On Eating on a Budget

     Being gluten free, making my own cookies is a great way to save money

I love food, and I love budgeting.  But when we had to tighten the belt a little on grocery spending, nevertheless, I got a little worried.  Over a month in now, I have to say we haven't really missed out on much.  So as I said in my 'Money' post earlier this month I'd write some tips on how to eat on a budget.

Be Realistic
Like with my other money advice, make sure your budget is realistic.  If you know you can't live without coffee find a way to incorporate it into your food budget.  I'm a serious sweet tooth, so we buy one big block of chocolate a week (whatever's on special) and have a little each night after dinner  Budgeting for these temptations is safer than just being tempted by what's on special and then getting a shock at the checkout.  It all adds up.  It is more cost effective to shop monthly, but for us shopping weekly works better - set your own boundaries and work within them.

Plan Your Meals
This is the best way to avoid food wastage.  In the past we often accidentally wasted feta because it was left over from another meal and found it's way to a back corner of the fridge.  Now I plan meals around those short-life products - a block of feta means two to three meals that feature feta over the next week.  And we shop to the meal plan.  I plan five meals a week and base the other two meals around what veges we have, and what else is left in our fridge.

If you're on a tight budget, pick one or two 'luxury' items a week to make your meals a bit less bland and plan around those.  It's great if one of those is a luxury that goes a long way - like parmesan cheese or sundried tomatoes - these last us for a month or more and pack a lot of flavour, so for their lifespan are actually fairly inexpensive.

And it's important to plan for more than dinner.  You need to also take into account breakfast, lunch and snacks.  I find I need high protein foods in the mornings to kick start my day, so cheese, eggs and smoked chicken are staples in our house.  Murray is always in a hurry (mornings are not his thing) so we always have vast quantities peanuts in the pantry (cheap protein, high calorie) and plenty of little snacky things like Cruskits (we have fruit too but he's less keen so that's more for me and the rabbit).  If you cook enough dinner to cover lunch the next day, you'll save on time in the morning, and you won't spend unnecessary money buying lunch.  I highly recommend this.  If you don't need it for lunch, you can freeze the extra and that's a meal you don't have to cook one night when you're tired.

Always Use A List 
Shopping without a list is a very dangerous thing.  It's a great way to spend money on things you don't need, and to forget to buy the things you do, which can mean paying bigger prices picking them up from your local dairy later on.  I am mega-anal, and go through grocery receipts so I have a rough idea of what most of our regular groceries cost, and cost out our list as I write it so I know (roughly) whether it's in budget.

How do you know what to put on your list?  I have weekly and fortnightly staples which are always first to go on the list.  These are things we consider necessary - in our house eggs and cat food are a weekly necessity, coffee is fortnightly.  Then I check the pantry/fridge/freezer to see what we've run out of/are running out of and put those onto the list.  Then I do a quick tally of how much it'll cost so far, and based on that, plan what meals I'll make.  If we've run out of a lot of stuff, we have very inexpensive meals (using lentils, veges, stuff from the freezer).  And once we've done that, if there's any extra money it goes on extra tinned food or snacky meal things for Murray (he eats much more than me, and more than I'm prepared to cook for). 

Knowing (roughly) how much the items you usually buy cost makes preparing a useful shopping list much easier.  If you don't know, shop with a calculator (or use the one on your phone).  Get your necessities first, then if there is money left over, get the other items on your list.  Once you've done this a few times, you'll have a better feel for things and can probably start shopping without it.

Buy In Season
You can save crazy money just buying stuff that's in season - and it's fresher and (usually) grown locally, so carries less food miles.  You can sometimes buy strawberries in Summer at three punnets for $5, so it seems stupid to spend $6 on a punnet in Winter.  Especially when you can freeze them.  Yeah, it's not quite the same as you can't just eat them like in Summer, but you can use them in smoothies, salads and desserts, and they're still full of antioxidants. 

When avocados were cheap I made a bunch into guacamole, froze it in little individual portions (used silicon mini-muffin pan as easy to get out later) then put into a freezer bag.  When a friend dropped around a bunch of lemon I squeezed them and froze the juice in ice cubes, then moved them into freezer bags.  And those apples from Maggies garden?  Peeled, stewed and bagged in the freezer.  My favourite is charring red capsicums (cheap over Summer) then freezing them so have sweet roast capsicum to add to meals all year around (well, almost, we just ran out).  Yum!  And way cheaper than paying for a capsicum in Winter.  The freezer is totally your friend here - and that's great because a well-packed freezer is actually more efficient - so keeping it full also helps save on power!

Shopping Around
Shopping around isn't always going to save you money - it's important to factor petrol and time into this equation.  Driving to Orewa to go to Bin Inn once a month may prove more costly than just buying those things at the supermarket.  In saying this, I highly recommend not buying vegetables at the grocery store.  Even Pak n Save charges crazy amounts for regular veges.  Guess how much a courgette was going to cost me from there the other day?  $3!  That's more than a king size block of chocolate - I put it back.  We do our vege shopping at an Asian grocery store just around the corner from Pak n Save and it's much cheaper.  And if I happen to be in the local mall I'll check out what's on special at Countdown - again, only buying things on my list, or that are regular staples in our house.

