On Kindness In The Face Of Coronavirus

As happens when there's a pandemic, much has changed in the very short time since my last post on coronavirus.  My position on this remains unchanged in that people need to remain calm for us to get through this intact.  What I want to reiterate in this post is how important it is to pay heed to what is required to flatten the curve and ensure we handle this more like South Korea than Italy.

Thank you Toby Morris

Why is it important to flatten the curve?

Because if we don't, frankly we'll see many unnecessary deaths.

The reality is that while we have protocols in place for this sort of thing, our hospitals just don't have the capacity to deal with this.  In all this craziness you may have forgotten that just last year we saw four times as many folk in Auckland visiting their GP's with flu-like symptoms (of which over 60% of cases were actually the flu).  In fact, last year Auckland ran out of flu vaccines.  What will happen this year if Covid-19 hits proper?  If there is a large, sudden influx into hospitals it will impact on all health care services.  So even if you (like me) are at low risk of dying from coronavirus, you may still be affected by the impact that coronavirus has on our health system.

Just because there are only 8 confirmed cases here does not mean we are out of the woods.  This is definitely an attitude I've heard from many.  Given it's just over two weeks since our first confirmed case, and the virus can present 14 days after contact it's very likely we'll see more soon.  And the reality is that most of the countries hit worst are in the Northern Hemisphere.  They are just coming out of their Winter.  Ours hasn't even started yet.  This isn't going to be over for us for quite some time.

We were due to head to Australia this week.           
While the kids were sad they miss out on Koala Breakfast,  
there are more important things at stake.              

And this is something new.  Whilst we have seen pandemics since pretty much forever, we haven't seen one like this in my lifetime.  Yes, there was the swine flu, but that was undeniably different.  The fatality rate for swine flu was 0.02%.  The fatality for coronavirus has crept up globally to 3 - 4%*.  So while it's not as deadly as measles, it is far more deadly than our last pandemic.  And with the world becoming progressively more global it has moved fast.  This virus has been confirmed in 140 countries and counting.  No-one was aware of coronavirus until the 31st of December 2019.  The first death from the illness was recorded in Wuhan on the 11th of January.  By the 13th of January, the first case outside of China was reported in Thailand.  By the 28th of February here, on the other side of the world, we had our first recorded case in New Zealand.  This has spread very, very quickly.

But not all countries have the same fatality rate.  In South Korea, the fatality rate on closed cases is 6%.  But over in Italy the closed case fatality rate is 44%.  That's a huge difference.  And the reason for this difference is that South Korea learned from their brush with MERS in 2015, took coronavirus seriously and had a plan in place for pandemics.  Italy did not have the infrastructure to deal with so many very sick people at once which is why the death rate leapt so suddenly.  Here in New Zealand our government is trying to emulate the plans set by countries like South Korea.  So while travel restrictions may be inconvenient, self-isolation daunting and the cancellation of public events a bit of a bummer, it is for good reason.  If we can avoid a 44% fatality rate** then surely it's worth it?

How does kindness come into this?

I've heard comments from many that they're not at risk.  It's just a flu.  It's no biggie.  And the thing is that for many of us, it won't be***  But that more than anything puts the onus on us.  To keep those less fortunate safe.  The elderly, those with compromised immunity and those newly pregnant.  This is a scary time for them.  Truly.  And while many of them will be self-isolating and putting strategies in place to manage, not everyone will be able to.  The reality is that  regardless of our health, we all need to eat.  I work with a number of people who are immune compromised and for most it's just not financially feasible to self-isolate.  And I work in an industry that deals with the general public.  There will also be many who may not know they are immune compromised; those in poverty who can't afford healthcare, those who are too busy to get things checked out.  Or those who are only just pregnant and haven't had a positive test yet.  I will be surprised if any one of us does not know at least one other person in this position.  These are the people who should be at the forefront of  how we choose to handle this.

It's also important to remember this will inadvertently affect those in poverty the most.  How can you self-isolate when you live with 11 other people?  How can you get tested for covid-19 when you have no car?  When you have no money to pay the doctors?  How can you keep your sick kids home from school when if you don't go to work there's no money to buy groceries?  And how can you keep up to date if you have no internet access?  If we are well and able we need to do our best to contain this virus before it hits those with less privilege than us.  Because they are the ones who will pay the most for our selfishness and stupidity.  And in truth, the ability to travel overseas shows a level of privilege.  A level of freedom.  And for those stuck in place by circumstance to be effected the worst by this just sucks.  Those of us with privilege need to support those with less.

I can't remember who it was, but someone said something along the lines of: 'act as if you have covid-19 rather than as if you are trying to avoid getting it.'  This is fantastic advice.  If we are sick, we work hard to avoid making others sick (well, most of us do).  Given many folk have tested positive that are asymptomatic, you could easily have this virus and not know it.  When I was 20 I had Epstein Barr virus with no symptoms for potentially weeks****.  And while I wasn't exactly kissing a bunch of people at that time, I'd hate to think how many people I may have given it to just through proximity.  There is no harm in acting with caution*****.

