Preparing for the Ration Challenge (4)

So, the actual challenge has kind of snuck up on me.

It starts in little over a week's time.

And while I am happy with how my fundraising is going - like, really, really amazed and so grateful to all my super generous sponsors, the reality of the challenge is starting to set in.

I am prepared.  I mean, I have an anxiety disorder, so I am SUPER prepared in terms of meal planning.  But I don't know how prepared I am for the reality of living on such a limited diet. 

And when I signed up for this it was so far in the future I said 'yes' to commitments that I hadn't even realised were during the period of the challenge.  Part of the reason I thought I could do this was that I could pare things back and just try and have an easy(er) week than, say, someone working full time.  What I have since realised is that I am actually working a 31 hour week that week and being parent help on Etta's first school trip.  And like many Mama's of small children, I still cannot recall the last time I managed to sleep more than four consecutive hours (Abby has only slept through the night once ever, I kid you not).  So lordy!  I have not made things easy for myself.

And the truth is, food and wine are my two biggest ways of self-soothing.  Right now, I'm high on cheesy GF pasta, some potato chips, two glasses of wine and a fruity herbal tea.  This is what I do to get through - I live for flavour.  In truth, I am unsure how I will get through without?  I think this is a big part of why this challenge appealed to me.  Yes, I absolutely am in it for helping those whose lives are so much harder than mine.  Who do not deserve to be where they are - who deserve so much better.  But like most humans, there is vested interest in doing what I do.  This challenge is in aid of Syrian refugees, but it is also in aid of myself: maybe I will show myself I can survive without all this food self soothing.

This is why there are few photos of me lately
It feels awkward being bigger.

Because the truth of my life right now is that I've been diagnosed with a medical condition that means I put on weight.*  Consequently, I am now the heaviest I've ever been.  I know, it sounds like I'm just overeating, but I am not eating hugely different to how I used to.  And these days when I do diet, it makes literally zero difference anyway (lord, I have tried!) so I'd rather live the tasty life.  I am unused to being much bigger than I've always been.  I've always swung about 5 kg around a certain midpoint.  But I have a strong family history of heart issues - my Grandfather died when he was just in his 50's and my Dad has already had two stents put in after multiple heart attacks.  I've been told by a Dr that getting much fatter is not really a healthy option for me.  And I want to be here for my kids as long as I can be.  So I agree that getting fatter is not an option for me.

But that's enough of that heavy stuff.  I think in order to get through it's important to focus on the positives.  And today's post is mostly for me to refer back to on the days that I have rice brain, and I'm stressed, and I am crying**.  So that I have a plan for those hard days.  So I can make it through the week.  Because all my generous donors are counting on me.  And I am counting on me.

And because aside from raising money, this is the whole point.  To put myself in one small way, in a Syrian refugees shoes.  This list of reminders contains many self care options that refugees will not have available to them.  I feel so thankful that I do.

Hannah's List of Challenge Tips

I got a super fancy Ration Challenge bottle!

1) Remember, it's only one week!  This period is finite.  Just like when you were in labour with Abby and you knew it would come to an end at some point in time, so you had to just focus on getting through as quick and as clean as you could.  The folk the the Zataari camp do not have an endpoint.  Suck it up Hannah!

2) Drink more water!  If you are feeling dizzy, drink some water, or eat a sliver of carrot to get through.  Drink from that fancy bottle you got.  Remember your sponsors who got you that fancy bottle.

3) The amount of food available is enough to sustain you, it is just your regular lifestyle tricking you into thinking it can't.  There is no reason for you to pass out - at any point.  If you are feeling low you do have little sugar boosting snacks on hand.  You can do this.  One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time - you will get through.

Nettie is just so FLUFFY!!  

4) Cuddle Nettie and Roux.  Your cats are awesome and will appreciate the cuddles.  And if they are not feeling like cuddling, buy that dog pillow from work.  It's inanimate, feels like a dog and you can cuddle it indefinitely.

5) Take a bath.  Water therapy works for you.  Past Hannah has (pick up some bath bombs when you're at work on Sunday past Hannah) bought a couple of nice bath things for the days you need baths to make this feel more special.

6) Ask Murray for help if you can think of anything he can do to help.  He is awesome.  He will help you.  Do not ask Murray to share his chips though.  That is cheating.