If highly recommend checking out your local Asian grocery store - some of them are terrible, but many of them are fine and you can pick up ok quality fruit, veges and other stuff at very reasonable prices.  We spend under $20 a week on fruit and veges, and that includes our eggs (free range eggs are cheaper there than at Pak n Save).  Often rice and other staples (for us, rice noodles) are cheaper there than at the supermarkets.  And if you're looking for bulk bin products, you'll often find them at Indian grocers - the cheapest way I've found to buy gluten free flours, beans and legumes - but again, only worth it if you aren't going out of your way to shop there.

Grow Your Own 
 I have never had a green finger.  I was the one in the (farming) family that could not even grow radishes (and also didn't care a fig about growing radishes - farming fail).  Despite this, I've learned how to grow some edible things, and that spending time setting up (soil/manure etc) makes everything a lot easier in the long run.  Murray has always been the vege gardener, and I've always grown the herbs.  His fingers are only slightly greener than mine, but we've still been able to cultivate chili, rhubarb, kale, silverbeet, Maori potatoes, tomatoes and the occasional strawberry, courgette or capsicum.

By far the two easiest things we've ever grown are silverbeet and kale.  These are great as they are full of iron and B vitamins and are versatile and tasty.  If you were to grow one thing, I'd recommend silverbeet - it seems to survive anything, and is pretty fast growing.  I highly recommend growing your own herbs too.  I tend to stick with the 'bushy' ones - oregano, thyme, sage, rosemary and the 'sturdy' ones - mint and parsley as they don't die as easily as things like basil.  Fresh herbs add huge flavour to anything and cost next to nothing to cultivate, so are a great, cost effective way to add something special to cheap meals.

Can't put a garden in your rental property, or live in an apartment? No excuse!  Many veges do well in pots, and some even indoors.  Our in-laws grow basil on their kitchen windowsill and rocket and other salad greens in a long plastic trench pot thing on the deck.  We've grown capsicums and chilis in pots - the chilis actually grew slightly better.

And once you've got something growing well - even just one or two things, make friends with your neighbours, or talk to your friends and swap produce!  Heaps of people have fruit trees that produce more than they can eat - we almost always have oranges going free to good homes.  And our neighbours (lucky us) often have an excess of eggs.  And don't forget about 'weed' foods like puha and watercress - they are fantastic and full of vitamins.  Free food is the BEST food! 

Every Little Bit Counts
Small things add up to big things, and it's important to remember this with both money and food.  If we underspend on the groceries - which we often do these days, the extra money either goes to the side to buy a foody treat (like ice creams or wine...) or gets put on our Pak n Save Christmas Club card.  The club card is great as you can put as little as $5 on at a time.  So once we've done our shopping, and know if there's any extra, I put that in there.  Even if you only save $5 every other week, over a year that's $130 extra saved for Christmas groceries - which for us is plenty!

I hate wasting food, so find ways to use up all the little 'bits' left in our fridge.  Necessity is the mother of invention, and random bits of food have helped me invent an array of random meals - some to be repeated (weird lentil and pumpkin meatball/dumplings) and some not.  A little bit of left over sour cream can add lovely creaminess to soups or bolognaise, refried beans adds viscosity and flavour.  And don't waste those celery leaves!  They're edible!  Wash and chop them and add to soups or stews.  Roasted a chicken?  Don't throw out that carcass, use it to make stock and pop it into the freezer.  All of it adds up to more meals that cost nothing but creativity and a little extra of your time.

Make It Fun
I never used to trust Murray to do the grocery shopping.  When we first went on our strict budget, I'd do the shopping (armed with a calculator) and he would hang out with Etta in the car (I don't drive).  It wasn't the best way to do it, but now I have a better idea of what our regular groceries cost, I'm better at costing out our shopping list, so am happy to send him out.  And he's awesome at it now, because now he COMPETES with my budget to prove his awesomeness.  This is fun for him, and helps distract him from his desire/tendency to impulse shop which is great.  I'm a weird, anal nerd, so shopping within a budget is just fun for me full stop.  I have a Christmas fund to watch go up every time we save on groceries.  That's fun for me.

It might not be fun for you, but something else might be.  Like competing with your flatmates to see who can get the best deal on chicken (or whatever) each week.  Or seeing how much free food you can score by whatever (legal) means.  Or calculating how many food miles you've saved by shopping seasonally.  Or giving Living Below The Line a go one week, and spending the extra money from that week on super exciting stuff (chocolate and wine {or charity}) the next.  However you do it, it's important to focus on the positive aspects of living on a budget. 

                                A few of the awesome money savers from my freezer

On Baby Sleep part 1: On Getting Etta to Sleep

                                          Aren't they lovely when they're asleep?

Etta slept most of the time for her first month on this Earth - apparently that's quite normal for early babies.  But after that, she woke up, and appeared to never want to sleep again.  Being new parents with no prior baby minding experience we had zero knowledge around baby sleep - how much they need, when they need it, or how to get them to sleep.  I think (early times blurry due to lack of sleep) we assumed she needed sleep at night, and otherwise when she got cranky - and worked out we could get her to sleep by doing the following:

- Feeding her to sleep
- Rocking her to sleep
- Making shhhhhhing noises

Sadly, the rocking her to sleep was not that effective.  Sometimes it was more like rocking her to quiet, then as soon as you stopped rocking she would scream.  And the shhhhhing only worked once she was calm.  One night Murray attempted to rock her to sleep for four hours before coming to get me so I could feed her to sleep.

