I'm writing this because it just won't stop niggling at my brain.
Like many I've been following the court case. I don't want to be - it's like trying not to look at a car crash - you know it's wrong, but it's hard to look away. I don't want to be interested in this*. It's frustrating.
What I find more frustrating than my own inability to look away is seeing so many folk sharing the hashtags 'I stand with Johhny Depp' or 'I stand with Johnny' (there are 17,000 + posts linked to those hashtags). The simplification of this case into 'with him or against him' is extremely unhelpful.
Because unfortunately, things are just not that simple.
A chunk of the problem here is due to social media. It's great at boiling things down to their bare essentials - Are you pro Trump or anti Trump? Are mandates a good thing or a bad thing? Is the dress blue or is it gold? Choose a side, plant your feet and argue with anyone with an alternative position. Increasingly the presentation of ideas on social media are like these - black and white. Spat out in ways that pit people against each other. This is not only problematic in how it fuels dissent, but because life is rarely black and white. There are many, many grey areas.
When I see #Istandwithjohnny it feels like these people believe if you don't get hit, you have not been abused. Therefore Amber abused Johnny - he did not abuse Amber. That because she was abusive toward him, what he did to her is longer constituted as abuse. This feels massively reductive, and unhelpful - particularly after seeing footage of Johnny Depp's behaviour around and toward Amber. It feels like a punch in the guts because it's saying my experience of abuse don't matter. That so many women's experiences of abuse do not matter.
The Power And Control Wheel
Yes, domestic violence can and does happen to men too. It isn't specific to heterosexual relationships - it can occur in any relationship. But these crimes are more often than not perpetrated by men against women.
In New Zealand, 35% of women have experienced physical or sexual violence from an intimate partner in their lifetime. When other forms of violence like those in the wheel above are included, this jumps to 55%. And 87% of women who experienced physical or sexual violence from an intimate partner did not report it. More recent statistics (published after the lockdowns) suggest this rate to be closer to 94%. And 78% of intimate partner homicides in Aotearoa are perpetrated by men against their current or former partner.
In comparison 7.4% of men have experienced physical or sexual violence from an intimate partner in their lifetime. When all forms of abuse are included, this jumps to 17%. And just 2% of intimate partner homicides are perpetrated by women against their male partner or ex-partner. That's 76% less than homicides perpetrated by men against women.
I do not use these statistics to back the notion that Amber is innocent in this. I use this to show you just how many women may have experienced similar situations and not reported them. Amber also did not report her abuse. I expect like most people that don't report their abuse she was quite terrified of being dragged through court. That she was aware she had some culpability in things, or that even if she didn't it would be made to look as if there was. That she was uncomfortable with being poked and prodded by defense lawyers about the specifics of her abuse. I can fully understand instead using a pen to vent her frustrations with her dysfunctional relationship.
Johnny's mangled finger
I have no doubt from what I've seen from the court case that Johnny Depp
and Amber Heard's relationship was dysfunctional. There is plenty of
evidence to confirm this whether he cut off the top of his own finger as initially stated, or whether she did with a broken bottle.
To me, the truth of the specifics are largely irrelevant. The court
case is a defamation suit. The level of violence from either party
shouldn't come into it. That Amber Heard stating (without using his
name) that her relationship with Johnny was abusive is the crux of the
matter.And the footage I saw of Johnny losing it - slamming doors and throwing things - is by any clinical definition abusive. Living with a person who thinks this kind of behaviour is ok, that it's 'normal' is living with someone who is abusive. Using threats and intimidation is classic controlling behaviour. And I very much doubt that short clip was the extent of the abuse perpetrated within this relationship - whether it came from both sides or not.
Choosing not to see the grey area, choosing to #standwithjohnny, signifies to very many of us with lived experience like Amber's, that abuse that is not physical or sexual does not count. Abuse, when retaliative, is acceptable. That women in these dysfunctional relationships should just keep their mouths shut as the vast majority of us have been doing for centuries.
Choosing to #standwithjohnny is choosing to maintain the status quo.
I have little to no doubt that both Johnny and his lawyers were aware that the footage and texts highlighted would come to light in court. So this tells me:
a) He and his legal team do not constitute those behaviours to be abusive and/or
b) His character witnesses and social status will allow people to forgive this level of behaviour (if he appears remorseful of course).
These are both deeply problematic.