7) Ask anyone else for help.  Make sure work understands why you may be less competent than usual.  Check in with your usual kid helpers if they can help any extra over this crazy week.  Do what you can to get some support if/when you need it.  Maybe even call a friend (?) to hang out if you randomly feel like socialising will distract you.  Ask.  For.  Help.

8) Do not forget that you actually have cookies and peanut butter.  Yes, they are limited.  But they are still cookies and peanut butter.  You are luckier than most.  Remember there is an extra cookie for a really bad day.  Maybe today is that day?  Think about it - will tomorrow be harder?

Best movie for putting life into perspective

9) Watch Atanarjuat; The Fast Runner.  If you feel like shit just remember that you are not a naked Innuit dude running indefinitely in below zero temperatures with your balls shrunk up into your stomach due to some curse a rando put on your family.  Remember what this movie has done for you in the past - it has got you through.  It can get you through again.  If you have too much rice brain to handle a three hour subtitled movie just watch Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - it's shorter and funnier and will remind you you have never been a mole woman even though you have definitely been a person trapped in 80's and 90's soundtracks.  Kimmy will help get you through.

10) Message Sonali and check in with her - if she is busy, post on the Ration Challenge Facebook page to check in with the other participants.  Remember - you are not alone in this.  Others will be struggling too.  Check in with them.  Rant away.  Get strength from others in the same boat.11) Get our of the house.  If the kids/house/pets are making you crazier than normal cos you don't have your usual food crutches just GET OUT.  Go look at some birds.  Go to the park.  Take your Ration Challenge drink bottle.

12) Read the messages from your amazing donors.  They believe in you.  You can believe in you too.



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Recipes!  Yes, as always, there are recipes.

I am so thankful to have enough donations to have earned an extra protein!  While I strongly considered eggs for a while (120 grams of protein is about 2 small eggs) I decided that peanuts are not only more flavoursome, but also easier to spread out over a period of time.  And I realised that if I make peanut butter from some of those peanuts, not only do I get a fucking delicious spread, but I can use it in making my hummus to give it better depth of flavour.  I have previously often used peanut butter rather than tahini when making hummus just because of the price differential, so I know it tastes good.

This recipe uses most of my 120 grams of peanuts, but it leaves enough that I have a few left for teeny snack boosts over the week.

        

Peanut Butter

Yummy peanut butter!           

1/2 cup of peanuts (shelled)
pinch salt (if you have it)
2 - 3 tsp vegetable oil
1/4 - 1/2 tsp sugar

1) Roast the peanuts by placing on a baking tray in an oven at 180 degrees celcius.  Check after 8 - 10 minutes and turn.  Cook until smells delcious and peanuts are slightly golden.  Yum!  Cool.
2) Pulse in food processor until chopped.  I do not have a small enough food processor for this quantity so I used my magical little Tupperware hand wizz thingee which I usually use to make hummus.  
3) Add oil and salt/sugar (if you have it) to taste.  Wizz until it starts to become a creamy, buttery texture.

This makes about 1/3 of a cup of peanut butter which equates to being able to have 2 teaspoons of peanut butter a day.  And it is delicious!  It has the Abby-licks-it-off-a-spoon seal of approval.  I will likely use some of that to add protein to, and flavour my breakfast.  I also plan on using some to make the following recipe...

My teeny yield of precious peanut butter cookies

Peanut Butter Biscuits

So the real truth about my other biscuit recipe is that it was awful.  Was it edible?  Yes.  But did I enjoy eating the biscuits?  Not really...

As soon as I realised I could make peanut butter, I realised I could make a better biscuit.  I also realised I should just use white sugar.  In terms of dietary health stuff I will not be having enough of it for it to negatively impact on my tummy health, so I don't need to deviate from the standard challenge options on this item.

So anyway, here is my new recipe:

2 Tbsp white sugar
1 1/2 Tbsp vegetable oil
1 Tbsp peanut butter (from previous recipe)
2 tsp milk
1/4 cup of gluten free flour
1 Tbsp chopped peanuts. (optional)

1) Preheat oven to 180 degrees celcius.
2) Mix sugar, oil and peanut butter in a small bowl.  Add milk and flour.  Mix.  Add peanuts.  
3) Use a teaspoon to shape into small balls and flatten with a fork.
4) Cook for about 9 minutes until just starting to brown

Makes about 7 - 9 small cookies.  Enough to make you feel like you get to eat cookies on this challenge.

