remains unchanged in that people need to remain calm for us to get through this intact.  What I want to reiterate in this post is how important it is to pay heed to what is required to flatten the curve and ensure we handle this more like South Korea than Italy.

Thank you Toby Morris

Why is it important to flatten the curve?

Because if we don't, frankly we'll see many unnecessary deaths.

The reality is that while we have protocols in place for this sort of thing, our hospitals just don't have the capacity to deal with this.  In all this craziness you may have forgotten that just last year we saw four times as many folk in Auckland visiting their GP's with flu-like symptoms (of which over 60% of cases were actually the flu).  In fact, last year Auckland ran out of flu vaccines.  What will happen this year if Covid-19 hits proper?  If there is a large, sudden influx into hospitals it will impact on all health care services.  So even if you (like me) are at low risk of dying from coronavirus, you may still be affected by the impact that coronavirus has on our health system.

Just because there are only 8 confirmed cases here does not mean we are out of the woods.  This is definitely an attitude I've heard from many.  Given it's just over two weeks since our first confirmed case, and the virus can present 14 days after contact it's very likely we'll see more soon.  And the reality is that most of the countries hit worst are in the Northern Hemisphere.  They are just coming out of their Winter.  Ours hasn't even started yet.  This isn't going to be over for us for quite some time.

We were due to head to Australia this week.           
While the kids were sad they miss out on Koala Breakfast,  
there are more important things at stake.              

And this is something new.  Whilst we have seen pandemics since pretty much forever, we haven't seen one like this in my lifetime.  Yes, there was the swine flu, but that was undeniably different.  The fatality rate for swine flu was 0.02%.  The fatality for coronavirus has crept up globally to 3 - 4%*.  So while it's not as deadly as measles, it is far more deadly than our last pandemic.  And with the world becoming progressively more global it has moved fast.  This virus has been confirmed in 140 countries and counting.  No-one was aware of coronavirus until the 31st of December 2019.  The first death from the illness was recorded in Wuhan on the 11th of January.  By the 13th of January, the first case outside of China was reported in Thailand.  By the 28th of February here, on the other side of the world, we had our first recorded case in New Zealand.  This has spread very, very quickly.

But not all countries have the same fatality rate.  In South Korea, the fatality rate on closed cases is 6%.  But over in Italy the closed case fatality rate is 44%.  That's a huge difference.  And the reason for this difference is that South Korea learned from their brush with MERS in 2015, took coronavirus seriously and had a plan in place for pandemics.  Italy did not have the infrastructure to deal with so many very sick people at once which is why the death rate leapt so suddenly.  Here in New Zealand our government is trying to emulate the plans set by countries like South Korea.  So while travel restrictions may be inconvenient, self-isolation daunting and the cancellation of public events a bit of a bummer, it is for good reason.  If we can avoid a 44% fatality rate** then surely it's worth it?

How does kindness come into this?

I've heard comments from many that they're not at risk.  It's just a flu.  It's no biggie.  And the thing is that for many of us, it won't be***  But that more than anything puts the onus on us.  To keep those less fortunate safe.  The elderly, those with compromised immunity and those newly pregnant.  This is a scary time for them.  Truly.  And while many of them will be self-isolating and putting strategies in place to manage, not everyone will be able to.  The reality is that  regardless of our health, we all need to eat.  I work with a number of people who are immune compromised and for most it's just not financially feasible to self-isolate.  And I work in an industry that deals with the general public.  There will also be many who may not know they are immune compromised; those in poverty who can't afford healthcare, those who are too busy to get things checked out.  Or those who are only just pregnant and haven't had a positive test yet.  I will be surprised if any one of us does not know at least one other person in this position.  These are the people who should be at the forefront of  how we choose to handle this.

It's also important to remember this will inadvertently affect those in poverty the most.  How can you self-isolate when you live with 11 other people?  How can you get tested for covid-19 when you have no car?  When you have no money to pay the doctors?  How can you keep your sick kids home from school when if you don't go to work there's no money to buy groceries?  And how can you keep up to date if you have no internet access?  If we are well and able we need to do our best to contain this virus before it hits those with less privilege than us.  Because they are the ones who will pay the most for our selfishness and stupidity.  And in truth, the ability to travel overseas shows a level of privilege.  A level of freedom.  And for those stuck in place by circumstance to be effected the worst by this just sucks.  Those of us with privilege need to support those with less.

I can't remember who it was, but someone said something along the lines of: 'act as if you have covid-19 rather than as if you are trying to avoid getting it.'  This is fantastic advice.  If we are sick, we work hard to avoid making others sick (well, most of us do).  Given many folk have tested positive that are asymptomatic, you could easily have this virus and not know it.  When I was 20 I had Epstein Barr virus with no symptoms for potentially weeks****.  And while I wasn't exactly kissing a bunch of people at that time, I'd hate to think how many people I may have given it to just through proximity.  There is no harm in acting with caution*****.

It's good to have enough basic food for two weeks

While there is no need to go to the lengths some have taken to prepare, it's probably a good idea to have enough food for two weeks in case you do need to self isolate.  However, if you don't it won't be the end of the world.  Close proximity is  'being within 2 meters of someone for more than 15 minutes'.  So if you don't need to self-isolate, shopping is still fine provided you don't chat whilst standing close for more than 15 minutes.  Taking the kids to the park is fine with the same addendum.  Going to the beach is fine.  And if you are self-isolating, having friends, whanau, supermarkets or delivery drivers drop things off to your home is also fine.

A friend (who is a Doctor among many other things) posted this fabulous, simple advice:

Things that work to reduce coronavirus spread:
- Washing hands and cough etiquette
- Social distancing, self isolation
- Looking after each other; especially the vulnerable
- Following official recommendations

I'm going to add to that:

- Try not to touch your face (it's hard! But I'm trying)

- Try to follow basic health measures to avoid the flu

- Get the flu injection. If we can cut down on flu cases this should have a flow on effect to hospitals which will make it easier for them to handle the impact from coronavirus. Even I'm doing this for the first time ever this year*****

- Don't be a selfish git.

This is a great opportunity for positive changes going forward in terms of self reliance and sustainability.  A great opportunity to learn and use new greetings.  Whilst things are uncertain it's important to focus on the positives.  And it's so, so important to think of others, and act with kindness.



* This is not based on closed cases - this includes open cases so may actually be much higher.

** It's also important to remember that deaths caused by a health systems inability to service people with non-coronavirus related issues are not included in these stats.

