Trying New Things: April

I watched Evil Dead Rise

I was actually going to go see something else but then had issues with the online booking system and I MUCH prefer booking online than in cinema so forgot I actually COULD book tickets in the cinema and chose to see this instead.

I am so glad that I did!

Even though it didn't feature the iconic Ash, it still read authentically Evil Dead.  There are plenty of nods to the earlier films both in story and style, and while not as camp as some of the earlier iterations, the mark of Bruce Campbell is all over it.  

Not only that, but I was so excited to see that there were no US imports in this film.  Every single actor featured was either from NZ or Aussie.  Bruce Campbell has often sang the praises of Kiwi film crews in the past and his love is very apparent in this film.  This made me feel irrationally proud to be a Kiwi.

And there were more feels to come!  Not only did it contain strong, complex female leads, but it made a real effort to break horror tropes.  While in the past women perceived as sexually uninhabited are among the first to die, here our main protagonist is single, finds herself unexpectedly pregnant and struggles with the notion of motherhood.  Not only that but the only lead male character is played by a trans-male actor and nothing is made of it either in how the film is promoted or shot.  I only discovered this actor was trans when I checked to see where the cast came from.

Not only was this great horror filled with iconic scenes which showcased Kiwi/Aussie talent, but it was progressive to boot.  Thank you Bruce Campbell!

I read Hortus Curious by Michael Perry

Mum loaned me this thinking I might enjoy it - I absolutely did!  Not only did I learn about plants I didn't know much about before, but it helped me understand which of these I might be able to cultivate at home myself.

While some of the plants I already had a fair amount of knowledge of already, it was still interesting reading more about the history of these plants and their uses - some of which were completely new to me.

It's a very easy read with beautiful illustrations which I recommend to anyone interested in global botanical history.

I planted more chillies and curry trees

I love the internet.  Honestly.  It's brilliant.  It's how I'm communicating with you right now.  One of the things I love most about it is the communities you can form and the connections you can unexpectedly make with people from pretty much anywhere.  I have a few online communities I participate in - some actively, some more stealthily.  One of my favourites is a Facebook group about gardening on a budget in NZ.  This group has a regular plant/seed swap and in April I chose to participate in it.  While I sent red rocoto seeds across the motu I also received a few wonderful plants myself.  A local lady dropped off some curry seedlings - all of which were gifted to friends and whanau.  And I received yellow rocoto seeds from a lady in Wellington which have sprung into healthy little seedlings in my bay window.

I made peanut ANZAC biscuits

ANZAC day is a tricky one for me.  While I think it's important to remember those who gave their lives for our perceived freedoms, I struggle with the notion of war.  So while I don't participate in grand celebrations on this day, I do still make biscuits every year.  It's a way of remembering the huge sacrifices made not just by those men, but also of the families they left at home during unimaginable times.

While I usually stick with my usual tried-and-true recipe, this year I decided to give something new a try and went off-book.  Alongside the traditional ANZAC bickies I made some featuring peanut butter and some chopped roasted and salted nuts.  I forgot to write down exactly what I did but basically I substituted about a third of the butter with peanut butter and added in a quarter of a cup of peanuts.  

I did this mostly for me.  I love peanuts.  I love peanut butter.  I need more of it in my life.  But surprisingly, the kid who doesn't like either peanuts or peanut butter also liked these biscuits.  So it really did feel like a winning recipe.

I adopted

We were never meant to ever be a more than two cat family.  Two cats are plenty.  But when a friend posted that a Mama feral cat she had spent some time trapping would be re-released by the SPCA while her kittens would be fostered it just seemed so unfair.  Why should the Mama be discarded?  I felt compelled to help out.  The intent was never to keep her - I had hoped to take her temporarily while I sourced a suitable foster family for her as I know people who foster for other agencies. 

SPCA are not heartless bastards - it was kitten season which meant that many foster homes were already full.  And while feral kittens are usually fairly easy to domesticate, adult feral cats generally take a lot more time.  And when she arrived at our place Toastie certainly was feral! 

She was unapproachable - she hissed and scratched and spent most of her time hidden in her cat sack.  We kept her crated for more than a month not just to help her adjust but for everyone's safety.

I never expected her to change as much as she has in such a short time.

In less than eight weeks after she arrived, she is a changed animal.  Other than the ear tipping from SPCA you would never guess she had been a feral cat.  She doesn't attack us, nor does she attack our other pets.  I can call her and she'll come.  I can pat her - everyone in our house can pat her.  She's not scared of strangers - she's more social than Huddle.  She even had her first trip to the vets and didn't so much as complain or scratch anyone.  It's crazy.  She's a proper, regular pet cat.

As much as I'd love to take credit for all this change, I think a lot of it comes down to the fact that Toastie is a very food driven cat.  We've been able to hand feed her since a week of her arrival.  Her need for treats has always trumped her fear which was definitely the driver for the antisocial behaviours we saw early on.  Whatever it was that snowballed this adjustment to domesticity, I am grateful she is part of our whanau.

I painted

And here she is in painted form.  I was really happy with how this turned out.  I had a lot of fun playing with different textural elements and layering colour.  It's a little more heavy handed than I'd like but honestly, I'm happy.  It's the first painting I've done this year that I've really liked.

and I carved

I haven't finished carved anything in more than ten years, but after seeing 'my own pounamu' on Etta's birthday list I thought it was time I gave it another go.  

This year is Abby's first year of Kapahaka which she has been really excited about.  While she might seem like an outgoing child, she gets very anxious about performances.  I thought if I carved her a taonga to wear during performances it might help her feel braver.

I created a small, simple design which signifies dignity and strength and embedded an orange (her favourite colour) baby oyster shell in its base.  She wasn't super excited about it but she has worn it on days where she needed to feel a little braver.

Etta's taonga is currently a work in progress.  While it's made from humble cow bone rather than pounamu, I'm sure she will still cherish it.

