On toddlers and gender

 

      

Christmas box fun 

So, obviously from previous posts this is something I'm passionate about so it's something I'm generally hyper aware of.  I am that annoying person who cringes when strangers make positive comments about the joys of having daughters and who dresses her child like (as said by another stranger) a 'Dad' would ie: in whatever is handy and comfortable regardless of colour or gotogetherableness.*

And while I have strong ideas about gender, I also have strong ideas about Etta developing her own sense of self.  So from as long as she's been able to make decisions for herself, I let her 'choose' her own clothing when shopping.  Within reason, of course - no crazy baby label stuff for instance (easily solved by never venturing past these stores front doors), or giant adult sunglasses she's nabbed off the stand.  What this means is that if she needs new shorts, I find appropriate options and give her colour/pattern choices.  She always has a preference.  Currently she favours imagery she knows (owls, robots etc) and prints in bright colours (predominantly yellow, navy and pink).

At 19 months, Etta still doesn't wear dresses.  This is because Etta is just learning to walk now, and what is most important to us as parents, is not to impair her physical progress unnecessarily (especially with arriving at the walking party a little late).  Dresses (besides the very very short ones) impair her ability to crawl and move, and at this age exploring the world around her is super important.  And at this stage she does not care.  While she is starting to establish her own ideas around gender, she doesn't have notions of 'boys' and 'girls' clothing.  Yet.

What she has established is that women are 'Mummies' and men are 'Daddies'.  This, rather than their function, is their gender.  She will point to women on the street, on TV or in books and say 'Mummy', and does the same with the 'Daddies' she spots.  While this is disconcerting for our friends (many of whom are not yet functional Mummies or Daddies), I am not yet discouraging her from doing this.  Mostly because she's using logic to understand the world around her, and I want her to feel confident to continue doing this.

 And in Etta's reasoning, all children are still 'bubbas'.  While shop mannequins are 'Mummies' and some cartoon characters are 'Daddies', all children are 'bubbas' and do not have a gender.  I'm guessing for Etta gender pertains to adult traits of men and women (voice, boobs, facial hair etc).  I am still trying to work out how she can tell the gender of things - while in cartoons it's easy (bow/colour/eyelashes), with headless mannequins dressed in fashionable old lady pants it's more difficult.  In fact, womens/mens fashion doesn't seem to come into Etta's understanding of 'Mummies' and 'Daddies' - For instance Ellen DeGeneres is still a 'Mummy'.  She rarely gets it wrong (although Sam from Green Eggs and Ham is randomly a 'Mummy' which may well be true as Sam's gender is not defined - yay Dr Seuss!)

Seeing first hand that children have independent thought about gender and gender roles from such an early age helps me feel more confident in my decisions.  I am so glad we have done our best to establish balanced ideas about gender for her from day one.  And we're really not that hardcore about this**.  For us, it just means ensuring her toys aren't overly sexualised (as so many dolls these days are), her clothing is practical and comfortable (ie: not used to objectify her), she has a wide range of (inexpensive) toys to play with, and we reaffirm good qualities in her person other than being beautiful, nice or 'cute'.  And we try not to make assumptions of her abilities or chosen methods of play based on her gender, or at least, not to verbalise these in front of her. 

Because as we knew, external sources (marketing) will do/are doing their very best to convince her of their own agenda around gender (which is done solely for their own benefit, not societies, trust me).  Children of either gender do not need pink tutus or kiddy lipgloss or lessons on how shopping will make you fulfilled (seriously, Shopkins are an actual product).  All they need is the basics - unconditional love, shelter, food, stability (where possible) and fun - all of which can be fulfilled in simple clothing with a ball, bubbles a balloon and a box.  And marketing will ensure that at some point they are likely to 'realise' for themselves that they need more than the basics, so I reckon keeping it simple while it's easy to do so is just sensible.

As I've said in previous posts I know I can't shelter Etta from the outside world, and I really don't try.  What I try to do instead is educate and support her the best way I know how whilst encouraging her own ideas and preferences (currently it's The Moe Show, baths, bubbles, dolly, drawing and cars).  I cherish this time with her where I am not battling peer pressure, marketing and other parents notions of gender to provide equal opportunities for her.  I am grateful I can dress her like a 'Dad' would and she doesn't hate me for it.