And these too get the Abby seal of approval.  And mine.  These are delicious and a serious improvement on the caramel biscuit recipe I posted earlier.  I am so grateful to those generous donors who got me some nuts and enabled this cookiness to happen.  Truly grateful.

One very happy Abby

* Adenomyosis means my body produces more oestrogen than usual.  And fat cells love to stick to oestrogen (or something like that, this is how I remember my specialist putting it anyhow), so it's like one of those graphs where things start to curve up.  First, you get a little fat, and then the more fat you get the more fat you get.  There's not much in the way of treatment for it other than what I'm already doing, but often it goes away when you hit menopause.  So I have my fingers crossed that comes sooner rather than later.

* The raised oestrogen levels mean I'm also a crazy hormonal bitch most of the time and this makes me feel like I needs my wine and treats so I feel I'm gonna be one crying, angry bitch for most of this challenge.  Sure, I hope to come to a zen-like state, but I'm realistic about my situation.

Preparing for the Ration Challenge (3)

In Challenge Land this week has been epic!

Due to my wonderful whanau and friends and an amazing anonymous donor I have made my personal fundraising target.

AND we've made our team target already!  In fact, they have a new function on the website which is a 'leaderboard' of how well individuals and teams are doing*.  And randomly, our team is in sixth place!  This is all down to our amazing sponsors.  While everyone says 'wow!  That's an amazing thing you're doing' - the reality is that the difference made (in terms of Zaatari Camp) is by those who support me, and the other challengers, in doing this.  Thank you everyone who has supported me in this challenge.  You are helping real people with great need and it is wonderful.

We made the leaderboard!

Between us, the amount Sonali and I have raised is enough to feed five refugees for one year!  At this point in time the Ration Challenge NZ has collectively raised enough to feed 794 refugees for a year.  This is only about 1% of the number of people in the Zaatari camp.  So it is just a drop in the pan.  But that is 794 people that would otherwise be struggling to feed their families.  It is a big difference in the lives of those individual people.


And so, because I know how great the need is I am changing our targets.  I would rather try at something bigger and fail, than be complacent with what I have when there is still so much time left. So I've upped my personal target to feed four refugees for a year.  And the team target now reflects that change.  So of course, if you are yet to donate and would like to, you can!  Just click here to go to my donation page.

I am starting to feel more anxious about the challenge itself.

The truth is, while I try to eat healthy, I am a slave to flavour.  I will have a delicious dinner and then follow it up with some salt n vinegar Peckish Thins.  At this time of year I am often found rocking a hot toddy to cure the creeping cold ails.  Same goes for herbal teas.  While I have tried a lot of the foods I will be eating during the challenge and am finding them ok - the reality of living on such simple fare, and in limited quantities is daunting.

So my next post will focus on the things I will do during the challenge time to manage myself and my feelings - as while I've been great with thinking about the food stuff - I haven't thought much about self-care or management during this time - which is just as important a factor.

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Recipe time!

So I tried making a few dinner things for the challenge.  I probably won't make these to go together - I think the lentil soup will be better with just plain rice rather than the cakes - but I want to be able to mix things up for the challenge so I don't feel bored or resentful.  The first recipe is an adaptation of one from the Ration Challenge Guide.

 Lentil soup - made about three cups worth!     

Lentil Soup 

170g lentils

100mls milk

1/2 tsp brown sugar

Seasonings to taste

 
1) Wash the lentils until clean.  Cook in plenty of water, simmering for about half an hour.  Drain most of the water off.
2) Blitz the lentil mix with a slender blender.  Add milk and sugar and seasoning to taste.
3) Serve with rice

This soup was surprsingly good!  And the yield was enough for - I think - a decent dinner portion and two half size lunch portions.  Because I have some other foods aside for lunch too, I think this will be filling enough to get me through those two days at least.  So that feels like a really good start in terms of delicious dinners.

Yummy rice cakes

Fried Rice Cakes
1 cup rice seasoned with salt
Silverbeet finely chopped (or any other vegetable in small quantity)

100mls oil (you can use less)

1 TBSP gluten free flour

Seasonings to taste

 
1) Cook rice as you usually would.  Allow to cool.
2) Add finely chopped veges.  Form into small patties with your hands and roll on a plate in the gluten free flour mix (I add the seasonings to the flour)
3) Make sure the oil is at perfect frying temperature (hot!) in a small frying pan.  I fried mine in batches of about three.  Cook each side until they start to turn brown (about 3 - 5 minutes) then turn.
4) The mix makes about 6 - 8 rice cakes depending on how big you want them.
5) Drain on paper towel (if available)

These were yum!  I think if I were doing them over I would have made them a little thinner and made one or two more of them.  They would be great to dip in sauce or stew, or would make a nice small lunch with hummus.