I'm so excited to see what new things the next month brings!

Trying New Things: March

I watched Red, White and Brass

I had no idea that the events inspiring this film had even happened!  Which isn't really surprising given I don't follow any kind of sports - not even the Rugby World Cup.  But even if you don't do sports, this is a really enjoyable Kiwi movie for the whole whanau.  If I didn't have a kid who refuses to watch anything not animated, I would definitely take our kids to see it.  Because it's based around a youth group there are no swears or any especially adult themes.  Also enjoyed seeing Nathaniel Lees upgraded from being a  Minister (in Sione's Wedding) to a Reverend.

It was also the first time in a long time I've been to a cinema that had more than four people in it! 

Basically, if you like heartwarming stories with ridiculous plots - you'll probably like this.   

I read Trafficked by Sophie Hayes

I really didn't enjoy this book.  It wasn't because the topic is pretty awful - reading/watching docos about awful things is definitely my jam - it's was just not well written.  I think if Sophie had had someone ghostwrite it for her I might have appreciated her story a little better.  Because this happened to her, and it was still fairly fresh at the time of writing and she (understandably) has PTSD it was (also understandably) a bit messy.  Her emotions sit at the top of things and while she does her best to explain things (and I do get it, I really do) her reality didn't hit like it should have.  While her story is important because she puts a face on domestic violence and uses it to support others in this situation, this isn't conveyed as well as it could have been. 

I also read The Field Guide to Dumb Birds of the Whole Stupid World by Matt Kracht

I am not usually the sort of person who buys books from museum gift shops.  They are generally overpriced and you can often find them cheaper elsewhere.  However, on spotting this I made an exception.  And I'm so glad I did.  This book is pretty funny.  Yes, it's childish and repetitive but I loved it nonetheless.  It's the illustrations that make it.  It was also nice to have an Aotearoan bird featured, even if it was used to make fun of us:

'It [the Great Cormorant] is sometimes called a black shag in New Zealand.  I looked it up, and in local parlance, 'shagging' definitely means having sex.  I'm not saying people from New Zealand like to shag birds; I'm just saying it makes you wonder.'

I recommend this book to people who like birds and have a stupid sense of humour like mine.  But I do not recommend reading it aloud to your kids.  On doing so I realised the author has a very potty mouth and our kids don't need to learn new swears (they are very capable of doing so by themselves).

I made African Peanut Soup

I took this recipe from a Soup Group on Facebook and tweaked it a little and OMG it was amazing.  This is truly the best tasting anything I've put in my mouth this year.  Sweet and creamy but so well balanced with chilli, and umami.  While this version is not vegan I think you could very easily do a vegan version using silken tofu.  I've included my version of the recipe at the bottom of this blog post.  I will definitely be making it again soon!

I planted some greens and chillies

I took this pic a few days ago but this is less than a month after planting the seeds.  Less than a month from seed to table!  These are the kind of greens that you can just harvest as you grow (lettuce, rocket and mustard) and are great for a little salad on the side.  These were a Christmas gift from my Mum which I am glad I finally made time to use!  Well worth the very small effort it took to plant them.



I was also gifted some rocoto chillies by a friend.  Not only have I enjoyed them in delicious meals like the peanut soup I also made in March, but I kept the seeds.  This chilli is large, juicy, sweet, hot and a little smoky - I absolutely love it.  So I was very excited to come home from a family trip to Wellington to find they had sprouted!  These plants can live up to ten years and are very hardy - even resistant to frosts, so if I can get them a little bigger they can live outside with our other happy plants.  

Growing things always feels pretty magical*.

I visited Zealandia

I know this isn't on my list of goals BUT in the spirit of new things I decided to share this here.  When we were planning our trip to Wellington Murray told me I should go on a night tour of Zealandia.  And while I really appreciated this opportunity, after looking at the tours that were available I thought it might be better if we all went on a day tour together as it would be a pretty amazing experience.  While Murray had his misgivings about this** he agreed we would all go.  So we did.  And it was awesome.  The takahē were definitely the highlight for the kids, but seeing tuatara without a plane of glass between us was the bees knees for me.  If you love our native flora and fauna - I cannot recommend visiting here enough.

Derpy takahē

I painted this painting

Again, it's not great - but I still did it.  And it does actually look like Nettie, so I'm pretty happy about that.  I don't know if I want to deviate from painting animals at this stage, but I don't really think it matters.  It's ok to just paint cats.  

What's important is just that I paint.

Soup recipe

* Except for when they die, which happens fairly often.  That's when I remind myself that I'm not really a serious gardener.  It helps to keep the magic alive.

* *Abby is very much NOT an outdoors kid.  She lasted far better on this two hour guided tour than either of us could have imagined.

Trying New Things: February

I watched Puss In Boots: The Last Wish

This month it was actually difficult to find a new movie I really wanted to see as there wasn't much out I wanted to see.  After umming and ahhing I decided to go with the film which had the best audience rating on Rotten Tomatoes which just so happened to be this*.  

Because the kids had already seen it I saw it by myself (which is no different to usual).  And I must concur with all the other reviewers - this is a brilliant movie.  Like The Incredibles it's themed around a mid-life crisis so appeals to a more adult audience.  But it still maintains enough silliness that kids love it too.

Glad I chose this over that new British rom com.  I haven't seen it, but I guarantee this is better.

I read Good Indian Daughter by Ruhi Lee

Before the end of the school holidays we went on a family outing to scour local op-shops.  And in the Hospice shop we found book gold.  Not only did we find a huge collection of Ripley's Believe It Or Not! which are basically Etta's favourite book series ever, but also this book.  On reading the back I realised it was an autobiography written by a Melbournian recent Mum - so likely something I'd find at least slightly relatable.  And it was only $2.  So not a huge loss if I didn't.

But it was worth well more than what I spent.

