On Choosing To Do The Ration Challenge

So after much deliberation I've decided to do The Ration Challenge in support of Syrian refugees in camps in Jordan.  The reason I had to really think this through was because it's going to be a super difficult challenge!  The ration packs are small and simple - they equate to about 80% of what an average adults caloric intake should be.  And because I have low blood pressure and other dietary restrictions (to help manage my endometriosis and adenomyosis symptoms) - this made me feel a little anxious.

But after much thought I realised that actually - I am in many ways the perfect candidate for this challenge.  I do not work full time.  I do not have a lot of extra curricula activities I cannot put on hold for a week to participate.  I have a very supportive family.  And this diet is just for one week.  For the people living in these camps - this has no known endpoint.  And they endure many, many other restrictions and face challenges daily that I cannot even comprehend.

My food supplies for one week

And I do have a lot of experience in learning new ways of cooking for restrictive diets - although these rations definitely provide the toughest challenge yet.  Thankfully, I am allowed to alter my rations to fit my dietary restrictions.  So I will swap out the sardines for tofu and the flour for a GF flour alternative.  Which leaves me with only one high FODMAPS item (kidney beans) which, if used sparingly in meals over the time period - should not make my pain flare up.

I will also be blogging and posting during the week of the challenge to give people some idea of the nature of the challenges faced eating this way.  I will be doing this from my comfy house which is warm and dry and not overcrowded, where I can watch Netflix and read in my comfortable bed - luxuries the refugees living on the same diet as me, will not have.  There are some great insights as to what their lives may look like here.

For me, this challenge is as much about raising awareness as it is about raising money.  I know that not everyone has money to give.  But everyone always has the capacity for compassion.  Being a refugee isn't really a choice.  It is either that, or face the possibility of death, or even worse atrocities for those fleeing their homes.  These people have done nothing wrong.  They are not taking the easy way out.  They are not trying to inconvenience others.  They are just trying to survive, and help their families also, survive situations beyond our comprehension.  I hope that in raising awareness of what they face, I can help people be more compassionate to the refugee families that live within our own communities.

I did not know about the Oxfam controversy when I signed up for this.  And when a friend pointed this out - I was (as everyone was) pretty shocked.  Because I thought of Oxfam as a reliable, known charity that did good so I hadn't even thought to question them.  But I needed to find out more before pulling out of the challenge because I already had some awesomely generous donations, and I really wanted to help this cause.  And I am so glad I did, because what I have discovered makes me feel like I (unintentionally) chose to align with a progressive charity.  Yes, there was horrific historic mismanagement in Haiti.  But none of those staff work for Oxfam now.  In fact, they have owned their errors and rectified them in such a way that it will be difficult for anything like this to ever happen within this organisation again.  Everyone makes mistakes.  The importance is that we learn and grow from those mistakes.

Regardless of my thoughts, I can see how this would put folk off sponsoring me.  And that's totally ok!  I also understand why some people would prefer to help refugees in their own back yards - and that's ok too!  This is the first charity event I have taken part in that helps with foreign aid since childhood. There are plenty of other local programmes where people can give their time, or additional clothing or home wares to help refugees leaving the camps settle in to New Zealand life which also need support.  The whole reason I am doing this is to bring about awareness of the hardships faced by refugees worldwide.

Why I chose this challenge is that it speaks to who I am as a person.  Much of my life revolves around food.  Most of my jobs have been either in food and hospitality, or (like now) in retail revolving around cooking or health.  Much of how I help myself feel better about things, also revolves around food.  A challenge like this reminds me of how much of my life I take for granted.  How I take having fresh vegetables for granted.  It also reminds me of the settled refugees I have met here and the unthinkable challenges and sacrifices they have faced in their lives*.  Of how lucky I am, and how easily things could be different.

To get a vegetable would be AMAZING

The other aspect that appeals is the challenges rewards system.  Not only does it encourage me to work harder for more donations, but also because it is not dissimilar to refugees taking on extra work to provide more for their families and themselves.  And because the rewards are small, and difficult to achieve - it already makes me feel so much gratitude for the small things.  I am so thankful to already have managed to get up to the 'milk' level of reward (I thought I would struggle if I didn't make it that far).  And I am excited about potentially getting to the next level now - an additional spice or flavoring!  This small thing will make that week so much easier, but it is not simple to get.  It is smart using our vested interest to help others.

And I can use this challenge to talk to my kids about what privilege means.  How this impacts their lives, and how lack of it massively impacts the lives of others.  I can use this as an educational tool for compassion and kindness and not taking for granted that everyone shares the same opportunities that they have.

The Ration Challenge itself is not until June (from the 17th to the 24th) which means there is plenty of time to sponsor me if you do want to.  It also means there is plenty of time to share my sponsorship link if you think it might be of interest to your friends and whanau.  And please, feel free to ignore the recommended sponsorship levels!  They are quite high - so just give what you can if you want to give anything at all.  Just $5 will feed a family of four for one day, so everything counts.  It also means there is plenty of time to sign up if you want to participate yourself (you have until the 30th of May).  I'll also be sharing recipes and food ideas via Facebook and my blog as well.  I feel nervous, and excited about it.  But most of all, I feel hopeful that this small act will in some way help improve the lives of others.