*** From a health perspective.  From a financial and lifestyle perspective, this will likely impact all of us in some way.

**** I had none of the standard symptoms besides extreme exhaustion.  I had been to the GP and while they checked my iron and B12, they never thought to test me for EBV.  It wasn't until I saw a homeopath who asked me a bunch of questions about my health that I was tested (she worked in conjunction with doctors and wrote a list of tests I should have).  Knock homeopathy/naturopathy all you like, but when they work in conjunction with medicine, just the act of actually listening, and asking questions to gain a holistic view can offer insight beyond what a GP on a tight schedule in a busy clinic is able to offer.

***** Unless you're using it as an excuse to hoard resources in which case there is much harm.  Panic buying puts unnecessary pressure on everything.  It's not helpful to anyone.

****** Not an anti-vaxxer, I just react to a LOT of medications so have some anxiety about having a jab that I know a lot of people have an adverse reaction to.

On our massive overreaction to coronavirus

Since a single case of coronavirus was confirmed last Friday afternoon, an epic level of crazy has ensued.  Sadly, this hasn't come as a surprise.  Since the WHO declared the outbreak to be an emergency on the 30th of January, I've seen and heard some crazy shit.  And most of it has come in the form of crappy ways to be racist.

In my workplace we had two racist incidents directly linked to fear of coronavirus.  In one instance a customer was afraid of touching an eftpos machine because it had been touched by a colleague.  This woman had deemed her to be a 'risk' for coronavirus based on no information other than what she looks like.  Not long after this happened one of our kids friends was told by a parent that to keep safe (regarding the virus) they needed to wash their hands regularly, and stay away from Asian people*.

At work I've had an elderly customer accuse us of 'hoarding' hand sanitiser because I could not tell them who our workplace supplier was (I do not know.  That is not my job).  I've had customers ask to purchase our half full hand sanitiser and then give me the evils when I said that wasn't possible as it was not a product we stocked.  We have hand santiser at the counters because we handle all sorts of things in the department store and don't have easy access to hand washing whilst on the floor.  We use it to keep both ourselves, and our customers safe.  We do this regardless of pandemic.  We are not hell bent on hoarding hand sanitiser.

Early in February Bunnings sold out of face masks.  These face masks do not prevent the spread of viruses.  What they are designed for is to prevent dust and wood/stone particles from being breathed in to someones lungs.  Buying these masks to prevent virus spread isn't just stupid, but it unnecessarily endangers those who actually need those masks:  our tradespeople and our DIYers.  These are the kinds of people these masks are designed to protect.

Support your local Asian Supermarket 
Unlike Countdown, there are no queues

And by mid February our Chinese restaurants were suffering.  Now unless you're dining on pangolin the likelihood of contracting coronavirus from food is very low.  Sure, most Chinese restaurants are run by Chinese people.  But being Chinese does not make people more likely to have coronavirus.  If you are assuming that most Chinese Kiwi's are flying in and out of Wuhan on the reg you would be wrong.  Not only are there travel restrictions in place, but to do that, you'd need a lot of money, and considering on average white folk earn almost double that of our Asian population that seems unlikely.  It also completely ignores the fact that many Kiwi Chinese folk may never have been to China.  Many have families that have lived here for generations and are just as likely to have come in contact with coronavirus as I am.  Today I did the vege shopping and mine was literally the only white face in my local Asian supermarket.  People, this isn't being smart or safe.  This is being racist and xenophobic. 

This is our response to one confirmed case in New Zealand.

I struggle to understand.  I truly do.

Well, I struggle to understand the panic shopping and water hoarding. 

I don't struggle to understand Brian Tamaki's reaction.  His responses are always fairly transparent.  He is taking advantage of peoples fears to promote his 'product'.  Given that his wife, Hannah Tamaki is heading a new political party, this is doubly beneficial for him.  The more folk on board with Destiny, the more votes they can count in this next election and the more power he has.  You might be thinking 'Balderdash!  No-one is crazy enough to believe in airborne demons' but you would be wrong.  People believe masks will save them.  People are hoarding food like the apocalypse is at hand.  This is the perfect time for those like Brian Tamaki to take advantage of peoples fears.

Yoda is here to save the day (again)                    

And thinking like Brian Tamaki is dangerous**.  He, and others like him will use the coronavirus to promote hate speech.  He will use coronavirus to back their idea of culling immigration by 97%.  He will use the rise in cases in Iran to back the idea that mosques are evil.  In promoting misinformation around coronavirus and its spread he is actively making it harder for us to manage best practice in containing it.  And in feeding on common fears, he will appeal to many more than you would think.

Now, onto panic buying.  Following the global trend, once Aotearoa had its first confirmed case folk started buying up large at the supermarket.  In Auckland, given we're in drought I do understand big water purchases.  What concerns me is that there are many on tank water who genuinely have need for this water***.  What if they miss out because John Smith has decided to stash some for the end of days?  I get that people are freaked out.  The reality is that this pandemic is impacting production in China.  The reality is that much of the stuff we take for granted does come from China.  But given the timing that hoarding began - immediately after a case was confirmed - I suspect most of these buyers weren't thinking of that.  I think they were thinking more about hiding at home in fear of the virus.  This thinking is also informed by how quiet my workplace has been since Thursday, and how quiet the gym and pools are.  People are scared to go out.

Panic buying is selfish.  It fails to consider those with greater need.  It fails to consider those with cancer or otherwise affected immune systems who need consistent access to hand sanitiser.  It fails to consider those for whom the masks are actually designed.  It fails to consider those affected by drought.  It fails to consider how this may impact on food banks, and those reliant on them.  On those who can't afford to panic shop.  Panic buying looks like people not thinking and making selfish choices.

What is far worse than this are those taking advantage.  Who see this fear as opportunity.

Frank and Fiona Gallagher making the most of a Chicago Blackout (Shameless)

We had a nursery sale a week ago and a man came in and purchased all of our thermometers.  Now, I could be wrong in my assumptions here.  This man may have been purchasing on behalf of a charity group, or purchasing for extended family to send overseas.  But I've often experienced customers doing both of these things and this man did not behave like them.  Usually they already have a finite number in mind, or people they are thinking of and naming/counting off as they choose what they want.  This man just said 'all'.  And to hedge his bets he bought one style of thermometer from me, and another from a co-worker at another counter in two separate trips**** so I strongly suspect they were purchased to onsell.  We have had to turn so many people away since because we do not have thermometers in stock.  Mostly parents of sick kids.  It's an awful feeling.  I am sure there are many, many other examples of this happening worldwide.