And shortly after that she would no longer feed to sleep.  The sleep situation was pretty ridiculous.

She was only about six weeks old at this stage.  We had tried the methods my friend had used (her son is two months older than Etta), but they hadn't worked for us and the internet offered so much conflicting advice it was confusing.  The only book I'd read that had anything in it about baby sleep was one by Nigel Latta.  So I re-read his advice, and trialled it for a day nap.  Nigel Latta uses a 'controlled crying' method.  It's where you put your baby down for a sleep (in a quiet place, with some sleepy preamble) and then you leave them for five minutes before checking on them.  No matter how much they are crying.  And then you go back, and if they are crying you pick them up (or rock them) and soothe them to quiet - and then you put them down and check them again in six minutes.  And it goes on like this up to leaving them for half an hour if needs be.

And it worked.  She was asleep after (I think?) six minutes.  It was hard letting her cry, but armed with a book that reminded me babies don't die from crying I managed to hold out on picking her up early.  This was a revelation!  I used it for a few days.  Then I checked this method with the internet.  It was not recommended for babies under the age of four to six months.  I felt bad.  So I stopped using it.

Until I really thought about how hard it was to get her to sleep without it.  So I thought bugger the internet, I'm with Nigel Latta.  It seemed to work for Etta, and Murray was on the same page as me*.  In the first two weeks it sometimes took up to nine minutes to get her to sleep - but most of the time it was six.  And even at the nine minute mark, allowing two minutes each time to soothe her - that's only 45 minutes of crying and not sleeping as opposed to four hours.  So I know it seems bad to leave a small baby to cry - cortisol and all - but in total she cried less during sleep training than she had overall beforehand because she slept more and was generally a more content baby.

We still use this method to get her to sleep - and most of the time (unless she's teething or cranky) she doesn't cry at all.  We have been also using white noise to soothe her, but I've recently discovered she doesn't actually need it.  Sometimes it takes her a while to actually sleep - she often lies there quietly staring at the ceiling, or flicking her head back and forth but she almost always eventually goes to sleep.  For naps, putting her down is quick and easy.  She gets tired.  I swaddle her and put her in her bed (in a quiet, dark room) and say 'It's sleep time now.  I love you and I'll see you soon', kiss her and leave the room.  In the evenings, we have a small routine - we lower our voices.  Murray changes her into night time clothes, we swaddle and feed her, then Murray reads her a story and sings her a song in bed, then it's bedtime.  She's asleep now, and she got there, as usual with a little protest grizzle but no tears.  No picking up, no messing about.  Lovely sleeping baby like the one pictured above.

There are LOADS of articles on why controlled crying is dangerous cos crying babies equals too much cortisol which damages babies brains etc.  Despite this, it works fine with our Etta - she is a happy, normal baby who still seems to love us both.  Like most things around babies, there are several schools of thought on how to do things, and why other ways of doing things are wrong.  I think that just like there are many ways to cook an egg, there are many ways to teach your baby.  And just because you prefer your eggs poached, doesn't mean that scrambling eggs is wrong.

Initially it isn't easy to just sit on your hands while your baby cries - we aren't heartless.  If you do use this method to get your baby to sleep, I recommend going and doing something for the first five minutes - make a cup of tea, or check your emails, or (if you're quick like me) have a shower.  Once they're sleep trained they'll usually be asleep (or at least quiet) once that first five minutes is up anyway.  And then you also have a cup of tea, or are clean and refreshed - so if they are still crying, you are probably in a better mindset to cope with the next six minutes.  And if you really can't cope with the crying, you don't have to start with five minutes - you can start with two like in Jo Frost's controlled crying method.

What I like about this sleep method  is that it has taught Etta how to self settle without sleep aids.  It's an important thing to learn which will help her get to sleep through the rest of her life.  And Murray and I are fairly independent people, so a method that teaches independence to our child makes sense to us.  Because we are not leaving her to cry indefinitely, she knows we haven't abandoned her, and that she is loved and cared for.  And I don't think it has emotionally retarded her - she has absolutely no trouble communicating her emotions - be them happy or sad. 

And most importantly, she sleeps! 


* Having him onside is what made this work.  Whenever one of us was about to buckle because she was making such a piteous sound, the other would stand strong.  This definitely got us through the tough first few weeks, and still helps us get through the occasional tough nights now.

My Two Cents on Money (cos apparently it's not just NZ Fashion Week)

I went on the internet yesterday and discovered that there was such a thing as 'Money week' and apparently it's now.  And because my PPL finished and I'm having to be even better with money, and I'm a HUGE fan of budgeting anyway, I thought I'd share some of my basic tips for surviving on an 'austerity budget'*

Know What You Are Spending
If you don't do this already and you'd like to be better with money, track your spending.  This means writing down every transaction you make, in or out, over a period of time and then going through and analysing it.  I don't track my day to day spending often because I'm pretty good with money now - but I do track the big things like the power bill, so that I know what we spend and how much to budget for.  Once you know what you're blowing your money on, you can better target your budget, and your spending habits.  For instance, most people I know spend WAY more than necessary on lunch or snacks for work.  $10 a day is $50 a week, and that can easily be curbed by making lunch at home.  I make biscuits once a week and pop them into little containers for Murray's lunch, and make twice as much dinner as we need so we can have it for lunch the next day.  This is a quick and easy, cost effective way to stop that work lunch spending.  But we mightn't be doing it if we didn't know that's where our extra money was going...

