In lieu of a baby shower I decided to have a high tea. Fancy fun with the ladies.
And, of course bragging about making it to 37 weeks.
This is the big milestone as it means that unless anything is otherwise wrong with bubs or me we can attempt the whole labour thing in a way I like most. I had a Midwife appointment today, and both she and I concurred this baby is big enough to survive on the outside. I'm measuring stretched to my limit - there is no room left in this uterus. Bubs is in perfect position for labour and I lost my mucosal plug on Friday night (I think? It looked like last time, no bloody show, just jelly goo). So it's all systems go, we're just waiting on the tiny human to make the call.
We've both agreed Friday will be the best day for said sprog to arrive - preferably in the evening because:
1) I want to rest today. Etta is at her Nana and Poppa's so I can actually sleep and laze.
2) Tomorrow is Murray's Dad's birthday. Let's not make everything a whole family spectacle.
3) Thursday is Lucy's birthday. I love Lucy. I don't want her to have to compete with a baby for birthday party dates/catch ups/time. It's lame.
4) Friday will mean Murray gets another long weekend!
5) Friday my Midwife is available and, at this stage, not busy. And she is awesome. So I want her around me when this baby comes out.
She is so awesome she wrote that the baby will come on Friday on my appointment notes - just to further imprint this reality on my unborn child. Best. Midwife. Ever. Now do as instructed baby!
Today I was thinking of how different having a second child is to the first. First time around I was very grateful to have a baby shower and to get educated about things babies need - cos I didn't know diddly. This time I had High Tea instead of a baby shower. We got to dress up as ladies and go to Waitakere Estate which has the most awesome retro decor. And we ate lots of food and drank the bubbly wine and walked the grounds and got to be grown ups talking (mostly) non child things for a few hours. It was brilliant. Because this time around my house is FULL of baby things (most of which I understand the function of) and I really don't need much more. And a break from these things where I put lipstick on is a rare event.
But I do know that some people want to be helpful during what is almost always a stressful time of change. Or want to celebrate the pending new person so that they haven't missed out on the huzzah the first one got. So I thought I'd make a list of what, in retrospect, the absolute best gifts for subsequent sprogs/parents of subsequent sprogs would be:
1) Newborn disposable nappies
Now this won't be for everyone. We are users of the cloth ourselves, but definitely in the first few weeks (ended up being 6 for us last time with the surprise Caesar and no lifting) disposables make life a lot simpler. If you are unsure, check. Parents go through these things like they do coffee, so are almost always in need over those first few weeks. And if they do end up with too many will likely pass them on to someone else in need. It's the weird thing about becoming a parent - you instantly know a bazillion other people with babies or about to have babies.
2) Coffee
I think the best present a soul could get Murray over the first few weeks of this newun would be a voucher or coffee card to his favourite coffee place. Or just a text accompanying a dropped-off-in-the-letterbox-during-crazy-times coffee. While this may not seem like the best 'family' gift I'd say you are mistaken. Dad's being kept sane helps the entire family function better. If Dad doesn't drink coffee, insert some other sanity making favourite here - like beef jerky or beer.
3) Meal type things
I must precursor this with a reminder that not everyone has a giant freezer. While frozen meals will be fab for some, they may not be for all. Our freezer is currently packed to the hilt, so while a meal would be much appreciated, it would not be super useful to us right now. A frozen meal may be more helpful a few weeks down the line. In lieu of this, meals that keep are also ace. Like muesli bars (easy to eat whilst breastfeeding) or crazy tinned breakfast options. If you want to be fancy, quiz your people on where they like to get takeaway foods from, and get them a voucher to said place. Not always possible, but it's surprising how many places do provide this option.
And dinners are not the only meal. New Mum's often forget to eat during the day as are so busy it just slips their mind. And nutrition is important when you're breastfeeding, or not sleeping, or crying a lot, or all of the aforementioned. So little, easy to grab, healthy foods can be helpful - fruit, muesli bars, jerky, nuts or muffins all make fantastic little thoughtful gifts.