One Ration Challenge meal serving.

* I am of two minds about it.  I think it's great in that it encourages competition which at the end makes a bigger difference for those we are trying to help.  But I also feel maybe it will make those struggling to fundraise feel more badly about their position.  I believe that every bit counts - every Ration Challenger counts - even if they only manage their own self sponsorship.  They are putting their tummies on the line to highlight this refugee community.  And that in and of itself is huge.

Preparing for the Ration Challenge (2)

Today marks exactly one month until the start of the Ration Challenge!

And even though I post about this every week, every week a lot changes.  This week I had a big change.  I started a team.  Starting a Ration Challenge Team is hard when you don't actually know any other people doing the Ration Challenge.  And hard when you have social anxiety.  But I thought - what have I got to lose?  And I asked a random lady who had commented on the Ration Challenge Facebook page if she wanted to form a team with me.  And she said yes!  Then I asked a lady in one of my Mummies forums - she also said yes (but I haven't heard from her since...)

So anyhow - I am now in a team of two which feels awesome!

Our fundraising team page - The CompassionAtes

Because now I am not doing this on my own!  My team mate, Sonali, lives on the North Shore.  And even though meeting new people makes me super anxious - we are actually going to meet during the week of the challenge!  It will be nice to have someone to talk to that is also experiencing the difficulties of participating in this challenge.  And it will be nice to share a meal with someone during this week.  Actually, this is an amazing opportunity to meet someone I never otherwise would, just because we believe in the same principle of helping others.

The other news this week is that I am 2/3rds of the way to achieving my fundraising goal.  Which makes me believe I will achieve it - and possibly even more?  If I raise $864 I can pay for a child's education for a whole year!  And if I raise $1024 those funds can feed four people in the Zataari Camp for a whole year!  That would be amazing.  And every little bit that is donated counts.  So far, in its inaugural year in New Zealand the Ration Challenge community has already raised more than $114,000 which is enough to feed 445 refugees for a whole year.  And it's still a month away from the actual challenge!

So I want to say thank you so much to everyone who has donated to the Ration Challenge so far.  Whether your donation has been small or large, every bit of it helps these folk who through no fault of their own face massive challenges every day.  And if you've sponsored me, you have also helped me gain some rewards to make this challenge a little easier.  So far your contributions have got me some the following extra bits and pieces:

•  50 grams of sugar
• 210mls of milk                     This is 170g of carrot - the other vege I am considering.
• 170 grams of a vegetable  

A vegetable!  This is amazing!  I would have struggled without this boost.  170 grams is not a lot, but it is enough to make a difference to both my energy levels and my frame of mind.  I am as yet undecided on what vegetable to choose.  I have strongly been considering carrot as I can make a nice carrot and lentil soup and cut the remainder into little strips for teeny sweet snacks during the day.  But it will most likely be rainbow silverbeet from the garden.  Leafy greens you get more bang for your buck weight wise.  Plus having stems and leaves make for two different textures for more variety.  And rainbow silverbeet equals colour which equals antioxidants which equals more happiness.  Well, that's my theory anyway. 

The other awesome thing is that as a team Sonali and I have each raised over $350, which gives us a team bonus of either an extra 100mls of milk or 25 grams of sugar each.  Which really is helpful!  I think I will be going with the milk as the extra protein will be helpful in helping me survive the days better.  And of course, if either of us makes it to a reward level the other hasn't by the 17th of June, we can share the extra we have with each other.

The other benefit of being in a team is that we get to pool our unlimited spices!  I let Sonali choose the combo so we are going with salt and lemon pepper.  While I had not even considered lemon pepper I do see a lot of potential here so am starting to feel excited about her choice.  And if anyone else wants to do the challenge and/or decides to join our team we may even have even more variety and more people to share ideas, feelings and recipes with.

If you want to sponsor me, just click here.  Or if you don't have credit card/are struggling with the website, just PM me and we'll work it out.

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Recipe time!