Get Organised
I love my husband, but he is not the most organised person in the world.  When we dropped to one income and I had to redo the budget I found out he didn't know how much our insurances cost... In previous budgets I'd estimated these, but with going to an 'austerity' budget, every dollar counts, so it was important to know exactly.  He also didn't know how to find the amount....

If you don't know how much you spend on power/phone/insurance, whatever just go through your bank statement online - pretty simple.  Once we found the insurance figures I found out I had previously over-budgeted, which meant I had slightly more money after paying the bills than I thought.  That felt like getting free money!  But it could easily have gone the other way.  If you underestimate what you spend on regular direct debits you may go into overdraft and have to pay bank fees.  Paying bank fees for this reason is as stupid as purposely flushing money down the toilet - and so easily avoidable.

And if you're organised you can actually make money.  Because I have our power bill budgeted for, and know when it's due I save 10% on my bill by paying it within two weeks of receiving it.  If you have a $200 power bill, that's like someone giving you a twenty dollar note.  It's the same with your car registration or rates - you know you have to pay them, and if you can bulk pay them (like pay for a year instead of just six months) it works out cheaper.  If you budget for these, it will not only stop you from freaking out when you get the letter in the mail saying you have to pay them - but it'll save you money.

You can save heaps on groceries by planning your meals and just shopping for what you actually need.  We have just been doing this properly over the last month and it's so much better as we waste a lot less food then we used to, have lovely meals, and I'm not scratching my head about what to cook at 5pm.  I choose one or two 'luxury' items, like feta cheese, and incorporate that into that weeks meals alongside cheaper ingredients - like tinned tomatoes.  And don't forget that snacks are meals too - having small things you can take with you when popping out will save you spending unnecessarily on expensive dairy snacks.**

Be Realistic
It's all very well and good having ideals, but at the end of the day they could get you into trouble.  When budgeting for your power bill, budget for your average bill - don't budget around your cheapest bill and plan on how you will use less power.  Average out your last 12 power bills and budget based on that amount.  And if you actually are managing to save on power, after three months work out your monthly average again.  This will bring the average down marginally, and over time your power savings will be incorporated into your budget - once you've proven that it's actually achievable!

And if you know you cannot survive without something, like decent coffee - put it in your budget!  Murray would be not worth dealing with if he couldn't have 'real' coffee on the weekends, so it's incorporated into our food budget - but we only buy it fortnightly.  If he drinks it all in one weekend - there's no coffee left for the next weekend.  But if having that coffee means you have no money for petrol to get to work - the reality is you're probably going to have to get used to instant.

Get Friendly With Your Bank
The reason I am good with money now is because I wasn't when I was younger.  Even when I was earning fairly well I spent pretty much all of it - and on horrible things like expensive shiny pants.  I did what many young people do and got into credit card debt.  After that, I was slightly terrified of dealing with banks, but have since learned you can use them to your advantage.

I have seven bank accounts.  This might sound like a lot, but every one serves a purpose.  You probably won't need seven bank accounts but these are mine and what they do:

1) A regular personal chequing account with eftpos card
2) An internet only 'rainy day' account (also for car maintenance)
3) A debit card which doubles as a personal savings account
4) An account for Etta (to pay for things like swimming lessons)
5) A double signatory savings account for our 'real' savings
6) A 'fun' account (this pays for movies/takeaways etc)
7) The 'bills' account (for power/phone/water rates/mortgage etc)

Bank fees through the roof you say?  I only pay bank fees on one of my accounts (my debit card) and also have unlimited transaction fees on all but one account (savings account).  Talk to your bank and see what they can do for you.  Multiple accounts makes it easier to organise your finances and allocate money for specific purposes.  Three of these accounts are both mine and Murray's and three are for me.  Even though we're a couple, it's important to both of us to maintain some financial independence - Murray doesn't want me nitpicking his personal spending, and he doesn't need to see what stupid things I blow money on either.

Probably the most important account I have there is our double signatory savings.  I used to be unable to save money.  And then one day my boyfriend-at-the-time's sister decided that she and the family were going to Fiji for her 30th - we both had to save up to go.  So we set up a double signatory joint account so we could stop each other from taking money out whenever we wanted a new pair of shiny pants.  And it worked.  And we went to Fiji with the family!  Seeing a savings plan come to fruition is a great way to make you want to keep saving, we actually kept it for quite a while after we broke up (cos we were still friends) and I used it to save for other things.  This is how Murray and I managed to save for our Civil Union, and our house deposit.  If you suck at saving, I highly recommend it.  And you don't need to be in a relationship to do it - ask your Mum or Dad, brother, sister or friend - as long as it's someone who won't buckle every time you want new shiny pants it will work, and you will save money.

Compare Prices
This is especially important when looking to buy important things (like fridges), but also a great way to stop you impulse buying using online specials - which can sometimes be a little less 'special' than you'd think...  There are apparently apps you can get for your smart phones which do this for you - but my phone is not that smart so I just use websites like PriceSpy or PriceMe whenever we need to buy big ticket items.  These are great cos they can also let you know about demo models available at certain stores - totally worth doing on most everything but TV's, and you'll save a bunch of money.