*Hence, the 'unrevealing' of the gender of our current child-to-be.

** We haven't taken all 'gendered' books off our shelves, or redrawn characters to be different genders, or banned the colour pink, or stopped using gendered terms, or banned TV, or avoided malls, or yelled at family members for their inappropriately gendered Christmas gifts.

On Pregnancy Round 2: FIGHT

To be honest, this is actually Round 6 - but it's only the 2nd round which will (hopefully) result in a child and that has ventured into the 2nd trimester.*

I wanted to write about this mostly because I need to let people know that in some ways it's not as bad the second time around.  For me, this is mostly to do with knowing what to expect rather than being asymptomatic.  I'm also more hard skinned, so when people make weird/rude comments (which has JUST started happening cos I've just started dressing so you can see that I'm pregnant cos it's getting hard not too) I don't dissolve into a pool of tears or anarchic rage.

This is also in big part because this time around I am medicated.  Because it's not super safe to start (or finish) anxiety meds during pregnancy I have remained on the ones that I went back onto a while ago.  The meds I'm on are the ones considered most pregnancy safe anyway so it's fairly safe as houses.  These definitely have helped mitigate the massive highs and lows you get via the hormones in pregnancy and, as a whole have ensured this whole unplanned pregnancy thing hasn't sent me off the rails.

Yes, I have had worse morning sickness this time (proper random spewing until about 14 weeks) and I have rosacia, blood noses, bleeding gums, gross discharge in the lady parts and the worst one of all - hip displaysia - but I was expecting these things so it's way less freaky this time.  Particularly regarding the hip displaysia stuff - because I pretty much knew it was coming I have been able to do the things I learned last time around to help mitigate it.  Regular swimming, water walking, specific exercises from physio and general awareness of what makes it worse means I think (hopefully) I'll cope with it better this time around.

And because I already have a little midget to run around at home, it's difficult to actually have the same focus on myself that I had last time - I have no time.  I'm lucky if I can get a shower most days (ahhhh, shower) let alone take time to wonder about how fat I am and how that compares with so-and-so etc etc.  Having been in an almost continuous state of exhaustion means the exhaustion from being pregnant is just absorbed into the regular exhaustion, so I don't feel it as severely as last time. 

And because I already have a small person that is still alive 18 months on, I have more faith than last time that I can do this baby thing ok.  I know how to change nappies now, how to breastfeed and how to dress small people.  Last time I was totally inexperienced in these areas.  My only hope is that I can breastfeed this one also, as I have never bottle fed before and have no idea how to do it.  I also hope Etta weans soon so I have enough strength/iron/energy to do this.

AND because I just did this a little while ago, we don't have to go to those awful antenatal classes that I-do-think-are-a-good-idea-the-first-time-round-but-totally-unnecessary-for-subsequent-rounds.  I knew we would have problems when at the first class she said 'Women have been doing this since back when dinosaurs walked the earth.'

Really?
How in the hell are you qualified to teach anyone anything?
So glad I never have to see that woman again.

Still, I learned about lip ties and what Vitamin K does, and delayed cord clamping and what a lotus birth is, and that was (mostly) very useful.  Unfortunately though, because of how they make you go to these things closeish to when you're due, I missed a third of the classes (the labour videos and the practical baby stuff - you know, the most important stuff) because I was in hospital, or early labour, which made me feel the system is a little impractical.

Rant over.

And also being (mostly) a stay at home Mum I can do something I couldn't do the last time around - nap.  Of course, these are offset a little by having to get up in the night to settle Etta, but this is becoming less and less of a thing these days as she has started fairly regularly (touch wood) sleeping through.  I am only blogging and not napping right now cos I have a bonus child asleep in my room - there is generally more sleeping and less blogging happening in these parts at the moment.

My only major concerns at this stage are being physically capable of looking after Etta when I get bigger and (possibly) less mobile.  She still isn't walking.  And while she has taken a couple of steps by herself I am under no illusion that this means she will suddenly be mobile enough that I don't have to carry her any more.  It is times like this I feel maybe I should have spent more time working on learning how to use the force, and maybe less time looking at cats on the internet.

