On The Increasing Violence In Our Community

I live in West Auckland.

I've called Sunnyvale home for more than ten years now, but I've lived in various suburbs in West Auckland on and off for decades.

My first ever flat was in Massey. Fresh out of High School, myself and two friends.  We lived next door to a tinny house.  The good thing about living next to a tinny house is that you know your house probably won't get broken into in case you're friends with the neighbours.  The bad thing about living next to a tinny house is that we'd get door knocked at weird hours when we were mistook for the tinny house.

One time I heard someone getting beat up next door.  It sounded pretty bad so I called our local police.  Their response was 'Oh, are they c***nuts*?  They're always doing that.'  That was the entirety of their response.  They hung up.  Nobody came.  I was 18 years old, home alone and scared that someone may have been badly hurt next door, but also too scared to investigate for myself.

Learning that the powers who are supposed to help are only interested in helping certain people really scared me.

A lot has changed in the last 20 years.

One thing that has changed rather dramatically is the level of violence in our community.  In the last two years my workplace has had arson, security attacked with an axe and less than two weeks ago, a stabbing.  Less than a year ago six people were injured in an attack in a supermarket in New Lynn.  The attacker was shot dead at the scene.

And just last Tuesday, a woman was shot dead in a residency walking distance from my home.
On the Friday, a father and daughter were shot dead in their home in Glendene - also close to home. This is scary.  Now, every time I hear the Eagle helicopter overhead I wonder if someone I care about has been hurt.  If I'm home, I herd the children inside and lock the doors.  I check the news to stay updated on what's happening.

I hear the Eagle most days.

And while this is awful on its own, again what is scarier is seeing the way those who are supposed to help us are only interested in helping certain people.  It's scary seeing the media and many politicians or people in positions of power blaming this violence on gangs.

The two shootings near our home were not acts of gang violence.  Both were family violence incidents.  I know this because New Zealand is small.  I know several people who have family members that were friends of those murdered in Glendene.  The person who murdered them was the ex-partner of the daughter, and while at the time of the murder he may have been gang affiliated, the family affected were not gang affiliated.  I can barely register how painful this must feel for the family left behind.

And any time I read about a woman being murdered by a man known to her I can't help but consider our domestic violence stats:

• 1 in 3 women in Aotearoa experience intimate partner violence in their lifetime
• Only 33% of domestic violence cases are estimated to be reported
• Most people killed by homicide in NZ are women
• NZ has the highest rate of domestic violence in the OECD
  

2019 was the worst year for intimate partner homicide in New Zealand in a decade
goog_1157254184I find it very hard to believe that this woman's death was gang related when it's far more likely it was her partner, or ex partner**.

This isn't to say that gangs are not a problem.  I live on the same street as a gang HQ.  And while the immediate impact of this on my life is minimal***, there are other impacts.  The main one is the level of methamphetamine use in my local community.

Meth and Cash seized during a bust in 2020 from two West Auckland addresses

Patrick Gower delved into it in his 2021 documentary.  And research from 2020 shows just how accessible it has become.  I see its impact in my workplace most days.  Much of our store theft is perpetrated by meth addicts to fuel their habit.  I know this because the behaviour of regular uses is pretty easy to spot and we see it often.  It's at a point where I'm teaching younger staff members how to identify it so they can get support when needed.  Meth users often behave in unpredictable ways and we can mitigate the likelihood of this by our actions.  Our tuakana should be safe when they come to work 

But meth, gangs and domestic violence are merely symptoms.  If we only treat the symptoms and not the cause, nothing will get better.  Sadly, the cause is not simple to diagnose.  It is varied and complex.

It's a perfect storm right now.

Just a year ago Auckland was voted the most liveable city by the EIU

With divisive economic structures**** and an underfunded health sector, we were not well positioned to deal with the current pandemic.  The huge rise in cost of living - while also seen overseas - is harder to cope with in an economy where many can barely afford to pay rent due to housing prices.  It is unsurprising that in a recent survey of 12,000 immigrants, New Zealand was voted the second worst place to move to behind Kuwait.

Add to this the uncertainty of pandemic times and what is happening in our community is truly unsurprising.

And there is no simple fix. 

What we need is an overhaul of the structures that have allowed us to get to this point.  This isn't as easy as 'changing governments' - these problems have been ignored or band-aided by successive governments.  At the beginning of her term, Jacinda Ardern promised there would be no CGT under her leadership.  This was massively short sighted.  And while yes, changes are being made to WINZ and Working For Families, this will not solve our housing crisis.  Prior to this we've seen National led Governments pull funding from health services across the board whilst lowering tax rates and raising GST - which advantages the wealthy and makes things more difficult for those on lower incomes.

