Covid Pyjama Karaoke: Don't Dream It's Over

Covid Pyjama Karaoke: Let It Be

Covid Pyjama Karaoke: Lost In The Woods

Ten Stupidist 'Essentials' I Could Find Online

So I came up with this list after trying to find a few things to top up Abby's birthday presents.  I'd done most of her birthday shopping before lockdown, so this wasn't necessary.  But like most parents I wanted her fifth birthday to feel special.  Especially given the situation.  Soon I found myself sucked into the online shopping hole, and while I didn't find much for Abby*, I did become obsessed with finding the least essential 'essentials' available.

This has taken me some time as it's a tricky thing to do.  What we deem essential is actually quite personal.  Things I find frivolous may be considered a necessity by some.  And while the government has clarified, what they've deemed 'essential' is still quite broad.  And while some retailers have really considered each and every item they've included in their 'essentials' range**, others have taken a much looser approach.

10) Baby Bunny Romper (Postie Plus)

Coming in at number 10 is this velour baby bunny romper.  This was the only thing on the Postie Plus website I thought pushed the boundaries on 'essential'.  Yes, it is cute.  Yes, it is warm.  Yes it is well priced.  But are there more practical warm options you can buy for a baby?  Yes.  Now I love me some velour, but it is way less breathable than cotton or merino.  And cos babies can't regulate their temperature like us grown ups they could easily overheat in this outfit.  Sure, you can take some cute Easter pics, but when we're on lockdown due to a pandemic that is killing tens of thousands of people, is that really so important?  I guess this bunny romper helps bring a sense of normalcy to some folk.  I get that.  I think bunnies are cute, but I also think dressing babies up to get attention is a little exploitative.  I know many will debate me on this.  This is why I have carefully placed this at number 10.

9) Durex Bullet (Mightyape)

I expect equally as much disagreement here.  This gem, like the majority on this list, comes to us courtesy of Mightyape.  While I can see this might be a great time for getting jiggy for some, it's hard to justify this as 'essential' when it's function can be carried out manually.  I don't feel like this about all 'adult' items.  I think lube is very essential.  It reduces friction which reduces condom breakage, and uncomfortable chafing.  Lube prevents unwanted pregnancies, STI's and pain.  Lube is basically medicine.  But vibrators?  The only argument I can come up with is that it may reduce depression rates in solo bubbles.  Or pregnancy rates in flatting bubbles.  I mean, these are both valid arguments which is why this bullet only makes it to number 9.

8) Play Table and Chairs (Farmers)
So while you can't buy actual furniture right now, for some reason it's totally ok to still buy tiny furniture for tiny people.  I mean this is not essential baby stuff - at least the bunny costume keeps a kid warm.  This is a toy.  And while it can function as a table the folk small enough to sit here probably cannot eat unaided.  Furniture is not deemed essential.  Toys are not deemed essential.  What the fuck Farmers? I'm sure you argued it's case as a 'nursery' item, but it has the word 'play' in its name.  It's a toy.

7) Automatic Pet Feeder (Mightyape)

Not only have we missed the two overseas holidays we had planned*** and the local ones we re-planned when international travel was off the table, but holidays are off the table for all.  Want to go to your bach this Easter weekend?  Don't.  You've been told.  We shouldn't have to be setting up blockades for idiots and yet it seems we must.  So no-one in New Zealand needs an automatic cat feeder.  Some essential workers might be working crazy long shifts right now and might find this handy, but otherwise they're redundant.  And they will be for some time.  Travel is basically off the agenda until we're back down to Level 1 and that's not going to be soon.  Plus isn't lockdown kinda ideal for pets and pet owners?  Surely this is the ideal time to be snuggling, feeding and playing with our pets?  I mean, there are so many very real health benefits in spending quality time with pets and right now we need as much of this as we can get.  You should see how shiny and happy my cats are right now.  Ain't no robot feeding my pets.

6) Satinelle Epilator (Farmers)
This is another item that will be contentious.  I've chosen it more as a representation of the very many unnecessary 'health and wellness' items available for purchase right now.  It is necessary to remove our body hair?  Well, no.  Not unless you're getting a tattoo or having a medical procedure and both of these things are not commonly happening right now.  And in both cases usually someone else does this for you.  Surely hair removal, bubble bath and foot masks are not 'essential' right now?  There are certainly some retailers that normally sell this stuff that have opted not to (Postie Plus, Bed Bath and Beyond and Kmart are a few).  I mean, I love face masks and bubble baths, and yes, self care is good for our mental health.  But if there were ever a time where we should be working out how to DIY this stuff that time is now.  No-one actually needs these things.