Beautifully and thoughtfully written - which is not easy given the subject matter - I had assumed it was just about fitting into the culture of your family amidst a backdrop of a different culture.  It was much more than that.  This was a book about family violence, sexism and culture and finding ways to set boundaries to 

I also read Weird, Wild Animals by Tim Flannery

You might think this looks like a kids book.  And you'd be right!  But it's an epic kids non-fiction book which is more than 250 pages long full of awesome facts and illustrations about all kinds of animals.  Mum got it out of the library for the kids as Etta is usually into books like this, but Abby was the one who really loved it.  After a few bedtime reads of this story to her I realised I needed to read the whole book myself.  And I have no regrets - it was absolutely worth reading.  It was shortlisted for two non-fiction books awards in 2020 and like the other book I read in February, also written by an Aussie.  I especially liked the small excerpts about the authors personal encounters with animals.  After finishing it I immediately looked him up to see if he had any grown up books I might like - and it turns out there are a great deal - but they all look kinda boring.  However, he has also has two other kids books in a similar vein which I are definitely on my reading list.

I made mushroom stroganoff

I have made a similar stroganoff before, but not in a long time.  This recipe was a lot soupier than the one I've made before, but it was really delicious and made a lot.  I actually omitted one cup of stock as it was already obvious it would be a very wet mix.  But it was delicious!  I think if I made it again I'd either add some tomatoes or use sour cream instead of yoghurt to up the level of sourness and would probably use a little more thyme than I did in this recipe.

I planted some tomatoes and bought a curry tree

While my first lot of tomatoes were late to ripen, the rain meant they were fairly prolific. Given how moderate the temperatures have been, I decided to try a second planting this season and see how it goes.  Fingers crossed I get a few more tomatoes from these little sprouts.

When I discovered that not only was it possible to grow curry leaves in New Zealand but it was pretty easy to buy a curry tree, I went out and bought one pretty much straight away.  Curry trees do not grow very large, so you can keep them in pots indoors if you don't have much space - which is where mine is at the moment.  So far, it's doing very well in the bay window.  I've taken some cuttings in an attempt to grow some more little curry trees to gift to friends who also love cooking with fresh curry leaves.

I did this painting

I know it's not a great painting.  But I did it and now it exists.  If I keep this up, by the end of the year I'll have twelve paintings and hopefully my painting will have improved. One thing I know is that like most things, painting improves with practice.  I'm not trying to be Da Vinci or anything here, I just want to remember how to put my mind and hands together again.  This is a start.



I did write a poem...
But I'm not going to post it here.  I'll probably compile them all somewhere at the end of the year.  But I did it, and I'm going to keep on doing it so that this year I'll have written at least twelve poems - which is not many but certainly better than none.


* It also came with high praise from a friend who said that it was the best film from Dreamworks since Shrek so I figured it must be good.

On dealing with loss and change

It's been a crazy few years.  First came Covid, and we had to learn and adapt.  And just as we started to get the hang of the pandemic we had unprecedented flooding in Auckland - unlike anything seen in mine, or even my parents, lifetimes.  Just over a week later, Cyclone Gabrielle tore through the North Island of Aotearoa, destroying our whenua.  Displacing 10,000 people and countless animals from their homes.

It's difficult to quantify the loss.

Damage near our local awa in Henderson - the log and silt aren't usually there

How I feel right now is heavy.  Bone deep tired. 

But I also feel gratitude.  Not only to have personally come out unscathed, but to see the level of whanaungatanga within our local communities.  The flooding was so sudden here it was difficult to process, but people started helping each other from the minute they realised how serious this was.  When I went to drop clothes around to our closest drop-in centre so many items of clothing and bedding had already been donated there wasn't room for more.  I asked what was still needed and bought some of those items to drop off instead.  Many people I've spoken to did the same.  We do not live in a wealthy area but we live in an area where people will give the shirts from their backs. 

We live in an area rich in aroha.  It is humbling to witness this during times like these.

Flooding in Wairoa after Cyclone Gabrielle

Processing what has happened locally has been difficult enough, but the impact of Cyclone Gabrielle on Hawke's Bay is hard to fathom.  Having seen the damage in our own backyard - the silted walkways, the downed fences and uprooted trees, and having spoken to those who have lost so much, I have some idea.  But here it's not all our fences.  We have not all lost our homes.  The level of loss in Esk Valley is immense.  The footage is hard to watch not because we want to ignore it, but because we feel the pain of thousands.  I know they will recover from this, but right now it feels overwhelming.

The physical level of recovery will take decades.  Not just to return our whenua to a healthier state, but to put infrastructure in place to ensure this level of destruction doesn't happen again.  Our local councils needs to revisit water management systems.  They need to look at increase housing levels more sustainably.  They need to reconsider flood-plains management.  We need to assess our rules around forestry slash.  And we need to plant more trees.  Not just to replace the thousands we've lost to the floods and cyclones, but to help manage the level of future flooding.  We have shortsightedly cut down too many trees to put in housing.  Planning and putting in these trees will take time.  And trees take time to grow.

As do kumara.

While the most recent series of climate events has truly rocked our confidence in the familiar, they are by no means the first events.  The biggest reason for the rising costs of fresh fruit and vegetables in Aotearoa is climate change.

It wasn't so long ago that Auckland suffered one of its most severe droughts in recorded history.  In February 2020 Auckland broke the record for the most days recorded without rain - it did not rain for 40 days*.  The impacts of a drought don't just effect our produce - they impact the wellness of our livestock, which in turn effects the prices of dairy, lamb and beef as the season renders lower yields than anticipated.  And there are many, many other industries affected which impacts pricing of groceries.

Many are happy to complain about the rising cost of living.  Many are happy to blame this on the government.  But just as many still seem uncomfortable connecting this cost with climate change.  That this is to be expected.  That we should have started preparing for this a long time ago.

