Oh, what a year it's been! Consequently, like many folk, my mental health has not been the best which has made things that usually come naturally feel like walking uphill through thigh-high water. Last week was especially not great. But the good thing of a long history poor mental health is a lot of experience with getting it back on track. So I sat down and made a list of things to sort it out. And started actioning it immediately.
And this week already looks different. While I was swimming today I was thinking of how many 'firsts' I'd had this year. Not all of them have been great, but all of them have certainly given me an opportunity to understand myself better. And I thought that thinking of what has been deemed a universally awful year from a different angle, might be useful. So here are some of my 'firsts' from 2020.
1) I have survived a global pandemic (so far...)
And guess what! If you're reading this, so have you!* Congratulations! Worldwide, it has taken the lives of over 1.14 million people. But not mine, or yours. I am extremely luck to live in Aotearoa where we have one of the lowest death rates in the OECD. I really hopes it stays this way. And I really hope other countries manage to get there too. At no point in time prior to this year have I ever even considered having my life taken away due to pandemic. At no point has this ever been a concern until now. And now it is, I am so, so grateful to be alive.
During the first lockdown I built the Millennium Falcon
2) My whole family survived two lockdowns
And truly, this feels like an achievement. Lockdown is not something I could ever have even conceived of having to go through in pre-Covid life. And as a person who needs time and space alone to stay sane, the idea of being stuck with my family** at home for an undefined period of time was horrifying. So the first lockdown was pretty tough. Particularly the last few weeks. Etta coped even less well than me and started stimming which totally freaked her out. She missed her friends, and video calls actually just made that worse. The great thing though was, we learned from this. All of us did. So the second Level 3 lockdown was ok. Murray listened regarding some of the things I struggled with the first time and really made an effort to help. The kids understood what was happening and were ok. I do think this experience made us stronger as a family, and a little better at communicating our needs to each other.
The biggest bird I saw in Miranda
And holy crap I loved it! While I had to cancel what would have been my first alone time trip outside of NZ on the sunny shores of Rarotonga, I still did get a holiday after the lockdown was lifted. While I don't think this little piece of Aotearoa will be the pinnacle of every persons travel ideals, it certainly was for me. Other than birds and a fabulous fish 'n' chip shop, there is nothing there. The bird watching is amazing. The weather wasn't great, but that just meant less people around to interfere with my bird watching. I give Miranda 5 stars and will certainly be back.
One of the dotterel I saw up in Kaiaua
Obviously a direct follow on from the last post, but still deserving of their own section. The owners of the place I was staying in had said a kotuku had been hanging out in one of the neighbouring paddocks, and turns out - it still was! I saw it twice during my stay but didn't get a photo as both times I was driving. Still, very exciting. And while I didn't see any dotterel in the actual reserve, on a tiki tour up the road I walked along a very stony beach and randomly found a few pairs. I loved seeing them so much I went back the next day and they were still there. I loved how they communicated with each other, and how they were wary, but curious, about me. I managed to get pretty close, but didn't want to disturb them too much. But it really felt special being on a completely deserted beach in the middle of nowhere with a couple of pairs of endangered birds.
5) I became a chicken Mummy
So two 'chickens' turned up on our street. We had a decrepit hutch (courtesy of a friend) that we had loaned to our neighbour, so we caught and housed these 'chickens' and then about four days into lockdown they started crowing. Crap. They had been dumped due to their gender. So sadly, these poor roosters had to go. But this opened a window for me to plead a case for getting chickens. My cousins neighbour happened to have excess young chickens, and with Murray's consent, three of them came to live with us during the first Level 3. They are bantam/silky crosses and full of personality! At the moment they are broody and not laying, but they have been laying gorgeous wee eggs before that. And Taco (Murray named her) will let me pick her up and cuddle her. It has been a wonderful addition to our whanau, and something positive for the kids to enjoy during the lockdowns.
Blanche, Taco and Luna when they first arrived
6) I tried Hello Fresh
This doesn't seem like a big deal, but it really has made a difference to our year. I am cheap. I run a tight budget. Not because it's necessary, but because I just always have. I grew up with not a lot and I've always budgeted, so it's hard to let out the purse strings. But this year, well, I let them out. Hello Fresh is not cheap for what it is when it's not a free box or on special. And as someone who has decent cooking skills, I couldn't immediately see the value of it. But I have since discovered that it makes a big difference to my mental load. Just the simple thing of not having to think about shopping for a healthy meal truly helps. Plus, Murray is more likely to cook because the directions are far easier to follow than my 'just chuck some courgette in' style of directing cooking. It saved us during the last lockdown. And during times where Murray's epilepsy wasn't great. And now that I've broken my thumb... And I've used the recipe cards to reinvent my favourites to incorporate into our normal rotation. It is not the greatest for the environment though, so definitely a stop-gap measure for us, but has absolutely been worthwhile.