The immense drop in air pollution over China courtesy of NASA

I think the only reason we're scared about China shutting down is because we are scared of change.  We are used to our fast food and online shopping.  We are used to not having to think about where our food, clothing, furniture and phones come from.  The reality is that since production and transport has slowed in China their nitrogen dioxide rates have dropped drastically.  How can this be a bad thing?  We know global warming is real.  We see it happening right in front of us.  We just had 42 days without measurable rain in Auckland.  Why has it taken a pandemic to make immediate and massive change?

The reality is that we will have to make some changes, but most of those changes will, by necessity, be more sustainable.  We may have to start shopping seasonally as shipping from the Northern hemisphere slows.  We may have to start mending our clothes and buying second hand.  We may have to start considering buying NZ made when there are few other options available.  All of these things are things we should be doing, but many of us aren't.  These are all positive changes.

If we continue to live in fear, if we continue to perpetrate these selfish acts we will create more disorder, more hurt and more stress in what is already a scary time.  It is not hard to be kind.  In fact, we are stronger when we are united.  If growing our own fruits and veges becomes more important, we should co-ordinate with friends and neighbours to support those with greater need.  We can host clothes swaps to freshen up our wardrobes.  We can teach each others children those important skills around growing and preserving food that have been lost.  If we share what we have, we have more options.

Rather than choosing fear, choose kindness.  Support your local Chinese restaurants and supermarkets.  Think of others before you buy more than you need.  Remember the fatality rate is about 2%, and if you're under 50 that drops to 0.4%.  Transmission rates are slightly higher than the flu but much, much lower than measles.  This is not the modern plague.  Educate yourself on COVID-19.  Read the guidelines on how to keep safe.  Wash your hands.  Be rational.  But most importantly, be kind.

* I'm happy to say this misinformation was corrected by the other parent and step parent before it became a thing.

** While I'm not religious myself I believe strongly in peoples rights to religion freedom.  Consequently I cannot stomach those like Tamaki who aim to take those rights away.  While I am not religious I was raised with Christianity.  I have read the Bible (and the Bhagavad Gita) and I cannot for the life of me believe that anyone trying to be like Christ would behave as the Tamaki's do.  Jesus was about kindness.  He was about forgiveness.  He was about love of your fellow man.  He cared for those less fortunate (here's an awesome article about recontextualising how Jesus would behave now regarding homelessness).  He did not care for possessions or riches.  He threw the money lenders out of the temple.  He would never have people tithing when he knew they could not afford it.  While I believe in freedom of religion I cannot believe that a church that puts fear and hate ahead of kindness and humanity is a good thing.  I will not apologise for condemning these actions.

*** The need for tank water refills is so great that a friend said they were told by two water supply companies they couldn't get anything to them until April.  They are using the laundromat, showering at the local gym and totally reliant on bought water for drinking.

**** We just realised this yesterday ie: I didn't know she had also sold him a ridiculous number of thermometers and vice versa.  We conferred after another store called in the hopes that we had one, so I suspect this happened at other stores too.

On Taking Up Space

So I'm trying not to just write about weight loss (I have about three unfinished posts about other stuff I'm currently working on) but, like any venture into new territory, this exercise thing is exciting.  Getting stronger, fitter and losing weight feels fantastic.  But these aren't the only new experiences I'm having.  I'm also discovering a whole new world.  And some new experiences have been disturbing.

The quintessential scary 'gym dude' (love you Joseph Gordon-Levitt x x)

I have always been afraid of 'gym people'.  In my brain, they were always fit, buff people interested in sports and looks and sporting.  In other words: the antithesis of me.  So I expected there to be a disconnect with me existing in a gym space.  But the truth is, I have had zero altercations in the gym.  In the gym everyone is completely self-absorbed.  And not in a bad way.  It's just that most people have gone in there (me included) with a plan of what they want to achieve with their time.  Folk in the gym are focused.  They don't give a fuck what anyone else is doing unless they're using a piece of equipment they want.  And even then, so far I haven't seen that result in any kind of conflict.

The pool, however, is a different story.

In the pools I have seen racism, intolerance and sexism on at least a weekly basis.  One of the worst places for this is in the water walking area.  I find this quite funny because it's supposed to be a chill activity.  Water walking is low impact, anyone can do it, and it's often recommended by medical professionals for people with joint or weight issues.  It's a great way to get active without having to (the horror) start jogging.  I've seen people of all colours, sizes and ages enjoying the benefits of walking in the water.  And many, many times I have also seen intolerance of difference in the water.

The only culprits of this I've seen (so far) are older, white women.

I've seen old white ladies complain about kids in the water walking area because they were laughing.  I've seen old white ladies make shit up about Pacifika women to try and get them out of the pool.  I've seen old white ladies complain that they do not have enough space when there are literally only six people in the water walking area and only three lanes open for swimming that aren't booked for classes.  These incidences are not all attributed to the same old white lady.  The intolerant old white lady is a real thing (I see this regularly in my retail life as well).

Old white ladies have been the bane of my water walking experience.

Lucky for me I seldom water walk these days.  These days I'm mostly a lane swimmer.  So while I've left the old white ladies in my wake I have discovered a new enemy.

Men.

Follow the directional rule Jerks!

Not all men.  But the Jerk Man territory is not exclusively white.  It's also not exclusively old (although the majority I've encountered are over forty).  But I can tell you right now, the Jerk Man is real and he is a Jerk.  The first time I experienced Jerk Man, it was more like Just Annoying Man.  It was a dude who just kept talking at me while I was clearly just trying to swim.  Like acknowledging his presence was more important than my plans.  After I stopped responding he left me alone, so it wasn't too bad.  Still, I'm glad this has only happened once.  The most common kind of Jerk Man I've encountered is the dude who swims into you when you are just going about your business swimming, in the manner the arrows on the sign tell you to.  Jerk Man invades your space.  And he does not apologise.  He crashes and says nothing.  And then sometimes, if you don't immediately vacate that lane, he will crash into you again.  When that happens, it's hard to believe it's just an accident.  It's like these men believe the lane belongs to them.

I have had one collision with a woman (the % of being crashed into by a man vs a woman in my experience is about 6:1).  When this happened, we stopped and had a conversation about it so we could mitigate it occurring in the future.  Then we both kept on swimming and not crashing.  Problem solved.  When a woman (or me) accidentally scrape each other underwater (common occurrence when doing breaststroke) an apology is usually elicited.