But in fairness that preparation is hard because changing how we do things is hard.  For many, it's incomprehensible.  We know this from the recent freedom rallies.  I believe change is hardest for those at extremes - for those constantly negotiating change due to circumstance and those who are seldom required to change.

Foraged from the local bush supermarket

Even for me - a person very used to adapting to change - managing this constant state of flux isn't easy.  Growing up poor, moving house a lot, living in isolated places are all conducive to learning how to adapt.  Having this experience and knowledge is a blessing in times like these, but change still takes a toll.

Like I said before, I'm tired.

I'm tired of being a responsible adult.  Of ensuring we have plans A, B and C in place and set to go.  Of thinking of which documents I have yet to photograph and store on the portable hard drive in the grab bag.  I'm tired of reassuring our kids after the emergency mobile alert goes off on my phone.

Honestly, there are days I just want to quit adulting and curl up with a bag of Burger Rings.

And I feel so much guilt for feeling like this.  Because others have lost literally everything.  And these are not just faces on the TV these are people in my community.  I have workmates whose homes have flooded.  I have customers who've shown me footage of the flood waters completely covering the area around their homes.  The worst our household suffered was a three hour power cut.  We are truly lucky.

But I am trying to work through that guilt.

Because while we have been extremely lucky, we have still suffered a loss.

A small cabbage tree from a local park ripped from the ground

I believe regardless of circumstance, most of those living in the affected areas have suffered a loss.  My mother, who was driving during the flood, has lost her sense of confidence with driving.  She gets noticeably anxious when the rain starts to get heavier.  My cousin, who's wedding was the weekend after Cyclone Gabrielle hit had to sit with the knowledge that the roads north may not be open in time for anyone to attend.  We did not see our resident ducks for over a week.  I thought they had all drowned***.  I see people most days for whom there's been little direct impact, but their nervous disposition, their desperation to talk about the flooding with anyone, is a clear response to trauma.

These losses are not the same as the loss of a family member or a home.  But they are still losses.  And they still leave a mark.

What I think we need is a massive tangi. A space where we can collectively voice our grief.  Where we can mourn our losses whether it's an uprooted favourite tree, access to our local gym, or our lost tomato crops.  Where we can share our fears for the future, for our children and our communities.  Where we can wail and beat our chests and admit that it's ok to feel scared.  It's ok to feel sad.  It's ok not to have all of the answers.

Because maybe if we acknowledge that pain, we can start working through it.  Through knowing our pain we can work through our fear and then maybe we can start coming up with some solutions.

And maybe we'll feel less tired.

The day some of our visiting ducks returned home.  We were beyond thankful

* Not all of Auckland - we definitely had a very light rain at our place around the 30 day mark - but less than 1mm of rainfall in a day is still considered to be 'dry'.

** We are not in that position currently.  We are extremely fortunate in that respect.  But I know I can do it if I need to.

*** Thankfully, this wasn't the case [we've only lost a few] but it was very upsetting at the time.

Trying New Things: January

Trying new things is truly the spice of life, so this year I set some goals with this in mind.  These are the things I will endeavor to do each month:

• Watch one new movie at the cinema
  
• Read one new book
  
• Try one new recipe
• Write one poem
  
• Make one painting
  
• Plant something
  
  

This list looks simple.  I know prolific artists and writers who create something most days - bookworms who read an entire book in one day.  I know film fanatics who binge multiple movies every week.  And while I aspire to be more like these people, this is just not feasible for me right now.  It's been a crazy few years and I'm worn out.  I know it's not just me - there's a real sense of collective tiredness in the world right now.  We're exhausted from simply co-existing with a pandemic during an environmental crisis.  Setting small, achievable goals is good.

I'm the kind of person who needs some form of external motivation.  Putting this out there, and documenting these goals helps me feel a need to continue doing and documenting.  So as a start, here are some new things I did in January*.

I watched Babylon

I mostly decided to watch this after discovering it homed a beautiful queer character based on Anna May Wong.  As someone who has read a lot about 'Old Hollywood' I was excited about the aesthetic, but also a little excited to see how they would capture this turning point in film history.

It did ok.  But it was long.  Far longer than necessary.  And I'm not just saying that because I find it hard to sit through most movies longer than three hours, but because in this case it was gratuitous.  The entire last ten minutes of the film were completely unnecessary.  I had to go to the bathroom at the halfway point, and when I came back, the same scene (about them trying to shoot a scene on a new soundstage) was still playing.  They showed all seven takes.  They could have saved that money - and everyone's time - and just not done that. And if they didn't - someone should have left it on the cutting room floor.

It wasn't just me.  People walked out of the cinema and did not return.  Young people.  And this was a very sexy movie.  Young people avoided potentially seeing very sexy sex.  That's how bad it was.

I however, stayed.  I wish I'd left before those last ten minutes, but the rest was pretty enough to hold my attention.  Li Jun Li was amazing.  Brad Pitt's acting was believable.  Margot Robbie was Margot Robbie and the sets and costumes were perfection.  It captured the excess of 'Old Hollywood' and the hubris.  Had the production team managed their own hubris it could potentially have been a great film.

Li Jun Li as Lady Fay Zhu was absolutely brilliant

I also watched M3GAN

M3GAN was a better film than Babylon.  It was a much more palatable length, and I loved spotting the Kiwis among the cast.  These factors may lead you to think me slightly biased.  But Rotten Tomatoes agrees.  With a 94% critic score it in considered much more highly than Babylon which registered a mere 56% on the Tomatometer.

It's hard to explain why it was so good.  The acting was average.  The script was average.  The Kiwi actors American accents were only vaguely believable.  The CGI was good, but nothing to write home about.  But it was one of the best modern sci-fi horror films I've seen recently.  The storyline was believable.  The tech and its failings - very believable.  It was very well paced, did not overinvest in jump scares, and unlike Babylon, every second on screen counted.  Every line was considered.  Whoever edited this needs to school Babylon's editors.  They had 15% of Babylon's budget, but they made every cent count.

