Only five weeks to go!

I've had lots to think about since seeing the obstetrician a few weeks ago.
And thank goodness for Mummy forums and trainee midwife cousins for placating me in the time between that appointment and seeing my Midwife.  Because that appointment really freaked me out.

On seeing my Midwife I have been reassured that the obstetrician was being super conservative (and offering weird advice) and I am entitled to a lot more flexibility in labour than I thought.  Also, the obstetrician's notes for the Midwife were mostly unreadable (she had even passed it around the practice and NO-ONE could read a huge chunk of it), so I had to go over the entire appointment on seeing my midwife as the obstetrician has not yet re-sent readible notes.  This was actually good as meant we could clear some stuff up - and have some stuff explained as I didn't fully realise some things that were important either.

So while I'm happy to get the size scan (next week)* I'm gonna go my own way on a few of the other things.  Cos for me, if I can't have a vaginal delivery in a situation I find at least marginally comfortable, then I may as well have a C Section.  Cos fuck another 17 hours of labour but entirely in hospital under monitoring.  Yes it means a longer recovery, yes breastfeeding may be tricky and yes, this labour may not be as long as the last.  But if it is, 17 plus hours of hospital labour? Sorry, just not worth it to me.

So the plan now is that unless anything is obviously wrong, I will stay home until I feel like I need to go into hospital, or my contractions are at the usual point where you would go into hospital.  I do not feel this significantly endangers me or bubs because we live about a ten minute drive from the hospital (we have made this journey a few times now).  I know ten minutes can make a difference between living and dying, but I'm pretty sure from what I've read there will be other indications I need to get to hospital before things become that dire.  Last time I laboured at home for about 11 hours before going in.  I cannot imagine having to spend that much time labouring in hospital.  And do they have TV and Michael Keaton's Batman in hospital to labour to?  Unlikely.

So apparently the complete opposite is true of an epidural from other practitioners standpoints ie: they prolong labour and increase some other risks so I feel very happy with my decision to be epidural free unless I have to have another Caesar (as is my Midwife - nice to be on the same page).  I don't like giant spine needles.  And I would rather have a quick labour than a drawn-out-can't-move-stuck-in-a-bed-waiting-for-baby-time.  And epidurals increase the chance of requiring fontuse or forceps aided delivery, which I'd really like to avoid (just cos baby heads are squishy - I'm scared to touch them - I'm even more scared of sucky or pointy things touching them).**

And the water birth thing - apparently still possible and my Midwife is totally supportive.  So if I make it past 37 weeks and there is a pool available I'm gonna be all up in it.  Because whilst I've been told I will require constant fetal monitoring, again, this is optional.  Obviously if, at the time, either myself or any professional person thinks this is a bad idea we won't do this.  But at this stage I hope to negotiate monitoring every few hours so I can enjoy bath time once more.  Because I found labouring in water so much easier than not.  Water calms me.  Water enabled me to dilate from 4cm to 9cm in under an hour.  Water is the shiz.

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As for the non-technical day-to-day of things I'm feeling generally pretty bollocks.  Whilst I had an AMAZING weekend and lovely Monday, days have gotten less shiny over the last few days.  Things are generally more painful than they were last time, but I think that's mostly due to this baby being ridiculously active.  I have had to take pain relief to cope with the internal boxing this little one is doing in there just so I don't cry every night (super awake from 6pm - 9pm) and manage to get some rest.

While my hips have been better than last time, it's just at that point where I am very heavy, and that is naturally taking it's toll.  I woke up with numbness down one leg this morning - sounds bad, but it's just something that sometimes happens with hip displaysia so more annoying than anything.  I have physio tomorrow so hopefully that will sort things out a bit.

I do think we're coming into the home stretch.  After how bad things were yesterday Murray predicted we'll have a baby by Sunday.  I think that's pushing things a little.  But I do think it'll be some time in the next few weeks.  There are a few things happening now that feel very similar to during the week before Etta was born: excessive carbo loading, overactive bowel (probably just cos of the carbs), pubic bone pain so bad I sometimes can't walk, sore lower back and period like pains. And (different to last time as didn't get these), Braxton Hicks with any physical exertion ie: getting up.  And my freezer is tidy and has enough meals in it to survive at least a week.  These things are definitely sending me into an early state of Hermitage and making me envisage a baby on the not-so-distant horizon.