* I have only spoken to a few settled refugees (from Somalia) about their experience, and it was a long time ago.  These conversations were over a shared meal at a large celebration of exclusively women.  I was so grateful to have been welcomed and included, despite being an obvious outsider.  And I was equally grateful to have women share their very difficult stories with me - the outsider - openly.  It is an experience that will sit with me for my whole life, and is probably a big part of why this particular challenge makes sense to me.  Especially, now as a parent.

A belated post on Trans Awareness Week

So I wrote this post for trans awareness week.  But at that time, one of my trans friends wasn't doing so great, so I decided to delay posting as didn't want to do anything that might make things unintentionally harder for her.

The reason I'm posting it now is that I think it's important.  I have heard and read so many negative posts and articles about trans folk during, and since, the Commonwealth Games.  And it was made very apparent that treating trans folk with the same dignity and respect as everyone else, still seems to make a lot of people uncomfortable.

  These may seem like harmless words             
but they aren't harmless to everyone          

I am not trans.  I'm cis.  Consequently, I cannot speak on behalf of the transgender community.  I write here from the position of someone who has friends and whanau that are trans.  I also speak from the position of someone who has made mistakes, and is still learning how best to show the trans folk close to me that I care for and respect them,

I'll start with the absolute basics by explaining a little about the differences between biological gender, gender and sexuality.

Our biological gender is the gender we are born with.  When we think of biology we immediately think male and female, but not everyone is male or female.  About 1.7% of the population are born intersex.  This is approximately as common as people having red hair - so it's not that uncommon.

Our gender is how we define ourselves - female, male, gender queer, trans or however we choose.  People who are transgender define themselves as different to the gender they were born as.  People who are cisgender define themselves as the same as the gender they were born as.  People who are gender queer see themselves as neither, both or a combination of male and female.

Our sexuality is a completely separate issue to our gender or biological gender.  In simple form, it relates to who we are attracted to: straight, gay, bisexual or assexual.  But there are many other forms of sexuality people identify with.

I think one of the reasons some people are uncomfortable with the idea of trans folk is that it rocks the boat.  You fill out a survey - first question asks if you are male or female.  You have a baby - first question is whether it's a boy or a girl.  You tell someone you've had a girl - they say oh!  She's so pretty!  As a culture, we define many things based on a binary view of gender.  Our language is full of gendered pronouns.  Acknowledging that gender isn't simply a binary system can really seem to mess with peoples world views.

What I hear repeated time and again is that trans folk have a choice.  In some respects this is true.  Trans folk can choose to live closeted in a body that doesn't feel like it belongs to them.  For many trans folk this means choosing death - and I do mean that literally.  Or they can choose to transition and have a chance at feeling more themselves.  I do not believe anyone who isn't trans can really understand this.  Sure, for whatever reason some of us are not 100% comfortable in the skin we're in.  This is not the same thing as being uncomfortable in the gender we were born into.  Consequently, I do not feel anyone who is not trans has any right to judge this choice.

And some people seem to think that being trans seems is just another a new idea, a fad even, like going gluten free.  The truth is it really, really isn't.  There are many cultures that historically ascribed to a non-binary system of gender including Samoan (fa'afafine), Indian (hijra), Native American (llamana) and Māori (Takatāpui). And in all of these cultures these non-binary folk had an accepted role to play - here, in Aotearoa they were often tohunga - specialists and educators.  Many of these traditional ideas were suppressed with the arrival of Christianity which held a binary view of gender and a hetronormative view of sexuality.  Thankfully, as we reconnect with our history over time, we recover the truth of our pasts.

All that has happened, between now and a few years ago, is that trans folk are becoming more visible.  Given that so many trans-women were on the front lines of the gay rights movement, it's well past time.

Shortland Street's first trans character played by a trans actor (Tash Kennedy)

The other group that are becoming slightly more visible are the intersex community.  Of course, being intersex is also nothing new.  It is just a normal biological variant that has existed in numerous forms for as long as humans have existed.  But since the 1920's 'normalisation' surgeries have been carried out to 'fix' intersex people.  Many of these are purely cosmetic - recreating genitals to appear more female, or more male.  And these are still carried out today.  In fact, there is only one country in which it is illegal to perform unnecessary gender-reassignment surgeries on children (Malta).  We seem intent on reshaping those who are different to fit into very specific boxes.

And many intersex people do not have obvious physical gender differences - it is completely possible you know someone who is intersex, and this is just not something you know about them.  Many people do not actually find out that they are intersex until they hit puberty, or when they are even older.  What has started happening more, is that more of the intersex community are speaking out about their experiences, and we are starting to hear them.  We are starting to realise that forcing people to conform to a form that doesn't fit can be damaging.  It's sad that it's taken us this long to understand something so simple.   

