On finding space during a pandemic

Happy New Year and such!

It's been a while.  I'm the kind of person who needs independent space and time to write, and what Covid has not blessed me with are either of those things.  Our kids - due to choices best for our whanau - have not been at school in almost 6 months.  And Murray mostly works from home for reasons that go beyond the pandemic.  In short, we have all been cooped up in our lovely little home and that is not a conducive situation for me to write in.

Anyhoo.  Murray has gone to work today.  I've taken a few days leave from work for headspace after all the weirdness (and the working-retail-around-Christmas), and Mum is wrangling our children.  Six months with no school and mostly each other for company is not conducive to them not maiming each other.  I'm glad there have been no hospital worthy acts of violence perpetrated, merely small injustices, slights and owies (although I'm sure they would disagree).

A few years ago I tried to Read Virginia Woolf's A Room Of One's Own.  I quit just a chapter in and honestly, I did not bother trying again* even though I felt like a shit feminist in doing so.  I am fussy about my fiction and some books are just not for me even if I appreciate the themes behind them.  My inability to engage with this classic does not render this quote from it any less true:

“A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction.”

It could not be said better.

For folk like me with busy brains and wide interests** this doesn't just include fiction.

I cannot write anything coherent if I'm:
- Tired
- In pain
- Stressed
- Around other humans
- Under time pressure

With the conditions of the pandemic (combined with other health issues), it's been very rare that these things align for me.

Prior to the pandemic, other than sleeping and watching TV, writing was one of my main outlets for managing my mental health.

Due to the restrictions of lockdowns, and new ways of living created by managing this pandemic, these days my chart looks more like this:

Not only are there more little colourful segments in this pie, but more of them are things I can do when I don't have time to myself.

And that's the key to surviving these crazy times: adapting, diversifying.

This was not a conscious choice I made.  This was just how things naturally evolved for me during this time.  It has only been recently - seeing self-care pie charts on social media - that I realised what I'd actually done***.

The importance of being able to do things that are good for my mental health while with other people is massive.  Not just because of the current situation, but because I'm less resentful of having to be constantly with our kids.  And it's not that I don't love and appreciate our kids.  But it's hard to be a present parent/partner/daughter/insert-role-here when you're struggling to manage your mental health.   Now I have found things I can do with my family that are still good for my mental health, I am able to be more present with them****.  This makes everyone happier.

The kids helping pick up rubbish at the stream AKA: playing.

And it means you discover things that you like that your kids might also like.  Yes, initially forcing the kids to go on walks was tough.  Some days it still is.  But once we got into it we found a bunch of things that Etta really liked (looking for bugs and plants with me) and some that Abby liked (moss).  I had no idea that the kids would actually enjoy doing a rubbish clean up with me until I tried it.  And while Abby is more keen on throwing rocks in the water than picking up rubbish, it's still quality together time while I nature bathe.  And Etta can sing!  Being stuck at home meant I wanted to crack out the old Singstar (we've since upgraded to something that works better on PS5) because singing makes me happy and hot damn!  That girl has some pipes!  It's something we regularly do together now.  We take turns.  She likes her independence as much as her Mama.

But I digress...

While I don't have a room of my own, nor do I have time or resources to use one, I have found other ways to create space for myself.  Not space that helps me write.  But space that helps me manage my self care.  And it's not just a metaphorical space.  I bought a desk.  This desk is not situated in a room that could be considered mine.  It's in our open plan living area next to the dinner table, looking into the kitchen, and out to the front lawn.  But the desk, and everything inside the desk is mine.  I use this desk to paint, to talk to the kids, to consider the mess in the kitchen, to sew buttons back on favourite jerseys, to look out the window.  I do Paint By Numbers because I don't have a room of my own and I like that I don't have to mix my own colours.

My desk.  Huddle's space is next door.

An artist needs money and a room of their own to make art.
A parent needs self-care so they can be present with their kids.

One day I will find space for both.

* Frankly I struggle reading a lot of stuff from this era and earlier unless it's bleakly funny (like Nabokov).  And no, I don't like Jane Austen.  I just don't care enough about rich white ladies and their problems.  Everything is over descriptive and irrelevant.  It's not just the lady writers - I could not get through Lord Of The Rings either with its lengthy descriptions of foliage and made up languages.  Even though some parts are funny, they weren't funny enough to sustain me through all 1137 pages of it.  I'm sorry if that makes me a shit nerd but I truly don't care.