Luckily for me I have a lot of family support and have finished work.  I have someone helping look after Etta (or taking Etta away for a bit) every day besides Wednesday's and Thursday's - and there is always someone on call to help out those days if needed.  I want this baby to cook a little bit longer.  35 weeks is a fab achievement, but as I said above, I'd love to make 37 and get another crack at this natural water birth thing. 

So fingers crossed for a fairly average sized baby at next weeks scan!

*cos it's not that intrusive or difficult to get to (I go to a place literally 2km from my house), and if I am carrying a giant baby and it is going to increase risks in labour I do want to know.  Mostly because it's quite likely the baby will be posterior again (I found out this is also far more common if you are a short arse like me, and Etta was, and this one currently is) and that plus big = particularly hard times.  In saying that, I've just read multiple accounts of sizing scans being notoriously unreliable (like, out by up to 2 pounds unreliable).  So they're going to have to present me with some elephantastic type size before I go yeah yeah nah on the VBAC thing and yeah yeah yeah on the celebrity style C Section.

**Please know I do not judge women who choose these things - they just freak me out, so I don't want them.  And I have had an epidural as had to prior to the C Section and it was a total lifesaver in that instance.  But if I can avoid having one in future then I totally will!

Tips on working sole-charge when preggers

This is mostly just going to be applicable to those of you working in retail - or any customer service where you have to deal with random members of the public alone at various hours in varying states of disrepair (due to parasite/baby sucking all life from you so it can emerge a functional human and you can emerge a hollow husk of a human).

And while I do adhere to most of these tips (hence giving them), some of them are things I wish I were better at doing.  So this post also works as a reminder to myself as to what I should be doing cos pregnancy brain/tiredness/complacency often prevents me from doing basic smart people things.

1: Be Prepared.
This scouting/girl guide motto is basically useful for life.  Go Baden Powell!
If you have morning sickness it means ensuring you have things to help manage this - chips, dry crackers, water, ginger tea, anti nausea tablets - whatever works to help get you through.  Also, a bucket.  Just in case.  If you have regular food cravings, ensure that craved food is on hand so you don't go insane from the craving and run around screaming and pulling out your hair.  And consequently lose your job.  If you are like me and have hip displaysia or chronic back pain it means not forgetting to pack your brace (if not wearing it) and pain killers and to do exercises to aid the prevention of pain as often as possible whilst at work.

I also pack chocolate.  This, I consider a necessity.

2: Make Lists and Set Reminders
I get bad pregnancy brain.  Really bad.  This is attestable by Murray, my family and my boss (and previous boss).  Last time I was pregnant I locked the bathroom keys in the toilet not once, but at least four times.  This time, I have left my keys in our front door when rushing in and out before work.  My work key is on that key ring.  I couldn't get into work... (Murray kindly raced in and dropped my keys to me).  I have also mixed up my shifts and made things awful for everyone purely from missing simple things cos baby brain (both these things being things I have never done when not pregnant).

Anyway, because of this I write lists for everything both at home and at work, so I don't forget to do important things, and can also get a sense of achievement every time I cross something off.  So at work I have a 'jobs' list which is a list of things I want to achieve that day.  And at home I have what is usually a 'housework' list which also contains the activities we're doing that day, and any personal things I want to achieve.  And I put all my rostered shifts (and appointments) into my phone with a reminder that goes off that morning so I can't screw things up.  And while I can't write a list that will stop me doing dumb things, I can minimise what those dumb things are using lists and reminders.

3: Pee Whenever You Can.
This mostly applies to further along in pregnancy when your bladder space in being seriously impinged upon by pending sprog.  Sometimes in sole charge retail it's quiet and you can pee freely.  And sometimes it's not.  Sometimes you cannot pop out to take a slash for four or five hours - or even longer.  And what's worst about this is that you seldom know when this will happen.  So even if you don't need to go, if you haven't peed in about half an hour, take an opportunity to pee.  You never know if it will be the last for some time...