I felt those daily updates genuinely helped unite us

We also need our leadership to provide certainty during difficult times.  Whilst our current government did a fabulous job of this for quite some time, this level of confidence and assertiveness has fallen away. While I cannot speak for everyone I can say that the exact moment I stopped having faith was when they stopped following the advice of scientists and epidemiologists.  The current mask regulations are nonsensical to the point that I empathise with those confused about whether they need to wear a mask or not****.

I am not saying they've done a bad job - I do not believe any government could be perfect under the current circumstances.  But the lack in direction in terms of pandemic recovery certainly factors into increasing rates of violence. 

Scared people do not make great decisions.  Directionless people do not make great decisions.  Hopeless people do not make great decisions.  Even if the current economic conditions do not directly impact someone, this aspect of living in uncertain times likely will.

And poor, hungry, disconnected scared people cannot be expected to make good decisions.

If you do not have hope for the future - why would you care about what happens in your future?  Let alone the future of others.

I've seen this violence blamed on multiple things by multiple people.  In the media it's gangs.  In reader commentary it's often blamed on video games like Fortnite, teens and parenting (or a lack thereof).  Politicians blame other politicians.  And while yes, the blame ultimately lies with the offenders, there are reasons why we are seeing an explosion in rates of violent offending.

I think what it really boils down to is hope.



We need something to hope for.  Something to look forward to.  We need to know that things will get better.

When people cannot take holidays because they've run out of leave to look after sick people in their family, or because they've been sick themselves, every day life is grueling.  Equally being refused leave due to staffing shortages, and working under the constant pressure of those shortages is very hard.  And when you are doing your absolute best and still can't afford to pay your rent, or power, or petrol, or food because of the rising costs that show no sign in stopping rising, it is difficult to dare to hope.

Until this certainty can be provided I expect things will only get worse.  And the worse things get, the further away hope will feel.  All we can do, other than supporting those who have the power to level the playing field, is hold onto that hope.  And if we have the strength - share that hope with others.

And food and/or money if we have it.  It is very hard for hungry people to be hopeful people.

Yes, the school lunch programs are a fantastic idea - but kids are not always at school
Plus, hungry adults can be hangry adults - we need to do more than this.

* Racist slur for pacific peoples.

** I have learned subsequently (because New Zealand is small) that as I suspected yep - this woman sadly also lost her life to family violence.

*** Besides loud motorcycle noise and general speeding around the area we live in.

**** Our lack of a Capital Gains Tax is the worst aspect of this, but there are plenty more which fuel the divide.  We have one of the lower top tax bracket income taxes in the OECD.  This is crazy to me because in terms of percentage of income, those in lower income brackets pay much more tax as a percentage of income because all (or most) of their income is outgoing - thus incurring GST.  This combination not only makes NZ a perfect tax haven for overseas investors, but also makes it very difficult for those living in poverty to change their circumstances, while giving positive financial reward to those who already have money (through interest on savings, early payment reductions on bills, not having to use high cost finance options et al).

***** But honestly, just wear masks when out and about people.  This should be 'the new normal' if we truly want to stay healthy and minimise the impact of Covid and flu on the wider community.  Masks are not perfect, but when used correctly can be very effective.

Failing the Challenge

Failure is an awful feeling.

Especially when it's a choice.

Because I did have a choice.  I could have held on and mucked through.  But the truth is that aside from the challenge last week was unpredictably tough.

A new recipe I made for the challenge -
Scottish oatcakes.  Quite tasty!  And cheap!

First off, the challenge was tougher than I thought it would be!  While it was different from the Ration Challenge in that I didn't feel that hard, aching hunger (I did make it halfway through the challenge), I did feel hungry at times.  I was much more anxious than usual as I knew how reliant I was on prep, and had to remember to bring the food I'd prepped with me to work.  My time felt much more precious.  And I had less of it than I had during last years challenge.  Even though I had more 'choice' in food than last time, it was still tough to eat the same thing for days in a row.  And even though those things were things I'd chosen that I like, the lack of variety was tough.

And then I got the headaches.  On the second day of the challenge I felt super wiped out and had a massive headache.  After school drop off, on the only day I have home alone, when I'm usually cleaning or writing, I went to bed to read and passed out for three hours.  The next day felt much the same, and not helped by a 5am start (Abby likes to wake up around then).  While I was hoping to have some time to rest and do food prep, after grocery shopping I had to pick Abby up from Kindy as she had a reaction to her immunisations which put everything - food, rest and work, into a spin.