5) Kitchenaid Standmixer - Raspberry Ice (Mightyape)

I used to sell these and they are an AMAZING machine.  I love Kitchenaids.  Heavy as shit at 13kg, but sturdy, practical and amazing.  I want one so bad, but don't bake enough to justify the expense or bench space.  My friend has one.  Her husband bought it for her as a birthday gift.  I am so jealous.  At $1,199 this baby don't come cheap.  And in a time of uncertainty and job loss, where many are struggling to even source flour, owning a Kitchenaid doesn't really seem like a priority.  If you have a really big family and are baking all the time because everyone is suddenly all home then maybe?  But when you have a lot of folk to feed then cost is probably a concern, and given you can pick up a stand mixer for 1/3 of the price elsewhere, and a decent one (Kenwood) for almost half the price it seems unlikely.  I see this and see the bourgeois panic purchasing stuff they really don't need online because their lives have been turned on their heads.  And that ain't necessary.

4) All Blacks Bar Fridge (The Warehouse)
While I'm certainly not the biggest sports supporter out there (I truly just don't care), I miss my gym HARD.  I miss swimming.  It's something that's just not possible during lockdown.  Not only did it keep me fit, but it kept me sane.  It sucks that I can't go swimming.  I miss the sauna.  And like the gym membership card in my wallet, this bar fridge is a reminder of all we're missing right now.  I mean it's not quite rugby season yet, but it will be soon and the reality is that (dare I say it?) there might be no rugby.  This fridge will remind you of that every time you go to grab a beer.  Speaking of beer, this fridge also supports binge drinking.  Unless someone's that concerned about their flatties (or children) pinching food over lockdown, no-one will buy it for any other purpose.  It's not a freezer - you can't store food in it for long periods.  This is purely for beer, or the things like beer, that you can still acquire during lockdown.  Not only does this item provide the means to drink excessively, but for some, it will also give them a reason.  RIP sports. 

3) Jelly Belly Jumbo Beanboozled Spinner Game (Mightyape)

While some folk are reliant on council food parcels, and others can't get bread, flour or yeast you can rest assured that your supply of inedible jelly beans is still available.  I like games.  We have a ridiculous collection.  And while I can see the fun in this, it just seems ludicrous that this is available when many are struggling to have basic nutritional needs met.  Especially given almost half of this food is barely edible.  Someone gave us a small version of this for Christmas (I have no idea who or why).  So I've tried them.  And I can tell you that the blood and squid ink flavours are inedible****.  Given this set includes even more foul flavours, like dead fish and stinky socks, I expect the rate to be even higher here.

2) Pootin Lavatory Mist (Mightyape)

This is only not number one because technically it has a use.  And when confined in small spaces for long periods that use is actually quite useful.  Scented with jasmine and green tea, Pootin promises to alleviate stenches from the bathroom.  Does it deliver?  I don't know.  I will never know.  I will never purchase this Pootin.  Is it funny?  Yes!  Poo jokes are always funny.  Poo + politicians is definitely funny!  Is it necessary?  No, absolutely not.  Just burn a match for fuck sake.

1) Inkless Printing Kit For Pets (Mightyape)

I know cat people and I know dog people.  I myself am animal people.  I love my pets.  I love my neighbours pets and yes, I think of my pets as members of my family.  But do I think it is necessary to get their paw prints on paper right now?  No, I don't.  Will other folk?  Yes, of course and I'm not going to judge them for it.  But would I consider this an essential item right now during a pandemic?  No. I really don't.  That is why this made it to number one.  It has literally zero necessary function.  Go cuddle your pets.  It's free.  And they will love you for it.

Whether you agree or vehemently disagree with my list I strongly encourage you to consider making one of your own.  Doing this made me really consider my values and how these play out in the real world.  Putting thought to what we consider 'essential' is a really helpful thing to do in uncertain times.  It helps put things in perspective.  It helps us realise we can survive without all of this stuff.

Be safe, be kind and be compassionate.

Happy lockdown Easter everyone!


* If it's helpful there are limited toys available both online and instore at Countdown, and a very limited selection of party stuff and knock off family boardgames at Pak n Save.

** Kmart, Bed Bath and Beyond and Briscoes truly seem to have thought about what they've kept available as 'essentials'.

*** While I'm sad about this, I think that the decisions made by our government have been pretty spot on and I'd much rather miss out on a holiday than propagate a pandemic that kills our most vulnerable.