The fact that he hired a psychiatrist to 'diagnose' Ambers mental health disorders is also deeply problematic. His legal team hired the psychiatrist. And what they diagnosed her with was of no surprise to me. Not because it was an obvious diagnosis for Amber, but because these diagnoses have been used to discredit women for decades.
The term Borderline Personality Disorder was proposed by Adolph Stern in 1939 but didn't make it's way into the DSM until the third edition in 1980 courtesy of Otto F. Kernberg. It is used to describe a collection of symptoms attributed to people (predominantly women) with primitive psychological defenses - mood swings, unstable self image and a tendency toward self harm.
These days, BPD is considered a controversial diagnosis.
Not only is it rumoured** to have entered the DSM III as a means of sectioning psychiatric practitioners problematic wives, but it's resistance to treatment and
continued problematic behaviour means it's not a particularly useful
diagnosis for those unfortunately so diagnosed.
And as for histrionic personality disorder,
well. Not only is it's name rooted in misogyny (hystera being Greek
for 'womb' hysteria meaning 'wandering womb' ie: displacement of womanhood) but it's considered to be the most ambiguous diagnostic
category in psychiatry. In other words, pretty much useless. Other than being a disorder which helps remind us all that
'bitches be trippin'.'
I have zero doubts that Amber Heard has mental health issues just as I have zero doubts that Johnny Depp is
an egotistical narcissist. But I equally do not doubt that Johnny
Depp's 'psychiatrist' diagnosed her with these outdated mental illnesses
to discredit Amber in court. No decent, up-to-date, psychiatrist would
simplify her behaviours to two such outdated, and vague diagnoses***.
A more suitable diagnosis, in my personal opinion, is PTSD.
As someone formally diagnosed with PTSD (in my case now considered CPTSD) I can say
that many of her behaviours could result from this. Her misremembering
the brand of the makeup
she used to cover up bruises could easily be a result of PTSD. I have had
someone try to discredit one of my experiences of sexual abuse because I could
not remember one specific. I know how easily you can want to fill in
the blanks to lend credibility to what happened and get it wrong.
Aside from problems with memory some of the things I have struggled with
include anxiety, depression, dissociative episodes and difficulty
managing my emotions. Now I have safety nets in place and a more stable
life, this is the extent of it and it's generally quite manageable. However when I was younger, it presented quite differently: engaging in
self harming behaviour, abusing alcohol, acting bizarrely,
drastically changing my appearance when unhappy. I recognise all of
these behaviours in Amber.
Me in my mid 20's - almost naked and entirely blue...
Based on her op ed and her early experiences of abuse it's likely that Amber's PTSD existed well before she met Depp. have no doubt she was drawn to a relationship fraught with problems because of her PTSD. And living with someone who has a problem with addiction and has an ego like Depp's, would certainly be triggering. I have no doubt Amber Heard acted out as a consequence of this situation.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I understand completely that her op-ed negatively impacted his career.
I understand that aspects of their relationship have likely been exaggerated - by both parties. But the relationship was abusive whether that abuse went both ways or not. Regardless of her part in things, Amber was abused. The major problem with him winning this case is like many, it sets a very messed up precedent for victims of abuse. It's a very clear message that it's not abuse when someone throws stuff around the room and jokes about killing you and 'fucking (her) burnt corpse afterward to make sure she's dead'. It's not abusive to attempt to control how your partner looks and what work she chooses to do.
But it is wrong to the tune of $50,000,000, to talk about your experiences.
And this is just so wrong.
It is hard for me seeing stories like this played time and time again. Woody Allen is still making movies in spite of being a pedophile. As are Charlie Sheen and Dustin Hoffman, both accused on multiple occasions of sexual assault. While some men have been prosecuted, found guilty of their crimes and been 'cancelled', an equal amount of women are labelled as 'hysterical' or 'impossible to work with' simply for not fitting the mold of a passive object and speaking their mind.
It's hard for me not to view these kinds of trials as the witch trials of modern times.
But it's very easy for me to understand why 94% of victims of intimate partner violence do not speak out.
* There is a clear and obvious reason why. People with my background will either be following this case closely or avoiding it like the plague because it's triggering.
** Murray told me it was commonly described at Auckland Uni (psych degree) as a condition which made it into the DSM as a way of being able to diagnose and section psychiatrists and medical practitioners wives...
*** Just incidentally, what is the usual cause of BPD? Abuse and trauma. It's also considered to 'run in families'... like intergenerational abuse and trauma. What is the cause of PTSD? Abuse and trauma...