** I discovered there's a word for this: polymath.  It refers specifically to wide knowledge or learning, and while my education revolves around one main area (art), I also have small qualifications in food, retail and judging crafts for CWI.  But in terms of interests and reading I have read extensively about feminism and gender theory, neurology and mental health and woman's health and will a growing passion in mycology, water ecology and growing chilies I expect I'll be able to add them to the list soon too.

*** I highly recommend doing this exercise yourself in whatever visual way works for you.  I found it quite useful actually seeing my things represented like this.  Most people's would include a LOT more social stuff than mine does - as an extroverted introvert though this is quite enough.  My cup is so full from social interaction in the necessities of my daily existence that it's generally unhelpful in terms of my self care.

**** I mean, not all the time, but it's definitely getting better.  Being present is hard for folk with dissociative disorder - but it is totally a skill that can be learned and you can become better at it.

On Kindness In The Face Of Coronavirus

As happens when there's a pandemic, much has changed in the very short time since my last post on coronavirus.  My position on this remains unchanged in that people need to remain calm for us to get through this intact.  What I want to reiterate in this post is how important it is to pay heed to what is required to flatten the curve and ensure we handle this more like South Korea than Italy.

Thank you Toby Morris

Why is it important to flatten the curve?

Because if we don't, frankly we'll see many unnecessary deaths.

The reality is that while we have protocols in place for this sort of thing, our hospitals just don't have the capacity to deal with this.  In all this craziness you may have forgotten that just last year we saw four times as many folk in Auckland visiting their GP's with flu-like symptoms (of which over 60% of cases were actually the flu).  In fact, last year Auckland ran out of flu vaccines.  What will happen this year if Covid-19 hits proper?  If there is a large, sudden influx into hospitals it will impact on all health care services.  So even if you (like me) are at low risk of dying from coronavirus, you may still be affected by the impact that coronavirus has on our health system.

Just because there are only 8 confirmed cases here does not mean we are out of the woods.  This is definitely an attitude I've heard from many.  Given it's just over two weeks since our first confirmed case, and the virus can present 14 days after contact it's very likely we'll see more soon.  And the reality is that most of the countries hit worst are in the Northern Hemisphere.  They are just coming out of their Winter.  Ours hasn't even started yet.  This isn't going to be over for us for quite some time.

We were due to head to Australia this week.           
While the kids were sad they miss out on Koala Breakfast,  
there are more important things at stake.              

And this is something new.  Whilst we have seen pandemics since pretty much forever, we haven't seen one like this in my lifetime.  Yes, there was the swine flu, but that was undeniably different.  The fatality rate for swine flu was 0.02%.  The fatality for coronavirus has crept up globally to 3 - 4%*.  So while it's not as deadly as measles, it is far more deadly than our last pandemic.  And with the world becoming progressively more global it has moved fast.  This virus has been confirmed in 140 countries and counting.  No-one was aware of coronavirus until the 31st of December 2019.  The first death from the illness was recorded in Wuhan on the 11th of January.  By the 13th of January, the first case outside of China was reported in Thailand.  By the 28th of February here, on the other side of the world, we had our first recorded case in New Zealand.  This has spread very, very quickly.

But not all countries have the same fatality rate.  In South Korea, the fatality rate on closed cases is 6%.  But over in Italy the closed case fatality rate is 44%.  That's a huge difference.  And the reason for this difference is that South Korea learned from their brush with MERS in 2015, took coronavirus seriously and had a plan in place for pandemics.  Italy did not have the infrastructure to deal with so many very sick people at once which is why the death rate leapt so suddenly.  Here in New Zealand our government is trying to emulate the plans set by countries like South Korea.  So while travel restrictions may be inconvenient, self-isolation daunting and the cancellation of public events a bit of a bummer, it is for good reason.  If we can avoid a 44% fatality rate** then surely it's worth it?

How does kindness come into this?