4: Eat Whenever You Can.
Obviously this isn't applicable to you if you feel like any food is going to make you spew.  But, if this is not you, and you are trying to practice the healthy pregnancy eating thing of small meals regularly - then do it.  Eat when you can.  I try to pack multiple small easy-to-eat snacks, and one 'proper' meal thing.  I may not eat everything.  I pack with the assumption that I'll eat what I need to, and it's better to pack too much then not enough.  A usual lunch or dinner consists of: a yoghurt, a couple of pieces of fruit, some nuts, leftovers that are easy to eat and a sweet treat to get me through (chocolate medicine).  If it's busy I can still easily shove half a banana or a handful of nuts or a piece of chocolate into my face-hole to get me through to a less busy time (or sometimes home time).

5: Rest As Much As You Can
Most workplaces understand pregnant women shouldn't be on their feet 24/7.  And if you are already a Mummy with chillen's underfoot at home it's a good time to take the opportunity to possibly sit on your arse for a change.  So you should have a chair nearby to sit down and rest when you can.  Because I am short I often kneel on a chair and type and do computer work if I'm feeling sore.  Or put the returns through whilst sitting (good to rest after bending down a lot to retrieve DVD's from returns box).  If your boss won't let you have a chair to rest on sometimes, they're an asshat.

6. Know Your Limits
If you can financially afford to, and are feeling balls a lot, try and limit the shifts you are on for - or limit/avoid the shifts that are usually busy (for me that's Friday/Saturday nights).  I know this is not always possible - but find out what is.  Small changes can make a big difference to how you feel.  And feeling better translates to doing your job better - so it's in your boss's/supervisors/managers best interest to aid you in this.  This also means knowing your limits on the job.  So if an hours vacuuming is too hard on your back - compromise and just do what you can.  Let your boss know.  There are usually other things you can do that are equally helpful.

7. Play To Your Strengths
As a direct follow on from the above - if aspects of your job are getting difficult or painful, or impacting on your general well being, offer to do more of what you are good at that doesn't hurt you.  I consider myself fairly fab at customer service, so continue to go the extra mile there.  And as the only 'Mum' at work, do all the random (but not too strenuous) cleaning and organising jobs around the store that no-one else seems to notice need doing.  There will always be plenty of things you are still great at, so even if you feel bad you can't do some things, try to focus on what you can do and do it well.

8. Accept Offers Of Help
This is the tip I am personally the worst at, and it applies to life in general regardless of how pregnant you are.  If someone offers to grab that thing off the low shelf for you to prevent you having to bend over - let them.  They will feel as uncomfortable as you will watching you attempt to do an uncomfortable thing.  There are still a lot of lovely, kind people out there - accepting their help recognises that it's good to help people and encourages more of it.  It doesn't mean you're a totally useless human being.  You're growing another person!  It's hard and important work!  It's building the next generation of people that may be kind and help other people out when they're in a jam (hopefully).*

9. Keep Safe
I always have to remind myself of this one.  In situations that are potentially dangerous I tend to forget that I'm pregnant and just act as I usually would.  Retrospectively, that's not smart.  A little earlier in my last pregnancy I triaged (airways/recovery position/checked pulse/called ambulance) a woman overdosing on the street outside of my work.  While the situation was fine (although frustrating as she came to and wouldn't wait for an ambulance which she desperately needed as was oxygen deprived and had an infected site wound), it may well not have been and I put my unborn child at risk.  There were other people around.  I could have asked for help (although in this case no one seemed to even have basic first aid skills but me).  While situations like that don't come up all the time, similarly unsafe things do happen, and I have to remind myself I should handle them differently and keep my person out of harms way.

Equally, keeping safe means paying attention to your body and health - if you are worried about baby's movement it shouldn't matter that you are at work and feel bad about leaving - call your midwife.  I ended up missing my last day of work last time around as went straight from the previous days shift to hospital and had to stay there.** It sucked.  I wanted to say goodbye to a lot of my regular customers who were coming in to see me, but I needed to be in hospital.  That's life.

If your trek to work from home is getting too tricky (if you bus/walk everywhere like me), see if you can change that route to cater better for your  health.  I now catch a more direct route home.  It comes later, so I get home later, but it cuts a 1.5 km walk through unlit streets down to a 0.5 km walk down the street I live on.  Much safer and easier on the hip.