Although Pak n Save is usually the cheapest supermarket it's definitely worth checking out the other supermarket's specials.  I get the Countdown specials email every week, and if something I regularly buy is on special and I happen to be passing by Countdown during the week I'll pick it up from there instead - it's sometimes not worth the time or petrol to make an extra supermarket trip, so definitely not something I go out of my way to do - if it costs more in petrol than in savings than you aren't saving anything at all!

And if you're an impulse shopper who is signed up to deals newsletters like Grabone, and you just can't bear to 'unsubscribe', when an offer comes up that looks enticing just do this.  Google that product and see how much it costs.  Is it much more than the cost of the 'special' plus postage?  And do you really need it?  Even just taking the time to stop and look at something else for a few seconds can make you realise that you don't really need those pet brushing gloves after all.

Don't underestimate other revenue streams
This probably sounds dumb but I'm one of those suckers who does online surveys for money.  I figure I'm at home, I have no job and I like pissing about on the internet so hey, why not.  Because I'm the nerd that I am, I have started tracking my earnings from the various survey sites.  Currently I earn about $12 a week in vouchers or Paypal money.  That doesn't sound like much, but it's over $600 a year.  It's enough to sponsor a child, or buy three coffees (in West Auckland), or if you're me, to put aside for Christmas shopping.  Not too shabby really.

And garage sales are not to be sniffed at.  We had some pretty massive ones at our old flat to help fundraise for our Civil Union and honeymoon - we made over $700 at one of them!  And it's a great way to de-clutter your house. 

Incorporate treats
Being on a budget is not a bad thing - it's a way to work toward getting the things you want in life - like a holiday, or to maintain the things you've worked hard to get, like a house.  But it can be hard to see it that way when it means you've had to change your lifestyle to stick to it.  Because of that, it's important to set a small amount of money aside for treats.  It doesn't have to be a lot.  I put $3 aside each week to spend on Instant Kiwis, cos they are my 'little happy'.  Yours might be chocolate or coffee, Sunday fish 'n' chips or a bottle of wine.  Whatever it is, it's important to make sure there is still room for a little sunshine in your budget.  Even if it's just 50 cents worth of sunshine.

*            *            *            *            *            *            *            *

So those are my tips for Money Week - sorry I don't have any for Fashion Week.  Being a stay at home Mum I pretty much live in pyjamas these days...  Combo tip: $5 PJ bottoms from The Warehouse's online store - you probably shouldn't wear them to any Fashion Week runway shows though...


* We're not proper poor - but we would be if we didn't budget and watch our spending pretty closely.

** I have HEAPS of money saving tips for grocery shopping/eating - will write a blog just about that some time soon.

On 'Nesting'

     A shelf!  It wasn't there before...  Easier to install than making a baby that's for sure!

I didn't do the whole 'nesting' thing when I was pregnant.  I felt like crap for most of my pregnancy.  I found out I was pregnant a week after having abdominal surgery, so early on in my pregnancy I couldn't even do many simple things.  And from five months in I had hip dysplasia, so cleaning like vacuuming and mopping weren't an option, let alone scrubbing floors, laying gardens or painting a baby's room.  The day before Etta was born I wiped down and tidied our coffee and tea shelves.  And earlier that week I picked up the carseat (thank goodness) and done a larger-than-normal grocery shop with help from my Mum.  That was my pregnancy 'nesting' spree.

And immediately after Etta was born I was recovering from another surgery.  So, again, 'nesting' wasn't really on the cards.  I had difficulty even managing the basics of looking after Etta - so anything requiring more energy than that was a no go.  And with her being a little early, from the outside looking in it would have seemed there was a lot to do.  There was a cot still in pieces.  There was no walking room in the 'baby' room.  Nothing was decorated.  Nothing was baby proofed.  But when we brought her home, we realised pretty quickly that none of that stuff really mattered.  We had a carseat to take her home in, we had a basinette for her to sleep in, we had nappies and clothes and food for us to eat - you honestly don't need to be much more organised than that*.

And while I recovered from surgery and got used to being a new Mum, that stuff still didn't matter.  But once I became comfortable in the role of stay-at-home-Mum and was no longer paranoid that my baby would die if I stopped watching her, I became super conscious of what needed doing around the house.  The nesting bug had finally arrived!  It had very little to do with the baby though.

Being home most of the time makes you hyper aware of the space you live in.  And given time and a little boredom, it was a no brainer that at some point I'd try to improve it.  Our kitchen finally got the extra shelves I've been meaning to put up for herbs and spices - they aren't installed well, but they're sturdy and they work.  Our TV has (finally) been centred.  Our window seat has been cleared of junk and soon I'll be installing hooks to put our hat collection up on the wall.  At some point in time, for possibly the first time in my life, my living room might not be cluttered.

Most parents would be fussing over the baby's room.  But for now, Etta sleeps in our room, so her room is only used for changing her and storage.  Most 'proper' nursery's make me want to puke.  We grew up in rentals, so even painting a room was not an option - if you had your own room, that was awesome.  And I've always avoided babies like the plague, so pastel painted baby centric spaces are completely unfamiliar territory to me.  Pastels?  Blaaagh!  White everything (outside of gallery space)?  Blaaagh!  Themed anything?  Are you kidding?  It's not for me.  Etta's room is getting new Hannah-treated (dyed and painted) curtains, and an edging supplied from my wallpaper collection.  Her room has a BUTTLOAD of fabulous, bright, child friendly artwork from fabulous artists in it.  It doesn't need anything else, besides which there's no rush - she isn't even going to be living in there for at least another three months.