So this made me wonder if the Jerk Man is actually just being a Man?  The fact that I collide less with women leads me to believe that we are more conscious of the space around us, and how we move through it.  Maybe it has never occurred to the man that this space is not just his?  This immediately made me think about the 'walk like a man' challenges that made the rounds not so long ago.  There's even a word for it now (manslamming). Men crash into me because they have not considered that we exist in a shared space.  They have never considered that someone will not get out of their way.  They are inherently used to all space being theirs.  So why would they apologise when they collide with me (I'm obeying the swim rules)?  These dudes aren't even aware that they are being Jerk Men.

This idea is further informed by my experiences in the sauna and steam room.  While it took me some time to get comfortable being shut in a tiny, hot room with other humans, now it is part of my regular gym experience.  I'm not sure if 'sweating it out' is actually helping me lose weight, but it's definitely relaxing after a workout.  Anyhow.  I have noticed a few differences between the sauna and the steam room:

1) More women frequent the steam room than the sauna
2) I feel more comfortable in the steam room.

Maybe this is the solution for women?        

It didn't take me long to work out why.  It's hard to see people in the steam room.  Women, as dictated by so many aspects of society*, are not supposed to take up space.  So we probably feel more comfortable being in the room where our existence is obscured.  Or potentially, we are uncomfortable in our own skins.  We are nervous about being seen in a small space near naked.  We are afraid of commentary, or being hit on, or just looked at funny.  It seems like men do not feel the same way. 

Both spaces are equally frequented by men.  Men of all ages**, shapes and colours.  And these men make noise.  They are not trying to make noise, they are simply not trying not to make noise.  While women sit there silently (besides some ladies who make a slapping sound as they do their post-workout massage) trying not blend into the walls men do not.  Men talk to their friends.  Men sniff and cough.  Men breathe loudly.  Men drink noisily and tip water over themselves noisily***.  These men are not trying to assert themselves.  They are not being threatening.  They are just simply just taking up space.

And this leads me back to the gym.  The gym has very defined spaces.  If you're on a treadmill it's not like someone else can accidentally just get on your treadmill without causing actual chaos.  Same goes for the floor mats and suspension equipment.  People don't crash because in the gym paths are designed not to cross.  However, after noticing the noise difference in the steam room I realised the same rule applies in the gym.  While most women elicit little more than a heavy breathe in the gym, men make all manner of 'PROU' 'HRRR' and 'PHOUUU' sounds****.

And this leads me back to those old white ladies in the water walking area.  These women who are asserting themselves, who are making themselves heard.  Maybe they are just sick of living in male spaces?  Maybe they are just sick of having no space to call their own?  Maybe, they are just trying to take up space, and the only way they feel they can do that is by taking space from those they can - children and POC's - in ways they can - by yelling at strangers or 'telling on' them to pool staff*****

           Is a woman's only gym the solution?

This whole situation is just shit.  Because it isn't changing.  While yes, women and men of all ages, shapes, religions and ethnicity frequent the same (pool/gym) space, the accessibility within that space is not the same.  I struggle to relax and get into the rhythm of swimming because of the constant fear that a man might crash into me.  How many women have stopped swimming because they keep getting crashed into by men?  How many parents have stopped water walking with their kids for fear of being yelled at by grumpy old white ladies?  Not being able to have space definitely contributes to adverse effects on health.  I can see why there are female/queer/POC only spaces.  It's exhausting never being allowed to take up space

How we move through space matters.  Do you move when someone walks toward you?  Or do you expect others to move?  Does it change depending on who the person is?  Why is this?  What percentage of a conversation do you take up?  Do you put your arm on plane armrests?  How much space do you take up?  And who is enforcing this madness?

We are.

Other than just crashing into men so hard they start getting injured, I can't think of a simple solution besides talking about it.  But we've been talking about manslamming since 2015 and nothing has changed.  Besides being aware that this issue exists, we need to make others aware of it.  We need to actively call it out when we see it.  We need to recognise our own ingrained behaviours and consider how these affect others.

And for those who take up space, who don't move, who never apologise, they must realise the onus is on them.  For those so disempowered they can't even sniff in a sauna, how scary do you think direct conflict would be?  How hard is it to just notice where you are going and adjust your walk path?  How hard is it to listen to the viewpoints of others?  If someone is expecting to be shut down every time they speak, they might eventually stop speaking.  And it can be hard to recover that voice.  If you have a voice, use it.  If you are able to adjust your path, adjust it.

Because when you don't, you're really just a jerk.

* We are encouraged to be slim, to speak quietly, to look after others, to 'be nice'.  And even though in the womb being female is the 'default gender' aliens would never know that looking at society as it is designed with men in mind.  Most medical studies still use exclusively male rats ie: most medicine is made for men.  It's unsurprising that many of us women feel let down by the medical system (and by all systems generally).

** But usually over 30

***I can understand that you may not believe me and if that is the case I recommend checking it out for yourself.  Go sit in a unisex sauna.  I will be very surprised if you don't notice a difference.

**** This has made me aware of just how important the noise element of Zumba classes is for women and why I feel so uncomfortable taking part in that aspect of it. 

***** I've seen this happen numerous times.  The pool staff know the old white lady is just being unnecessarily anal over nothing, but they do her bidding anyway.  The pool staff know that if they don't then the wrath of that old white lady will be upon them.  And that wrath has (false) teeth.

On Joining The Gym: Part II

I thought I better do a follow up to my last post.
And given that I'm hoping this is no small time thing, I will probably do more of these follow ups as things change.

In the last two weeks I've seen big changes - although my weight hasn't changed much at all.  It seems to have stabilised - I haven't gained any, but I haven't lost much either.  I sit between 72.2 and at the highest - 75.  But have been mostly around 73.  While this has felt a little frustrating, it's not so bad because of the other changes I'm seeing.

 I've lost this much already!                 
If I lose 10cm more I'll fit my old clothes      

I've lost about 5 centimeters off my waist.  In Americaspeak, that's 2 inches.  It's a whole dress size!  I'm not out shopping for a whole new wardrobe because in all truth, I've been just wearing too-tight clothes for a while now.  I already had to buy bigger clothes after my first jump in weight and refused to spend even more.  The bras I refused to replace which dug into my bulging flesh now sit as they should.  I can even fit into the sports bra that has literally never fit me.  I bought it on a whim 6 months ago (it was a good brand on clearance and I thought it might encourage me to exercise).  And that's been handy because now I do need sports bras.  My clothes are sitting better and I feel much less self conscious than I did just a few months ago.

