Fourth attempt at blogging...

So this attempt I will keep things short and simple.

So much has happened in the last month.  In that slow way that life unfurls, not in the way that every day brings a party although I feel as sleep deprived as if that were the case.  I've had so much to write about but no brain, or time.  Well, I've had time, but all spare time has been for the most part dedicated to sleeping.  Well, attempting to at least.  Whilst other blog writings remain unfinished (not fitting my pants*, coping with the successful creative lives of my peers, general life catch up) we have recently hit some milestones I'd love to write about.

On Sunday Abby turned one month old.

Abby has been a very different newborn to Etta so we've gone through a bit of a learning curve.  While Etta was a dream wee baby sleepwise (until hitting sleep regression around 12 weeks) Abby is the kind of baby who almost only sleeps 'on' people.  This doesn't make for great sleep for me.  She is also a very good eater.  She is regularly gaining 300 - 500 grams a week because she feeds as much as she can.  She feeds to the point she makes herself overtired and screams and can't latch and I have to pop her in the sling and walk around until she falls asleep.  And while Etta needed silence to sleep, Abby is the opposite.  Constant, talking, bustling noise helps get her to sleep which has made sleeping overnight tricky.  It is getting better though.

In the first few weeks I was so desperate for sleep I was crying and begging Murray to just hold her and walk around so I could sleep for just one hour.  I have ended up regularly (safely) co-sleeping as it's the only way for both of us to get sleep at this stage.  While this makes me anxious, the anxiety trumps the zero sleep.  And things are getting better.  There are two times of day we can (currently) fairly religiously get her to sleep in her bed and that's better than not at all.

The good thing about subsequent new baby times is that you know things will get better.  So while this is hard, I know that it will not be like this forever.

If I knew then what I know now... Despite the difficulties I am so much more relaxed this second time around.  I am not convinced every second of every day that Abby will die if I don't do X Y Z.  I am less anal about tracking sleeps, breastfeeding and nappy changes.  I feel confident about my ability to be a parent.  I wish I could have felt like this with Etta so I could enjoy that quiet time at home with her that I seldom get with Abby.  It's nice to just sit on the couch breastfeeding and watching crappy TV and not thinking about anything bar how lovely and warm your baby is.  It's the first time I've ever actually understood why some people think baby's are cute.** 

On Monday Etta turned two years old. 

Etta has coped pretty well with the whole gaining a sibling thing.  Sure, she has jealous patches which make Abby's extensive need to feed tricky, but on the whole she's very sweet and understanding.  We've tried to keep her routine as normal as possible, and her days fairly full so she doesn't feel bored at home with boring Mummy, or resentful of my time with Abby.

And I could be wrong, but it feels like when Abby gets a bit bigger Etta will accept her as a person a bit more.  At the moment she's just kind of a 'thing' that takes up Mummy's time.  Etta smirks at her inability to sit up.  She puts her fingers in her ears when Abby cries.  She sneakily pats her body with her feet sometimes.  Once Abby's a little more interesting I'm sure this will change.  Maybe.

Etta decided to start using the potty (sometimes) two days after we got home from hospital.  Because of the timing we haven't pushed this instead letting her use the potty when she wants and applauding her for doing so successfully.  We have not shown her knickers yet.  I'm gonna wait until she's more ready (and I'm more ready).  As is, we've had a few breastfeeding sessions on the bathroom floor while Etta sits on the potty waiting for something to happen.

Etta is one of the funniest people I know.  She has an amazing sense of comic timing (has done from very young) and knows people will watch her if she does funny things.  She's a very sweet girl, but equally throws amazingly epic tantrums.  She hates wearing clothes and I have much Mummy guilt over not making her wear socks (too hard).  Her favourite colour is yellow and she loves owls, robots, pies, rice bubbles, Minions, Russian Dolls, drawing, singing and dancing.  She is impossible to feed vegetables to (except for some reason, cauliflower).  She is just wonderful and while sometimes she can make being a parent of a newbie hard (like this morning where she was screaming at the top of her lungs because she didn't want Abby to sleep, but Abby was actually asleep in her bed for a change) I still feel so lucky to be her Mum.

To help keep everyone sane, Etta now has stuff on almost every day.  She's just started Playcentre visits with my Mum so will be going Monday mornings to our local from 9.30am - 12.30pm.  And after we're over Winter, Abby and I will go with her on a Friday.  On Tuesdays she spends the day with her Nana and Poppa (instituted before Abby arrived so she doesn't feel 'kicked out' for the day).  Wednesday mornings her Nana takes her to swimming.  Some Thursdays she goes to our local story time and on Friday's my Mum visits to help out and she gets quality time with 'Ella' (what Etta calls Mum instead of 'Grandma') and with me - depending on what is most needed.  When Mum is here she also holds Abby during Etta's nap time so I can get some sleep.