My usual morning coffee           

When I saw my Mum before heading into work she told me the headaches were probably caffeine
withdrawal.  It seemed weird as I only have one coffee most mornings, and never had this when I did The Ration Challenge.  But the timing made sense.  I popped some paracetamol and headed into work.  Work was insane.  I'd forgotten we had a nursery sale on, which is always the busiest sale of all.  I worked extra hours to help out.  I was so busy, the headaches became some low background haze.

When I arrived home on Friday, I learned a dear friend had passed away on Thursday night.  It was expected, but still, grief hit me like a tidal wave.  And I had no food prepped.  After that, I just didn't have the resolve to continue.  All my resolve just left my body.

Had I been in the position of someone actually living below the line, I could not have done the things I did next.  I could not have afforded the petrol, or bus-fare to head North to say goodbye.

Even though I didn't finish the challenge, my circumstances really hit home to me how hard it would be to be in a less privileged position.

Had I been in the position of someone living below the line, there would be no way I could have gone to say goodbye.  We had to pay for the petrol to drive up to her Marae.  We had to find easy ways to feed the kids.  I needed to give her whanau a koha to help with the tangi.  She was loved by so many, it is no small thing.  And we are fortunate in that we can do that.  Not everyone can.  Even when they love someone with all their heart, not everyone has the option to drop everything to farewell their loved ones.

This privilege was reiterated when on driving home I got another headache.  This one put holes and rainbows through the left side of my vision.  This has happened to me before, and it was due to a severe sinus infection.  I then realised my earlier headaches probably weren't caffeine withdrawal*, but the beginning of this infection.  We drove straight from Northland to our local White Cross so I could get a check up and some meds.  Two more things that may not have been possible had I not been in the position to afford the emergency Drs fee, or the medication.

I do not regret opting out.  I needed to farewell my friend but I am so, so grateful that I am in the position that I could.

I know there is more to say, but right now I feel tired, hurt and raw.  So I will revisit this in the future.  In the meantime, I will take nothing for granted.

* Just in case, I've quit coffee anyway.  It had just become a habit after I had kids.  I never used to drink it.  To my knowledge, I've never experienced withdrawal symptoms from anything.  After hearing how bad they are, I have no desire to.

Prep for Living Below The Line

So I am starting this challenge tomorrow.

I just finished the last of my shopping (veges) and am feeling pretty good going in to this.  Certainly, compared to the Ration Challenge, this feels easier.

Last years Ration Challenge gave me this plus salt, lemon pepper, cinnamon, 125g of tofu, 170grams of carrots and 120 grams of peanuts.

This year, my $19.95 has bought me all this plus I have $2.03 left over to spend on small, cost calculated, extras from the pantry*.  I opted to just shop at my usual places that are easily accessible by foot, rather than going to the bulk foods store which is a bit further.  Shopping around is  something not always easy for someone on limited means.  All of this comes from Pak n Save Alderman Drive and our local Asian vege store - besides the pumpkin which was an impulse buy from Countdown when doing a fruit dash for kids lunches as it was just $2!

I feel like for me, this is plenty.  My $19.95 bought me 500g of rice, 6 eggs, 500g yellow split peas, 750g oats, a tin of creamed corn, tomatoes and coconut cream, a large pumpkin, about 1/2 a cup of roasted, salted peanuts, some popcorn kernels, 2 mushrooms, 2 lemons, some onions, a bag of carrots and a little bit of ginger and garlic.  It is definitely enough to make enough meals for me to live on.  And it wasn't all planned!  Although I am very much a planning down to the last cent kind of person, the pumpkin was so big and cheap I couldn't walk past it and I kinda splurged on mushrooms and lemons.  So I don't feel hard done by.

But there are some notable things missing.  Meat is expensive, and something that I lived without for years, so it was a no-brainer to not even bother.  Also, no dairy.  I had hoped I'd be able to afford some cheese, but the sacrifices I'd have had to have made for that cheese was not worth it.  Nor is there bread.  I could definitely not afford the gluten free bread I usually buy, nor is it worth it for me to buy $1 bread even though it would make this coming week easier**.  I really wanted to buy a bag of fruit, but when it came down to a choice between carrots and fruit, I went with carrots because they were cheaper, and also more flexible.  There are no quick meals here - besides porridge, carrots and eggs.  All my main meals take time and preparation.