And I've been given my exercise program.  On seeing what's expected of me I immediately regretted putting 'core strength' as one of my priorities.  While some parts of the program are ok for me, and the trainer absolutely took my interests and needs into account, some parts are hard.  I know they are supposed to be hard - how else am I going to get fit?  But because they are directed at my areas of weakness, they are super hard for me.  I know, I know, I asked for this.  But a girl can still complain, right?  On the first run through with the trainer I realised just how weak my core is.  I struggled with a couple of the exercises - one which I've seen/done in yoga numerous times and I just suck at, and one which is truly hard.  All of the arm based exercises set were ok for me, and after running through those I started to feel more confident.

And then I met The Grinder.



The Grinder is a machine designed to make people like me cry.  It is like a bicycle for your hands, but I find this harder than any bicycle I've ever sat on.  The trainer said 'So you go this direction for 30 seconds and try and keep above 50rpm, and then go the other way for 30 seconds.'  So I did that.  And it was hard, but I managed it.  I felt a real sense of achievement.  And then they said 'Now, you're going to do that for five minutes.'

Five minutes.

Were they kidding?  There is no way I can do that for five minutes.  I strained my left tricep just doing that for one minute.  That machine is crazy.  That machine will be the death of me, of my arms anyway.  So far, I have only managed two minutes.  I stopped there because I felt like if I did another minute I might not be able to drive home from the gym.  But I'm not going to just not do it.  I will keep trying.  Maybe six months from now I will manage five.  This sort of goal is just as useful to have as a weight loss goal.  How cool will it be to be that much stronger?

   This is the goal at this stage.
Subject to change (due to tiredness)

The other thing I'm proud of is that I have been utilising that membership as best I can.  Any time I can get away from the house alone, I have gone away to the gym.  I've managed to go four times a week for the last two weeks.  And we were away on holiday for two days over that time!  Most of the time I have just been swimming.  But now that school is back I'm hoping to get into some sort of regular exercise regime. 

While I have not been in the gym as much as I'd liked*, I am feeling positive about what I am doing.  Because regardless of how I'm exercising, it's more than I was doing.  I am getting fitter, stronger and slimmer.  There are a number of everyday things I am finding easier to do - shifting stock at work, picking up the kids.  Seeing the results in this way - making life easier, really makes me keen to see even bigger changes in the future.

What I am struggling with at the moment is (as always) balance.  Being new to regular exercise, there are many things to learn.  One of the things that will just come over time is understanding my bodies limits.  When to push through, and when to stop.  In the gym, I find these things present themselves more easily - but this could equally be that I'm just not pushing as much as I could because it feels so foreign.  When I get shaky or something hurts or my breathing becomes inconsistent, I stop.  Swimming is different.  Swimming is relaxing.  Swimming is enjoyable for me, and because I pace myself I can just do it for quite a long time and often don't realise I've hit my limit.

Only 3kg until I'm roughly this size.           

But feeling like I am at this level of confidence now.

I've had a couple of occasions that I felt ok in the water only to come out of the pool and realise I was shaky on my feet.  Maybe that's ok?  I'm not sure.  I seem to be ok. This is often the case when I go straight from work to the pool so I'm probably just tired from being physically active over a long time.  The thing is though, I've found this is one of the best times for me to go swimming.  Not just because it works in well with having childcare available, but because it helps my feet stop hurting (side effect of working retail) and takes the pressure off all those achy joints.  It has been one of the best things for work related aches.

               Abby's first swimming lesson.
It's been almost that long since I felt comfortable
              enough in my skin to go in the water. 
                  Now I'm struggling to get out!


Exercise is also addictive... Just like chocolate it releases endorphins which make you feel good.  So once you start feeling good, you naturally want that feeling more and more.  This is why (for many folk) it's a great way of managing anxiety and depression.  In this respect, it is certainly working for me.  I've cut my medication back down (after raising it a little to manage panic attacks in October).  On the other side of things I just have to be mindful of my tendency to get hooked on crutches.  I've done this with diet and exercise before (in my early 20's).  Making large, measurable changes to your own body can feel very powerful.  If you've had periods where you felt you had no control in your life, discovering that you have power can be a dangerous thing.  It's easy to get caught up in these changes.  This is why I've set realistic, gradual weight loss goals and done very little to my diet.  I don't want to get caught up.  Addiction is unhealthy, whether it's to sugar, heroin or exercise.

I am really looking forward to seeing how this first week of my new schedule works out.  I'm hopeful that with the usual routine of school/kindy etc back having a routine will start to feel less frenetic and more normal.  And I'm hoping to maintain this level of excited, without getting obsessive.  I have my fingers crossed for both.




* Still swimming more than gymming

On Joining The Gym

So I joined the gym.  This is a thing I never thought I'd do.  I've been a gym member once before.  That was 20 years ago.  I cannot remember for the life of me why I joined.  I think I was teaching aqua-aerobics around the same time so might have been on some weird fitness kick.  I went regularly for about a month.  Then there was a fire drill and I had to exit the gym.  I was mortified to be seen out in my gym clothes (lord forbid other humans see my bare arms).  I never went back.

Me in my moonboot at my cousins wedding.             
Oh to be so slender without trying again!                

Besides that my only gym experience has come from seriously injuring myself*.  This required months of physio - I had to learn to walk all over again.  This was a positive experience for me.  My time in the gym translated very literally to my body's ability to do normal stuff again.  Watching my progress was exciting.  Even though I really enjoyed my time in the gym, I didn't continue with it after physio as other aspects of my life pressed on both my time and finances.

I never thought I'd join a gym because I:
a) Dislike intentional exercise
b) Hate exercising in public

I'm oddly self conscious about people seeing me exercising.  I can pinpoint the specific incident this anxiety stems from, but this doesn't thwart the feeling.  I know my feelings are irrational - that what happened then is not happening now - but knowing this does not make those feelings disappear.  Just like the many other facets of my anxiety, it's an irrational, annoying constant.  You learn to live with the discomfort.

In gyms my self-conscious feelings compound.  Fit people go to gyms.  People with great bodies go to gyms.  I am neither fit nor buff and my inexperience with gym equipment sets me firmly as an outsider to the gym world.  When I was rehabbing my ankle at the Unitec gym it felt ok because I was almost always there with my physio.  She kept me focused.  Plus I had an obvious injury so I did not feel as if others would judge my performance.  On top of that, with it being a student gym the membership was diverse -it wasn't just fit people - there were people there just like me.