10. Let Go
If you have a really patronising dick-of-a sales rep that is awful to you on a regular basis, now is the time to pregnancy rant at them and call them on their behavior.  The hormones made you do it!  Just don't mortally injure them and you should be ok.  If you think a certain way of doing something is ridiculous it may be a good time to bring it up with your boss.  Loudly.  It'll probably be good to have an alternative to offer at the same time though otherwise you'll just look like a dick.  Then cry.  Then apologise.  Scary pregnant women get things done!  If a customer tells you you are too pregnant to be at work you can probably tell them to go fuck themselves.  And besides, they were a jerk to you first.  If you want to cry at the trailers for some movie with puppies in it go for it - most people will leave you to your scary puppy cry.

It's probably not advisable to do all of these things in one shift at work.  Maybe just try one of them some time.  Only if you really feel like it.  Pregnancy may be one of the few times you can get away with not being the perfect people pleasing smileaholic required at all times at work because everyone knows pregnancy makes regular people mental.  Go on.  Yell at a stranger today.

* And, if you are far to the right of political things, we are also building the next generation of tax payers who will  pay for your retirement - which you may also deem to be of importance (if you are smart).  Parents are important ya'll!  Respect!

** I got a UTI and my contractions started at about 35 weeks.  It was painful and disconcerting, and there was a chance I would go into labour.  I didn't.  She stayed put for another week and a half.

On Pondering a VBAC*

So I had my obstetrician appointment on Tuesday and was overwhelmed by information.

Mostly because I'd been in this Hannah-daze where I just figured having a baby naturally was no big deal.  I hadn't researched it at all, cos I naively figured there was nothing to it.  I figured the hoohaa about VBAC was to do with ladies being traumatised by their emergency C Sections (fool!)  So although I am allowed a VBAC (yay?) I came away a little shell shocked by stats and rules and numbers.

The main scary stat being that 1 in 200 VBAC's end up in uterine rupture.  And that's just the stats if everything is straight forward.  That's not including the increased risks if:

1) You have to be induced
2) The baby is large
3) You fit into a high risk category (I tick at least two of the high risk boxes)

I don't want my uterus to rupture.  I had never considered this ever being something that could happen to me.  I've had enough experience with almost exploding organs to not be so keen on having that happen to anything else.  And sure, that's a 0.5% chance, but given how many times I've been the random 0.0054 something percent thing that goes wrong on so many occasions - I don't trust me to not be that 1/200 person.  There are many reasons why it's good to have a uterus, even if you don't need to use it any more.  Even as just a place marker, it's really important - trust me.  I'd really like to keep mine if possible please.

And then she told me all the 'rules' around VBAC:

1) You must go to hospital as soon as your waters break, or your contractions are a few minutes apart.
2) You must have a line in once you get there.
3) If I go over, I go Caesar (cos higher risk again)

They sound like small things, and they are very practical things but they also make me have to completely rethink how I plan to labour.  Cos line in generally means no water birth.  And, having previously experienced both, labouring in water is way easier than labouring outside of water.  And it's recommended you have an epidural to increase your chances of not ending up in an emergency C Section.  Fuck that.  I'm good with needles but I don't like them near my spine.  It's just one of my things.  That was the worst part of the C Section last time.  But it ups your chances of success (70%) by something like 10% because you are less stressed and comfortable.  And there's still a 30% chance of failure - so if you're that guy you have to get an emergency C Section after all that suck not-in-the-water style labour.  Suck.  Stupid damn stats!

I don't think I'm gonna go over though.  So I'm not too fussed about that.

Also - and this was actually interesting to learn - babies positioning is not always just random luck or not doing the right yoga all the time.  It can be affected by the shape of your uterus or other genetic factors.  Etta was posterior and face first which is why she got stuck.  I was also born face first (naturally).  My Mum was also born face first (naturally).  None of these labours were simple.  Grandma 'saw the white light' whilst having Mum, and Mum had massive problems in labour and post birth with me.  I was the lucky one having the C Section.  So it's totally possible this baby will try to come out face first too (but equally, it may not).

So after learning all this stuff, I can fully see why so many women opt for an elective Caesar following an emergency one.  WAY less complicated than VBAC.  You get given a date.  You can tell your family and friends and husbands boss.  You can find somewhere to store your toddler while you're in hospital.  You don't have any pain (usually) beforehand.  It heals much easier than an emergency C Section and you get handed a baby at the end like magic. Ta da! 