Yus queen!  Walk that runway.  You left Babylon in your DUST!

I read The Seven Moons of Maali Almeida by Shehan Karunatilaka

I don't read a lot of fiction.  It's not because I don't love fiction - it's because I hate bad fiction - and there's a lot of bad fiction out there.  And sometimes I don't even like the 'good' fiction - I'm extremely fussy with my fiction.  I need it to read like eloquently written poetry.  Or straight to the point death metal.  Basically, it needs good flow.

And The Seven Moons of Maali Almeida has all the flow.  Not only is it beautifully written but it is extremely dark.  That works for me.  I like dark.  At the same time, it's very, very funny.  It's socially heavy, dark and funny which is totally my jam.  The characters are believable.  I can hear the dialogue in my head even though I don't speak Sinhala nor Tamil which feature frequently.

I hadn't read anything by or about Shehan Karunatilaka until I read this book.  I bought it because I had a book voucher, I liked the cover and figured if it won a recent Booker Prize it was probably not awful.  A chapter in I had to find out more about the author and on learning he had done his tertiary study here in NZ a few things twigged. Even though this book is set on the backdrop of the Sri Lankan civil war, it has a Kiwi tang.  It's like seeing films directed or written by Taika Waititi - there's a particular sense of humour and cadence of conversation.  Reading it feels like being home.

I am so grateful I chose this book based on its cover.  I now have a new favorite author.

I Created A Recipe

I actually created this in December but I love it so much I want to share it anyway.  And I did make it again in January.  As I will this month.  It's delicious.

Like your Grandma, Nona, Nai Nai or Dadi I don't have a specific recipe - it's more of a food idea.  There are no measurements - make as much as you want to eat.  Unlike some recipes, this one is not fussy - there's no special spice blend - it is a very flexible dish.  I call it:

Hannah's Medi Vege Pockets.

First you choose some good, Mediterranean style veges to grill.  I use courgette, eggplant, capsicum and red onion and sometimes mushrooms.  The one vege I think is integral to the texture/flavour is the eggplant** - but if you don't like it - don't use it.  Grill these veges.  Peel the capsicum skin.  Rough chop the veges and set aside.

Make a basic tomato sauce.  I use garlic, some fresh (or tinned) tomatoes, a little finely chopped white onion or shallots, fresh basil, pepper and use salt and brown sugar to balance the sauce.  Cook until good and saucy.

Mix your grilled veges through your tomato sauce.  Then get some taco pockets***.  Heat slightly so they are more malleable (I just use the microwave for about 10 seconds so they don't crack when you open them).  You need these three cheeses - mozzarella, feta and parmesan.  Change it if you want, but these are best.  Put the tomato sauce/vege mix in the pockets along with however much of the cheese you like (I think it's good to put some cheese in right down the bottom before you add the veg so it's like a happy surprise at the end).  When full, add a little mozarella to the top then pop under the grill until the cheese melts.

There you go!  Delicious pocket of bliss for you and your whanau to eat.  No cutlery necessary.  If you have made more sauce/veg than you can eat/fit in pockets, save it for later and toss some pasta through it.  Also delicious!

I sprouted something magical

I take a weird sense of pride in picking up random plant life wherever I go.  I never know what will come of it. 

I visited Scandrett Regional Park on one of my alone time holidays and was beyond surprised to find a cherimoya tree in an historic garden over 100 years old - let alone an actual cherimoya!  An orchard where I grew up had one and I have fond memories of eating this unusual, South American fruit.  The fruit I found on the ground was small and likely too old to be good to eat, but me being me I popped it in my pocket nonetheless.

Once home, I extracted the seeds and left them to dry on the kitchen windowsill.  Many, many months later I found them when cleaning up for Christmas and decided to plant them.  I did not look up how to germinate the seed - I just put them in some dirt and hoped for the best.

And low and beyond that ancient cherimoya tree is still procreating!  After a month(ish) of watering this pot of dirt and hoping something would come of it, something did.  Three baby cherimoya trees have sprouted!  I have no idea where I will put them when they are big enough to leave the pot - I certainly don't have room for them.  Right now I'm just excited about the idea that there will be more of these delicious fruit trees in this world.

*                    *                    *                    *                    *                    *                    *

I'm super excited to see what new things February will bring!

* Not the whole list obviously - I just set the list now and it's February.

** I do salt, leave then drain mine to remove bitterness before grilling with the other veges.

*** If you don't already know, taco pockets are freaking amazing.  Put whatever you like in them.  It'll taste good.

Ten good things about 2022

So I know for most of us 2022 is a year we'll quite happily leave in the past.  With Covid killing millions globally, Russia invading Ukraine and the rising cost of living impacting most of us, it certainly hasn't been a beer and skittles year.  However, I'm a great believer in gratitude.  So this post will highlight ten good things that happened to me in 2022.

10. I won some hummus

You can't complain about winning stuff, right?  My only concern was that we wouldn't be able to eat it all before the best before date.  But we did.  And it was delicious.  Nom nom nom!

9. I went to an Ethiopian restaurant for the first time 

This won't all be food related, I promise!  But I do love food.  And I think trying new things is the spice of life.  I love going new places, meeting new people and eating new foods.  When I read this article about a restaurant not far from us I was excited to visit.  And I was not disappointed.  I particularly loved using the injera to mop up the sauce of my curry.

And the service was amazing. Our waitress was super friendly and happy to talk through the menu with us.  She even offered to comp us for Murray's drink when they accidentally gave us the wrong one (we refused.  The drink was delicious and we'll happily try another one next time we go.  Plus there's a vegan menu.  As a lapsed vegetarian who doesn't eat a lot of meat, this is something I really appreciate.  Definitely the culinary highlight of 2022 for me.