So when I joined the gym I promised myself I did not have to go.  It only cost $3 a week more to get access to the gym on top of the pool membership.  It seemed worth the gamble.  It's only $3.  If I can walk up those stairs to the gym even six months after joining, then it's worth it.  Because it gives me a reason to overcome that fear**.  Because I am a tight arse.  I was never going to be ok not utilising that $3 investment that I could better spend elsewhere.  I used a conscious subconscious trick to push myself to walk up those stairs.

Fancy equipment!  Well, any equipment is fancy to me...

And it worked.  It took me less than a month.  Last week I put on the running shorts I'd asked for for Christmas and climbed those stairs.  I introduced myself to the man at reception and he showed me around the cardio area.  Luckily, I had chosen a time to visit when the gym was fairly quiet.  This made it less scary.  And there were nice, big lockers I could just put my stuff in for free.  And the gym equipment was clean, modern and fancy.  And while most people fit my idea of what 'gym' folk look like they didn't seem to care I was there.  They were too busy working out.

Last week I walked up those stairs three times.  Not only that, but I actually exercised too.

The awesome thing about this particular gym is that it offers a series of five one-on-one sessions as part of the membership.  This is optional.  If you just want to get on a treadmill and do your thing, that's ok too.  But if you want the extra support, it's there.  I decided if I was going to come this far I might as well utilise the professional support available.  Given I have so little experience, even just from a safety perspective it makes sense.  I had my first appointment on Sunday.

The trainer I met with was lovely.  Relaxed, non-judgmental, relatable (impressive given I'm old enough to be his Mum and his interests are sports and mine are not) and friendly.  Being weighed and measured and asked personal health questions are things that are probably uncomfortable for quite a few people.  Especially folk going to the gym to get in shape.  He understood that, and was so chill and professional that it felt ok.  The only part I struggled with was watching my arm measurements being done.  I'd never seen my arms like that in a mirror before.  I hadn't realised how big they were.  But that was only one uncomfortable thing.  And maybe the more I do this uncomfortable stuff the less uncomfortable I will feel in the future.

I have lost 12 butters!       

Because taking those initial measurements gives me a place to work from.  And given I've already lost 6kg, it's likely my arms were even bigger than that a few months ago.  So who knows?  Maybe when I do another measure in a couple of months time they will be a bit smaller.  My arms are already feeling stronger.  All the regular swimming has tightened up the muscles on my thighs, and I can feel my shoulder muscles for the first time ever.  These are pretty exciting changes.

And I am hopeful that seeing these changes helps me want to stick with this gym business.  Even if I don't end up liking the personalised program they set for me, coming this far is a huge achievement.  In just one week I've discovered I like using cross trainers.  I've discovered I can do a cardio work out for half an hour without keeling over.  And just a few months in to regular swimming it's difficult to imagine my life without it in it.  Maybe this will happen with the gym too?

One study found up to 60% of women experience diastasis recti
   post-partum.  Super common, but seldom talked about.

For now, I am focused on the exciting parts of this lifestyle change.  I am excited about the improvements I've made in my swimming.  When I started, I was tired after swimming 500 meters.  Now, my standard session is at least 1000 meters.  I have visible muscles where there was just bulk before and (the most exciting improvement) after years of diastasis recti, and feeling like it would never get better, I no longer have abdominal separation.  Well, a little, but it's down to a 1cm gap which is far less than it used to be.

I still have a lot of weight to lose to hit my goal weight (about 13kg).  But even if I don't lose another gram I feel like I've accomplished a lot.  I'm starting to feel like I am enjoying life.  After years of struggling with my body, its changes and limitations, I'm starting to feel more invested in living inside it again.  Just overcoming my anxiety about going to the gym is pretty huge.  It shows me that I can just make a decision to try something different and uncomfortable.  It might not always work out, but it is absolutely worth the risk.


* I fractured my talus and tore a bunch of ligaments through my ankle misjudging a jump in a trampolining gym (why I was doing a trampolining class in the first place is a whole different story).  I fell from about 3 meters onto the solid edge of the trampoline.  I was in hospital for four days because they weren't sure what to do with me.  The kind of injury I had is termed a 'pilots fracture' as was common amongst pilots falling from planes during WWII

** And something to do when the swimming lanes are really busy or being used for waterpolo.

On a fresh start

It was a tough year last year.  I lost two friends to cancer and had a few unexpected things come up which required some serious lifestyle renovations.

But we got through.  Pretty much intact.  Losing people you care about sucks but there is one positive: it really helps put things in perspective.  Especially when those people have fought through so many barriers to achieve what they did during their own lives.  While I struggled not to be swallowed up by grief for a time I realised neither of my friends would want me to do that*.  They would want me to get out there and live my life and appreciate all that I have in front of me.  I am blessed with the gift of living in this world while they have moved on.

    Recent pic of me - much bigger
than I feel comfortable seeing myself

This realisation helped me to understand that I've been stuck in the quagmire of grief for quite some time.  Ever since my health diagnosis a year and a half ago, I have struggled to make sense of how exactly to manage my life.  And I have used it as an excuse rather than facing my feelings head on.  While yes, I do normal Mum things and have a job and pay the bills I have been using numerous crutches to survive day-to-day.  Namely food and alcohol**.  And it has slowly been killing me.

Being heavier has been killing my confidence.  It is an awful thing to admit when you pride yourself on being a feminist, but I have discovered sadly, just how much of my confidence is tied up in how I look.  I have always been ok with being curvy.  I have pretty much never been a 'skinny' girl.  But I have always been roughly the same give or take a couple of kilos.  The reality is, that when I had this realisation I was about 20kg heavier than I was before I got pregnant with Abby.  And when you are short like me, 20kg is a LOT.

What brought me to this realisation?  Seeing friends get off their butts and do this for themselves.  The good and bad thing about social media is that it allows you a sneak peek into the lives of others.  And while these peeks should always be taken with a grain of salt, sometimes they really are the kick in the behind you need.  Because when pondering how amazing it is that a friend could write an amazing book after surviving brain cancer, you also see friends in the here and now making huge changes in their lives it drives home the fact that you can do it too.

I have lost 6kg since then end of November.  2kg so far this year.  I'm still heavier than I was the last time I attempted to lose weight, but it's still a significant achievement.  Especially given I've achieved most of it through entering a new territory: planned exercise.