The downsides are you still have to recovery from a major surgery whilst looking after a newborn.   And it's major surgery, so there is always a risk involved.  Also, any future pregnancies must be delivered by C Section (cos uterine rupture stats increase again).  I don't want to have any more kids so not my problem, but still, something to sway other folks.  Also, just more scar tissue in your body, which is not really great.  Cos scar tissue complicates everything (like causing uterine rupture).  Also, more drugs for your baby (this had no impact on us last time, but something to consider).

What was also quite humorous was having this professional obstetrician lady stare at me and say - 'You look big.  I think your baby is big'.  I told her I've been measuring totally normally but she gave me that look like, no, there's no way.  So she measured me.  I'm measuring totally normal.  More normal than with Etta.  It's just an optical illusion.  I am a short arse (quite.  5th percentile).  I am carrying an average sized baby (50th percentile) ergo I look 'big'.  But I'm not big.  So shame on everyone.

In spite of saying in a recent post that I didn't care what size this baby is, apparently I should.  Because I had a C Section last time, and because of all the risk factors blah blah, I have to have a 'sizing' scan at 36 weeks.  Based on that scan if the baby's EBW (estimated birth weight) is 4kg or more (8lb 13oz) then I have to have a Caesar.  To be honest, I'm good with that.  Equally though, I doubt I'll make it to term.  I had a gut feeling last time and I have the same again.  I reckon I'll pop somewhere between 36 and 38 weeks.  I just have to wait and see.  Not long now...
                                                                                                                                                
                                                                                                                                                                      This is not big.  This is totally normal.  Shame.                                                                                        
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So I totally freaked out a bit after that appointment.  Subsequently I've asked other people (via my fab Mummies group) about their experiences with VBAC, and spoken to my awesome trainee midwife cousin about her thoughts on it.  And, of course, talked to Murray about it.  I haven't seen my Midwife yet, but I trust her to provide me with even more information and her thoughts and feelings on it cos she is awesome.

All of these things have been super helpful.  While I did hear some horror stories via my Mummies forum I expected and needed to hear these**.  And for the most part people were quite positive about their experiences.  My cousin is also in favour, but reiterated how important it was to make the right decision for me.  And that there was some flexibility within 'the rules' (very important to me).  I know for some women (via forum and general discussions) it's important to deliver naturally as they felt robbed of this with their initial C Section.  I don't.  I felt totally ok with what happened last time, so I don't feel any strong need to 'rectify' this the second time around.  However, I do like the idea of getting to know my new baby without having just had major surgery.  That would be pretty cool.***

The best thing is that no matter what I decide, I can change my mind at almost any time (probably not once I'm in labour).  So bearing that in mind, it seems most logical to me to choose VBAC (without the epidural thanks).  There's less pressure and stress having to book a Caesar than having to unbook one.  And in the meantime there are many resources to peruse to aid in my decision.  And hey, come 36 weeks they might find a whopper in there and the decision will be out of my hands.  And that'll be ok too.

* Vaginal Birth After C Section

** In a forum of almost 2500 women who (mostly) have been through labour, with stats of 1/200 there are gonna be some women who've had a uterine rupture.  And they will likely also be the people who are most likely to comment on a post about VBAC (cos that's hella traumatic).

*** Equally, secretly the planning part of me would love to have a date.  So convenient!  No labour planning required.  Just get up one day and go 'hey baby, I'm going to see you today' and have a lovely ride into hospital without being in contractions.  And Etta can go get an icecream with my Mum and then hey presto - there's the new baby!  She can come and meet it.  And I can dress nicely and look like celebrities do when they've just had a baby (rather than like someone who's just survived Texas Chainsaw Massacre).

On Getting Sick When Pregnant With A Toddler

You'd never guess I was in hospital just 13 hours before this was taken...

The pros of good (legal and ok for preggo) drugs plus pregnancy skin and hair.

This might sound like a lie but this is the first time I've been proper sick since Etta was born.  Despite all the kiddy bugs newly floating around our home, I've always seemed to be the one who is spared, or who only gets a little ill compared to everyone else.  Sure, I've had morning sickness, and I got acute sinusitis which was scary (cos blurred vision and sudden onset headaches) but only really set me back a few days.