We also have nowhere to properly house baby-to-be, which is why it has been nicknamed 'Harry' by my family - as in, it will sleep in the cupboard under the stairs.  We don't have one of those, but we do have a storage shed, which will be just as roomy.  But I figure it'll be in our room for the first five or six months, and I can work the rest out after that.  Sometimes (often) problems resolve themselves.  Maybe Etta will become an awesome sleeper and can share a room.  Maybe I'll win $10,000 on a scratchie and we can renovate our bathroom to make another office, and turn our existing office into another room.  Maybe we'll become a traveling family band and live in a caravan.  Only time will tell.

In saying all this, it doesn't mean I am placated enough that we will make it three.  We will be taking some serious precautions to ensure that two is the max as soon as is reasonably possible.  Truly.  The other awesome thing about this surprise pregnancy is that now I never, ever have to think about doing it again.

* Two terminations, two ectopics, no regrets.  I am ridiculously fertile (just ask Fertility Associates).

On being a 'working' Mum right now

This last month I've had to suck it up and work more than usual.  First my boss went away on holiday, then one of our other staff got a temporary job which needed her shifts filled for the next six weeks.  And then a colleague had a family tragedy.  So I've worked every weekend day (until last Saturday) for the last month.

I'm not complaining.  It was hard cos we didn't get very much family time, but it was good.  I wouldn't want to do it all the time, and it really helps me appreciate the  Mummies who work full time (even though I wasn't even working close to full time!)

We are in the lucky position that if I really didn't want to work, I kinda wouldn't have to.  We could financially survive.  It would be tough, we'd have a lot less flexibility and savings and more stress, but it is feasible.  The main reason I do work (besides bonus $ and free movies) is because working keeps me sane. 

Work gives me a break from being at home and being 'Mum' and helps me maintain my independence.  I am lucky in that I have the perfect job for me right now.  Sure, the pay is not great, but because of where we're at financially that's ok.  I currently have no brain and have other priorities, so for me what people consider a 'career' type job is not ideal right now.  I love having a simple job doing something I enjoy working for someone I like and respect.  I love working where I get to talk to a wide array of people.  I love working part time.  I think working full time would do the opposite of keeping me sane. 

Me working is good for Etta too.  She's very much a Mummy's girl, so it's really important that she has time away from me so she knows (and we know) she can cope without me.  We are in the lucky position where we don't have to pay for childcare.  I usually work nights and weekends so Murray looks after her and during the transition period between me leaving and Murray arriving home either my Mum or Murray's mum looks after her.  It means Etta has good bonding time with her Dad and her Grandparents.

I usually only work about 11 or 12 hours a week.  I am actually only rostered for 6 (Sunday's) but pick up an extra shift most weeks.  This last month though I've worked 3 - 4 shifts (18 to 24 hours) a week.  This was harder for everyone.  This was mostly due to being rostered three days in a row (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) which made Etta pretty upset.  For a while every time anyone came over, or if Murray was home at a different time to usual, she'd scream the house down because she thought I was leaving her at home with them.  Not fun.  And it initially affected her sleep (cos she was trying to catch up on Mummy time) which was even less fun.  But the pro of having done this is now she's kinda ok with it.

And me working means (hopefully) that she won't grow up thinking that Daddy's go to work while Mummy's stay home and look after the house... I really hope she doesn't.  We follow the 'traditional' way of doing things because Murray earns more than me and it would be illogical not to.  We would not have the same flexibility as a family if we reversed the situation.  Not at this point in time anyway.

The other pro with working so much recently is that the sucky end of the first trimester went really fast.  Despite having pregnancy hives, morning sickness and being a regular Mum-of-a-not-sleeping-through-much small person I had to hold things together and smile and be happy at work, which helped me actually feel better.  And in all honesty anything that makes pregnancy go faster is a pro in my book.  I hate being pregnant.  It's just a means to an end.  Only 5 months to go (or less if this one is as impatient as Etta was).

And the final pro is that it's upped my average hours for PPL.  So that's awesome.  Getting paid slightly more to be a Mum is always good.  Mum's work their arses off.  Everyone should give them money.