Me before having Abby.     
Oh to be this size again!     

I've never been an 'exercise' person.  It's just not my thing.  I'm just not one of those people who thinks it's 'fun' to go for a run or 'hit the gym' or go tramping.  Fun things for me are board games and writing and comedy and cooking and drawing.  While for me some sports are fun (soccer and touch) I am not very good at them and thus anxious about joining a team.  And while I do enjoy being in nature and walking, in truth, the outside world is not my friend.  Bugs love me.  No matter which sunblock I use, the sun will burn me.  Going for a bush walk will result in welts and burns.  The beach is the same.  Summer is not designed for people like me.

I have always loved swimming.  The thing is though when you are uncomfortable with your size, the scarier getting into a pair of togs feels.  While swimming with the kids was once a fairly normal part of our week, once I got to a certain size I made excuses to avoid it.  My endo is playing up.  Etta's just started school.  Everyone is sick.  But truly, most of the time I was uncomfortable chasing my children around with so little to cover me.  But then I saw my friend was doing it.  My cousin was doing it.  My colleague was doing it.  All around me people were sucking it up and putting their bodies in the water no matter their size.  And it was good for them.

So I did too.

Most of my weight loss has come from swimming.  And even before I lost that much a funny thing changed.  I stopped feeling self conscious in my togs.  While I did buy a suit that had a little more coverage, it wasn't the main factor.  I just got used to it.  I realised that I was the only person who cared what I looked like.  People did not stare at me in horror.  I was just one of many bodies of many shapes and sizes going for a swim.

Similarly, my self-consciousness over being 'good' enough to go swimming dissipated over time.  When I started swimming, I was extremely anxious about lane swimming.  I was worried I would be bad.  That others would be annoyed by me being too slow or too clumsy or too anything.  So I mostly waterwalked unless I could be in a lane by myself.  A few months on I no longer care.  I dive straight into a lane and swim.  Just swim, without thinking about what everyone else is thinking about.

When school holidays began, for a time my swimming life was over.  As the primary caregiver of our children, all the time I had free before to swim was now sucked into childcare.  For two weeks I did not swim.  And then I realised (again) that I was just making excuses.  Of course I could still swim! I just had to get creative with time.  Now I swim Wednesday nights once Murray is home from work, Fridays after work, and Sunday afternoons.  I am swimming 3 - 4 kilometers every week.

Gotta love a good spreadsheet!

And I love it.  Not only am I losing weight, but it helps give me space away, not just from the family, but from my thoughts.  Once I've been swimming for about 20 minutes or so I go into a sort of meditative state.  I get into my body and out of my head and actually relax.  This is quite a hard thing for an anxious person to do.  And with the help of my favourite Microsoft program I can track my weight-loss and set myself goals and incentives.  This is fun for me!  Making weight loss fun is just smart!  Today, I hit my first incentive goal - 2kg***.  Which means tonight I get a celebratory teeny vino.

     Me today not feeling as self-conscious

So my goal is to get back to my pre-Abby weight - around 60kg.  But I have set other goals along the way.  I have already reached my goal of being able to fit my clothes more comfortably.  I have reached my fitness goal of being able to swim comfortably for half an hour non-stop.  And in all honesty these goals are more important than the numbers.  If I am healthy, and feel good in my body, then I will be happy.  Basically, if I am between 50 - 66kg I am in the healthy weight range for my age.  If I manage to get to 66kg and feel good, then that will be ok.

I still have a way to go to to get there, but right now I am just focused on enjoying the journey.  I will do my best to keep you updated and who knows?  Maybe I can help someone else feel like they can do it too.

Big thanks to Miriam, Penny, Lashaya, Cass and Jess.  Seriously, you are all fabulous.


*Well, maybe Sam a little.  He was fabulous and liked knowing it.  It would be good for his ego knowing how sad the world is for us without him.

** Not in a classic 'alcoholic' sense, but definitely in a 'having more than is good for your health' sense. 

*** I started my weight loss incentive chart at the beginning of this year

A Solution to Crazy NZ Holidays

Here in New Zealand, our holidays make no sense.

         

Queens Birthday weekend?  That queen doesn't live here.  Sure, we're part of the 'Commonwealth' but what does that actually mean anymore?  Besides those people who actually watch the Commonwealth Games, ex-pat Brits or the elderly, does anyone care?  Does the British monarchy still hold bearing for us here in Aotearoa?  And what happens when there's a change in leadership?  If Charles takes the reins will the holiday move to November?  Any why do we not also have a holiday to celebrate our Māori Kiingi Tūheitia's birthday on the 21st of April?  This holiday seems outdated and redundant.

Will Charles ever get an official holiday?        

Just like Labour weekend.  Sure, achieving the 8 hour work day was a big deal at the time.  But at this current time where personal median income is less than half of that required to get into the housing market in Auckland, it seems a little redundant.  Especially when you consider that back in the 1950's, the total cost of a house was about 2 - 3 times an average annual household income.  Not only are more than two average incomes required to gain what for many is a benchmark for financial stability, but working more than the 8 hour day is necessary for many to simply survive in the current economic climate.  Stats NZ figures show that 2/3 of Kiwi's will have worked beyond 7 - 7 Monday to Friday at some point in the last month.  These days it's not unusual for people to have more than one job just to put food on the table.  And while our average hours worked has dropped over the last 45 years, in many industries 50 hour work weeks are the norm.  On average, our truckies work 60 - 70 hours per week.  And with shopping considered an integral part of daily life, retail workers still go to work on that holiday Monday.  For me, the best thing about Labour weekend is getting time and a half and a day in lieu.

          The peaceful settlement of Parihaka was
invaded by 1500 armed constabulary on November 5th

Thankfully, Emily Writes just wrote something fabulous that says almost everything I need to say about Guy Fawkes.  Celebrating hanging a human for standing up to 'the man' is macabre.  Fireworks scare our pets and children*.  While it's not worthy of a day off, it still exists as a holiday in the hearts and minds of many.  A day where we celebrate murder by torturing our most vulnerable with lights and fire and noise.  A day where we test the reserve and skills of our firefighters because November is also quite a flammable time of year here in Aotearoa.  This is just madness.  Plus the 5th of November marks the first day of the invasion of Parihaka.  Something the Crown acknowledged and apologised for just this year.  This is not a day to celebrate**.