7) I managed an emergency at work
This was another not so great thing. But it happened, and it's important to take away the positives from the experience. One of our customers had a stroke. One of my colleagues who had been serving her realised, but her workplace first aid certificate was out of date, and she knew I'd just done mine. While it took a few minutes before I called the ambulance (a little difficult to make the call to call as she was quite argumentative), my colleagues and manager were amazing. They stayed with her and got her seated while I stayed on the phone with the operator. And then the mall fire alarm went off and we had to evacuate the mall...
Our manager gave me her mobile to call emergency services back on, and went to evacuate the store while a colleague and our security stayed with me as we tried to work out how to get her out (she was not easy to carry). Mall security realised we were there, we explained the situation and he grabbed a wheelchair from customer services and they managed to lift her into it. I stayed on the phone as we wheeled her through the mall, and when met by the fire brigade (it took a while to get out) they helped us by taking her obs and assisting us to the ambulance bay where they got her on a stretcher and took her to hospital.
Sadly, our customer passed away that night.
In spite of this, I knew we had done our best. Even if we had have been two minutes faster (which we could have been) sadly, the outcome would not have been any different. This helped me realise I am calm in crazy, unpredictable situations. And that I work with an amazing, caring team of people who will do whatever it takes to help people. I also had a window into what our emergency service teams do for our communities every day. Seriously, we are so lucky to have people who do what they do every day. They are are real heroes.
8) I did Dry July
The best thing about doing Dry July, other than raising money to support those affected by cancer, is the difference it made in my life. I am not a heavy drinker by any means, but I do enjoy a woody chardonnay or a cheeky sav a few times a week. What I realised is how much better my sleep is when I'm not drinking at all. So if my sleep is bad, or my mental health not so good (like now). I just stop drinking for a bit. It's brilliant.
9) I swam 5km in one week
So, I'm not a sportsing person. The last time I tried to go to a regular exercise class - I broke my ankle. Since then, I've been wary. But after getting back in the pool about a year ago I realised, that even though I did love trampolining, maybe that wasn't the right sport for me. But swimming absolutely is. I started small. Having never had any lessons outside what I learned in Primary School, it's never been something I'm amazing at. And I'm still not. But I don't swim to be amazing at it. Swimming really helps keep me grounded. And, before going into the first lockdown it helped me to lose 8kg***. And the more I do it, the easier it gets.
Re-starting after the last Level 3 lockdown I thought I would be struggling to swim the distances I had been previously. But the first day back I swam over 1km. After that, I set my goal slightly higher - at least 1250 metres per swim. And I did achieve that for a few weeks before my recent accident, swimming between 1100 - 1500 metres each session four times a week. While I haven't lost weight, I feel fitter and stronger than ever.
My thumb splint. It will be with me a while yet.
Another not so great thing. Quite debilitating actually. But at least I did it in a funny way. I smacked it into the edge of the table when playing air hockey with Murray. He will want it on the record that he won this game. I want it on the record that I finished this game - with a fractured thumb. Now that's a decent story at least. The positives in this are that because I cannot do all things exactly as I used to I have had to try new things. I put a housework plan in place (because I can't do all I used to do yet). I simplified our meal planning whilst keeping things nutritious (a little less handy with knives). I realised that I can use chopsticks with my left hand. I got my first ever pedicure after realising I can't cut my toenails and it was not awful (I hate people touching my feet). And, just ten days after my accident I got the all clear to get back in the pool (provided I wear my splint). While I haven't managed the distances I was doing before - because it is still sore - I did finally manage to swim over 1km today which feels great. I'm also back to being a regular at Hands Out West which is not a bad thing. We're going to work on my strength once this is a bit better so that I stop continually spraining this thumb.
Pretty toes. Might even do this again some time.
And there are more firsts than just these. We also had our first pet picked up by the SPCA (the SPCA do amazing work), Abby's first day at school, our first home grown pomegranate, my first double vote Green.
In spite of all that is happening in the world, our lives go on. And while this can be overwhelming, and have real impacts on our lives, this is not all that is happening. It's so important to see this, to see what we have in front of us each day and to appreciate it all, the good and the bad, and use it as a place to grow from.
* Unless you are the ghost of someone who passed away from Covid this year. If so, I am very sorry. But please, continue reading. You may find other things relatable.
** I love them, I just also really, really need to not see them every now and then.
*** I gained most of that back, but 2020, well, I'm going easy on myself.