I have the utmost admiration for those Mummies that have to (or want to) work full time.  I'm sure I could do it if I absolutely had to, but I really, really, really would prefer not to.  Sure, we did some planning, but plans are just that - plans.  They don't always work out (I have a pretty big baby bump that can attest to that) and you've just gotta keep on trucking no matter what.  I love my job, but I also love spending so much time with Etta.  I am so grateful I get to do both as I choose.

And I'm grateful that (hopefully) the work insanity is starting to die down - so maybe I can spend some time with Murray too.

On my movie man crushes

So I've found myself (I think) with some time to do this (possibly, child playing quietly in other room - could be fine, could be destroying everything) but have not really enough brain to write anything intelligible.

So thought I'd write about my ten movie man crushes.

This is only because I was having a conversation with my favourite customer couple about films and we ended up randomly discussing Buffy Buff Buff* and why he wasn't my type.  And I said Jonah Hill was great, cos he's hilarious and we were talking about the Jump Street movies and the man wouldn't believe me cos all ladies like dudes like Matthew McCoughenanny.  But I don't.  So then I got to thinking about who I did like.

It was hard.  Because I really like and admire a lot of actors, but have had to really think about whether I've ever kind of crushed on them, and whether I still do (So long Carey Elwes and Harrison Ford). 

How I define crush is someone you have (or can see yourself having) romantic fantasies about.  You have to understand this is not a 'bang' list like on that episode of Friends.  A crush is a romantic fantasy.  Therefore doing anything about it is crazy cos it will completely ruin the fantasy.  A fantasy lover and a real lover are very different and reality probably can never live up to the fantasy so it's best to keep it that way.  Plus I'm all monogamous and far too lazy for such shenanigans. 

So here's the list I've ummed and ahhed over for the last few days.  Judge me how you will.

#6 Patrick Fugit
I first fell for this guy when I saw him in Almost Famous.  I mean, how could you not?  He was a nerd thrown into the world of cool kids and managed to float.  Initially because of the novelty, but he held his own in the end.  Now he wouldn't be on this list if it were just that one movie in my formative years.  I fell in love with him again in Wristcutters: A Love Story.  Again, someone out of place trying his best to follow love.  But this seems to work for Fugit.  I don't know why I like him so much.  He isn't exactly a hero or even an anti-hero.  He's a quiet guy.  But there's just something about him (maybe those squishy cheeks and chin dimple) that endears him to me.  I had actually taken him off my list, but was too sad about it hence why this list consists randomly of six.

In Wristcutters.  If you are yet to see this film I recommend you do.  Stat!

#5 Evan Peters
So yep.  This guy is seven years younger than me.  And I'm not usually the Pedo-Cougar type, but Evan Peters is a special case.  Probably a bit messed up that the first time I took any real interest in him he was playing a 14 year old dead guy murderer but hey, I'm being honest here.  His character in American Horror Story was fantastic.  And in his time, he would have been a completely age appropriate crush, a bit older than me even.  Maybe that's where it comes from - he's like a dark alt kid of the 90's teen crush.  And then I saw him in the second season.  Man that dude can act!  This character was (somehow) less crush worthy (though much more admirable), but the dearth of his acting skills made me respect him even more.  Which made having an actual crush viable (I can't crush on dumb dudes).  Recently, I saw him in Adult World where he again was humorous and a bit quiet, but undeniably magnetic and meant for a world of screen.  Also: Kickass.  That is all.

As Kit Walker in AHS Season 2.  Best TV Series EVER

#4 Zachary Quinto                                                                                                       He's just so dark and broody

When I first saw this guy as Sylar in Heroes I wasn't overwhelmed by him - until he got super evil that was!  He has weird hot bad guy sexy written all over him like David Bowie in the Labyrinth (childhood crush).  Somehow for me he even managed to make Spock slightly sexy in the new Star Trek films whilst still being a very convincing Spock.  That's no mean feat. 

And he too features in American Horror Story which means he MUST be awesome.  He's just so dark and brooding.  And again he gets to be super intelligent and, simultaneously, super messed up evil guy.  He is the bad guy that make you question bad dreams.  Kinda like a hotter, younger Italian evil version of Javier Bardem.  And he's a fantastic bad guy.  Did I mention how good he is as a bad guy?  You gotta love a good bad guy.