I've heard comments from many that they're not at risk.  It's just a flu.  It's no biggie.  And the thing is that for many of us, it won't be***  But that more than anything puts the onus on us.  To keep those less fortunate safe.  The elderly, those with compromised immunity and those newly pregnant.  This is a scary time for them.  Truly.  And while many of them will be self-isolating and putting strategies in place to manage, not everyone will be able to.  The reality is that  regardless of our health, we all need to eat.  I work with a number of people who are immune compromised and for most it's just not financially feasible to self-isolate.  And I work in an industry that deals with the general public.  There will also be many who may not know they are immune compromised; those in poverty who can't afford healthcare, those who are too busy to get things checked out.  Or those who are only just pregnant and haven't had a positive test yet.  I will be surprised if any one of us does not know at least one other person in this position.  These are the people who should be at the forefront of  how we choose to handle this.

It's also important to remember this will inadvertently affect those in poverty the most.  How can you self-isolate when you live with 11 other people?  How can you get tested for covid-19 when you have no car?  When you have no money to pay the doctors?  How can you keep your sick kids home from school when if you don't go to work there's no money to buy groceries?  And how can you keep up to date if you have no internet access?  If we are well and able we need to do our best to contain this virus before it hits those with less privilege than us.  Because they are the ones who will pay the most for our selfishness and stupidity.  And in truth, the ability to travel overseas shows a level of privilege.  A level of freedom.  And for those stuck in place by circumstance to be effected the worst by this just sucks.  Those of us with privilege need to support those with less.

I can't remember who it was, but someone said something along the lines of: 'act as if you have covid-19 rather than as if you are trying to avoid getting it.'  This is fantastic advice.  If we are sick, we work hard to avoid making others sick (well, most of us do).  Given many folk have tested positive that are asymptomatic, you could easily have this virus and not know it.  When I was 20 I had Epstein Barr virus with no symptoms for potentially weeks****.  And while I wasn't exactly kissing a bunch of people at that time, I'd hate to think how many people I may have given it to just through proximity.  There is no harm in acting with caution*****.

It's good to have enough basic food for two weeks

While there is no need to go to the lengths some have taken to prepare, it's probably a good idea to have enough food for two weeks in case you do need to self isolate.  However, if you don't it won't be the end of the world.  Close proximity is  'being within 2 meters of someone for more than 15 minutes'.  So if you don't need to self-isolate, shopping is still fine provided you don't chat whilst standing close for more than 15 minutes.  Taking the kids to the park is fine with the same addendum.  Going to the beach is fine.  And if you are self-isolating, having friends, whanau, supermarkets or delivery drivers drop things off to your home is also fine.

A friend (who is a Doctor among many other things) posted this fabulous, simple advice:

Things that work to reduce coronavirus spread:
- Washing hands and cough etiquette
- Social distancing, self isolation
- Looking after each other; especially the vulnerable
- Following official recommendations

I'm going to add to that:

- Try not to touch your face (it's hard! But I'm trying)

- Try to follow basic health measures to avoid the flu

- Get the flu injection. If we can cut down on flu cases this should have a flow on effect to hospitals which will make it easier for them to handle the impact from coronavirus. Even I'm doing this for the first time ever this year*****

- Don't be a selfish git.

This is a great opportunity for positive changes going forward in terms of self reliance and sustainability.  A great opportunity to learn and use new greetings.  Whilst things are uncertain it's important to focus on the positives.  And it's so, so important to think of others, and act with kindness.



* This is not based on closed cases - this includes open cases so may actually be much higher.

** It's also important to remember that deaths caused by a health systems inability to service people with non-coronavirus related issues are not included in these stats.

*** From a health perspective.  From a financial and lifestyle perspective, this will likely impact all of us in some way.

**** I had none of the standard symptoms besides extreme exhaustion.  I had been to the GP and while they checked my iron and B12, they never thought to test me for EBV.  It wasn't until I saw a homeopath who asked me a bunch of questions about my health that I was tested (she worked in conjunction with doctors and wrote a list of tests I should have).  Knock homeopathy/naturopathy all you like, but when they work in conjunction with medicine, just the act of actually listening, and asking questions to gain a holistic view can offer insight beyond what a GP on a tight schedule in a busy clinic is able to offer.

***** Unless you're using it as an excuse to hoard resources in which case there is much harm.  Panic buying puts unnecessary pressure on everything.  It's not helpful to anyone.

****** Not an anti-vaxxer, I just react to a LOT of medications so have some anxiety about having a jab that I know a lot of people have an adverse reaction to.

