On Meeting Murray

 Back when we were young and Murray was yet to learn the power of the beard

To celebrate our three year (leather?) anniversary, I thought I'd write about how it was we came to meet and form the awesome partnership that is us. 

Firstly, yes, we did go to High School together.  But no, we were not friends.  I didn't know Murray other than a recognisable face (he worked at the tuck shop and was on the cycling team*).  It was a big school, and while we did work on a school production together, he was stage crew and I honestly don't remember him.  Apparently, he thought I was hot and enquired with a mutual friend as to whether he should ask me out or not.  She said not, as I had a boyfriend (which was true) and I continued through life completely oblivious of that High School crush.

Because New Zealand is small, and Auckland even smaller, we shared a mutual friend.  So first met (in my mind) at an exhibition of friends at Unitec.  I recognised him from somewhere, told him 'I know you from somewhere, and this isn't a line', realised it was high school and then proceeded to tell him that he had a terrible haircut in high school (he did).  I was not interested in him romantically. This was a standard, inappropriate Hannah-meeting-someone-for-the-first-time type incident.  That's just how I roll.

After a few conversations I realised this Murray person was pretty cool.  I hoped I'd get an opportunity to hang out with him again at some point, but just in a friendly way.  I was headed to the UK to stay with an ex who I still had feelings for, so wasn't entertaining the possibility of a relationship.  Over this time I saw him a few times at Poetry Live type things, and thought him to be a bit of a snob.  Many times I tried to talk to him, and was ignored for someone more important in poetry.  I thought he was a bit too cool for school.

And life went on.  I went to the UK and came back in time for our mutual friend's wedding.  I was helping set up, and doing a few bits and pieces to help out.  On arriving home, my ex told me he wished I hadn't left.  I told him he should have said something before I left, and didn't rush back into his arms, but stayed in NZ despite feeling a total wreck about it.  I loved him madly, but we didn't seem to be very good for each other.  It was a hard situation.

I saw Murray again at our friend Micky's wedding - we were sat at the same table (the awesome friends table) and were even paired up for a photo.  I still thought he was choice, after calling him on his snobbery and having it explained, but that was about it.  I was a heartbroken wreck.

A few months later, and Micky, myself and some others from Poetry Live were deep into organising the first Metonymy collaboration - a pairing of visual and literary artists culminating in an exhibition (and later also performance).  Like many of our artsy friends, Murray was also involved.  It was around this time we started properly being friends.

What I didn't know, was that my version of being friendly, was being taken as a come on.  Murray thought I 'liked' him and he 'liked' me too.  I can, in retrospect, understand why.  I took him out West to meet my friends, saw him bark like a dog in a crazy exhibition and was in regular contact with him.  Anyhow, around this time I'd also moved in with our mutual friend, and she invited Murray, and some of their other poetry friends for dinner.  It was a total set up.

Realising this totally freaked me out.  Nonetheless somehow we ended up drunk with Murray confessing his feelings to me and we ended up making out, and he stayed over awkwardly in my single bed.  The next day we woke up hungover and dishevelled.  I suggested what I usually suggest for a hangover - an outing.  We ended up at some bird collectors conference in Western Springs looking at doves.  It was a terrifying experience, but did help combat the hangover and make for a fun story later on.

I guess this commenced us dating.

Because I was not intending to date anyone due to still being a bit of a mess about my last relationship I did the second most sensible thing and told Murray the situation.  I thought Murray was a nice guy, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings so wanted to be straight with him from the beginning.  Murray didn't mind.  Before this, he'd been properly single some almost seven years, so he was happy with whatever.

I spent the first six months of seeing him thinking it was nothing serious before I realised how different our relationship was to any I'd ever had before.  It was just easier.  I didn't really fall in love with Murray, I just fell more and more in like with him.  When my ex returned to the country I was pretty anxious about how I would feel, and while I still had 'feelings', being with Murray made me realise how stupid they were as despite having been madly in love with him, I didn't really like him nearly as much as I liked Murray.

I know it sounds boring but Murray and I above all things, have always been friends and always made a great team.  Both of us are amazed at the speed in which the last three years have gone by, as while it hasn't been effortless, most of the time it's been pretty easy.  I think that because above all other things, we respect and care for each other.  That tops crazy in love love any day of the week.  Because it doesn't fizzle out.

And a mutual love of board games helps.  Even though we have different playing and learning styles (and I am horrible to teach new games to) we are worthy adversaries at most games.  This means playing board games never gets dull, as they are always challenging.  Playing board games regularly encourages co-operation, sportsmanship, healthy competition and above all else, communication.  How can this not enhance an already awesome partnership?

The last three years has mostly gone so fast because we've had fun.  Yes, we've done some boring grown up things like had jobs, bought a house and built a tiny human, but we've also played a lot of games, been on holidays and continued being our silly selves.  Being with Murray balances my serious side and helps me not just plan for the future, but plan for a fun future.  Murray is the difference between us having a financially secure future and a financially secure future plus a collection of board games and robots.  That's an important difference.

I am so glad to have such a fun adversary and partner in life.

Us today: still silly serious but with better beads.

  * If you went to Massey High School, you'll get it.  For most people who did not, our cycling team were national champions and touted at pretty much every weekly assembly.  So many of our cyclists faces are imprinted forever on my, and probably others, memories from having to stare at them getting some recognition or other on an almost weekly basis.  Our cyclists were on par with our First 15.  That's crazy shit.