#3 Alan Rickman
Which is a perfect lead into #3.  This is one of those weird childhood crushes that has lingered.  Ever since I first saw Robin Hood Prince of Thieves I have been hooked on this man.  And trust me, I watched that movie a LOT.  Yeah, other people are cool and there's a very hot Christian Slater in it, and some people  like Costner (I don't get it) but that bad ol' Sheriff of Nottingham is what really got me.  When I thought about this list I took into account whether I could imagine myself actually feeling sexy with this person - this is why Bill Murray is not on the list.  I LOVE Bill Murray.  But the idea of sex with Bill Murray is just hilarious to me.  Not at all hot.  Just awkward and weird and funny.  But Alan Rickman is a whole different story.  And it doesn't matter that he's old.  He's still got that same Rickman charm, and it hasn't been destroyed by bad shirtless scenes like Harrison Ford's was in Six Days Seven Nights.  Alan Rickman is still that funny charmer I first fell in love with in Robin Hood.  And he was a fantastic bad guy in Die Hard, and the Harry Potter series.  And he's a great actor even when he's not being all that bad.  Like in Love Actually, Perfume, Nobel Son, Bottle Shock and Sweeny Todd.  He's just brilliant.

Oh Sheriff Rottingham!  How I love your tashe

#2 Stephen Fry
It took me a while to decide whether to include Steven Fry.  Because of the Bill Murray thing.  But my imagination realised that Steven Fry is definitely a naughty boy (I've read his biographies) and could be included in my list.  I arrived at Fry later than many (I only have vague memories of Blackadder).  It wasn't until I started watching QI with my ex that I discovered his genius and just wanted to exist in the shadow of his greatness - even in the glow of the TV projecting his QI omnipotence.  He's got the Professor-I-Want-To-Impress thing going for him.  He's a dirty mouthed toff.  He is a published novelist.  He went to a boys school.  He's a fantastic gay man.  What's not to like?  What's not super sexy about that?  And I've enjoyed him in bit parts in movies most notably Spiceworld, St Trinians and as the narrator from The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

How can you not love that quirky grin?

#1 John Cusack

This crush dates to High Fidelity and I have never questioned it, or it's place on the list.  Yes he is a tall, awkward, gawky man.  But there's just something special about John Cusack.  I've still never seen Say Anything so I never got the weird teen crush thing.** I got the very-early-20's-you-are-blowing-my-mind-with-your-honesty-and-bleakness-and-lists crush that came with meeting John Cusack's Rob - even though he was a bit of a douchebag.  He was a 'real' douchebag.  He was honest and brilliant and real.  It wasn't long before this I'd seen Being John Malkovich, and while I didn't fall in love with him in this film (or anyone else for that matter) I appreciated what he did.  And I appreciated him being in that film.  It was brilliant.  I saw it in my first year at Uni and it excited my brain.  And War Inc - another brilliant film including Mr Cusack.  If you haven't seen it yet you must remedy that soon.  And most recently, Adult World, in which he plays Rat Billings a once famous poet who now compiles crap poetry anthologies and is idolised by an early 20's just-post-uni lost nerd girl (which also features crush #5 Evan Peters).  I can remember being that girl.  And I did crush on him (Cusack, not Billings) then as I do now.  I mean, he's what inspired this list.

Number 1 Mr Cusack.  What a dreamboat!

* otherwise known as Channing Tatum
** Besides which I still don't understand our generations crush on teen movie things from the 80's.  The oldest I was in the 80's was 9.  If you are 3+ years older than me than maybe, but I never saw Pretty in Pink, The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles or Fast Times until I was in my 20's.  Weird Science and films of that ilk don't really count.  They're almost kids movies.  I was a kid.  I watched Weird Science.

Surprise! Another parasite

Standard foetus pic with duck coming out of stomach

So if the most recent post you've read was this one, you will be thinking one of two things:
1) I had this planned out all along
2) HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

If you were thinking 2, you'd be correct.  We weren't secretly planning on getting pregnant and posting that post as subterfuge.  This is what actually happened:

My Dr (ages ago) put me on a minipill called Noriday because it's a low progesterone pill and I'd been curious about the progesterone implant (Jadelle) but had some concerns about side effects (because of my mental health history).  I half arsedly took it a bit, then realised I wasn't having enough sex to really necessitate being on the pill, so we used condoms for a bit.