It's good to have enough basic food for two weeks

While there is no need to go to the lengths some have taken to prepare, it's probably a good idea to have enough food for two weeks in case you do need to self isolate.  However, if you don't it won't be the end of the world.  Close proximity is  'being within 2 meters of someone for more than 15 minutes'.  So if you don't need to self-isolate, shopping is still fine provided you don't chat whilst standing close for more than 15 minutes.  Taking the kids to the park is fine with the same addendum.  Going to the beach is fine.  And if you are self-isolating, having friends, whanau, supermarkets or delivery drivers drop things off to your home is also fine.

A friend (who is a Doctor among many other things) posted this fabulous, simple advice:

Things that work to reduce coronavirus spread:
- Washing hands and cough etiquette
- Social distancing, self isolation
- Looking after each other; especially the vulnerable
- Following official recommendations

I'm going to add to that:

- Try not to touch your face (it's hard! But I'm trying)

- Try to follow basic health measures to avoid the flu

- Get the flu injection. If we can cut down on flu cases this should have a flow on effect to hospitals which will make it easier for them to handle the impact from coronavirus. Even I'm doing this for the first time ever this year*****

- Don't be a selfish git.

This is a great opportunity for positive changes going forward in terms of self reliance and sustainability.  A great opportunity to learn and use new greetings.  Whilst things are uncertain it's important to focus on the positives.  And it's so, so important to think of others, and act with kindness.



* This is not based on closed cases - this includes open cases so may actually be much higher.

** It's also important to remember that deaths caused by a health systems inability to service people with non-coronavirus related issues are not included in these stats.

*** From a health perspective.  From a financial and lifestyle perspective, this will likely impact all of us in some way.

**** I had none of the standard symptoms besides extreme exhaustion.  I had been to the GP and while they checked my iron and B12, they never thought to test me for EBV.  It wasn't until I saw a homeopath who asked me a bunch of questions about my health that I was tested (she worked in conjunction with doctors and wrote a list of tests I should have).  Knock homeopathy/naturopathy all you like, but when they work in conjunction with medicine, just the act of actually listening, and asking questions to gain a holistic view can offer insight beyond what a GP on a tight schedule in a busy clinic is able to offer.

***** Unless you're using it as an excuse to hoard resources in which case there is much harm.  Panic buying puts unnecessary pressure on everything.  It's not helpful to anyone.

****** Not an anti-vaxxer, I just react to a LOT of medications so have some anxiety about having a jab that I know a lot of people have an adverse reaction to.

Why I Work in Retail

Recent positive results toward achieving living wage in this sector have highlighted the level of this industry's pay inequity.  This makes the questions about why I choose to do what I do seem more pertinent than ever.  I  know the pay sucks.  But my peers, not always.  And while I've answered this question countless times on countless occasions, nothing I say seems to quite capture why I choose to work in this notoriously low paid industry.

Fresh faced for Video Ezy

I have almost always worked in customer service or retail in some form or other.  At high school I worked in our local garden centre cafe.  At University, I worked in a call centre (this 'crap job' turned into my first 'real job').  Whilst at Unitec I worked in a winery and Indian restaurant, then afterward at a specialty art supplies store and video shop.  When the recession hit and the 'real job' I had fell apart, retail welcomed me back.  And when my store management job dissolved whilst I was on maternity leave, I returned to work for a previous employer in - you guessed it - retail.

Retail work has always been there for me.  Retail work has always been a safe place for me.

While no-one ever says it, there's a reason why I'm asked so often why I work in retail.  There's a snobbery around it.  An assumption that retail is not a proper job, and as an educated, intelligent person I should want more.  As if I'm some sort of oddity underselling myself.  But the reality is that I'm not an outlier.  Retail is full of educated, intelligent men and women*.  And we're expected to want more.  More challenges, more opportunity to progress our careers, more recognition and more money.  And while I would love, and certainly deserve more money for what I do**, the truth is that for me retail meets those other needs, and more.

Me, working retail whilst pregnant,
featured in an article in the NZ Herald.
This was rewarding, challenging retail work.

I am challenged in my job and learn new things every single day.  Working where, and as I do requires nothing if not versatility.  While my primary role is serving customers, doing this well requires a broad skill set.  Communication skills, computer skills, basic mathematics, problem solving and conflict management are just a few.  I never know one day to the next whether I will need to become an expert on the mechanics of vacuums or if I'll be building a shelving unit.  I never feel bored at work.

And I am recognised.  Not just by my managers and my peers***, as someone who works hard, but by those that I serve.  While in retail we are often faced with uncomfortable or confronting situations with customers, but the majority of the time we are faced with kindness.  I have been told 'God bless you.' twice in the past week.  I am thanked from the heart by strangers every day.