On our massive overreaction to coronavirus

Since a single case of coronavirus was confirmed last Friday afternoon, an epic level of crazy has ensued.  Sadly, this hasn't come as a surprise.  Since the WHO declared the outbreak to be an emergency on the 30th of January, I've seen and heard some crazy shit.  And most of it has come in the form of crappy ways to be racist.

In my workplace we had two racist incidents directly linked to fear of coronavirus.  In one instance a customer was afraid of touching an eftpos machine because it had been touched by a colleague.  This woman had deemed her to be a 'risk' for coronavirus based on no information other than what she looks like.  Not long after this happened one of our kids friends was told by a parent that to keep safe (regarding the virus) they needed to wash their hands regularly, and stay away from Asian people*.

At work I've had an elderly customer accuse us of 'hoarding' hand sanitiser because I could not tell them who our workplace supplier was (I do not know.  That is not my job).  I've had customers ask to purchase our half full hand sanitiser and then give me the evils when I said that wasn't possible as it was not a product we stocked.  We have hand santiser at the counters because we handle all sorts of things in the department store and don't have easy access to hand washing whilst on the floor.  We use it to keep both ourselves, and our customers safe.  We do this regardless of pandemic.  We are not hell bent on hoarding hand sanitiser.

Early in February Bunnings sold out of face masks.  These face masks do not prevent the spread of viruses.  What they are designed for is to prevent dust and wood/stone particles from being breathed in to someones lungs.  Buying these masks to prevent virus spread isn't just stupid, but it unnecessarily endangers those who actually need those masks:  our tradespeople and our DIYers.  These are the kinds of people these masks are designed to protect.

Support your local Asian Supermarket 
Unlike Countdown, there are no queues

And by mid February our Chinese restaurants were suffering.  Now unless you're dining on pangolin the likelihood of contracting coronavirus from food is very low.  Sure, most Chinese restaurants are run by Chinese people.  But being Chinese does not make people more likely to have coronavirus.  If you are assuming that most Chinese Kiwi's are flying in and out of Wuhan on the reg you would be wrong.  Not only are there travel restrictions in place, but to do that, you'd need a lot of money, and considering on average white folk earn almost double that of our Asian population that seems unlikely.  It also completely ignores the fact that many Kiwi Chinese folk may never have been to China.  Many have families that have lived here for generations and are just as likely to have come in contact with coronavirus as I am.  Today I did the vege shopping and mine was literally the only white face in my local Asian supermarket.  People, this isn't being smart or safe.  This is being racist and xenophobic. 

This is our response to one confirmed case in New Zealand.

I struggle to understand.  I truly do.

Well, I struggle to understand the panic shopping and water hoarding. 

I don't struggle to understand Brian Tamaki's reaction.  His responses are always fairly transparent.  He is taking advantage of peoples fears to promote his 'product'.  Given that his wife, Hannah Tamaki is heading a new political party, this is doubly beneficial for him.  The more folk on board with Destiny, the more votes they can count in this next election and the more power he has.  You might be thinking 'Balderdash!  No-one is crazy enough to believe in airborne demons' but you would be wrong.  People believe masks will save them.  People are hoarding food like the apocalypse is at hand.  This is the perfect time for those like Brian Tamaki to take advantage of peoples fears.

Yoda is here to save the day (again)                    

And thinking like Brian Tamaki is dangerous**.  He, and others like him will use the coronavirus to promote hate speech.  He will use coronavirus to back their idea of culling immigration by 97%.  He will use the rise in cases in Iran to back the idea that mosques are evil.  In promoting misinformation around coronavirus and its spread he is actively making it harder for us to manage best practice in containing it.  And in feeding on common fears, he will appeal to many more than you would think.

Now, onto panic buying.  Following the global trend, once Aotearoa had its first confirmed case folk started buying up large at the supermarket.  In Auckland, given we're in drought I do understand big water purchases.  What concerns me is that there are many on tank water who genuinely have need for this water***.  What if they miss out because John Smith has decided to stash some for the end of days?  I get that people are freaked out.  The reality is that this pandemic is impacting production in China.  The reality is that much of the stuff we take for granted does come from China.  But given the timing that hoarding began - immediately after a case was confirmed - I suspect most of these buyers weren't thinking of that.  I think they were thinking more about hiding at home in fear of the virus.  This thinking is also informed by how quiet my workplace has been since Thursday, and how quiet the gym and pools are.  People are scared to go out.