8. I started growing kawakawa

One positive things the many lockdowns gave me was rediscovering the joy of 'going bush'.  I now have regular walking spots which take me almost entirely away from the hustle and bustle while still being very close to home.  In one of these spots, there are always little kawakawa sprouting and me being me... I pinched a couple* and took them home.  Now they are big enough I can harvest kawakawa from right outside my door!  I have found kawakawa tea great for sore throats and feeling generally not so great.  I'm so glad I have it easily at hand for whenever there's a need.

7. I discovered Wonky Box 

Never heard of Wonky Box?  Neither had I until recently but it's a service that sends you fresh, local produce that would otherwise end up in landfill.  It's definitely not something that would work for every household - you don't know what fruit or vege you'll be getting until very close to delivery, but it works for us. 

What I like most about it - besides the environmental aspect, is that it forces me to eat seasonally.  Plus it encourages me to use ingredients I am less familiar with.  Life is more exciting when you're not eating the same boring stuff week in and week out.  This is also nutritionally fabulous - eating fresh, local, diverse foods is definitely a great way to get a wide range of vitamins and minerals into our diets.  I've not used turnips much before, but now latkes are a dish served fairly often in our household.  The humble kumara has been honed into many delicious new forms and leeks both feed us for a meal PLUS have a new lease on life as we replant the base in the garden (after re-sprouting it in water on the windowsill. This is all thanks to the fabulous Wonky Box

6. I saw Hannah Gadsby 

With Covid and lockdowns and so many canceled holidays it was exciting to go see, well anything!  And after the first show we'd booked was postponed when our Aus/NZ travel bubble burst, I was not sure if I'd ever see this show (or any other international act for that matter).  However, 11 months after we were initially supposed to see Body Of Work we actually got to see it! 

And it was brilliant!  Hannah Gadsby is not just a funny, autistic human, but she's a masterful storyteller and all round aware person.  These days I'm not so big on live music or large international shows, but I love me some comedy.  And feminist, local(ish) comedy from someone with a background in art history is definitely my jam.  So glad I got to see her live (and get the goss on how she awkwardly proposed to her wife).

5. I got curly hair

This will seem like a frivolous thing.  That's because it is.  It's not on this list because I'm grasping at straws because that's how bad 2022 was, but more that I LOVE my new hair.  Not just because I think it's pretty, but because I'm glad something good came of me being very sick with Covid.

In my case, it was a big auto-immune event.  Consequently, as can happen when people go through things like childbirth or surgery, Covid caused me to experience hair loss.  Instead of losing the normal rate of around 10%, I lost probably 25 - 30% of my hair in a short space of time.

Usually hair loss is considered a bad thing.  And often times it is.  When you're so ill your body goes koo koo bananas it's never a good thing.  But I have very, thick and wavy hair.  So for me it's just taken some of that weight away and allowed my natural curl to shine!  Other than cutting it to encourage the curl and taking care of it so it's healthy, I haven't done anything to my hair.  And while it's slowly growing back in, so this level of curl probably won't last, right now I'm loving it.  

4. Duck rescue
 

We have chickens.  Only three, and they freerange between our place and next door.  But as a consequence of keeping chickens and living close to a stream, we also get ducks.  Some of them have been visiting us for years.  Others, were basically hatched here.  And while ducks are messy and loud and annoying at times, they are also full of personality and I love them to bits. 

While we try not to interfere with nature, we do love our ducks, and we have intervened on occasion.  This year moreso than any other time as we've been deemed by some locals to be something of a duck rescue...  So for short periods we've homed injured or orphaned ducks. 

We had Yoki for just one night.  They'd got too cold and couldn't keep up with Mum and the neighbour found them shivering on the driveway.  We warmed them up and kept them inside and reunited them with Mum the next day.  Sinbad stayed with us overnight for almost three weeks.  Their leg was injured in what was likely a cat attack, and until they could keep up with their family, we decided to keep them safe with us.  Daisy was dropped off by a school friend.  She was found alone at the park and was only a day or two old.  And Flash was an older orphan from school. We only had Flash inside for two nights before we successfully introduced him to our Mum duck Cilla and she welcomed him to her family.

Yoki and Flash are still alive and visit us most days.  It's truly lovely.

This is Cilla with her babies (including Yoki and Sinbad) and Flash

Abby and Etta on their speech performance day

3. I saw our kids perform

One of the most awesome things about 2022 was that school started to return to something resembling normalcy.  The highlight of this for many at our school was the return of Pacific Cultural performances and Kapahaka. Having it back has felt like the heart has returned to our school community.  And while in the past I have enjoyed watching other kids perform, this year I got to see our kids perform.  As someone with Māori whakapapa who was actively discouraged from performing in kapahaka by certain teachers, it feels pretty damned special seeing my kids live a different experience.

Not only did I get to see them participate in kapahaka, but I got to see them deliver fabulous speeches.  Both were selected within their classes to present within their school syndicate.  It was so awesome.  Etta's speech on why Joan of Arc shouldn't have been executed was a brilliant, feminist argument masterfully presented.  And Abby's speech was just her mihi, but the only speech presented in te reo Māori.  Three winners were selected, and Etta was one of them.  It was a super proud day.

2. I recovered from Long Covid

While I know plenty of folk handle Covid with ease, this was not the case for me.  I was very, very sick.  I should have gone to hospital, but at the height of the pandemic, the prospect of doing so was as scary as staying home.  I got a chest infection.  I was off work for almost three weeks.  And then I developed Long Covid.  This affected every aspect of my life.  I had to cut back my hours at work, I had to cut back on jobs at home.  I had to stop exercising**.  I couldn't focus enough to read books.

