Oprah and Dr Phil generally piss me off. But one thing Oprah harps on about that
I agree with, is the importance of being grateful. Reading
Pollyanna as a small child, however tacky it may sound, had a profound
impact on my world view. I related to
Pollyanna as my childhood was what would be considered dysfunctional. But my trials and tribulations had nothing on
hers. Being able to be 'glad' for
crutches when you really wanted a doll, purely because you didn't need them,
was an important lesson for me.
Being grateful helps you to step back from the intensity of existing within what might be a painful experience. It helps you to look at it from another angle, and to have compassion for those who may be in a worse position to you. Often when things get bad, it's easy to overlook the things in life that are really great, or the people around you who are amazing. It gives you perspective.
Being grateful helps you to step back from the intensity of existing within what might be a painful experience. It helps you to look at it from another angle, and to have compassion for those who may be in a worse position to you. Often when things get bad, it's easy to overlook the things in life that are really great, or the people around you who are amazing. It gives you perspective.
Perspective is an important thing to have when things are
tough. Getting wrapped up in your head
is one of the least useful things you can do. Obsessing about bad things makes everything
seem worse than it is. Being grateful is not about belittling the
feelings you have - it's ok to be sad/upset/pissed off about things/people/situations. But after venting that stuff, it's really
important to refocus that negativity into something positive - gratefulness is
an excellent tool to aid in doing that.
There is no situation that this is not applicable to. Things we take for granted, like having clean
water to drink, are still things to be grateful for. I know I probably sound like a Nana saying this, but it's true.
When I was younger, a serial monogamist with relationship
drama after drama, when things were really bad I would watch this
movie called Atanarjuat: The Fast Runner. This film is set in the Arctic and is about a
community that is cursed by an evil spirit. It is three hours long, and highlights the
difficult life of those who live in the Arctic, made more difficult by this
evil spirit. For almost an hour of the
film, the protagonist is running buck naked across the ice being chased by three guys who are trying to kill him. Watching this long, subtitled film pulled me out
of my life for a bit. I always came away
from it thinking 'Well at least I'm not an Eskimo' (yeah, yeah - Inuit, I know).
I can't even begin to conceive of living in an igloo in close
contact with other people where a big part of my day will consist of chewing on
seal skin. I hate the cold. I don't really eat much meat, and I needs my personal space. How could I exist with only lichen for
greens? And only over Spring/ Summer? How would I cope with everything smelling of
blubber, smoke and fish? How would I
live in a highly structured community with strict male/female roles? Let alone coping with some curse which means
my whole family gets killed and I have to run naked across the ice with no shoes for
ages? Watching this film has always put my
life into perspective for me.
I've watched it enough by now to have this message ingrained, so I don't watch it any more. Instead, I take some time to think about the things I am glad about. It's such a habit now that it's seldom a challenge. On really bad days where everything feels horrible, I focus on the simple things - like eating cheese, or having a bath, or getting up off the toilet without my hip displacing. On better days I can focus on bigger picture stuff. Being glad for things gets me through hard times like now. So today I thought I'd write a short list of what I'm grateful for today:
1) I am grateful to be pregnant with a healthy baby. At all.
We are so lucky that this even happened for us given my previous health issues. Many people can't get pregnant
or carry babies to term. Even normal pregnancy
is statistically unlikely - so many things have to happen at just the right time for it to occur. I am glad I
didn't go into labour last Thursday because it may have compromised the baby's
health. I am glad for every day we get
closer to 37 weeks (only 8 sleeps to go).
2) I am grateful to live in a country/be of a belief system
where I can choose how many children
I want to have. I am glad that if I
choose not to, I never have to do this again, and I'm glad to be in a relationship where I do have a choice.
I am grateful to have access to safe contraceptive methods, and the
knowledge with which to apply them.
3) I am grateful for my partner. He has fetched me food from far away just
because I'm sick/sad and want to eat a specific food from a specific place. He gives me
massages at least every couple of days.
He has come to all the classes I've asked him to, and is as invested in
everything as I am. He is definitely the
best person I could ask for to be my birthing partner. I have no doubts that he'll make an amazing
Dad.
4) I am grateful for my friends and whanau. I have an amazing support network which can
never be taken for granted. So many people
who struggle do so because they do not have what I have. These people amaze me on a daily basis with
their willingness to support us in a multitude of ways. Today my Grandma and Aunt dropped books off for me to read while stuck at home because it's hard for me to go to the library - I am so lucky. I am grateful that both mine and Murray's
parents are alive to be grandparents to our child.
5) I am grateful for the support and free services we have
in New Zealand for mothers to be. I am
grateful for the range of birthing options we have, and free access to
education about them. I am grateful for
my Midwife, for my Physio and our local hospital. I am grateful to have access to the internet
and pregnancy/baby related forums. I am
grateful that my cousin is training to be a Midwife, and has answered so many weird
questions for me. I am grateful that my
brain is no longer overwhelmed by the information on offer.
6) I am grateful that we are fairly financially stable and
that I am not working and not worried.
This is a luxury that could easily be taken for granted. I don't know how I could possibly work in my
current state although I'm sure there are many women out there who do because
they have very little choice.
7) I am grateful that I'm not on bed-rest. I don't know how I would cope with that. Being housebound is bad enough. Being bed-bound, particularly with what I've
learnt through yoga, would be devastating.
8) I am grateful for our pets. Even though they can be annoying, they are a
reason to get out of bed in the morning and a reason to laugh. I am grateful we can afford to have pets, the
small things they bring to life have more impact than we give them
credit for. I am also glad Murray let me put the rabbit in the house today (raining). He looks like a cute wookie thing.
9) I am grateful for cheese. Especially the nice cheese left after the family baby shower yesterday. Especially because we have mustard and hummus and yummy other things to have with cheese in our fridge. Especially because ODing on cheese totally combats my constipation. Because I'm not supposed to eat that much of it.
10) I am grateful for crappy TV, especially comedies. Laughing at other people doing silly things
helps get me through the day. I am especially grateful for It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. I am grateful to have friends who understand this.
