On the Pros and Cons of (this) Pregnancy

Look at me, getting all fat and pregnant-looking!

WARNING - this is a ranty blog with possible TMI about a range of things.  Read with caution.  Do recommend reading if you are planning on getting knocked up for the first time as you may learn something useful.  Or read if your pregnancies have been wonderful, and you've always wondered what everyone else was bitching about.  Or if you want to know all the gross things that have been happening to me.

*      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *       *      *   
People experience pregnancy in varying ways, but one thing has become apparent: after people are no longer pregnant, they forget exactly how crappy the crap parts were.  And then, some of those people tell us pregnant folk that they loved being pregnant, which makes you feel more crap about feeling crappy about pregnancy.*  We are programmed to forget so that we make as many children as possible.  So before I forget the crappy crapness, I thought it best to write about it.

I'm going to start with the 'cons' as it's always better to end on a positive note.  And I'll try and be concise...

Going mental

Because of my previous mental history, this was always likely to happen with pregnancy.  To be honest, in this case, pregnancy merely enhanced my crazy state - lots of other things were happening in my life which would usually trigger craziness - hormones just boosted that.  Things seem to have balanced out now, but I was a total nut-bar for the first four months.  And being pregnant, I couldn't use my usual 'stabiliser' (antidepressants) due to potential risk with starting new drugs mid-pregnancy.  But we made a plan and things got better.  As a comparison, Murray thought I was crazy when I was on IVF (I was an egg donor some years go) - he reckons IVF's got nothing on this pregnancy business!

Exhaustion

This contributed significantly to my 'going mental'.  I didn't have the energy to read, let alone think properly, in the early months of pregnancy.  I couldn't play board games.  I had to go to bed by 9.30pm - I physically could not stay up past 10.30pm.  Being exhausted and mental meant I cried over almost nothing.  Often.  People were all excited and giving me advice on pregnancy/child rearing/nappies etc and I couldn't process any of it.  I just wanted to throat punch everything within a two metre radius of my fists. 

I am less mentally exhausted now, but struggle to do normal physical things.  Carrying the extra weight around is hard.  I don't think I would cope with being 10kg heavier in regular non-pregnant life.  It's a good incentive to lose the baby weight afterward.

Low Blood Pressure

I have always had low blood pressure, just like my mum.  Pregnancy tends to drop blood pressure a little more, so rather than it being 'normal' low, which doesn't affect me much, it's been proper low, which affects me a lot.  Low blood pressure has resulted in dizziness, fainting and headaches.  I carry scroggin and water with me everywhere to have when I feel myself getting shaky.  It means it's not 'sensible' for me to walk long distances, or even work normal hours.  LBP caused me to faint at work, which was scary - I was lucky I didn't smack my head on something in our tiny shop.  It has, like many other symptoms, improved the more pregnant I get, but is something I am always conscious of.

Hip and back pain

At only 4 1/2 months pregnant, I was in a back brace, on codeine and felt like a total invalid.  My Dr had recommended I go on the Sickness Benefit.  WTF?  I had considered the possibility something like this might happen in the last trimester, but not so early.  At one point my hips were both displaced which was extremely painful.  I knew this was fixable, so did all I physically could to sort it out.  Sometimes if your back problems are really bad your Midwife/Dr will elect for a C Section - I didn't want this to happen.  With persistence, I have improved things through low impact, targeted exercise.  My back is still sore - but I think it's closer to normal-pregnancy-sore which I can cope with.

Gross Discharge
No one told me about this before I got pregnant!  One of the pros of pregnancy (I thought) was not having to worry about getting your period, or having to spend money on 'feminine hygiene products' - in my case this turned out to be total bollocks.  I haven't had periods (although did have some spotting early on) but have to use panty liners every day due to gross discharge - another 'normal' side effect of being pregnant.  It quite literally stinks.

Vaginal Pain

Since very early in the pregnancy, I've suffered from vaginal pain with any form of penetration ie: not just sex.  After using the interweb Dr (Google) I assumed it was another 'normal' side effect of pregnancy because some women's cervix's drop, which can contribute to vaginal pain.  After finally asking my Midwife about it, I found out the type of pain I have isn't normal, and is something which requires further investigation.  I decided that rather than seeing someone about it now, I'll wait until after the baby gets here.  I'm sure it's just some trapped nerve thing with everything being moved around down there (the vagina I have now is not the one I had before) and it'll come right of its own accord.  But if I'm still sore a few months after the birth, I'll be unimpressed to say the least...

Broken Capillaries

Another thing no-one told me about: the increased blood flow to the boobies (for milk making) means some women get broken capillaries around their décolletage.  I am one of those women.  I have little red marks from my neck down to my nipples.  These are often permanent - so if they are still here a few months after the baby gets here - it's off to the laser clinic I go! 

The Judginess

When you get pregnant, your body and your decisions become public property.  What you eat, drink, wear, whether you plan to breast feed, buy a baby monitor, or choose 'the drugs', are all 'issues' that require commentary.  Most people are genuinely trying to be helpful, but much of the time it all feels a bit judgy.  This is especially relevant if you have different ideas about parenting to the average Joe - everything you want to do that's different is challenged.  This is just prep for parenting.  Regardless of how 'normally' people choose to raise their kids, parents must learn to run the gauntlet of judgement as everything they do is questioned/ challenged/criticised for pretty much the rest of their lives.

And just in case you need telling, there are many ways people get through pregnancy and child rearing successfully - there is no one right way.  Just because something worked for you and your child(ren), doesn't mean it will work for everyone.  Just because someone chooses something different to what you choose/chose to do, doesn't make that choice wrong or bad.  Just because you read a research paper on _____ that said ____, doesn't mean it's the only research paper on ____ ever written and the only valid conclusion ever drawn.

