I thought I'd just pop a quick post up regarding our plans for labour - just so friends and whanau know what they are.
I really don't like other people seeing me in
pain or unwell. This is why when I have really
severe anxiety or IBS, you will not see me out and about. I will be camped out at home riding things
out. When I don't feel like I can put a
'face' on (happy, 'normal' me), it is unlikely that you'll see me. Because of this, many people think I've 'got
things together' - this is what
I like people to think. Sometimes when I
say 'I have plans' it's because I plan on sitting home alone crying until
everything feels normal again. Even
being around the people I love and know are ok with my crazy is
difficult for me when I'm below par. That's just how it's
always been.
I've been to hospital a lot in the last few years - and I've been fine with having visitors. What people won't know (cos carefully planned) is that I only have visitors once I know, roughly, what's going on. And I'm also usually doped up on pain killers by the time anyone's allowed to visit - which makes coping with whatever 'hospital' situation I'm in much easier. I can wash my face, and look slightly human - like a normal sick-in-hospital-person. So it's fine for people to come visit me. Because even normal, coping people get sick, or break their ankles trampolining, and end up in hospital sometimes.
I've been to hospital a lot in the last few years - and I've been fine with having visitors. What people won't know (cos carefully planned) is that I only have visitors once I know, roughly, what's going on. And I'm also usually doped up on pain killers by the time anyone's allowed to visit - which makes coping with whatever 'hospital' situation I'm in much easier. I can wash my face, and look slightly human - like a normal sick-in-hospital-person. So it's fine for people to come visit me. Because even normal, coping people get sick, or break their ankles trampolining, and end up in hospital sometimes.
And because I will not be doped up or in control or able to
put a face on, I don't want ANYONE around when I am in labour. Except for Murray. He's seen crap Hannah plenty. And he made me some promises in a
deconsecrated church that mean it's basically his job. He has been to the classes with me and
is cool, calm and collected - the perfect person to help me through this
insanity. Having anyone else around,
even my favourite people, will distract me from the job at hand - getting this
baby out as calmly, easily and hopefully quickly as possible. If it turns out to be a long labour, we might
let a few people know in case we need someone to bring us supplies (like food,
or fizzy pop or games or whatever), but we'll ask them to drop supplies and
run. I can't think of anything worse
than someone on the sidelines saying: 'C'mon Hannah, you're doing
awesome!' I will just stress out, grit
my teeth and secretly want to punch that person, no matter who it is.*
This may surprise some people because I am so frank with my blogs/social media/in person. But there is a big difference between being frank about something and actually letting people witness the carnage firsthand. I'm happy to report back, but I don't want anyone to actually see this stuff. Plus, when I say gross things about me it's funny. When you say the same things, it's not as funny. Sometimes it might even make me cry. Cos by the time I say those things about me, I've processed them. If you say it, I might not have yet and might just feel stink. Me saying 'Wow, I have a train wreck vagina' is different than you saying 'Wow! You have a train wreck vagina' - even if it's true**.
We plan on delivering at Waitakere Hospital (only a 10 minute drive from our house) and then transferring up to the Helensville Birthing Units. I've heard awesome things about the birthing units from most people who've stayed up there - plus it's close to Mum. It's also a little further away from Auckland... That's because I equally don't want to see people straight after I've given birth. This isn't because of my potential vaginal mess. This is because I really don't know how I'm going to cope with having a small baby. I have never been clucky. I am not a 'baby' person. I'm not sure how this stuff works. Me, Murray and the baby will all be new to this being-a-family thing. So I want us to have the time and space to work this out for ourselves.
This may surprise some people because I am so frank with my blogs/social media/in person. But there is a big difference between being frank about something and actually letting people witness the carnage firsthand. I'm happy to report back, but I don't want anyone to actually see this stuff. Plus, when I say gross things about me it's funny. When you say the same things, it's not as funny. Sometimes it might even make me cry. Cos by the time I say those things about me, I've processed them. If you say it, I might not have yet and might just feel stink. Me saying 'Wow, I have a train wreck vagina' is different than you saying 'Wow! You have a train wreck vagina' - even if it's true**.
We plan on delivering at Waitakere Hospital (only a 10 minute drive from our house) and then transferring up to the Helensville Birthing Units. I've heard awesome things about the birthing units from most people who've stayed up there - plus it's close to Mum. It's also a little further away from Auckland... That's because I equally don't want to see people straight after I've given birth. This isn't because of my potential vaginal mess. This is because I really don't know how I'm going to cope with having a small baby. I have never been clucky. I am not a 'baby' person. I'm not sure how this stuff works. Me, Murray and the baby will all be new to this being-a-family thing. So I want us to have the time and space to work this out for ourselves.
Of course this part is subject to change - everything
might feel awesome and exciting and we might want to show our baby off to the
world. Or labour/baby may have some
issues and we need some support. We just
don't know. And we don't want to hurt
anyone's feelings, so we're putting it out there now so no-one gets upset later. We do promise to let people know when the
baby arrives, and whether things are ok or not.
But I won't be on Facebook (don't have a smart phone) and we there won't
be a million photos up immediately.
Once we get home, I'm sure we'll be keen as to have human contact. This baby is lucky to have so many people in the world to love it. And we promise everyone will get a chance to meet it once we've had a chance to spend time together as a new little family. Thanks everyone for the love and support through this pregnancy dealio - it truly is appreciated.
Once we get home, I'm sure we'll be keen as to have human contact. This baby is lucky to have so many people in the world to love it. And we promise everyone will get a chance to meet it once we've had a chance to spend time together as a new little family. Thanks everyone for the love and support through this pregnancy dealio - it truly is appreciated.
* Back in my younger days, I actually did punch someone in the face (they asked me to do it - literally - don't ask me why). I'm surprisingly good at it (didn't injure fist, procured black eye). You really don't want this to accidentally happen to you. So I definitely advise not being around while I'm in labour. Just in case I let my 'face' go and smack you one.
** Unless we've had a conversation about it previously, and you know it's ok - this does apply to some people. They know who they are.