Then I started having very bad pain with ovulation which I'd read could be aided with going on the pill - so I went onto Noriday properly.  Noriday made me bleed lightly ALL THE TIME and I didn't get periods and I totally hate that as not getting periods makes me paranoid I'm harbouring a DEATH BABY so I was taking a million pregnancy tests to rule that out in case the pill had failed and it was awful.  Cos I also bled ALL THE TIME.

After three months of this (tried for a bit in case it balanced itself out, but it didn't) I went to the Dr and had a different non-progesterone pill prescribed.  I was now a little terrified of what a progesterone implant might do to me long term, so figured that another pill was the solution to my ovulation pain whilst ensuring I didn't get knocked up in the process.

There was a tiny one week window in which I could have gotten knocked up in... We didn't use protection cos we're idiots but also:
1) I only have one fallopian tube so assumed conception more tricky than regular folks
2) I had JUST come off a pill.

So trust me, this wasn't planned.

And it came as a bit of a shock when we did find out we were pregnant.

Etta had the most horrible tummy bug she'd ever had (pretty sure it was rotovirus) and was super ill. Later that week I also had nausea and vomiting and called in sick to work.  Then a few days later Murray got the bug.  After he had it, I realised I couldn't have had the thing that they'd had as they were wayyyy sicker than me and had uncontrollable projectile vomit (which I hadn't).  I was then just finishing the first cycle of my new pill, and my period was overdue by a couple of days.  So I took a test just in case.  It was positively a baby bug that made me so ill.

I found out the day that I was hosting a bunch of people at our place for a birthday sexy party.  Oh that was a hideous time to find out!  I was soooo glad Murray and I had discussed what would happen if (this scenario) before so at least we were on the same page, but I just wanted to cry when I called him at work to tell him.  I was most terrified of telling my mother in law as new date-wise we'd be due very close to when we were supposed to be on a long planned big family holiday in Rarotonga and hormones and everything made things a bit blagh.  And I felt ill, and had to tidy, and had to make party and pretend everything was ok.

Vibrating implements + awesome friends: Kept me from crying on crazy day

When really everything was going to change.  Again.

As always our first port of call was to establish that everything was ok so I didn't die of exploding Fallopiantubeitis (ectopic pregnancy).  So once we confirms the pregnancy at the Drs via another pee test we went to a scan the following day.

And everything was fine (besides being exactly the right amount of pregnant to ruin the trip to Raro completely).  So not only did we manage to get pregnant straight after coming off the pill by hardly having had any sex, but the pregnancy was also totally fine and healthy.  Given my history and my one remaining tube, this was pretty amazing stuff.  So we figure like Etta surviving surgery as a tiny embryo, this little dude is canny, resilient and meant to be.

No evil twins lurking in the ovarian area (or cysts even!)

So although we haven't figured out the big questions like where the baby will live (in a cupboard at this stage) or how will a pram for two under two work (considering this puppy if Etta's walking by then cos I love my swift and don't want a double buggy), we have worked out we are excited about this little surprise baby. 

Hell, we don't have to worry about whether or not to have another baby now.
Big question answered*. 
But oh, how pregnancy sucks!

*Ellen was right.

On Video Shop Ettiquette

A pic from back in the day - look how skinny!

I've been pondering on this post for some time now and keep forgetting to use my tiny time windows to write it!  Given my life outside the house (still) working in an ever more obsolete industry, I thought I'd share some observations of the 'dos and do nots' of video rental customers:

DO read the signs or ask a Retail Assistant what to do when wanting to sign up for a Video Shop membership.

DO NOT get a whole pile of DVDs, put them on the counter, ask to sign up then throw a hissy fit because you don't have the right ID.  Us asking for a form of valid photo ID and proof of current address is not Naziism.  Me not signing you up because you do not have this is me doing my job properly, not me being a bitch.  It's pretty standard.  You look like a jackass throwing an adult tantrum in a public place.

DO return DVD's into the 'Returns' slot which is usually located right in front of you when you walk in the door.  Pretty easy really.

DO NOT place DVD's randomly over the counter, on the counter or any other random place that is not the 'Returns' slot.  We ask this for your own good. When you don't return DVD's properly they can easily be taken by any random person who happens to be around as we have more jobs than just watching the general returns area like a hawk.  If this happens, the DVD's remain on your account as they will not yet have been returned through the computer system which will cause you problems, and you may end up having to pay for said incorrectly returned DVD's.