Panic buying is selfish.  It fails to consider those with greater need.  It fails to consider those with cancer or otherwise affected immune systems who need consistent access to hand sanitiser.  It fails to consider those for whom the masks are actually designed.  It fails to consider those affected by drought.  It fails to consider how this may impact on food banks, and those reliant on them.  On those who can't afford to panic shop.  Panic buying looks like people not thinking and making selfish choices.

What is far worse than this are those taking advantage.  Who see this fear as opportunity.

Frank and Fiona Gallagher making the most of a Chicago Blackout (Shameless)

We had a nursery sale a week ago and a man came in and purchased all of our thermometers.  Now, I could be wrong in my assumptions here.  This man may have been purchasing on behalf of a charity group, or purchasing for extended family to send overseas.  But I've often experienced customers doing both of these things and this man did not behave like them.  Usually they already have a finite number in mind, or people they are thinking of and naming/counting off as they choose what they want.  This man just said 'all'.  And to hedge his bets he bought one style of thermometer from me, and another from a co-worker at another counter in two separate trips**** so I strongly suspect they were purchased to onsell.  We have had to turn so many people away since because we do not have thermometers in stock.  Mostly parents of sick kids.  It's an awful feeling.  I am sure there are many, many other examples of this happening worldwide.

The immense drop in air pollution over China courtesy of NASA

I think the only reason we're scared about China shutting down is because we are scared of change.  We are used to our fast food and online shopping.  We are used to not having to think about where our food, clothing, furniture and phones come from.  The reality is that since production and transport has slowed in China their nitrogen dioxide rates have dropped drastically.  How can this be a bad thing?  We know global warming is real.  We see it happening right in front of us.  We just had 42 days without measurable rain in Auckland.  Why has it taken a pandemic to make immediate and massive change?

The reality is that we will have to make some changes, but most of those changes will, by necessity, be more sustainable.  We may have to start shopping seasonally as shipping from the Northern hemisphere slows.  We may have to start mending our clothes and buying second hand.  We may have to start considering buying NZ made when there are few other options available.  All of these things are things we should be doing, but many of us aren't.  These are all positive changes.

If we continue to live in fear, if we continue to perpetrate these selfish acts we will create more disorder, more hurt and more stress in what is already a scary time.  It is not hard to be kind.  In fact, we are stronger when we are united.  If growing our own fruits and veges becomes more important, we should co-ordinate with friends and neighbours to support those with greater need.  We can host clothes swaps to freshen up our wardrobes.  We can teach each others children those important skills around growing and preserving food that have been lost.  If we share what we have, we have more options.

Rather than choosing fear, choose kindness.  Support your local Chinese restaurants and supermarkets.  Think of others before you buy more than you need.  Remember the fatality rate is about 2%, and if you're under 50 that drops to 0.4%.  Transmission rates are slightly higher than the flu but much, much lower than measles.  This is not the modern plague.  Educate yourself on COVID-19.  Read the guidelines on how to keep safe.  Wash your hands.  Be rational.  But most importantly, be kind.

* I'm happy to say this misinformation was corrected by the other parent and step parent before it became a thing.

** While I'm not religious myself I believe strongly in peoples rights to religion freedom.  Consequently I cannot stomach those like Tamaki who aim to take those rights away.  While I am not religious I was raised with Christianity.  I have read the Bible (and the Bhagavad Gita) and I cannot for the life of me believe that anyone trying to be like Christ would behave as the Tamaki's do.  Jesus was about kindness.  He was about forgiveness.  He was about love of your fellow man.  He cared for those less fortunate (here's an awesome article about recontextualising how Jesus would behave now regarding homelessness).  He did not care for possessions or riches.  He threw the money lenders out of the temple.  He would never have people tithing when he knew they could not afford it.  While I believe in freedom of religion I cannot believe that a church that puts fear and hate ahead of kindness and humanity is a good thing.  I will not apologise for condemning these actions.

*** The need for tank water refills is so great that a friend said they were told by two water supply companies they couldn't get anything to them until April.  They are using the laundromat, showering at the local gym and totally reliant on bought water for drinking.

**** We just realised this yesterday ie: I didn't know she had also sold him a ridiculous number of thermometers and vice versa.  We conferred after another store called in the hopes that we had one, so I suspect this happened at other stores too.