The last census results showed that more New Zealanders now identify as having no religion than identify as Christian - the previously dominant faith system.  But Christianity still dominates our holidays.  And while both Easter and Christmas were both created around existing Pagan traditions to make spreading The Faith simpler, in the Southern Hemisphere all these celebrations are backward.  While Easter is about celebrating rebirth after surviving the harsh Winter, here in New Zealand it's Autumn.  Everything is falling into decay around us as the cold creeps in.  And while Christmas is about celebrating with feasts and friendship to stave off the depression that accompanies the cold, it falls in the middle of our hot Kiwi Summer.

A Christmas Tree installation made from used plastic bags
                             by Luzinterruptus                             

Of course, consumerism has rebranded both of these holidays as something available to all.  Media propagates the notion that we must spend, or at least give the illusion of spending, to show our loved ones we care.  And because it is difficult to exist outside of consumer culture nowadays, the majority of us consider this a palatable rebrand.  This feels increasingly at odds with the global shift toward environmentalism.  With Greta Thunberg now a household name you would think maybe there would be a downturn in celebrating this holiday in such a consumables focused way.  So far, statistics say no.  Last year our Eftpos transactions were at a record high just two days out from Christmas.  And this is Eftpos, so these stats come from physical retailers.  So we know for a fact these were not charity gifts from places like Oxfam Unwrapped or Gifted.

Is a chocolate Jesus just a tastier way to    
partake of the body of Christ?           

Maybe this year will be different?

What does Jesus have to do with chocolate?  I mean, I like Jesus*** and I like chocolate, but otherwise I can't find a connection. Is it some kind of Christian rebrand to suck the kiddies in like the Pagan holiday rebrand?  Nope.  Just more big business cashing in with unnecessary marketing, unnecessary calories and more shiny, shiny landfill.

Man I'm a downer...

Given all I've just said it might seem like I hate holidays.  I don't.  I need holidays.  I think we all need time to celebrate, time with those we love and time to recharge.  I just think our current holidays could do with a bit of a shake up.  It's weird giving people cards with snowmen on them during a time when you can literally get 3rd degree burns from walking barefoot on the beach.  Almost every holiday is based around stuff that happens on the other side of the world.  That makes no sense to me.

There is one existing holiday I'm ok with: Waitangi Day.  It makes sense.  It is celebrated on the main day of the signing of Te Tiriti O Waitangi rather than being Mondayised for convenience.  It is a celebration of the beginning of a new era for New Zealand, and while a lot of shit accompanied that era, particularly for Māori, I feel like Waitangi Day is a time we can remember this, and talk about it, and work toward doing better.  I like Waitangi Day because it has relevance to all of us who call New Zealand home.

I do think we need a new holiday.  I think we should be celebrating Matariki.  Not only because it's an important time for Māori, but because we need a mid-Winter celebration.  We need that time to gather together to stave off insanity.  We need something to work toward during those rainy, muddy bleak months.  And Matariki reflects our place in the world.  I say Matariki should be a public holiday.  Matariki should become our new time to celebrate the joy of life with those we love.  A fresh beginning together as a community.

I love Diwali

The other holiday I'd like to implement is Diwali.  I reckon we get rid of Guy Fawkes, we get rid of Halloween, and swap both for Diwali.  Not only is it relevant to a big part of our community, but it's also just an awesome celebration.  The festival of lights, in simple form, is the celebration of light overcoming darkness, of good overcoming evil.  Etta's simple analogy: Diwali is like Star Wars.  And it can be celebrated with fireworks displays****.  This would satisfy that weird human desire to watch stuff explode, in a safe and controlled way.  It makes sense to me to celebrate Diwali in Spring.  The lead up to Diwali is almost literally about Spring cleaning and redecorating.  What better time is there to celebrate Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth, good fortune and prosperity, than after Winter?  When we are seeing this wealth demonstrated in the world springing back to life around us.  And I like celebrating a lady deity.  I mean, I'm down with Jesus, but he ain't the be all and end all. 

        Good Ol' Kate Sheppard
Speaking of the ladies, I say we start celebrating being the first self-governing nation to give women the right to vote.  Kiwi's happily flaunt this factoid when making claims that we are a 'progressive'***** nation.  Rather than just being something to talk about when mansplaining feminism to someone, why not celebrate this?  Maybe it will remind us of the power we have as a nation to actually improve things?  Even if suffrage came about here purely as an attempt to implement temperance, who cares?  We actualised a big change.  I propose celebrating Suffrage on the date this change came into law, September 19th.  Colloquially known as Kate Sheppard day, this will be a day of celebrating our mothers, our sisters, our daughters, our lady co-workers, neighbours and shop keepers.  A day where you can choose to do as Kate did and teetotal, or do what other Kiwi women unexpectedly did, and vote to keep on drinkin' that hooch!  But most importantly, a day where we remember our power as people to bring change that empowers those groups who are marginalised.

So my updated New Zealand holiday calendar goes like this:

Jan/Feb - New Years, if you like, or Chinese New Years if you prefer******
Feb 6th - Waitangi Day
April - Easter/Extra Long DIY Weekend Holiday
June/July - Matariki/Winter Solstice
19th September - Kiwi Suffrage/Kate Sheppard Day
October/Nov - Diwali
December - Christmas/Over-indulgence and time with family day

What would your ideal holidays look like?






* As the parent of a kid with sensory issues, I can tell you - fireworks season SUCKS for our household.

** Unless it's your birthday.  Happy birthday shout out to Phoebe and Uncle Hemi!

*** I'm not religious.  But I have read a fair amount of theosophical texts and for the most part, I'm down with Jesus.  Being kind to strangers?  Washing the feet of beggars?  Consorting with working girls?  Turning water into wine?  Jesus is totally my homeboy.

**** I think fireworks for home use should be banned.

***** They're wrong in that we're progressive.  We still have some of the highest family violence rates in the OECD, a pay gap and unequal representation in parliament/government to contend with.  We have a LOT of work to do on this front.  Most people who tout this fact are just trying to maintain the status quo.  We can be, and should be trying for much better than the status quo. Our status quo is a mess.

****** Chinese New Year is certainly my preference.  There are special foods.  There are special dances.  There is much community celebration, and I love the 12 year cycle of coming into New Years.  Pakeha New Years (in my experience) is just about getting drunk enough to pash a stranger in town, waking up with regrets and a hangover.  And it's expected you stay up until at least midnight.  These are not my idea of ways of celebrating.  I always offer to work New Years Day precisely because I know many of my younger co-workers still partake in that tradition.