So I measured out how much flour I will have for the challenge, deducted what will be used for my cookies and divided the rest roughly into seven.  This gives me about 1/4 of a cup per day to use for flatbread (plus an extra 1/2 cup to be used as needed on tougher days).  I decided to base my recipe on Fatima's recipe from the Ration Challenge Guide.  So my recipe is:

Gluten Free Flatbread

1/4 cup gluten free flour mix

enough water to mix to a smooth dough

A little salt to taste

1/2 tsp oil to fry flatbread in.

1) Mix the flour, salt and water to make a firm dough.  Knead for 2 - 3 minutes.

2) Leave to rest covered with a damp cloth for 10ish minutes

3) Flatten your flatbreads into super flat rounds - I reckon the flatter the better.

4) Heat a small frying pan to a medium high heat (I use the second to highest second) and fry until starts to brown, then turn and cook the other side the same.

5) Cut into triangles and serve with whatever you have available.

Next to a teaspoon for comparison.

I rolled the next one flatter so it was a little bigger.

I have made these twice and the visual difference between my gluten free version and the regular version is quite apparent.  I made both versions yesterday to go with our chickpea curry.  I didn't try the regular flatbread, but Murray tried both and reckons in spite of the visual differences they actually taste similar.  And I think it's ok.  Not super delicious, but ok.  

But 1/4 of a cup makes just one small flatbread.  These test cooks are helping me realise how difficult this week is actually going to be.  These flatbreads with hummus and rice are going to be my version of taking sandwiches to work that week.  It's not a lot.  If I have enough leftovers from my planned dinners I will take some of those too.  But looking at the number of lentils in the bag and the 105 grams of vegetarian mince I have (what I've replaced the sardines with) I don't think there will be much.  But knowledge is power, and I feel these test cooks are helping arm me with skills for the challenge ahead in June. 

In this instance, the kids did not like the challenge food at all.  Etta deigned to put a teeny sliver in her mouth and chewed and spat it out, and Abby wouldn't even put it in her mouth.  Oh well.  I can't win them all.

 A breakfast bowl of flatbread.  Small, but reasonably delicious.

On Mothers Day and Kindness

So it is Mothers Day today.

And I am a horrible, cynical person who works in retail - so it's hard for me not to see it as much more than a marketing ploy.  Nevertheless, I do think it is nice that we have one day a year to recognise all that our mothers do for us and all that the mothers in our communities do for their families.  And for those of us who are Mums ourselves, it is nice to have a day where we might just feel appreciated for all that we do.

When you work in a department store
it's hard not to be cynical       

(and yet still I bought Mums present here...)

It is difficult not to fall into the trap of buying gifts for Mothers Day.  As a beneficiary with longterm illness, my Mum doesn't have a lot, so I do feel like Mothers Day is an opportunity to get her nice, useful things.  But many Mum's are not in the same position as mine.  I am one of those Mums.  So every time my lovely partner says 'what do you want for Mothers Day?' I am kinda stumped.  I know the kids will make me a card, and that'll be lovely.  But there are no present type things I really need.  I do need undies, but I suspect I will be better at picking comfortable ones (and for me, comfy undies  are a MUST HAVE) than either Murray or the kids, so I'd rather just get them myself.

And while what I'd really like for Mothers Day is a lie in, time to myself, big cuddles and a lovely meal I haven't cooked myself, like many mothers who work retail, I will be working today.  Consequently, doing all of those things today is just not possible.  And Murray usually cooks on Sundays anyway, so a nice meal I didn't cook is just a regular Sunday dinner.  So after thinking about it over the last few days I realised what I really wanted for Mothers Day was to show kindness to mothers and children who have greater need than me.

A big part of why I am doing the Ration Challenge is that I want my kids to see the impact kindness can have on others lives.  When I did the Circle Of Security parenting course one of the questions they asked at the outset was to list three qualities you most want for your children.  At the top of my list was kindness.  There is no such thing as a perfect parent and I am certainly not an all-rounder at this parenting bizzo*.  But the one thing I will work desperately to instill in my kids, is the importance of being kind.

Because I truly believe that through showing kindness and compassion for all people, we can make this world a better place.  So I try to exercise this every day.  It is in the little things - thinking before we speak, apologising when we say something wrong or hurtful unintentionally, learning from our mistakes - and just lending a hand when we can.  With my kids it's about listening to them, working on solutions to problems together and noticing when they need a little boost or a lot of cuddles.  And I am not perfect at this either.  But I work hard to be better at it.  And while there are many folk in need of a tonne of kindness right here in our neighbourhood**, I do think it is important to look at the bigger picture to really put things in perspective.