I'm pretty sure it was The Curry.  My Midwife has other theories that we are testing currently* but the reaction was in normal food poisoning time of having et The Curry and the reaction I had was more violent than in a usual Tummy-Bug-From-Kid scenario.  Also, it's just been the spews (none of the poos) which leads me to think my body rejected and was irritated by it, but it didn't get very far through.  The Curry was eaten by Etta also (a small amount) and she didn't get sick, but when you are pregnant your body is less able to fight off bugs - so things that might not usually affect you, can.

Anyhoo, I didn't think anything was that amiss until I tried to go to bed last Wednesday night.  I felt all acid stomachy and blergh, so actually attempted to spew in order to sleep.  I am not good at making myself spew.  It was a pretty unimpressive effort.  I did eventually get to sleep, only to wake up around 2am to spew proper.  After some time I managed to keep some panadol down (the cramping was very sore) and slept a bit more, only to be horrendously ill again around 6am.  At this stage there was no food left, and I wasn't managing to keep fluids down.  So was a bit of a mess.

What I was most worried about at the time though, was that I was supposed to be minding my friend's son for the day (a few months older than Etta so a great day for them).  I deludedly thought I might still be ok to do so, but wanted to let them know the scenario.  So glad I did and they decided to keep him home.  An hour or so after that I was still throwing up fluids and incapable of looking after Etta.  Murray hadn't realised I had been sick all night (he is a good sleeper) so was initially grumpy when I said I felt ill.  Then after hearing some epic toilet runs he understood a bit better (he may also have had coffee by then), organised for his parents to have Etta for the day and went into work late so he could take her to them and make sure I was ok.

I am so thankful for that!  I know so many parents who do just have to truck on through.  I honestly think had I had to try I would have ended up in hospital with dehydration.  Thursday was awful, but I hoped I'd magically be better come Friday.

Cos I was hosting a Tupperware party... Basically, if I organise any sales based party, something will go wrong.  Last time I was also just post illness - turned out that illness was 'Surprise' pregnant - I found out I was pregnant on the day a bunch of people were coming to my house to look at Fuckerware.  Horrendous.  While I felt a bit better on Friday, and wasn't spewing (so decided the party was still on) I was completely wiped out.  My fab cousin Sara came and took Etta off my hands for an hour in the morning.  And Mum was due after Etta's nap to help get ready for the party and hang with us so I could rest then too.

The party was small and adequate and just family and over by 9.30pm (yay!)

And then Saturday I had work.
Because I hadn't been spewing for a bit (I was sick a bit after the Tupperware party, but that was because I thought I was ready to eat cheese.  I was not ready to eat cheese.  Cheese makes me do stupid things.  Like eat cheese.) I figured I was ok for work.  I was very tired (like, couldn't read a page of a book tired) but it was a six hour day shift which is not really that hard.

Before work I was quite sore, but figured it was just babies positioning (in a good position now and sometimes that hurts) and had Panadol so figured I'd be ok.  After an hour at work I realised it wasn't just babies position that was sore.  I was having a LOT of Braxton hicks, and wasn't sure if it was turning into contractions or not.  My boss popped in to pick up some bits and pieces so I told him what was going on, and not to freak out, and that if I needed to go home I would call him.  I also explained that (usually) labour was not like on TV and if I called him it didn't mean he needed to drive like a lunatic and learn how to deliver a baby on Youtube at the same time.  I'd probably be sweet for a bit longer.  And it probably wasn't labour.

I waited a few more hours and things weren't getting any better (but also not any worse).  So I called my Midwife just to check in and see what I should do**.  She said to go home, put my feet up, rest and monitor the contractions.  If they got any worse I would go into hospital for monitoring.  So I did that.  Resting did kinda help with the pain, but the Braxton Hicks did not go away.  And at 8pm, it felt more like contraction contractions despite having been laid up on the couch for some time, so I called back and we went into hospital for monitoring.***

And everything was fine.  Phew! I know I said last post I felt more comfortable at 32 weeks about having an actual baby, but 32 weeks is still way too early.  I definitely did not want to be in labour.  Basically, getting that food poisoning, or whatever has irritated my uterus and it is having a bitchfit.   That is all.  And while there was a little contraction action, it was nothing compared to when I went in with Etta with the UTI, so no indication of labour happening any time soon.  I just have to rest until things settle down a bit.