Now Abby has awakened from her sling sleep and is screaming her face off, I'll leave things there.  I don't want to lose another post to the unfinished pile.  We are so lucky to have the help we do to survive this tricky but amazing time growing these two little people.

* This topic now being obsolete as now, thanks to Abby's amazing eating skills combined with my breastfeeding prowess, I do fit my pants despite existing on copious amounts of sugar, cheese and chocolate.

** This does not mean I find babies cute.  This does not mean we will have more babies.  Half the reason I am coping so well with the crazy times is because I know it's the last of the crazy times.  Quite permanent birth control measures are on the horizon.

On preparing for baby #2

Because this whole thing kinda jumped up and bit us in the arse we've had to rethink a few things.

Well, we probably should but the reality is in terms of stuff around the house we've pretty much done nothing.  While I'm sure there are things to be done and problems to be solved I'm good with just having a place for the baby to sleep.*

And I cleaned out the freezer.  I'm happy about that.  I found frozen meals in there from 2013.  Now I have room to do the only other prep job I can wrap my brain around - frozen meals for the first couple of weeks.  One thing I learned from last time is that it's good to be organised early to minimise stress if the baby is early.  I also learned that while I managed a few days in my first week home feeling like a proper good housewife, that didn't last long.  So while I did manage to cook a roast meal in my first week home from the birthing units, soon I was a frazzled, paranoid, sleep deprived Mum with little time or energy to cook.  And this time around I'll have a toddler in tow.

Which is the main area we're looking for preparation in - getting Etta prepared for the thing that will alter her life beyond all other things - a younger sibling.

What is really awesome about toddlers is that you can tell them outrageous and abstract things and they don't need you to qualify it - they simply believe you.  We told Etta quite some time ago that there was a baby growing in Mummy's tummy.  And even though she can't see the baby she completely believes us and consequently talks to it, and cuddles it and asks if 'bubba's moving'.  It's very sweet.  She isn't old enough (and doesn't care enough) at 21 months to ask how it got there, or how/if/when it will get out which makes things nice and simple.  The only thing we've had to explain is that not everyone has babies in their tummy, and that all that is in her tummy currently is food (and maybe some rocks).

There was an awesome thread on the Mummy's forum I follow about things to do to prep an older sibling for the arrival of the new one.  It was so good I pinched some ideas from it which inspired other ideas.  The coolest one being I've made up a book using altered images of us about what will happen immediately when the baby decides to arrive.

It runs through what might happen in early labour, who will look after her while we 'get the baby out' and what may happen immediately after (Mummy might have to stay in hospital - important to explain because while I often work night shifts, we've never been apart entirely overnight).  It explains that she can come and see the new baby, that we love her very much, and that our family will have another person in it.

The other thing I took from that is getting Etta a present from 'the baby' to help her still feel loved when the newbie arrives and suddenly she isn't the center of attention any more.  While this isn't going to solve this issue, I thought it a nice idea.  Equally, we are letting Etta choose a present (within reason/budget) for her younger sibling to aid in her feeling excited, and part of its arrival.  We've also let her choose some new clothes for it for the same reason which she has really enjoyed.

And lastly, doing the book gave me an awesome idea - The Big Sister Box.  I've made up a box of a few little bits and pieces that Etta likes (marshmallows, bubble mix, balloons, butterfly stickers etc) that she can open with my Mum while we're at the hospital 'getting the baby out'.  It also has a 'big sister' T shirt in it (courtesy of T&T for $2) so she can feel like it's a special day and she's an important part of it.  This entire treat box has cost us under $8 and will help keep her entertained while we're out on important baby business.

While I know that none of this will truly prepare her for Hurricane New Baby, doing these things will make me feel, at least, like we're doing something to help with the transition.  Whilst simultaneously keeping me too busy to worry about the fact we haven't organised anything else...**

* I think we'll come to the big problem (finding a permanent room for the baby) when we need to.  For the first four or so months it'll be in our room anyway so there is still plenty of time.  And, if it's an amazing, good quiet, fantastic sleeper then maybe it can share a room with Etta and we won't have to worry.

** We kinda have organised other important things.  I have my PPL sorted, a budget done and we'll be applying for the in work tax credit soon.  So I've done the boringest things.  Just not the around-the-house things.  I have a list... I just need motivation/help/a new hip to help complete it.