**** Oddly, I found the vomit, moldy cheese and toothpaste actually ok.

Covid Pyjama Karaoke: Superstar

Random Lockdown Animal Sagas

Part 1: Chicken/roosters

So before lockdown we noticed a pair of chickens roaming loose on our street.

The first time I noticed them they were on the property across the road from our driveway.  I assumed they lived there, although they seem irresponsibly housed.  They look very young.  Over time, seeing these chickens in varying places roadside and after conversations with multiple neighbours we realise these are not pets.  We are worried.  Our road is a busy thoroughfare.  We think they will get hit by cars.  One has already been clipped and has developed a limp.

We are very accustomed to chicken guests at our place   

Their preferred place to sleep is under the trampoline of our roadside neighbour.  She feels sorry for them so has been feeding them bird seed.  But she doesn't want them there.  Not only because of the poop and noise, but because she doesn't want to see them hit by cars.  No-one wants to see that.  My direct neighbour and I have the same thought - she has chickens already.  We just have to catch them and re-home them to hers or our place less than 50 metres from where they like to stay.  We use food, we use herding, we even set up a 'trap' of a puppy cage.  We try, and fail at this for weeks.

Then the day before we're due to go away on holiday* we manage to herd them up to our place.  I drive the car while Murray walks along beside it.  We are almost in shock!  We've finally done it!  We move our falling apart hutch we loaned to our neighbour back to our place (with help from her son) and attempt to get them inside.  We fail, and close to dusk one of the chickens flies over the fence, soon followed by the other.  Somehow, I manage to herd them back to our place.  They walk straight into the hutch.

We now have chickens.  The kids have named them Dutch and Snowy

Dutch and Snowy cuddled up together

But we're going on holiday.  We buy chicken feed.  Our direct neighbour who also has chickens is feeding our pets while we're gone, and we aren't planning on going for too long, so it feels ok.  We have two nights away from home before we hear Jacinda on the radio saying we're shifting to Stage 3 and will be in Stage 4 in two days time.  I decide to pack up and head home immediately so we can prepare.

We get home, and I feel so grateful to have chickens before lockdown.  It's something to do, and they're productive.  There will be eggs!  The morning after lockdown has just begun, one of our chickens starts crowing.  Two days later, our chickens are fighting.  While we try and deny it for a day or so we realise that, unsurprisingly, our chickens are dumped roosters.

If it weren't for the fighting, we would have kept them until the end of lockdown.  We know having roosters goes against council restrictions, but I'm also pretty sure that my brother in Kaiwaka might be able to take them when we're allowed to travel again.  I check in with our neighbours to see how bothered they are - they haven't even noticed the crowing.  The crowing doesn't start until about 7.30am, so it's not bothering us either.  They have become BFF's with one of our neighbours chickens Chippy, and they all hang out together during the day.  When they aren't fighting, they are preening each other and cuddly.  They are so cute.  But the fights are epic, and one day one of them attacks one of our neighbours other chickens.

Chippy is their BFF.  She is distraught when they go

I contact the SPCA, the bird rescue and a local animal rescue.  None of them are able to help.  The council jurisdiction on roosters is the same across West Auckland.  No-one can take them.  We feel like we have no other choice.  I catch our roosters, put them in the cat cages and take them to the vets to be euthanised.  This was not the life we envisaged for them.  They were wonderful birds that, when not fighting, loved each other and Chippy.  They were sweet.  They were teenagers.  My heart is heavy.  Etta is crying.  Chippy is mad at us.  This was not the plan.

Everything is so much quieter.  It's odd.

Part 2: Snails

So a while ago we said to Etta if she saved enough money she could buy a small fish tank set-up (she'd seen one at the Bird Barn for $50).  So she saved up.  When we got to the Bird Barn to buy the set up she then decided that she wanted to save more money before she bought it.   She didn't want to be left with nothing.  I said fair enough.  About a month later she decided she had enough money and bought her tank.  And after getting the water quality about right, we bought a couple of snails and some tepid water guppies.  We added a few more later on.

A hillstream loach (not Badger)

The tank has been an unexpected source of entertainment for us all.  Especially after we got a Hillstream loach named Badger, which has provided a Where's Wally aspect.  This fish mostly hides under a rock, so any time we spot it feels like an achievement.  And one of the snails - Red - is the most entertaining critter in that whole tank!  It seems to climb the walls of the tank to launch itself into the oxygen pumps' bubbles.  And Red is fast!  Faster than you'd ever expect a snail to be.  It's easy to get caught up just staring at the tank watching for what Red's going to do next.