 My main baby 'nesting' has been sorting her clothes as she grows into and out of things.  I've worked out that at this age babies need very little in the way of clothing.  All she needs is three sleep suits (changing into bed clothes are part of our bedtime routine), three pairs of leggings, three merinos, three or four day changes, some warm things, socks and hats.  We have a proper dresser for her, and were given so much clothing that both it, and her wardrobe was full!  I've culled it back to what we need and we've given/are giving the rest away.  Less clothes means washing/dressing/organising is so much easier, and I don't believe in treating babies like living dolls anyway, so it just seems sensible.  There is so much room in the dresser now that we have everything in the next size up in the bottom drawers so we can work out what we want from that lot when she grows into it, and will cull the rest.

The other thing I've culled are her toys...  We've selected a few age appropriate things to keep out.  All the excess (oversized) soft toys - including many I've made in my past life as a knitting/designer will go to live in a brightly coloured Tibetan tent given us by a friend, which is to be tidily suspended from her ceiling.**  But seriously, babies don't need much besides loving parents, and it's important for us that Etta learns values outside of consumerism and materiality.  And I don't want to spend my future days tripping over and picking up hundreds of unnecessary, seldom played with toys.

And we're culling our things too.  I made Murray sort through his clothes the other day and get rid of everything he didn't fit or didn't wear.  It was a revelation to him - he's never done it.  He reckons he still had every pair of jeans he'd ever bought - not any more!  We have so much more room in the closet and he rediscovered a couple of items he didn't even know he had.  I try and do this myself every six months or so.

It's going to take some time but one day, maybe even this year our entire house will be decluttered.  I'm hoping we manage this before Etta learns how to walk, as the less stuff we have out, the less destruction will be left in her wake.  And the less random things about, the less likely she is going to be to choke on them.  I guess at the end of the day, it is all about the baby after all.  But as a new Mum pretty much everything in my life is...

* You don't really need the basinette either - you can easily sleep your baby in a box, or a drawer - check out the awesome pack new Mum's get in Finland from the government.

** This in itself, is the PERFECT small baby toy.  Brightly coloured, covered in mirrors and suspended from the ceiling, no baby could help but stare at it.

                                     Etta in our newly tidied window seat with friends.

On the end of PPL

                   Although being a Mum is cool, it's important to me to be more.

 Hello Blog.  I haven't seen you for awhile.  Pretty sure last time I posted I said I'd be likely posting more regularly.  I got that totally wrong.  One thing I've learned about babies is that as soon as you think you've got things sussed they go and change again.

So I'm just going to be quick and talk about what's on my mind today which is... money.  Money is  that boring something important you don't want to think about when you have a child.  A friend once said to me that babies cost barely anything.  In a way he's right.  Stuff for the baby does cost barely anything, but for many people (like us), having children costs the loss of an entire income - the 'average' wage in NZ is around $42,000 PA.  So for many families, the loss of an income is a significant one, and means a huge change in lifestyle.  My PPL finishes pretty soon, and we've decided I don't have to go back to work for the first year of Etta's life.  This is going to mean some big changes for us in the money department.

There are a few reasons why we've decided this. 

The most practical reason is that we can't store my expressed milk for long periods of time.  I have an excess of lipase in my milk, which means breast milk that normally would store for 2 - 3 days refrigerated only stores for around 12 hours (I'm lucky - a friend's only stores for about two).  Yes, we've checked our fridge seals and temperature.  Yes we've sterilised thoroughly.  Trust me, we've tested it (seriously, I mean graphs in Excel), and it's just my milk.  So Etta can't be without me for long periods without getting hungry.  So even working one day a week would not really be possible until she starts mixed feeding.  And I'm not giving her formula unless it's necessary.  And I don't think me working is necessary yet.

The other reason is that I don't actually earn a lot doing what I do (I earn under the 'average' NZ wage, but my earnings add the 'cream' to our lifestyle).  And if I were working during the week, we'd have to pay for childcare.  Our government makes out like they encourage Mum's back into work by providing 20 hours of free childcare.  What people without children may not know is that the free childcare doesn't kick in until that child is three years old.  So prior to that there is no government support for returning to work.  So returning to work is actually pretty hard for most new Mums.  We'd probably have to pay more than I make to put Etta into day-care - or close to it.  So it just doesn't seem like a smart option for us*.

The main reason though, is I don't want to go back to work.  Every week Etta is doing something new and it's awesome being able to be there to watch it unfold.  Murray looks forward to the weekend to see what Etta's learned over the week.  With working full time other than the weekends he's only really home during her cranky time and when she's asleep.  I'd hate for us to both be in that position.  How things are now I can at least tell him what cool things she's done during the day.  I am glad I can be there so I can really get to know her.  Having a child I've realised every child is different, and some of the ideals I had before having Etta may not fit her needs.  Spending every day with her helps me feel like I can be a more attuned parent, and can make decisions that better accommodate her.

