I've had lots to think about since seeing the obstetrician a few weeks ago.
And thank goodness for Mummy forums and trainee midwife cousins for placating me in the time between that appointment and seeing my Midwife. Because that appointment really freaked me out.
On seeing my Midwife I have been reassured that the obstetrician was being super conservative (and offering weird advice) and I am entitled to a lot more flexibility in labour than I thought. Also, the obstetrician's notes for the Midwife were mostly unreadable (she had even passed it around the practice and NO-ONE could read a huge chunk of it), so I had to go over the entire appointment on seeing my midwife as the obstetrician has not yet re-sent readible notes. This was actually good as meant we could clear some stuff up - and have some stuff explained as I didn't fully realise some things that were important either.
So while I'm happy to get the size scan (next week)* I'm gonna go my own way on a few of the other things. Cos for me, if I can't have a vaginal delivery in a situation I find at least marginally comfortable, then I may as well have a C Section. Cos fuck another 17 hours of labour but entirely in hospital under monitoring. Yes it means a longer recovery, yes breastfeeding may be tricky and yes, this labour may not be as long as the last. But if it is, 17 plus hours of hospital labour? Sorry, just not worth it to me.
So the plan now is that unless anything is obviously wrong, I will stay home until I feel like I need to go into hospital, or my contractions are at the usual point where you would go into hospital. I do not feel this significantly endangers me or bubs because we live about a ten minute drive from the hospital (we have made this journey a few times now). I know ten minutes can make a difference between living and dying, but I'm pretty sure from what I've read there will be other indications I need to get to hospital before things become that dire. Last time I laboured at home for about 11 hours before going in. I cannot imagine having to spend that much time labouring in hospital. And do they have TV and Michael Keaton's Batman in hospital to labour to? Unlikely.
So apparently the complete opposite is true of an epidural from other practitioners standpoints ie: they prolong labour and increase some other risks so I feel very happy with my decision to be epidural free unless I have to have another Caesar (as is my Midwife - nice to be on the same page). I don't like giant spine needles. And I would rather have a quick labour than a drawn-out-can't-move-stuck-in-a-bed-waiting-for-baby-time. And epidurals increase the chance of requiring fontuse or forceps aided delivery, which I'd really like to avoid (just cos baby heads are squishy - I'm scared to touch them - I'm even more scared of sucky or pointy things touching them).**
And the water birth thing - apparently still possible and my Midwife is totally supportive. So if I make it past 37 weeks and there is a pool available I'm gonna be all up in it. Because whilst I've been told I will require constant fetal monitoring, again, this is optional. Obviously if, at the time, either myself or any professional person thinks this is a bad idea we won't do this. But at this stage I hope to negotiate monitoring every few hours so I can enjoy bath time once more. Because I found labouring in water so much easier than not. Water calms me. Water enabled me to dilate from 4cm to 9cm in under an hour. Water is the shiz.
* * * * *
As for the non-technical day-to-day of things I'm feeling generally pretty bollocks. Whilst I had an AMAZING weekend and lovely Monday, days have gotten less shiny over the last few days. Things are generally more painful than they were last time, but I think that's mostly due to this baby being ridiculously active. I have had to take pain relief to cope with the internal boxing this little one is doing in there just so I don't cry every night (super awake from 6pm - 9pm) and manage to get some rest.
While my hips have been better than last time, it's just at that point where I am very heavy, and that is naturally taking it's toll. I woke up with numbness down one leg this morning - sounds bad, but it's just something that sometimes happens with hip displaysia so more annoying than anything. I have physio tomorrow so hopefully that will sort things out a bit.
I do think we're coming into the home stretch. After how bad things were yesterday Murray predicted we'll have a baby by Sunday. I think that's pushing things a little. But I do think it'll be some time in the next few weeks. There are a few things happening now that feel very similar to during the week before Etta was born: excessive carbo loading, overactive bowel (probably just cos of the carbs), pubic bone pain so bad I sometimes can't walk, sore lower back and period like pains. And (different to last time as didn't get these), Braxton Hicks with any physical exertion ie: getting up. And my freezer is tidy and has enough meals in it to survive at least a week. These things are definitely sending me into an early state of Hermitage and making me envisage a baby on the not-so-distant horizon.
Luckily for me I have a lot of family support and have finished work. I have someone helping look after Etta (or taking Etta away for a bit) every day besides Wednesday's and Thursday's - and there is always someone on call to help out those days if needed. I want this baby to cook a little bit longer. 35 weeks is a fab achievement, but as I said above, I'd love to make 37 and get another crack at this natural water birth thing.
So fingers crossed for a fairly average sized baby at next weeks scan!
*cos it's not that intrusive or difficult to get to (I go to a place literally 2km from my house), and if I am carrying a giant baby and it is going to increase risks in labour I do want to know. Mostly because it's quite likely the baby will be posterior again (I found out this is also far more common if you are a short arse like me, and Etta was, and this one currently is) and that plus big = particularly hard times. In saying that, I've just read multiple accounts of sizing scans being notoriously unreliable (like, out by up to 2 pounds unreliable). So they're going to have to present me with some elephantastic type size before I go yeah yeah nah on the VBAC thing and yeah yeah yeah on the celebrity style C Section.
**Please know I do not judge women who choose these things - they just freak me out, so I don't want them. And I have had an epidural as had to prior to the C Section and it was a total lifesaver in that instance. But if I can avoid having one in future then I totally will!
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