An anaesthetist came and talked me through
my drug options (and drug allergies), and gave me the consent
forms to sign. I have never signed
anything faster in my life. I was over
being exhausted and in pain. Throughout the decision making process I
was still having contractions. I was
told I didn't need to push any more, but I couldn't control the urge to do it. Not only was this painful and exhausting, but
felt hopeless - these contractions were not aiding me in getting a baby. I opted for an epidural rather than spinal
block or general anaesthetic. Given the option I wanted to be conscious to meet my baby, and I knew more about
epidural than spinal block, so it was 'safer' for my brain.
It felt like hours waiting for the O.R to be prepped and the paperwork signed but finally it was time to go. The orderly who wheeled me there was lovely. He was a Granddad covered with what looked like ex-military (possibly Navy) tattoos and he chatted away about his family to me the whole time. He was a welcome distraction from the burden of my body. I found this sort of distraction to be absolutely the most useful tool of all for me during the worst of labour.
Arriving at an O.R is always a surreal experience. There are far more people than you think necessary, and you never know what they are there for besides the Anaesthetist and Dr. In a C Section it makes slightly more sense though - they are dealing with two people. The transfer from bed to table would have been fine had I not been having contractions through it. Then I had to sit up for the epidural to be delivered. This sounds easy, but when you have a baby's head stuck in your vagina it really isn't. They told me to sit up as straight and still as possible. I tried my best through contractions, but it took a while before I managed it. Being in pain makes you hyper aware of your body. The sensation of the iodine slathering my back was like drinking a tall glass of water after running a marathon.
The local was not sore at all, just a sharp nip - not
even as bad as having an IV put it. The
epidural going in was the oddest sensation.
To start with, little electric shocks down my right calf. The only thing I've felt similar to this is
the 'turning on' of needles during acupuncture. They adjusted the epidural a few times, but this also didn't hurt, it just felt weird. Following the electric shocks came a creeping pins and needles
sensation, and at a point a very sharp pain in my pelvis which I screamed through. Epidurals work slowly and patchily. The numbness creeps up from toe to stomach. The ecstasy I felt when I was finally contraction free is indescribable. I felt in
control again. I felt like I could finally be excited about having a baby.
During this process they put a screen up so you can't see below your chest, and Murray and my Midwife came in wearing scrubs. I completely understand why you aren't allowed to watch your own C Section, but I wish I could have - I LOVE watching surgery. The anaesthetic nurse's job was to distract me, and she was bloody good at it. We talked about her children and her C Section. I reacted to some drug thing and my hands started flapping uncontrollably, but the nurse just gave the anaesthetist a look and he tweaked something which made it stop.
Despite being unplanned and my worst-case-scenario-for-labour, the C Section was a weird, but wonderful experience. I always knew there was a slight possibility I'd need one, so had prepped myself emotionally just in case - I had even watched a C-Section delivery online. And having had abdominal surgeries before, the actual surgical side of things didn't worry me at all. This is a very commonly carried out procedure - the Dr's who do them have got it down to a fine art. Once I knew what was happening, and was no longer in pain, the fact that this was far from my plan A for birth was a non-issue.
With an epidural you can still feel things in the numb area - but it doesn't hurt. Our antenatal lady described it as feeling 'like someone washing the dishes in your tummy' - that was quite apt. When they did the big cut it felt like little fingers brushing over my tummy. The best feeling was when they pulled the baby out - I felt the weight lift off my spine. Then I heard my daughter Etta cry. She was born at 9.45pm, about seventeen and a half hours after my waters broke.
I didn't get to see her at all for what felt a long time - it was probably about 5 minutes. Murray still got to cut the cord which in the context of a C Section he found to be a barbaric act - the cord sprayed blood all over his scrubs and it felt like a token act. All the normal baby checks were done, and whilst doing so, the Dr continued his work on me. C Sections happen fast. As soon as the epi has properly kicked in they cut you open, and pull a baby out - it seriously only takes a few minutes. The aftermath takes longer. Once they'd checked her out, she was brought over and put next to my face. She stopped crying as soon as she heard my voice. She remembered my voice from the womb. I really was someone's Mum.
It sounds dumb, but I was grateful that she was not a
weird looking baby. I mean, she was
covered in vernix (Murray sneakily watched over the screen and said she came
out feet first looking like 'the white auk'), had bruising on her face and a slightly
conical head, but looked otherwise like a normal cute baby. She didn't look small, she didn't have the
excess skin or giant eyes of prem babies.
She had a calm demeanour and chubby cheeks. Despite all the issues I had in pregnancy and
labour she was a healthy, normal, cute looking baby.
After I was put back together they wheeled the bed
through to recovery and then put Etta on my chest for skin to skin. My Midwife put her on my breast to encourage feeding
and I was amazed that it worked! She fed
for about an hour. I couldn't
believe that stuff was coming out of what just hours before had been normal
lady boobs. It was even harder to
believe that Etta knew how to get that stuff out! The pro of going through almost all of labour
before my C Section was that all the hormones had been activated which helped
make this process easy. I was so, so
glad. Being able to breastfeed was something I was quite anxious about - I hadn't budgeted for formula!
During the C Section we found out why I was having so
much trouble getting her out - her face was tilted slightly upward, so her
forehead was stuck against my pubic bone. The cord was also wrapped twice around her neck which was holding her back. I wouldn't have been able to give birth naturally. I was so glad my issues with labour were
escalated fairly promptly. It meant that
despite these issues Etta never went into distress, and I was saved a lot of
pain. Etta was born with an APGAR of 9
(pretty much the best you can get) and at a healthy weight of 6 lb 15 oz - very
decent for an early baby (nearly three weeks).
There are so many other things I'll write about
later. About the difficulties of not
being able to pick up your new baby after a C Section. About hospital and the Helensville birthing
units. About post-pregnancy body
stuff. About learning to be a family. I promise to write in time, and there will be
more time once we're more settled into this whole parenting thing. At the moment it's just nice to appreciate
the small things, like Etta.