DO rent a Bluray disc if you have a PS3, PS4 or Bluray player.  DO ask what Bluray is if you don't know.

DO NOT rent a Bluray disc if you don't.  It is quite likely you won't be able to play it.  We will swap it for a regular disc no problem, but it's just wasted everyone a bunch of time.

DO ask a Retail Assistant for recommendations if you are stuck for ideas.  DO let us know what genres you most enjoy, and what some of your favorite movies are. 

DO NOT expect that the Retail Assistant will have exactly the same taste in movies as you... But DO feel free to give us feedback (without swears)

DO NOT get angry that we don't have a specific movie that hasn't been released at cinemas yet in New Zealand.  It is not our fault you are so up with the play.  Equally, DO NOT get angry at your Retail Assistant if they don't know what this movie is.  It hasn't been released yet.  We are not the knowers of all things.

If you have brought up the wrong case and there is another customer at the counter when you return, DO wait patiently until they are served.  It is not their fault you brought up the wrong case.

DO NOT step in front of them like the Shop Assistants only job is to service your every whim and all others are your lessers and must bow to your greatness.


DO bring ID with you if you want to rent anything more than an R16 and are either young, or suffer from 'baby face'.

DO NOT get mad if you don't have ID and can't rent the movie you'd like to.  Even if you're of age.  Most of us don't have a spare $10,000 lying around if you aren't and we get caught, so most of us won't take that risk just because you're sad.

DO NOT rent movies with subtitles if you don't like reading.
DO NOT rent festival films if you want a plot resolution.
DO NOT rent R18 Contains Sexual Violence warninged films if you don't want to see sexual violence.

DO compliment your Video Shop Assistant when they give you great service.

DO NOT treat your Video Shop Assistant like a retard.  Not all retail workers are all idiots.  Most retail workers (especially in video shops) have other occupations or time sucking hobbies away from work.  Or genuine world take over plans.  And even if they don't, retail is a valid occupation that requires skill.  Some of these skills include (but are not limited to):

Cash handling - maths and stuff
Literacy skills - alphabetising etc
Product knowledge - self explanatory
Research skills - we can't know everything but we should know how to find out
Computer skills -We don't just give you DVDs and then put them back on the shelf after...
People skills - knowing when it's not appropriate to use the word 'cunt' and when/when not to recommend 'Roadhouse'
Small people skills - coping well with unexplained crashes and shrieking
Ability to handle stoners/drunks/meth heads/jerks/regulars and awesome people
Ability to work under pressure - doing everything by the book when there's a queue
Conflict resolution - essential.  The public can be jerks but you can't call them jerks.
Multitasking - doing all of the above at the same time.
Ability to stand up and not take breaks indefinitely
Ability to hold urine/faeces - if working sole charge, this is a 'must have' skill

DO bring your children to the video shop.  There is lots of space to run around in and lots of fun stuff to look at.

DO NOT leave your children in the video shop while you go elsewhere for any random period of time.  We are not child minders.  It is not our responsibility to look after your child or even ensure they stay in the store.  For all you know we might be pedophiles or axe murderers.  Seriously.  They're your progeny.  What's wrong with you people!!!

If you have a crush on someone in retail:
DO be brave and ask them out.  The worst that can happen is that they say no.  It will probably just be awkward the next time you see them, then after that it'll be back to normal retail/customer banter.

DO NOT ask the person weird personal questions, when their shifts start/end or call them at work to talk about generic niceties.  Do not turn up to every shift they work.  Do not ask other work colleagues when they are working next.  Do not constantly stare at their breasts/crotch/feet.  Do not talk incessantly about your mother.  Do not converse for a long time with us and then rent porn where the actor/actress on the cover looks eerily similar to us.  This isn't flattering.  Do not expect that because we are nice to you we want to be your girlfriend/boyfriend.  We work in retail.  It's our job to be nice.

And finally:

DO rent porn if you want to.  If you want to rent porn make your selection reasonably quickly and act as though you are renting any other movie.  We're ok with it.  It's part of our job.  It's nothing to be ashamed of.  Normal banter applies.