All the other stuff

On top of this I've had bleeding gums, blood noses, thrush (you are 10 times more likely to get it when pregnant), cracked nipples and flaking off boob skin (I feel like a leper), morning sickness (not as bad as some women I know), insomnia, loss of balance, constipation, heart burn, acid reflux, little sex (due to ALL of the above) and a constant need to pee.  And I miss wine.  But that, fellow wino's, is definitely, at the bottom of the list of sucky things about (this) pregnancy.

*      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *       *      *

And the pros.  I take as much pleasure in the little positive things as I can, and am now really looking forward to getting this little, very kicky person out of my uterus (only eight weeks to go) and meeting them.

Baby Filter

I do not know the science of this thing I speak of, but since I left the first trimester, it appears I can eat a greater range of 'bad' foods without getting sick.  I was diagnosed with IBS a while ago, and have found having a low gluten, low lactose, low saturated fat diet is conducive to keeping my issues in check.  After not being able to eat ice-cream for years without fear of evil, I now can, and nothing bad happens.  I can also eat a bit of gluten - not as much as a packet of two minute noodles (discovered after experimentation), but I can eat a little naan with my curry.  It's awesome!  Many foods that I haven't been able to safely eat for a long time I now seem to be able to eat in moderation.  I call it 'baby filter'.

Lookin' Fine

The other day a customer asked me 'What do you use on your skin?'  I daren't tell her that that particular morning, I hadn't even washed my face before going to work... so I told her which moisturiser I use (cheap supermarket one), and then mentioned that I was pregnant (in case she hadn't noticed).  She didn't appear to believe me (about skin care regime, not pregnancy).  I am lucky and generally have pretty good skin these days, but this seems to have been enhanced by pregnancy.  My hair and nails are also awesome.  I grew my nails to a crazy length a while ago, just because I could, painted them slut red and a customer thought they were fake.  The nail awesomeness has gone away due to swimming a few times a week, but still, nice to know I can grow crazy good nails.

More Time At Home

A few weeks ago, this could just have easily been a con... but being the anal sod I am, I have written myself a 'weekly schedule' and am actually really enjoying all this extra time.  It means I can work on creative projects that have been thrown by the wayside.  It means I have time to go swimming without being exhausted and resenting it.  It means I can read all those weird books on neuroscience, feminism, parenting - whatever thing has taken my fancy at any given time (my brain is back).  It means the house is less of a bomb site than it was a few months ago and Murray has something of a wife again.  It means we are both eating better than we were when I was working and exhausted, so really, despite it being unplanned, it's a bit of a God send.

Entitlement

I am a little nicer to myself JUST because I'm pregnant.  So have justified extra spending on things that I wouldn't normally spend money on (I am a Scrooge).  With the hip issues, I justified spending money on a pass to our local pools, which has been invaluable.  I also justified spending $180 on pregnancy yoga classes - this is a lot of money to us - but these classes have made me so confident about labour they have been absolutely worth it.  But what I most regularly spend extra on is FOOD.  Would Scrooge normally shell out $1.50 for a ready avocado?  Hells no!  Scrooge would wait until he found an awesome avocado special (two for $1).  But these days, that's ok.  Would Scrooge normally buy himself an iceblock on a hot day?  Hells no!  Scrooge carries water!  But now Scrooge is all hot and knocked up, it's totally fine to splurge on that.  Besides, Scrooge need the sugar to keep his blood pressure up so he doesn't keel over.

People being nice
Just as some people are total a-holes, some are just lovely.  It has been nice being congratulated by regular customers now that I'm obviously pregnant.  One of my lovely ladies even loaned me a book - after gauging how I felt about things first - and it does fit with my feelings, and has been very helpful.  When I get on a busy train or bus, someone will usually (except for the time when the rugby was on at Eden Park) get up so I can have a seat.  I like this old fashioned courtesy.  And the other day a woman helped me unload my trolly at the supermarket, as being short and round, it was difficult for me to pick up items at the bottom of the cart.  Thank you wonderful lady!

Our families do their best to be supportive.  And most of their support has been real support ie: asking questions to establish what is needed and doing their best to fill those gaps, rather than telling us what we need.  My fabulous community on Facebook have offered ideas, advice, support and actual baby things on a daily basis which make this whole process easier.  Even when ideas and advice are overwhelming, I know that everyone offers because they care.  I am so grateful to my friends and whanau for caring so much.  Me, Murray and baby are very, very lucky to be surrounded by such an amazing community.

Awesome excuse

Yes, I am tired and sore most of the time BUT I also prefer to stay at home watching crap TV or trolling Facebook, so it kinda works in my favour.  So where I were normally too tired to go out, but felt I had to cos ________ (insert guilt trigger here), I now feel more entitled to say I can't make it cos I'm too tired cos (don't forget) pregnant.

Healthy Baby
The best thing about this pregnancy is that my baby is healthy.  It moves around like crazy, which is really uncomfortable, and freaky (aliens), but a good thing.  We were very worried about this pregnancy given my previous issues and my having had surgery almost straight after conception, but every test and scan has come back perfect.  Every week in utero, no matter how terrible, is another week closer to when the baby arrives, and another week less (possibly) prem.  This is what keeps me going when I get a foot jabbed in up under my ribs.

*      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *       *      *

I knew this wasn't going to be fun when I got myself into it (chest bursters, remember?), but I am looking forward to when it's over.  And every pregnancy is different.  Just because mine has sucked, doesn't mean yours will - it could be better, it could be much worse.  Everyone's symptoms and the level at which they experience them are different.  And it doesn't mean my next one won't be fabulous**.

* I also know some women genuinely love being pregnant.  Yay for them!  That'd be lovely!
** This doesn't mean there will be a 'next one'.  This is purely theoretical.