Currently we are witnessing the highest amount of displaced people worldwide on record.  Etta knows what war is.  I think it was the ANZAC Ted book she got last Christmas that prompted this discussion.  She is a curious kid and we have tried our best to answer her questions honestly and in an age appropriate way.  Having a context in which to explain what being a refugee means helps her to better understand the long term effects of war.  This also helps her to recognise her own privilege, and gives her more tools to live a compassionate life.  And Abby is little, but even so she will be absorbing more of this than we think.

The kids hitting the 'donation' button with Dad.
Who doesn't love pressing buttons?

Were the kids keen on giving Mum some seemingly intangible thing rather than something they chose themselves?  No, they were not.  Regardless of their lack of understanding, it gives them an idea of just how much we value helping others.  And through doing the prep work for the challenge and the discussions that consequently come up in our home, we reaffirm to them just how important we feel it is to work hard to help others.

I cannot comprehend what it would be like to be a mother during a state of war.  I cannot really comprehend war.  I don't know how I would cope with the loss of independence that comes with losing ones home, family and country, nor how I would swallow my pride to accept support from strangers.  But I do know that as parents we adapt to the unexpected situations that face us, because we have little choice but to do so.

There are many, many refugee mothers and children in this world, especially in Jordan where many Syrian refugees have sought asylum.  This breaks my heart.  And while I know I cannot singlehandedly stop a war and rebuild a nation, I believe that collectively we have the power to improve the lives of those affected by the displacement of war.  And as a mother, I empathise with the struggles of other Mothers, whether I fully comprehend them or not.  It doesn't matter if it's a Mum from Kindy, a Mum in my family or a Mum on the other side of the world.  The truth is the end goal for us is largely the same - trying to do what is best for our families***.

A Syrian family in Zataari Camp receiving their ration pack.

I have chosen to put my empathy into action via The Ration Challenge which is running in New Zealand for the first year this year.  This is a fundraiser, and awareness campaign for those living in the Zataari Camp in Jordan, where, for one week, participants eat the same rations as a Syrian refugee.  Funds are used to provide desperately needed things like food, sanitary items, medicine and education.  Of course, there are other ways you can help refugee families closer to home through non-monetary means.  You can volunteer to help refugee families settle into New Zealand life, or donate household goods to help these families get started.

I know this post has become exactly what I cynically said Mothers Day was all about - marketing.  And of COURSE I'd love for more people to sponsor me for the Ration Challenge**** or to take up the charge and get on board themselves.

But the real purpose for this post is promoting kindness.  I feel so grateful to live a life that is just teeming with kind, amazing and supportive Mums.  And I feel so grateful for my Mum, who is one of the kindest people I know.  Having all these wonderful Mothers around has made my transition to motherhood a lot less scary.  I'd love to see more of us extending that kindness to Mothers outside of our Kindy, our families and our Facebook groups, because not everyone is as lucky as I, and maybe you, are.  Sometimes all that kindness requires, is a warm 'I get it' smile at a stranger when their kid is melting down at the playground.

Collectively, we are wiser and stronger, and kindness forges that connection.

Happy Mothers Day.

My lovely Mothers Day card from Etta
made with help from her lovely Kindy teachers.

And just FYI, I do not give her thousands of toys.

* Having anxiety does make some aspects of parenting tough.  And I am not great at messy play, rough-housing or silly play with the kids.  Luckily, I have a Murray (my partner) who is GREAT at being silly and rough-housing with the kids, and a Mum who is great at messy play.  I figure having a super team of grown ups that are good at different things makes things better for everyone.

** The at home charity we regularly support is Kidscan as child poverty has a massive affect on us both here in NZ, and directly in our local community (Etta's school is one which receives support from Kidscan)

*** And of course, we are a part of that family - self care is as important as the care of any other family member.  Be kinder to yourselves Mummies!  Treat yourself with the same care, love and respect you give to others.

**** If you can't see my hyperlinks for any reason, and you do want to sponsor me - just go to https://my.rationchallenge.org.nz/hannah-may

Also, ignore the recommended donations if they look too crazy - they are quite high!  Every little bit counts - just $5 will feed a family at the Zaatari camp for one day, which still makes a huge difference.

OR to be kind to a total stranger just click on the 'sponsor someone' link on the Ration Challenge hub, search a random first name and sponsor whoever shows the lowest fundraised amount.  It all goes to the same place in the end!