And even though every week is different, I'm working out how to manage our time better so I can feel like more than just a Mum.  I'm baking.  I'm keeping on top of the cleaning.  I'm de-cluttering the house.  And I really, enjoy doing all of these things.  Small successes, like cleaning the bathroom, are easier for me to quantify than parenting successes, like getting a good latch when breast feeding.  They aren't more important, they're just easier to give evidence of.  It's like making art - at the end there's a physical thing to mark your effort.  I've always needed that to feel human.  And feeling good about myself helps me be a better, more present, Mum.

And I'm staying home because financially we (kinda) can.

Kinda being the operative word.  We can pay our mortgage.  We can put gas in the car to get Murray to work and back.  We can buy groceries.  We still have savings.  But we will no longer have the kind of flexibility that two incomes has afforded us - like being able to have takeaways when I'm too tired to cook, or not stressing too much about Christmas.  Murray's never lived without that kind of flexibility, so although I'd really love to be a stay at home Mum for longer, I feel it would be unfair to ask that of him.  I also included Broadband and 'real' (although limited) coffee as 'necessities' in our budget to ensure his life isn't completely miserable...

And we still have a lot of flexibility, because we can still determine 'luxuries' like internet, coffee and insurance 'necessities'.  For many families this is inconceivable.  Many families can't do this without having to compromise on things like paying rent, buying groceries or getting new shoes for the kids.  On one income we will still be better off financially than many two income families, which is why KidsCan is also still budgeted as a 'necessity'.  It's important to remember how fortunate we are - and it's important to make sure Etta knows this, especially in the over-commodified world of today where 'necessities' and 'luxuries' seem to get mixed up all the time. 

So instead of blogging, I've been spending the last few weeks doing my best to review our budget, and doing the things around the house that we won't be able to do when there's no extra money floating around.  Like putting new shelves up in our kitchen.  And installing a wall heater (to save on power) and sorting out Etta's room.  Don't tell Murray, but I am actually slightly excited about things getting tighter as it's a good challenge.

I like working out how I can save $5 here and there, and how if I spend $10 less on grocery shopping, we might be able to get a treat, like a cheap bottle of wine.  I signed Etta and I up to my old agency (film and TV work) so we can do Mum/baby stuff when it comes up.  Unlike what people assume, there's not much money in it, but even extra not-much money is going to be a big help.  I like doing surveys online for Farmers vouchers to help out at Christmas.  I like working out whether anything we don't like is worth the hassle of putting on Trademe (I suck at posting things...)  And even though I hate dealing with IRD, and we're eligible for almost nothing, I am glad we've (finally) applied for the tax credits thing.  Even an extra $5 or $10 a week will come in handy, and it seems silly to ignore free money.

I guess this is all because it makes me feel useful.  I know that being a Mum is invaluable, but having never been financially reliant on another person, it's very scary having a job that doesn't actually put food on the table.  Feeling like I can contribute financially (in a way) by cleverly managing our funds is really important in how I view myself.  It re-establishes my sense of self, and of purpose outside of being Etta's Mum.  And it's much more fun than cleaning the bathroom, or blogging, apparently.

* Unless of course Mum is at home going mental with a baby, in which case, I'd say it's completely logical and a sensible thing to do.  I really like staying at home with Etta.  I'd be happy if we never had to go out.  Maybe that makes me mental...

On the C Section

                                        Check out those badass staples!

A C Section was the last way I was hoping to have a baby.  This is not because of all the claptrap around not bonding with your baby, or because I wanted to experience a natural birth (although I did), but because it's major surgery.  I didn't want to be recovering from major surgery when I'd just become a parent.  I've had minor abdominal surgeries with no children to look after and that was hard enough.  But being well aware that you have very little control over what happens in birth, I had prepared myself for the possibility beforehand.  So when the Dr said 'I'm sorry but you have to have a Caesarian Section' I really wasn't fussed.  Which is good, because I couldn't have delivered her any other way.

Having as much necessary information as possible has always helped make me feel calmer, particularly around medical issues.  So while I was pregnant I watched a range of different deliveries  so I had some idea of what I was in for no matter what happened.  Despite really wanting a natural labour, I was aware this might not be an option.  So I not only watched regular natural and water births, but also an epidural and C Section.  I am so glad that I did!  Although I'm usually not a chicken with medical procedures, epidural has always freaked me a bit - needle in spine always just seemed wrong.  So I'm glad I'd randomly had a thorough discussion with my midwife about my fears at the appointment just prior to my labour.  Despite this fear, there were several points in labour where I was begging for an epidural...

I've already told you what actually happened in the C Section.  To recap - once the epidural is working, the baby is delivered quickly, it is the fixing up afterward that takes time.  It doesn't hurt, although you can still feel sensations, and I didn't find it scary at all.  The staff were warm and wonderful.  Basically it was far less traumatic for me than the unsuccessful pushing and running around of medical staff prior.

It seemed expected that new Mum's who've had emergency Caesars will be traumatised by it.  Every single hospital type person I had contact with said 'Just because you've had one this time doesn't mean you can't have a natural birth next time.'  I honestly didn't give a shit.  If it weren't for the C Section and it were ye olden times, Etta and I would have died, or my vagina would have been horribly, irreversibly mangled.  I think those outcomes are just a tad more traumatic than the recovery, some of the possible negative outcomes, or any old wives tales associated with C Sections.