DO NOT spend 10 minutes pretend browsing the shop, then spend 10 minutes in the porn room, then emerge from said room with a weird bottle with a small amount of a milk like substance in it.  You look dodgy as fuck doing this.  If you need to jack off to porn as soon as you see it please do it via the internet at home like most people.

A catch up

Days are hectic with a busy 16 month old who never naps longer than an hour.  The only reason I am writing now is because Sesame Street is on.  I was totally wrong about TV parenting.  Sometimes it's necessary.  Sesame Street grants me a magical one hour window where Etta doesn't climb into precarious places or turn off important switches (like the one controlling the router).  It's the only time I can DO anything because I attempt to nap during her nap cos still getting my iron levels sorted.

With too many ideas and no smart way of articulating them all cohesively in a post, I've decided this can be a catch up as much has happened in the last few months.

First of all, we have lost a loved friend.  Wellesley, after struggling with weird rabbit tooth problems (teeth growing the wrong way and creating abscesses in his jaw that kept coming back) had to get put down as we couldn't afford more surgery and we weren't sure his body would cope with it anyway.  This was a horrible day.

We had known it was coming, and he was an indoors bunny until then so we could look after him the best we could and spend as much time with him as possible.  We noticed he'd gone really downhill on my birthday, and booked him in as soon as we could after that so he didn't have to suffer any more.  He was a super awesome bunny and we really, really miss him.  We buried him next to Huckle and there are beautiful flowers growing over both of them.

 Etta giving Wells a kiss

Secondly, we have gained a new friend.  This was not at all intended.  I was quite happy with our single cat family, after losing two beloved pets, but for the first time ever Murray decided he wanted a pet.  We often 'puppy shop' at the 'free zoo' for fun on the weekends.  This never involves buying pets.  I just like looking at cute animals.  Never have I ever come home with a pet.  Or really wanted to.  But after one bout of 'puppy shopping' we got home and Murray decided he really wanted the cute fluffy cat at Animates.

I told him to sleep on it.  We don't just add pets to our family on the fly.  That's just a slippery slope to crazy cat personville.

And in the morning he still wanted the cat.  I had work so I said he could go back and find more out about the cat, and if he still wanted her that was ok with me.

And he went back and the cat was gone.  I got a forlorn text at work, so headed straight to Trademe to console him with other options as knew once Murray decided he needed a cat that would be it.

But he found one all by himself - at the Animates at Westgate.  So straight after work we went so I could check her out too.  Amonet is two years old and had been at the store for a while post SPCA*.  She was fine with Etta, was supposedly ok with other animals and was very friendly and playful.  So I said yes and after some paperwork and Etta destroying the cat toy section of the store, we took her home.

She settled in super well - better than any pet we've ever had before, and although we have had some teething problems with Roux she's fitting into our family well.  Etta loves her cos she lets her pat her, and we love her too.

Meet Amonet - cat not ape

In other than pet news not much has changed.  Murray has settled into his new job at Turners well (in a team full of marketing ladies he he he), and I pick up a few extra shifts at the video shop pretty often so work wise things are good.  Etta is in a tricky, frustrated stage right now so I've learned what it's like to deal with screaming babies on public transport (it sucks).  Etta's attempting to stand up by herself, but I think we're still a ways off walking.  Not too worried about it as is pretty common with tall babies (which she is) and super flexible babies (which she also is) - she'll get there when she's ready.  We still have a National government (boo), but that's not really a big surprise although it truly sucks for NZ (I will expand on my reasonings for this at a later date - promise)

I totally flaked on my 100 Days Project which I feel pretty bad about.  The whole family has had intermittent bouts of colds and horrid gastro issues (I'll post about that later) and in its wake the project fell by the wayside.  The stuff I was getting done was pretty cool, so I will try and get motivated to do more soon.

Badly drawn feminist #11

Right now though I'm focused on the small things: getting dinner ready, getting the vacuuming done, not letting the new cat out of the house, and posting this before Sesame Street finishes!

* Animates have SPCA cats and dogs available which is cool.  You even get to spend some one on one time with them before deciding to take them home to see if you think they'll fit into your family ok.  I have never bought a pet from a pet shop before because it feels a bit wrong for some reason, but this system is great.