Even so, in a world filled with male and female bathrooms, gender segregated clothing, even gender segregated Nerf guns, how easy do you think it is to tell someone that you are neither, or both?  If you never had to tell anyone, and you were, in fact, encouraged not to, would you tell someone you were intersex?

Hanne Gaby Odiele - out and proud in spite of being told 

repeatedly by medical professionals to keep her intersex identity secret.

*          *          *         *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *         

So why is it important to be aware of the trans and intersex communities?

I think the answer to this is the reason why people feel particularly uncomfortable about these communities.  It's important because they show that simplifying gender down to two polarities is not right.  Yes, simplifying makes things easier.  It makes ticking boxes on forms easier.  It makes explaining things to our kids easier.  But it isn't the truth of the world we live in.  It leaves a lot of people out of the equation.

The estimate for the percentage of folk who are transgender in the US is 0.6%.  Combining* this with rates of intersex folk puts people who are gender varying from biology - at over 2% of the population.  That's 1 in every 50 people.  Putting that into the context of the NZ population that's 94,447 people not represented by the terms 'male' or 'female'.  And that number is conservative and also doesn't include people who identify as non-binary, gender queer or gender fluid.

How do you think being left out impacts on these people?

Here are some trans folks stories and here are some more.  And here is a short blog post from a young intersex person on how important it is to see people like themselves accurately represented by media.

I am not trans.  I cannot speak about how this feels.  What I can speak about though is evidence, and data suggests that being trans is pretty fucking hard.  In the US, the trans community are nine times more likely to attempt suicide than the average cisgendered American.  They are twice as likely to live in poverty than their cisgendered peers.  And over half of the people in the survey I'm referencing here were nervous about using public restrooms for fear of confrontation.  Last year alone (until November) in the US over 25 trans folk have lost their lives due to fatal violence.  They were murdered purely because they chose to live life as the person they wanted to be.

It is important to me to show those I love within this community that their feelings are valued.  The best way I can do that is through respecting their feelings and listening to and being accepting of their wishes even if I don't always fully understand them.  There are some great lists of things we can do to support our trans peers available online like this one.

   Utilising non-gendered language just makes it 
           easier to be inclusive of everyone.

I am still learning.  I need to work on my use of language.  I find it easy to use pronouns correctly with friends I've only known post transition - I can remember hearing my flatmate who was transitioning at the time's real name (or 'dead name') and laughing because it didn't fit her at all.  I don't think I ever screwed up her gender.  But for those I've known before, during and after transition it's been harder.  It is just my lizard brain reverting to old relationships and ideas.  But really, this is just laziness - I can retrain my brain.  And it's such a small and simple thing to do.


And regarding trans folk participation in the Commonwealth Games. Folk thinking 'Oh!  These people are just transitioning so it's easier to win.'  Or 'They have an unfair advantage.  They should be competing in their birth gender.'  I think you need to understand just how tough transitioning can be.  I asked a friend to describe (in short form) her experiences with transitioning.  Here is some of what she said:

'Oh it's an intense journey.. It tends to come with extensive experience with mental illness and being displaced from a society you're still expected to somehow participate in despite how much it hates you. Hormones can be hell - if you've chosen to take them- and then there's so many different angles when it comes to hormones too.. Most of us don't know we can self medicate and are instead at the whim of doctors who don't know about or care about us.  So often we're put on pill regimes which are dangerous to our bodies, especially in the long term but just like with police.. we are .. well.. indoctrinated to trust doctors too. So that's an uphill battle.'

 

 Laurel Hubbard - fucking legend!

So lets just say trans athletes who are competing at Commonwealth level are dealing with a lot more than most athletes - mentally, emotionally and physically.  For some first hand accounts of the difficulties associated with competing after transitioning, check out Vice's excellent section on Trans Athletes.  I struggle to see how this places them at a physical advantage over their cisgendered competitors.

I've gone through IVF (closest cis comparison I can come up with to HRT), and while I was on IVF I was a crazy hormonal bitch.  I bloated.  Random things made me burst into ugly cries.  I had zero energy and little brain.  There is no way I would have wanted to do anything like train for a sporting competition.  It was hard enough just going to work every day.  And IVF is a researched and proven hormone treatment method.  Contrasting this with developing HRT for individuals with different hormonal requirements which is still quite experimental, I think I got off lightly.  And unlike IVF, HRT can be for life.

As a cisgendered person, I live a life of privileges I can't even comprehend.  And I think, with privilege comes responsibility.  It takes very little to show kindness and compassion for those who do not share this privilege.  My hope is that over time kindness can level the playing field so our trans friends and family can share in the privileges** so many of us take for granted.

* I am only putting trans and intersex folk together to prove a point about a binary view of gender being unhelpful.  I do not feel that any trans person should have to put 'gender diverse' on any form ever.  Trans folk should write whatever their preferred gender is on any form without fear.

** Privileges including (but not limited to) job stability, financial stability, being able to find clothes that fit our bodies, the acceptance of our friends and families, being happy in our bodies and selves, being able to leave the house safely.  Sure, we may not all share all these privileges (I do) but we are more likely to have them than our trans peers.