The strange and frustrating thing about Long Covid was that it came it was inconsistent.  Some days just getting out of bed was an effort.  Other days my energy levels felt normal.  I found it very difficult to assess whether I was overdoing things, or doing less than I should.  Because some days I could go for a half hour walk and feel fine afterwards and other days I struggled to walk to the mailbox.  Sometimes the lethargy was predictable.  I could look back and see how I might have 'overdone things' in the days before.  Other times though, it just hit like a tonne of bricks for no apparent reason.  Colds which would previously hardly affect me, knocked me on my arse.

And it was like this for about seven months.  It wasn't until October that things started to feel closer to normal.  But the take-away here is that now things are closer to normal. Some people have Long Covid for much longer than I did.  Some suffer far worse symptoms than the lethargy and exacerbated asthma that effected me.  Some people will suffer from Long Covid for the rest of their lives

It wasn't easy but I did get through it and I am so grateful that I'm now doing ok.

Our attempt at a couple photo

1. Big changes at home

A really, really big thing happened last year that I haven't spoken about because it's just hard:  Murray and I separated for three months.  I know that separation sounds like a big and bad thing, but in the context of our lives we both believe it was necessary.  Because this isn't just about me I'm not going to go into details but in short, Murray needed to address some health issues.  I needed to have time to work on my health, and those things just weren't possible with us living together.

We set boundaries.  We ensured he still had time with the kids.  We talked about some very hard truths.  And he did some hard mahi.  Honestly, we would not be together today if he had not and I'm very proud of him for doing it.  Separation isn't a magic wand - it hasn't wiped our problems away - but it created space for us to take a step back and assess our priorities both as individuals, as parents, and as a couple.

Things are not perfect.  There is still a lot of work to be done, but we are willing to do it.  Without this, our whanau would be in a very different place today. 

*                    *                    *                    *                    *                    *                    *

I'm not going to lie, 2022 was a hard year for me - just as it was hard for many of us.  But out of the struggle has come a lot of learning.  I am grateful to start 2023 armed with the knowledge I gained from last year.  And whatever this year brings, I will continue to find bright spots to hold in my heart.

* It's from council land, so technically not legal buuut it's in a scrub area which is natural, and there's not a lot of space.  So taking a few plants isn't hurting anything, and gives existing plants more space to grow.

** I had tried cutting back, but I think that's what contributed to my developing Long Covid.  When they say rest - they mean rest.  Like, stay in bed and do nothing level rest.  Cutting back swimming on swimming 1.2km three to four times a week to swimming even 500 meters twice a week was far too much until very recently.  

On Having Long Covid

So it's been more than six months now since I caught Covid.  And sadly, I'm still not back to my pre-covid self.  I'm doing much better than I was a few months ago, but for me recovery has been slow and unpredictable.

When I caught Covid I was very sick.  It was the first time I've ever felt I should go to hospital for an illness.  Not because I was freaked out due to the media hype, but because I really struggled to breathe.  The only reason I didn't go was because we caught it during the height of the first wave of Omicron and our healthcare system was slammed.  I didn't want to be waiting around in A&E with a bunch of other sick people whilst feeling so awful and I was worried that other people worse off than me might end up missing out.  So instead, I used my inhalers excessively, threw all the Lemsip and anti-inflammatories I had at it, and didn't sleep for the worst three days.

At the time we caught covid you had to isolate for a minimum of ten days.  I ended up isolating for almost double that.  During the worst of being covid positive my chest felt like there was a huge weight on it - breathing was such an effort I had muscle pain in my chest for weeks.  I was grateful Murray was less sick than I was so he could look after the kids - I spent several days in bed because I was too unwell to do anything.  As a consequence of Covid I got a chest infection.  Because I still had Covid symptoms I could not see a GP in person, so had a phone consult to get antibiotics and Murray picked them up for me.  On my first shift back at work I had to finish early because my thighs started shaking just from the effort of standing up for several hours. 

Being this sick was a bit of a shock. While I've always taken Covid seriously, I never considered myself a high risk person.  While I knew I was the highest risk person in my household due to being asthmatic, I thought due to my age, general health and fitness level I would be ok.  I was much more concerned about my Grandma or Mum catching it*.  My asthma is generally not an issue for me.  Prior to Covid I genuinely can't remember the last time I used my inhaler.  I'm just so glad I erred on the side of caution and updated my script before I got sick.  I don't think I could have avoided hospital if I didn't have inhalers.  

While recovery was slow, I was recovering.  I tried to follow the advice available at the time which was to go easy with exercise and stop when you feel tired.  Prior to getting sick, I was swimming 1200 - 1500 metres three to five days a week plus going for walks and living a generally active life. I had lost 11 kilos over eight months from being active and eating healthier.  After Covid, I stayed out of the pool completely for the first three weeks.  After that, I thought a little swim wouldn't hurt, so I did one slow 600 meter swim.

I felt great while I was swimming - but after I got home I felt wobbly, went to have a nap and woke up three hours later.  After that first swim I waited another week before trying again.  Again, I didn't swim far or fast and didn't feel bad while exercising, but afterward I felt totally wiped out.  So I stopped swimming for a bit, and switched to little bush walks.  Slowly, my energy levels started returning.  I was managing at work ok.
  

A pic from my action packed weekend     

About six weeks after having Covid I had a holiday booked in Warkworth.  I try go away on a holiday by myself at least once a year for some R&R.  These holidays are about getting in some me time and some rest.  It's usually 2 - 3 days spending time in nature, relaxing, eating delicious food and watching crappy motel TV.  

This holiday was no different.  I stayed in a place I'd stayed before and enjoyed the natural landscapes of the Tawharanui Peninsula.  I did go for beach walks, but I did my best to keep each walk under 45 minutes.  While I did go out in the mornings, I spent my afternoons doing Paint-by-numbers in the sunshine of the large bay window in my room.  I was asleep before 10pm each night.  It was by no means a busy time away.  I thought I'd come home refreshed and full of energy.

