Mostly because I'd been in this Hannah-daze where I just figured having a baby naturally was no big deal. I hadn't researched it at all, cos I naively figured there was nothing to it. I figured the hoohaa about VBAC was to do with ladies being traumatised by their emergency C Sections (fool!) So although I am allowed a VBAC (yay?) I came away a little shell shocked by stats and rules and numbers.
The main scary stat being that 1 in 200 VBAC's end up in uterine rupture. And that's just the stats if everything is straight forward. That's not including the increased risks if:
1) You have to be induced
2) The baby is large
3) You fit into a high risk category (I tick at least two of the high risk boxes)
I don't want my uterus to rupture. I had never considered this ever being something that could happen to me. I've had enough experience with almost exploding organs to not be so keen on having that happen to anything else. And sure, that's a 0.5% chance, but given how many times I've been the random 0.0054 something percent thing that goes wrong on so many occasions - I don't trust me to not be that 1/200 person. There are many reasons why it's good to have a uterus, even if you don't need to use it any more. Even as just a place marker, it's really important - trust me. I'd really like to keep mine if possible please.
And then she told me all the 'rules' around VBAC:
1) You must go to hospital as soon as your waters break, or your contractions are a few minutes apart.
2) You must have a line in once you get there.
3) If I go over, I go Caesar (cos higher risk again)
They sound like small things, and they are very practical things but they also make me have to completely rethink how I plan to labour. Cos line in generally means no water birth. And, having previously experienced both, labouring in water is way easier than labouring outside of water. And it's recommended you have an epidural to increase your chances of not ending up in an emergency C Section. Fuck that. I'm good with needles but I don't like them near my spine. It's just one of my things. That was the worst part of the C Section last time. But it ups your chances of success (70%) by something like 10% because you are less stressed and comfortable. And there's still a 30% chance of failure - so if you're that guy you have to get an emergency C Section after all that suck not-in-the-water style labour. Suck. Stupid damn stats!
I don't think I'm gonna go over though. So I'm not too fussed about that.
Also - and this was actually interesting to learn - babies positioning is not always just random luck or not doing the right yoga all the time. It can be affected by the shape of your uterus or other genetic factors. Etta was posterior and face first which is why she got stuck. I was also born face first (naturally). My Mum was also born face first (naturally). None of these labours were simple. Grandma 'saw the white light' whilst having Mum, and Mum had massive problems in labour and post birth with me. I was the lucky one having the C Section. So it's totally possible this baby will try to come out face first too (but equally, it may not).
So after learning all this stuff, I can fully see why so many women opt for an elective Caesar following an emergency one. WAY less complicated than VBAC. You get given a date. You can tell your family and friends and husbands boss. You can find somewhere to store your toddler while you're in hospital. You don't have any pain (usually) beforehand. It heals much easier than an emergency C Section and you get handed a baby at the end like magic. Ta da!
The downsides are you still have to recovery from a major surgery whilst looking after a newborn. And it's major surgery, so there is always a risk involved. Also, any future pregnancies must be delivered by C Section (cos uterine rupture stats increase again). I don't want to have any more kids so not my problem, but still, something to sway other folks. Also, just more scar tissue in your body, which is not really great. Cos scar tissue complicates everything (like causing uterine rupture). Also, more drugs for your baby (this had no impact on us last time, but something to consider).
What was also quite humorous was having this professional obstetrician lady stare at me and say - 'You look big. I think your baby is big'. I told her I've been measuring totally normally but she gave me that look like, no, there's no way. So she measured me. I'm measuring totally normal. More normal than with Etta. It's just an optical illusion. I am a short arse (quite. 5th percentile). I am carrying an average sized baby (50th percentile) ergo I look 'big'. But I'm not big. So shame on everyone.In spite of saying in a recent post that I didn't care what size this baby is, apparently I should. Because I had a C Section last time, and because of all the risk factors blah blah, I have to have a 'sizing' scan at 36 weeks. Based on that scan if the baby's EBW (estimated birth weight) is 4kg or more (8lb 13oz) then I have to have a Caesar. To be honest, I'm good with that. Equally though, I doubt I'll make it to term. I had a gut feeling last time and I have the same again. I reckon I'll pop somewhere between 36 and 38 weeks. I just have to wait and see. Not long now...
This is not big. This is totally normal. Shame.
* * * * *
So I totally freaked out a bit after that appointment. Subsequently I've asked other people (via my fab Mummies group) about their experiences with VBAC, and spoken to my awesome trainee midwife cousin about her thoughts on it. And, of course, talked to Murray about it. I haven't seen my Midwife yet, but I trust her to provide me with even more information and her thoughts and feelings on it cos she is awesome.
All of these things have been super helpful. While I did hear some horror stories via my Mummies forum I expected and needed to hear these**. And for the most part people were quite positive about their experiences. My cousin is also in favour, but reiterated how important it was to make the right decision for me. And that there was some flexibility within 'the rules' (very important to me). I know for some women (via forum and general discussions) it's important to deliver naturally as they felt robbed of this with their initial C Section. I don't. I felt totally ok with what happened last time, so I don't feel any strong need to 'rectify' this the second time around. However, I do like the idea of getting to know my new baby without having just had major surgery. That would be pretty cool.***
The best thing is that no matter what I decide, I can change my mind at almost any time (probably not once I'm in labour). So bearing that in mind, it seems most logical to me to choose VBAC (without the epidural thanks). There's less pressure and stress having to book a Caesar than having to unbook one. And in the meantime there are many resources to peruse to aid in my decision. And hey, come 36 weeks they might find a whopper in there and the decision will be out of my hands. And that'll be ok too.
* Vaginal Birth After C Section
** In a forum of almost 2500 women who (mostly) have been through labour, with stats of 1/200 there are gonna be some women who've had a uterine rupture. And they will likely also be the people who are most likely to comment on a post about VBAC (cos that's hella traumatic).
*** Equally, secretly the planning part of me would love to have a date. So convenient! No labour planning required. Just get up one day and go 'hey baby, I'm going to see you today' and have a lovely ride into hospital without being in contractions. And Etta can go get an icecream with my Mum and then hey presto - there's the new baby! She can come and meet it. And I can dress nicely and look like celebrities do when they've just had a baby (rather than like someone who's just survived Texas Chainsaw Massacre).
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