About a week before lockdown our other snail Moe passed away.  We knew they were older snails.  They were much bigger than any Red Ramshorns the shop assistant had seen   An empty shell remained in the tank.  Etta cried.  She held a small service.  We put Moe's shell into the china cabinet.  And then two days later, magic happened.  Baby snails.  Lots and lots of baby snails.  Etta believed Moe and Red had made babies.  Moe had left Etta a legacy**.

Badger's sucky side and one of the baby snails

 What's great about this is it is added entertainment during Lockdown!  Some days we've counted 14 little baby snails.  And they're growing quickly.  Over the past week they've got much bigger which makes it easier to spot them (at first they were mere specks of snail).  Thinking up names, and options for rehoming them as they get bigger has made for much entertainment for the kids.  This fish tank has certainly added some entertainment to our lockdown.

Part 3: Assorted mammals

I'm not sure if this has been a common experience of folk on lockdown but we have certainly seen more dogs roaming than usual.  It might just be because we're home more and are walking more.  We made our first call to animal control just a few days after the lockdown started after me, Murray and our neighbours all spotted the same dog on separate walks during the afternoon.  He had a collar, but no tag.  He seemed friendly and harmless.  My main concern was for his safety - that he'd be sidelined by the quiet street and meet a car unexpectedly.  By the time animal control had turned up, he was was off the street and assumed safely home, which was great to hear.

            Meet Prada, one super cute pup!           

A few days later Murray comes home from a walk around the block and says a puppy has followed him home.  I don't believe him.  He is prone to exaggeration and he doesn't especially like dogs.  But when he said it was on our driveway, I believed him.  I found a very excited lovely wee pup.  He'd encountered her two streets away and she literally just followed him home.  Given he doesn't really like dogs I doubt he will have encouraged her - he's not a patting random animals kinda guy.  It's taken me all kinds of bribery to get any animals into our house.

She was very young, only looked about 12 weeks.  I said we should call animal control, but keep her at ours so she would be safe.  After 2 minutes of her being outside and chasing the cats and rooster/chickens to the point they flew over the fence, I brought her inside.  Etta is phobic of dogs, and after a very excited encounter, Abby was feeling nervous of her too.  So we had to keep her between the hallway and bathroom.  Murray called animal control.  We fed her and gave her some water and took turns giving her attention while we waited for animal control to turn up.  After some time, the kids even warmed up enough to give her some pats while we held her so she didn't jump up.  She looked healthy and happy and was clearly loved.  Half of her claws were painted pink.

Murray told me he wanted to keep her.  I reminded him of all the reasons why we couldn't have a dog (and that he'd done the same thing to me when I felt in love with a rescue kitten a month ago).  The kids wanted to keep her.  She was delightful, but definitely a well loved pet who needed her family.  When animal control came he said he had met her before and knew where she lived***.  He was so lovely and cuddly, we all felt a little better.  We knew she would be going home.

And then recently we've discovered a new cat in the neighbourhood.  There hasn't been any in some time, so this was pretty exciting.  We spotted this glorious white cat prancing along the fence last week.  Then yesterday, we saw their curious face peeking through our ranch slider and sniffing the cat door.  I went outside to say hi and they are super friendly and cuddly.  I'm not sure where they live or what their name is but Etta has named it Tauntaun after its similarly coloured coat.

This is 'Tauntaun'

*            *            *            *            *            *          *            *            *            *            *      

I am so grateful for the pets we have at home.  They make this time pass so much more sweetly.  Even when there are hard days and difficult decisions, it feels worth it.  I cannot imagine our lives without them. I'm sure we'll have many more animal adventures in the weeks to come. 

* Not to Australia as booked and planned, but close to Katikati after the borders shut down.

** In truth, the snails likely came in on some new plants we'd purchased when we got our loach, but there was no point explaining this to Etta at the time.  Now that it's apparent there are two different species of snail and she's over Moe's passing, we have had to.

*** It turned out that he didn't.  He probably just said that so we all felt better.  Prada did see her owners again the next day though, and now we know where she lives so we can return her if we find her loose again.  Her owners had got her JUST before the lockdown was announced and Prada discovered their section was not quite secure - pretty sure that's sorted out now.