But when I got home I felt like I'd been dipped in concrete.  I struggled to get out of bed in the mornings.  I needed to use my inhaler after walking short distances.  I ended up taking a week off work because I couldn't stay on my feet for longer than a few hours before getting shaky.  I booked an in-person appointment with a GP.  Because I technically had Covid symptoms, I had to stay in my car for the first part of the consult.  She tested me for all the usual stuff: iron, B12, blood sugars, thyroid and all came back fine.  She put me on a reduced schedule at work for six weeks, gradually easing my hours back to previous levels.

What I learned from that consult was not only that I likely had Long Covid, but that what I considered rest was not what Drs mean by rest.  Walking on the beach was too much exercise.  What they considered to be exercise was walking to the mailbox and back.  While I had slowed down, proper rest wasn't feasible given my usual life.  I work in a very active job where I'm on my feet all day, often running around and sometimes doing heavy lifting.  As a working parent, things are busy.  There's school drop offs, pick ups, play dates, after school activities as well as the cooking and cleaning.  My life isn't conducive to rest.  Regardless of how early my bedtime is, regardless of cutting out exercise and trying to take naps, my life was too active to aid in my recovery.  She said things may have been better had I completely rested for the first month after getting sick which is nigh on impossible as a primary caregiver.

Common impacts of Post-Covid 19 - the random bruising is real!

Post Covid-19, more commonly known as Long Covid, is defined as chronic fatigue, shortness of breath and cognitive dysfunction unexplainable by other causes, 12 weeks post infection. While it is similar to post-viral infection it is far more common.  Where around 2% of viruses will result in post-viral fatigue about 10% of covid cases result in Long Covid.

As this is a fairly new medical diagnosis, there are still a lot of unknowns around how to treat it besides rest.  However, research can tell us what risk factors make us more likely to get it.  Here are the more common ones:

• People over 70 are twice as likely to get it than folk aged 18 - 49
• Women in general.  And women aged 40 - 50 twice as likely to get it than men in the same age bracket
  
• Folk with pre-existing mental health issues are 50% more likely than their more mentally well peers, and asthmatics have a 32% greater likelihood of getting Long Covid.
  
• Those who experience 5 or more different symptoms in the first week of illness are 3 1/2 times more likely to get Long Covid.
  
• For people who have previously had Epstein Barr Virus (Glandular fever) a Covid infection often reactivates EBV leading to Long Covid symptoms.
• Those who are not vaccinated are 59% more likely to get long Covid than their vaccinated friends and whanau.
  

Other than being under 70 and fully vaccinated, I meet all of these criteria.  So Long Covid was always a likelihood for me.

It does feel a lot like how I felt when recovering from EBV.  My primary symptoms have been fatigue and brain fog, but I also get muscle fatigue and very sore eyes.  What is most frustrating for me about this is the inconsistency.  I might have a fairly good couple of days where I feel almost normal, then one day I'll wake up and my limbs are heavy lumps again.  Now I am well enough that I can walk to school pick up and back without using my inhaler - but if I do that whilst carrying the kids school bags I need my inhaler and a rest when we get home to be able to cope with looking after the kids.

I go to bed by 9.30pm most nights.  I can't focus for long periods of time.  I struggle to find energy to be social with friends and whanau.  My short-term memory is shot.  I can't exercise like I used to and I've gained back half the weight I lost last year.  It's frustrating.  And there's no time frame on when I'll start to feel better.

I've had another unusual symptom: hair loss.  While it's not often talked it isn't that uncommon.  Any stressful event can trigger hair loss including viral infections.

My hair at similar lengths before and after Covid.

Having experienced hair loss before***, this aspect of things hasn't been too upsetting for me.  As someone with very thick hair I know that to most my hair loss isn't noticeable.  But to those who have known me for more than a few years the complete change in my hair texture is hard to miss.  While my hair has never exactly been straight, it hasn't been this curly since I was a toddler.  This is because I have wavy hair, and now there is less of it it is light enough to embrace its natural wave.  I hope it stays like this.  It's 100% the only good thing that's come from me having Covid.  I've totally embraced my post-Covid curls.

A cute baby pic of me to brighten this downer post

There's not much advice I can give for those who find themselves in a similar position.  The easiest way to avoid this is to do your best to avoid Covid.  Wear masks.  Wash your hands.  Get vaccinated.  If you do get Covid - rest.  If you are an active person like me, that means NO exercise for the first month after infection.  If you are not feeling great a month after getting Covid, talk to your GP.  Come up with a plan.  Make changes to your work/home responsibilities/routines to facilitate actual sitting-on-the-couch level rest. 

I've used this stuff a lot over the years
and found it to be gold for aiding energy levels

Aside from rest, I've amped up the vitamins.  Since having Covid, even a little illness really knocks me.  I take Vitamin C every day.  I take probiotics and drink turmeric tea to help my gut bacteria get back on track****.  I take Clinicians Stress and Energy support to aid in energy levels and sleep (this does seem to help with my tummy trouble as well).  It took a few months, but my physical resilience seems to be getting back on track - I managed to get through the last kids-bug-from-school relatively unscathed.  That's the first time in the last six months.

And be kind.  Be kind to yourself if you are slow to recover.  It's not your fault.  Be kind to others if their recovery looks different to your own - it's not their fault.  Long Covid is real, it affects 10 - 20% of us, and it really, really sucks.

* I'm so thankful that they still haven't [touch wood].  If anything, being this sick made me feel much more nervous about others I love catching Covid.

** I have bruised myself by giving myself an arm massage.  Like, LOTS of bruises all over both my arms.  From a massage.  I gave myself.  It wasn't that hard.  And no, I'm not anaemic.  That's all just Covid fun time.

*** Due to a wonky thyroid which has since righted itself.

**** Like it did with EBV, but gut health has gone down the toilet (literally).  Foods I used to be able to eat without too much drama are now blowing my tummy up like a balloon.