And we learned all sorts of cool stuff while we were in hospital:

1) There is this newfangled test of the cervix they can do to see how close you are to going into labour.  It is super uncomfortable (cos they have to get to your cervix somehow), but was very reassuring that I will NOT be going into labour any time soon (high five to unborn baby!)
2) Our baby is CRAZY ACTIVE.  I knew that, but I don't think anyone else (Murray) quite believed me as to how much so until they saw the monitoring results.  When the baby moves it makes a little black line on the chart thing like a ball point pen (chart thing also monitors uterine contractions and babies heart rate) - our baby made Posca pen size black marks.  While this one was quiet early on, I think it might give Etta a run for her money in the 'smash' department in the future.
3) One of our back up midwifes is lovely (mine was off on Saturday).
4) Waitakere has some new hospital beds in maternity that look kinda like mini spaceships.  They are super wide and extremely comfortable.  They are so new that the midwife wasn't sure quite how to do some things.  So cool!

Sunday was my in laws Renewal of Vows ceremony (kinda like a second marriage to celebrate being married for 40 years) so we hadn't told them we'd been in hospital the night before cos didn't want to stress them out.  We told them after the service, so they would understand why I went home early with Mum and Etta.  Sunday I was still having crazy Braxton Hicks and was totally sore and wiped out.  I was very glad the ceremony was at a former work place of mine, so that even though I felt totally awful, it was a comfy place for me to be.  Etta decided not to nap when we got home, so it wasn't as restful at home as I'd hoped, but Murray looked after her the whole time once he did get home, so I could rest.

And yesterday I had Etta by myself all day.  Basically, if I stood up or did anything remotely active I'd go into Braxton Hicks.  But the pain was gone and I had the first day where I felt I could eat proper food (I had a Popsicle Slushy for dinner Sunday night.  It was fantastic).  And Etta was pretty good. She seems to understand when I'm not doing that great and compensates.  We had a quiet, indoors day and she napped well and we watched WAY too much TV but sometimes that's ok.  Especially when you are sick and pregnant.

So yeah, that was my five days of epic sick.  Being pregnant with a toddler and sick sucks.  It is way harder than normal sick.  There is no way I would have come out of it so well without so much help and support from friends, family and neighbors.  I am sooo lucky.  On Saturday, I had a super awesome Ngaio lady drop me off some treats after hearing I wasn't doing so good (our man friends are also friends), and on Sunday arvo my Lucy brought me a brief visit with scratchies and cuddles.

What this has shown me is that basically, even if I'm not sick, it's probably time to slow down.  My life never seems like it's super busy until I look at it written down, and then realise that actually, sometimes it's kinda crazy.

* She is concerned it might be an adverse reaction to the iron injections I've been having, as was also within 48 hours of having had an iron stabby and I react badly/similarly to taking iron tablets and it is one of the more common side effects some women have with iron stabbies.  I had one yesterday so we're waiting to see if I start spewing again tomorrow.  If not, it was definitely The Curry.  If so, I have to stop having my stabbies which is suck because they are helping me breathe like a regular human which is infinitely better than not.

** Mostly cos I didn't want to be a dick, ignore things because it's probably nothing, then actually be in labour at 32 weeks and have left things too late for good medical intervention for a too early baby and have everything turn to shit.

*** We have the BEST neighbors in the world.  I called Mum to come down (in case it was real labour), but that still left about a 20 minute gap where we would be supposed to be at hospital, and she would still be in transit.  So Murray asked one of our lovely neighbors if she could just watch TV at our place and listen to the baby monitor.  She literally ran over (even though we told her it wasn't an emergency) in her pyjamas.  This is on a Saturday night may I add.  Somebody is getting a box of choccies the next time I'm out shopping!

 

On YAY! SEVEN MONTHS

So glad I only have two months to go!

Especially because folk at work keep commenting on how massive I am, so I've been telling them I'm seven months for the last few weeks, so they will be expecting me to go on leave soon...

The third trimester has started to get tougher.  But all of the tricky things feel as though they can be overcome, or at least managed so I don't go totally insane.  I had a great visit to my Midwife last week which helped massively because:

Check out The Lump (as nicknamed by autistic kid at work)     

1) This bubba is no longer breech.  Yay!  Thankyou for turning!  It was likely to happen as it was not regular breech but almost totally sideways.  While things are still uncomfortable it's nothing on being kicked in the groin constantly by pointy baby feet.