4) Petrol Vouchers
Again, this may not be for all, but if anything goes wrong with the baby or Mum in the first little bit there will be a lot of extra trips into hospital which costs unexpected amounts. This is also useful for people staying at birthing units out of town. Or people who need to do more and more frequent late night pie runs. So probably this is a good idea for many.
5) Babysitting vouchers
I have no idea how hard things are going to be with Etta once the newby arrives, but I imagine it's going to be pretty hard. Etta currently knows something is up and is mega clingy. So after bubs is born I will be trying to make sure she knows I still love her very much and not shipping her off to be babysat all the time. Which will be hard. So I wouldn't mind if after the first few weeks anyone could spend an hour to maybe sit with the newby so I can do something fun with her. Just to keep things in check. Not only will it be very helpful for us, but for those baby sniffers out there it gives you the opportunity to top up your new-baby-smell-memories. And I'm sure there will be points where we both reach the end of our tether and a rest from our fabulous toddler will be in order. I'm sure other parents will probably feel similar.
6) Cleaning vouchers
Now this is totally not something I'd want because of my weird anxieties BUT I've heard this is something of use to many normal parents - offer to do the vacuuming or some such thing. Cleaning plus babies plus other kids = not a lot of time. And kids = disproportionate amount of mess. So this would be very helpful for many. Just not me.
7) Nipple Cream and Bum Balm
As with everything, check to see if this is needed first, but these were things that got used a LOT and will likely need replacing. I think this will be the same with a lot of families. These are underestimated necessities. While we seldom use bum balm with Etta these days it definitely helped both her bum and our patience in cleaning her bum in the early days. And I can't speak more highly of nipple cream. It seriously saved my breastfeeding life. It is not weird to care for your friends nipple health - it is just a sensible way of being caring.
8) Maternity Pads
I know this is horribly boring and gross and not something to think about, but after babies are born ladies bleed. A lot. And maternity pads are expensive. For some ladies this might only last a few weeks and be no big deal, but for me it was more like two months. And Caesar or no Caesar - we bleed all the same. For those who haven't had babies it's important to know we can't use tampons. Not because they will fall out of the large tunnely empty socks that are now our vaginas, but because we are more inclined to infection. If you want to upgrade on this gift for the early days get some of those big ass incontinence knickers. I have been paranoid about my waters breaking and ruining my expensive mattress over the last few nights, and can say from experience they are extremely comfy. And probably quite absorbent. I haven't had to test that part yet. All I know is it's hard to go back to regular undies after experiencing the comfort of Poise.
9) Pamper Vouchers
The best present anyone can ever get me (besides lollies, popsicle slushies and Instant Kiwis [the crossword ones are best]) is a massage voucher. Not to an expensive, fancy type spa in Parnell, but to the mall ($35 for head, neck, shoulders and back and you can have your back done sitting up - handy when you are pregnant). Mall massages are easily accessible and can be surprisingly good. You just have to know who has the most magic hands in that particular part of the land. My mother hates being touched by most humans - so if she had just had a baby there could be no worse present - although a voucher to get her hair did would be perfect. Maybe you have some pampering skills yourself? Why not form a babysitting/pamper duo with a friend to come to the rescue with child relief and foot rubs? Or a manicure? Or a sneaky glass of vino? Or all of the above? And chocolate. Don't forget the chocolate.
10) A Cheese Sandwich
Immediately following having Etta this was the thing I wanted most in the world - and despite being gluten free at the time, when it was an option (via hospital menu) I took it. I dropped sandwich on Etta's head. I did not care. It was the best damn sandwich I ever ate.* Now take that feeling, and add to that a sandwich made with love and care by someone you know - not just random hospital staff. Like, maybe with fresh bread, tasty cheese and a crunchy salad. Oh. My. God. Is there anything better? So maybe just make a cheese sandwich to bring around some time. Or the equivalent awesomeness for vegans or the allergy impaired. Never underestimate the power of a sandwich.
* It must be noted I was horrendously ill after this, but that could have been from many things. It's not always the sandwiches fault.