Beaks, the beloved TY toucan  

 

And in turn I have a job where I feel I can impact the lives of others.  Yes, my primary role is selling products, but the best way to do that is to forge real connections.  And this is what drives me in my work.  I've seen a kid literally jump with glee when I found the specific TY toy (which wasn't on the shop floor) she desperately wanted for her Mum's birthday.  I've given a young new Mum advice on how to manage her obvious mastitis without spending more than she had on one of our breast-pumps****.  I've shared my struggles around having a kid with sensory issues with other Mums in the same boat.  I use my position in retail to forge connections and help others feel less alone.

Because the truth is that even though often we are surrounded with people, many of us are lonely.  We live in a country where many people don't have family close by.  We live in a country where societal expectations often do not gel with who we are.  We also live in a country where prejudice is a real problem, and this further alienates those communities with less support.  Kindness and connection is an essential part of disrupting that prejudice. 

While I can post meme's on Facebook 10 times a day about kindness and compassion, really, it's just words.  And these words do not go far.  Not far beyond my circle of friends and family, not crossing barriers of language or poverty.  At work I can smile at every person I see.  I can empathise with others struggles.  I can show kindness by sharing something of myself to help others*****.  And when I encounter anger or prejudice I can do my best to dismantle it using calmness and kindness.  This costs me nothing, and gives me so much back in return.  And I get paid to do it.

*          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *         *          *          *         

A sparrow from my left-handed bird drawing series

The other side of this is that I have a job that I can leave at work.  I cannot do my work from home.  I seldom get home and worry about work.  And that's important because I need to be present for my kids.  And I want to be present to pursue my other work.  Having a creative practice is like having a second job.  Regardless of what form it takes, or how much money it makes, this is work.  And this work is always on my mind.  Whatever project I'm working on lives within me.  Having a job that I can leave at work gives me space to live my life as a creative and a Mum.

This not only gives me a great sense of joy, but allows me to share this equilibrium with our kids.  Etta knows you can be a Mum, and have a job and be a writer.  She knows you can have exhibitions at home and make money from your art.  And she knows you have to work hard to do these things.  Through my creative practice our kids see that things don't always work out how you'd like, that what's important is to keep trying.  Sometimes Mum gets published, sometimes she doesn't.  But she keeps working, and trying to be better at doing what she loves.  And it shows them that while they are my world, my world is more than them.  And this makes their worlds bigger too.
    

I've always wanted to be on a game show!             
So glad we could show our kids our dreams can become a reality.

And working retail gives me time.  Part time, stable jobs that can work around having kids are difficult to come by.  Unless you work retail.  Here, I am blessed with a job that allows me to participate in the world and contribute to home finances, without compromising my need to be home.  And because I work so close to home, and in an understanding team (many of whom are also parents) if something goes wrong with the kids I can be there for them.

I know this is not possible for all working Mum's, and I am thankful to be in the position where I can have some flexibility.  As someone with diagnosed health, and mental health issues I need that time.  While I am a high functioning anxious person with endometriosis and adenomyosis, I am functional because have a lot of downtime.  I need adequate rest to manage my pain levels.  I need adequate rest to calm my busy brain.  And I need to be functional not just for my family, but for myself.

Because I've got shit to do!  I've got plans.  And while some of those plans involve creative ventures, and forging connection with others, another part of that is positive role-modeling for our kids.  I don't want them to believe that life is purely about work.  That amassing wealth is what they should strive for.  I want them to see the world is full of possibilities.  And if I can show them I can realise my dreams, this gives them the capacity to believe in their own potential to do so.

And this is made possible for me because I have flexibility in my work.  Because I work where I do.  And my job allows me to model the most important thing of all.  As Abby would say (it's Kindy's current whakatauki): Manaaki ki te katoa - Be kind to all.

Makyla Curtis, Renee Liang and me - the production team from The Kitchen

* But mostly women.

** I believe everyone deserves The Living Wage.  I am excited about the changes union action is bringing to the retail sector.

*** I cannot stress enough that not all retail work is amazing and flexible.  I have been very lucky in this respect.  I have managed to work for, and with amazing people, and my current work is no different.  The reason I am happy staying where I am, in spite of the pay is because of the team I work with.  Our managers lead by example.  Our merchandisers work their butts off (quite literally.  Lifting microwaves and boxes of sheets and plates and racks of clothing is not light work).  Our sales assistants are mostly like me - they care about people.  Their drivers for work, I suspect, are not so different from mine.  Our store is diverse which not only makes me lucky in the shared lunches department, but in learning about different cultures.  I work in a place where, for the most part, I feel appreciated and loved.  And I know this is not something that happens in every workplace.

**** Hand- expressing in a hot shower (she didn't even know you could hand-express), cabbage leaves, and if she has a temp get straight to her GP.

***** And I can merchandise the dolls section so that it's more reflective of the community I live in (more curvy, POC dolls in the front, less blonde barbies)