2) I am no longer measuring giant - actually, I'm completely average (despite everyone assuming the opposite - I'm just short with poor muscle tone DAMMIT!)  So no longer worried about the only really bad thing that could come of this if I were (excess amniotic fluid hurting babies brain) cos I got no pregnancy diabetes.  And anyway, giant babies shmiant babies.  Big is good (most of the time).  I'll take whatever size baby I've managed to grow and be happy.

3) I have (we think) a solution to my breathing problems which have been getting progressively scarier.  My stored iron has dropped significantly which effects how much oxygen I get.  The more I feel like I'm not getting enough oxygen the more claustrophobic and panicky I feel - which makes the breathing thing harder and compounds everything.  And this is (of course) exacerbated by the much smaller lung capacity due to having a baby living inside me.  So I've started on iron stabbies which should help with a few other problems I've been having.

4) Murray came too and we ended up in hilarious conversations about religion and philosophy and said a bunch of totally inappropriate stuff and were there for almost an hour and it was fun.  Best.  Midwife.  Ever.  I think she's just as black in her humor as we are, which makes her awesome.*

Time wise everything is starting to get busy.  Because my hips are a bit worse, between fortnightly physio, waterwalking, twice weekly stabbies, and midwife visits on top of our usual schedule it means busy times.  We will be relying fairly heavily on family support and are soooo lucky we can do so!

I also have my obstetrician appointment finally - followed by an anesthetist appointment.  I thought maybe this was just standard protocol - two birds one stone bookings wise as I shouldn't need to see an anesthetist unless I need a C Section.  But my Midwife said no, it's not standard (but could just be a staff screw up) so it's a bit weird.  Both my midwife and I still can't see any real reason why they'll tell me I need one - they prefer for us ladies not to have two in less than two years anyway, and Etta was only a Caesar because she got stuck.  There is no real reason I can think of why I can't deliver naturally.  I guess I'll learn the verdict on the 10th of March.  Fingers crossed for natural but hey, all I want is a healthy baby so I'll take that however it comes (touch wood for healthy baby).

Being pregnant, probably because of my anxiety, I get paranoid things will go wrong with the pregnancy.  So I haven't really felt that attachment to the foetus/baby you're supposed to feel. When I find out I'm knocked up, it's firstly all about making sure it's not ectopic so I don't hemorrhage to death.  Then it's all about making it to 12 weeks.  Then it's getting through the 20 week scan without any hiccups.  Then 24 weeks (cos more viable than 20 weeks if I go into labour early), then 28 because that's way better than 24 in terms of development.  I'm almost 32 weeks now - and that was my minimum for feeling like things would likely be ok (cos baby on average will be around 4 pounds, which is far less scary than 2 1/4 pounds at 28 weeks).  So high five to this baby!  Now hoping to make it to 35 and if I do that, maybe I can make 37.  Pretty much after that I'll be happy for the baby to exit whenever it deems fit**.

I know this may sound crazy or wrong to some people, but I'm just being honest - it's just basic self-preservation.  I don't want to get too attached to something that may not happen.  And things going wrong in pregnancy are commonplace, so I need to feel prepared to deal with that - this is how I do it.  And I can say from experience it hasn't made me feel less close to the kid once they're here.  It's because I am aware of my potential to love so much that I hold back until it feels safe.

So yeah, things are starting to suck physically a little more, but I'm finally at the point where I'm starting to consider this baby thing as a reality.  Now I'm starting to get excited about things - we're going to have another little person in our whanau - Etta will be a big sister!

I wonder what this one will be like?  All I can imagine is another little Etta, but I know there are so many possible variants.  Maybe it'll be a short fatty like me, and not a tall skinny like Murray and Etta.  Will it be stick more to statistical likelihoods and have brown eyes?  Will it have my Mum's dark hair?  Will it get my awful English ginger skin? Will it get all the family allergies from my side?  Or manage to avoid them?  Mostly, I just hope it will be as awesome as (but maybe will sleep better than) Etta.

* I accidentally made a dead baby joke and she didn't slap me or look traumatised.

** Except any time past 40 weeks.  40 weeks is definitely enough.  There will probably be murders after that point in time.  Multiple.  I may have to spend the rest of my pregnancy in an isolated shed somewhere if this one goes overdue.