Prep for the Ration Challenge: My Ration Pack arrived!

So I knew how much food I had to eat before I decided to do this challenge.  But when it actually arrived in its tiny box, I was still a bit shocked - there is just so little of it!  Even though I'd seen in in photo-form, I assumed that the amount of lentils and chickpeas would be more than sufficient.  But when I saw them in person, when I took them out of that tiny box and laid out on my table at home, I realised how misguided that idea was.

Not pictured here: 400g of tofu (as opted out of included sardines)

Once I added in the extra's I've 'earned' as rewards for reaching certain sponsorship levels, it looks a little better.  And if I imagine the vouchers as actual food quantities, that seems a little better again.

including the rewards - unlimited cumin, 1/4 cup brown sugar and 210 mls of milk

To be honest, seeing this makes me feel a little more nervous about participating in this challenge.  I love to cook and our dinners usually comprise of complex spice blends, rainbows of vegetables and assorted condiments.  This food is not only a smaller quantity than I envisaged, but seeing it actually there I realise just how simple it is.
 

There are no fruit or vegetables here - not a single green thing.  This is a huge reminder of how lucky we are here in New Zealand.  If I walk outside I can gather a nutritious and flavourful wild greens salad of nasturtium, puha and dandelion greens - and that's not including the herbs and greens in our actual garden.  Zaatari Camp is in desert - there is no green space, only dust and rocks.  A community park is in the plans for the camp, but has been put on hold due to lack of funds.  Imagine the difference green space could make to people living in a place like this!  But when they have so little to eat, and an ever increasing community, it is easy to understand why this is not top priority.

A comparison of the ground at Zaatari Camp and my front lawn.

It also reminds me of the privilege of choice.  As a former vegetarian, my regular diet is high in vegetables.  Our pantry is stocked with at least four different types of rice and at least three other gluten free grains.  We have six different oils for cooking and medicinal use.  Whilst I do exist on a restricted diet to manage my health issues* (low FODMAPS, and no red meat) I manage to not feel resentful about it by diversifying and getting creative in the kitchen.  Doing this challenge reminds me of how lucky I am to not only have access to such a large assortment of foods, but the facilities and skills to use them to create delicious meals.

So this is going to be a very tough week!  At this point, I am feeling so grateful to have many wonderful donors behind me already.  Even though the actual challenge is a while away still, I am a wee bit of an obsessive planner.  Knowing before going in to the challenge that I get a few extra ingredients really helps me feel like I will be ok.  The addition of milk and sugar spread over a week ups my daily caloric intake by 140 kilojoules - which may make all the difference to me actually completing this challenge.

It is difficult to really understand living on such a limited diet indefinitely.  I am anxious about one week of it - would I, from my position of privilege be able to survive on it for a year?  Three years?  I don't know if I could.  I hope, that with the support of the broader community over time things can become easier for the families living at the Zaatari Camp.

*          *          *           *          *          *           *          *          *           *          *          *     

So on that note, today's recipe is all about getting something small and sweet into each day.  I invented this recipe using what I have available to me for the challenge.  And while my kids will eat them, I don't think they taste amazing.  They are a little hard, and the mix separates during mixing.  I am going to try with a different GF mix, because I think that's the main issue.  So I reckon if you want to give these a go, use regular flour (if you can) but these are probably best to make only if you are participating in the ration challenge yourself.  And you can if you want!  You have until the end of May to sign up, and you can use all and any of my recipes you like.

Basic caramel cookies

1/4 cup brown sugar (the entire sugar allotment)

1/2 Tbsp vegetable oil

2 Tbsp milk

1/4 cup and 1 - 2 Tbsp gluten free flour mix.

• Add brown sugar, oil and milk to a small saucepan on a medium high heat.
• Cook until bubbling and starting to thicken - take off the heat when the smell starts to change and the mixture begins to deepen in colour.
• Add flour and mix to form a soft dough.
• Roll and break of tea-spoon fulls and flatten into soft rounds.  Put onto a baking tray (I use baking paper as just means zero sticking issues.
• Bake at 180 degrees Celsius for about 10 minutes or until starting to turn golden brown.

Makes about 14 tiny cookies (or two little blasts of sugary joy per day) 

  Even passed the Etta test!  She ate two.

* Adenomyosis, Endometriosis and IBS (which all often occur in conjunction with each other - I'm not just extremely unlucky).