I think the expected trauma is at least partly to blame on the whole 'You will have trouble bonding with your baby if you have a C Section' thing - which I reckon is total bollocks.  I have nothing to compare this bonding thing to having not had a natural labour, but I can tell you that as soon as Etta heard my voice in theatre she stopped crying.  Your baby knows who you are regardless of how they arrive in this world.  They have to listen to you harping on the entire time you are pregnant - they have no choice.*  And most midwifes and obstetricians know how important bonding is.  As soon as it was possible Etta was put on my chest and had a boob in her mouth.  I'm not even sure how that happened.  Skin to skin seems to be standard practice in all delivery methods, including C Sections.  And although there are other things not ideal about C Section, like a large increase in the incidence of allergies, allergies in my humble opinion, are a much healthier option than death.

I can understand where that perception of not bonding comes from though.  The first night and the first few days were absolutely the toughest because I couldn't pick her up.  I felt absolutely useless having to rely on others to do things for me.  And because Murray was brilliant I felt like a total failure as a parent.  I spent a good chunk of the first few weeks crying because I felt inadequate.  I'm sure this is a pretty normal way to feel as a new mum, but it was definitely exacerbated by my inability to do things due to having a Caesar.

The other thing I felt which I wasn't expecting is jealousy.  I felt extremely jealous of Murray.  I was jealous of how he could do everything for Etta while I couldn't.  The only thing that truly helped this was the fact that I could breastfeed.  At least I felt like I was contributing something important.  I don't know how much worse I would have felt had I not been able to do that, and I feel sad for the many women who want to and can't.  And when I was well enough to change and dress her, I was sure I was doing it all wrong.  I was sure that Murray would do a better job because he already had three days more experience than I had, which being someone who was never really keen on small babies, was zero.

And I know it's silly but I still kinda feel this way.  It is great that Murray is such a fantastic Dad, I always knew he would be.  But my feelings of inadequacy are not helped by people constantly telling me how close Etta and Murray clearly are, while reiterating the old wives tale that daughters are always closer to their fathers than their mothers.  Why anyone would think that is a nice thing to say to a new Mum is ridiculous.  It feels like they're actually saying 'Your baby obviously prefers her Dad to you'.  It'd make much more sense to just say 'Murray is a great Dad' or 'Murray seems to be taking this parenting thing in his stride'.  Or even better: 'You two are great parents' or 'You both look like you're doing a fabulous job'.  Sometimes women need to be told that they're actually doing a good job.  Especially inexperienced new Mums with no prior experience with babies and a known history of mental health issues...**

In terms of the physical recovery it's been rougher than other surgeries I've had which is to be expected - it's a big cut!  The thing that's been hardest to get used to is the topical pain.  I'm really used to that feeling of your muscles knitting back together, which I've also had with the C Section, but the actual scar area is really sore.  This will just be because it covers such a large area.  I've had to breastfeed Etta in the football hold as I can't have her anywhere near my stomach.  And I'm still wearing my giant Nana knickers - they have been a lifesaver.  Because it's not just the scar area that hurts to touch, but the area above.  It just feels really bruised, which makes sense when you think about it.  Up until recently even going for a short drive was painful.  I have to say I took pain relief for much longer than I was prescribed it -  it really is a six week recovery.

This week, just before the six week mark, I'm starting to feel human again.  While it's still sore to touch, I am not taking Panadol on a daily basis any more.  I managed to mop the bathroom and kitchen floors and it didn't write the rest of my day off.  I'm still wearing Nana knickers, but I am now wearing regular pants rather than maternity pants or pyjamas.  I am less tired and am able to do more normal household stuff than I could a few weeks ago.  It's brilliant.
 And I am not at all worried about the scar.  It is MUCH better than I thought it would be.  I mean, it's pretty big, but it's very clean.  I've really enjoyed showing it to people once I got the staples out, and I thought having staples in my stomach was pretty cool.  I guess I'm still a bit like a seven year old - I like having big scars.  And to be honest I have another surgical scar from several minor surgeries which is much more heinous.  I do not feel at all physically disfigured by the C Section, and no-one should.  It's a pretty standard procedure and the people who do them really know what they're doing.

While I would still never have an elective C Section, I do think C Sections are given an undeserved bad rep.  I was grateful that our antenatal lady didn't paint too terrible a picture of it, but know of others who did not fare so well.  There is nothing wrong with having a C Section.  Not managing a natural birth does not make you a failure.  Having a C Section will not stop you from bonding with your baby.  Rather than harming your child, an emergency C Section usually saves the life of your child, and possibly you too.  While I found the recovery difficult, not everyone will.  And for many the 'trauma' of recovery can outweigh the 'trauma' of trying for a natural birth after having had a C Section.  And while I will never describe anything as a 'badge of honour' (blergh!) C Section scars most definitely are bad ass.  Getting pretty much cut in half is cool dagnabbit!

* Unless they are deaf.  And if they are deaf they can feel your talking in utero and will probably still know it is you if you are holding them.

** In saying this, Dad's definitely need praise too.  I have a feeling that most parents returning to work soon after the birth might also feel similarly, both Mum's and Dad's.

The thing that pisses both me and Murray off around this praise thing the most is that only praising the Dad is kind of like praising a man for doing housework - it is expected that a woman will do it so they don't require praise, but if a man does it, wow, that's really something.  If we want true gender equality we need to treat both parents the same.  This means expecting Dad's to be fantastic at hands on parenting as much as we expect Mum's to.  Which means equal praise and equal expectations.