On the end of PPL

                   Although being a Mum is cool, it's important to me to be more.

 Hello Blog.  I haven't seen you for awhile.  Pretty sure last time I posted I said I'd be likely posting more regularly.  I got that totally wrong.  One thing I've learned about babies is that as soon as you think you've got things sussed they go and change again.

So I'm just going to be quick and talk about what's on my mind today which is... money.  Money is  that boring something important you don't want to think about when you have a child.  A friend once said to me that babies cost barely anything.  In a way he's right.  Stuff for the baby does cost barely anything, but for many people (like us), having children costs the loss of an entire income - the 'average' wage in NZ is around $42,000 PA.  So for many families, the loss of an income is a significant one, and means a huge change in lifestyle.  My PPL finishes pretty soon, and we've decided I don't have to go back to work for the first year of Etta's life.  This is going to mean some big changes for us in the money department.

There are a few reasons why we've decided this. 

The most practical reason is that we can't store my expressed milk for long periods of time.  I have an excess of lipase in my milk, which means breast milk that normally would store for 2 - 3 days refrigerated only stores for around 12 hours (I'm lucky - a friend's only stores for about two).  Yes, we've checked our fridge seals and temperature.  Yes we've sterilised thoroughly.  Trust me, we've tested it (seriously, I mean graphs in Excel), and it's just my milk.  So Etta can't be without me for long periods without getting hungry.  So even working one day a week would not really be possible until she starts mixed feeding.  And I'm not giving her formula unless it's necessary.  And I don't think me working is necessary yet.

The other reason is that I don't actually earn a lot doing what I do (I earn under the 'average' NZ wage, but my earnings add the 'cream' to our lifestyle).  And if I were working during the week, we'd have to pay for childcare.  Our government makes out like they encourage Mum's back into work by providing 20 hours of free childcare.  What people without children may not know is that the free childcare doesn't kick in until that child is three years old.  So prior to that there is no government support for returning to work.  So returning to work is actually pretty hard for most new Mums.  We'd probably have to pay more than I make to put Etta into day-care - or close to it.  So it just doesn't seem like a smart option for us*.

The main reason though, is I don't want to go back to work.  Every week Etta is doing something new and it's awesome being able to be there to watch it unfold.  Murray looks forward to the weekend to see what Etta's learned over the week.  With working full time other than the weekends he's only really home during her cranky time and when she's asleep.  I'd hate for us to both be in that position.  How things are now I can at least tell him what cool things she's done during the day.  I am glad I can be there so I can really get to know her.  Having a child I've realised every child is different, and some of the ideals I had before having Etta may not fit her needs.  Spending every day with her helps me feel like I can be a more attuned parent, and can make decisions that better accommodate her.

And even though every week is different, I'm working out how to manage our time better so I can feel like more than just a Mum.  I'm baking.  I'm keeping on top of the cleaning.  I'm de-cluttering the house.  And I really, enjoy doing all of these things.  Small successes, like cleaning the bathroom, are easier for me to quantify than parenting successes, like getting a good latch when breast feeding.  They aren't more important, they're just easier to give evidence of.  It's like making art - at the end there's a physical thing to mark your effort.  I've always needed that to feel human.  And feeling good about myself helps me be a better, more present, Mum.

And I'm staying home because financially we (kinda) can.

Kinda being the operative word.  We can pay our mortgage.  We can put gas in the car to get Murray to work and back.  We can buy groceries.  We still have savings.  But we will no longer have the kind of flexibility that two incomes has afforded us - like being able to have takeaways when I'm too tired to cook, or not stressing too much about Christmas.  Murray's never lived without that kind of flexibility, so although I'd really love to be a stay at home Mum for longer, I feel it would be unfair to ask that of him.  I also included Broadband and 'real' (although limited) coffee as 'necessities' in our budget to ensure his life isn't completely miserable...

And we still have a lot of flexibility, because we can still determine 'luxuries' like internet, coffee and insurance 'necessities'.  For many families this is inconceivable.  Many families can't do this without having to compromise on things like paying rent, buying groceries or getting new shoes for the kids.  On one income we will still be better off financially than many two income families, which is why KidsCan is also still budgeted as a 'necessity'.  It's important to remember how fortunate we are - and it's important to make sure Etta knows this, especially in the over-commodified world of today where 'necessities' and 'luxuries' seem to get mixed up all the time. 

So instead of blogging, I've been spending the last few weeks doing my best to review our budget, and doing the things around the house that we won't be able to do when there's no extra money floating around.  Like putting new shelves up in our kitchen.  And installing a wall heater (to save on power) and sorting out Etta's room.  Don't tell Murray, but I am actually slightly excited about things getting tighter as it's a good challenge.

I like working out how I can save $5 here and there, and how if I spend $10 less on grocery shopping, we might be able to get a treat, like a cheap bottle of wine.  I signed Etta and I up to my old agency (film and TV work) so we can do Mum/baby stuff when it comes up.  Unlike what people assume, there's not much money in it, but even extra not-much money is going to be a big help.  I like doing surveys online for Farmers vouchers to help out at Christmas.  I like working out whether anything we don't like is worth the hassle of putting on Trademe (I suck at posting things...)  And even though I hate dealing with IRD, and we're eligible for almost nothing, I am glad we've (finally) applied for the tax credits thing.  Even an extra $5 or $10 a week will come in handy, and it seems silly to ignore free money.

I guess this is all because it makes me feel useful.  I know that being a Mum is invaluable, but having never been financially reliant on another person, it's very scary having a job that doesn't actually put food on the table.  Feeling like I can contribute financially (in a way) by cleverly managing our funds is really important in how I view myself.  It re-establishes my sense of self, and of purpose outside of being Etta's Mum.  And it's much more fun than cleaning the bathroom, or blogging, apparently.

* Unless of course Mum is at home going mental with a baby, in which case, I'd say it's completely logical and a sensible thing to do.  I really like staying at home with Etta.  I'd be happy if we never had to go out.  Maybe that makes me mental...