Vege shopping (sans pumpkin)

There are no drink things here.  Even though I do drink coffee every morning, it hadn't crossed my mind until after I'd done my supermarket shop.  Not that I could afford it without cutting into other things.  And even then, it would have to be the cheapest instant coffee and I'd have to have it without milk, which is yuck.  And spend more on pantry sugar.  All round, it was not possible.  This week's 'coffee' will be lemon in hot water.  That way I still feel like I'm having 'something', while also having some vitamin C.

Because while this week is more vegeful than my Ration Challenge week, it still doesn't meet the nutritional minimum.  I've worked out I'll get about 3 or 4 out of my 5 plus a day from this.  So while it's ok, it's not ideal.  Looking at this picture, I have no idea where my calcium will be coming from, and I'm guessing there will be other things I've missed out on nutritionally given I'm not a trained nutritionist.

Tarka daal, YUM! (and cheap to make)      

 But I am excited about the meals!  I decided to base my food choices around healthy(ish) comfort foods that I usually eat.  So I'm making my favourite Taarka Daal, pumpkin soup, sweetcorn fritters and egg fried rice, in quantities that will give me multiple meals.  I will supplement this with 'found' salads, oat-flour flatbreads, carrot sticks and peanuts.

To make this experience more 'true' to living below the line, I will also not exercise any personal spending.  It feels silly to restrict one side of life, and not any other.  So no retail therapy, no Instant Kiwis (secret bad treat) and only free-to-air TV this week.

While I am not asking for donations directly, if you appreciate what I'm doing here, feel free to donate to Live Below the Line, the Ration Challenge ***, KidsCan or Foodbank New Zealand.

Watch this space for updates!




* Limited, cheap spices cost 10c per teaspoon, salt costs 1c per teaspoon, soy sauce costs 6c per Tbsp, canola oil costs 6c per Tbsp, brown sugar costs 25c for 1/4 cup, white flour costs 15c for 1 cup, baking powder costs 7c per tsp.  I'm not intending on using much of any of these.

** The only naughty for my health thing I bought was the onion, but that quantity spread over a week should not cause a drama.

*** If you don't know anyone doing the challenge, you can still donate!  What I did last year was topped up a few teams or individuals who were at the bottom of the leaderboards to help them feel more supported.  Great way to boost someone doing something super tough whilst giving to a great cause.

Why Food Challenges are important... to me anyway.

It's weird being middle class.  Having grown up very not middle class, it's confronting*.  It's a daily battle amalgamating two different sets of values.  And this reiterates to me just how much our childhood impacts us.  From the foods we like to eat, to the people we socialise with to the jobs we choose and the aspirations we have.  My childhood defines me, for both better and worse.

Growing up I never thought I would own my own home.

Living in relative comfort, I feel a sense of guilt every day.  I know what I have.  Poverty is not theoretical to me.  Not only have I been in this position, but I still have family in this position.  My daughter goes to a decile 3 school, a KidsCan school.  We can see the need for that support in our community.  Conversely, we have enough food to fill our kids lunchboxes.  We have enough money to pay our mortgage - we own a house in Auckland.  We have Netflix.  I know these are the sorts of things many people we know may take for granted as basics.  But I also know they aren't.

At the moment I'm feeling especially guilty because The Ration Challenge is starting again soon and I'm not doing it.

This year is a bit of a struggle for me.  My workload is heavy, family stuff is heavy and my health is suffering.  The Ration Challenge is bloody tough!  I struggled to get through my normal workload last year.  And currently, I'm working more than I was last year so it just doesn't feel feasible**.  Last year I got the shakes.  I cried.  I lost 2kg that week.  And I wasn't even living on the minimum.  As one of the fortunate folk connected enough to get good sponsorship, I enjoyed a few extras.  I can't imagine how hard it would have been without them.

I know I'm making the right decision.  But I still feel guilty.  It's not even just about the money.  After last years challenge, facing the reality of what thousands of people live with on a daily basis, I started donating a small amount monthly to Oxfam.  I know that even a small amount makes a difference.  But giving money isn't enough to assuage my guilt.

     The Ration Challenge is bloody tough!

Doing this challenge last year was hard, but doing it felt really good.  Not only because I raised much more money than I ever thought I could, but because it reminded me of just how lucky I am.  It reminded me how easy it might be for someone in my position to forget.  And that if someone's never felt hungry for longer than a few days, it is difficult for them to understand the long term impact of hunger.  In fact, every person I've spoken to who works in fundraising has said that the areas where people give the most, often have the least.  Fundraisers do better in low income areas, like Henderson and Mangere, than in places like Remuera or Parnell.  I think it's because in wealthy areas many have no concept of what it's like to live with so little.

Of course, many people rise from poverty to relative financial success who have also forgotten.  The two people foremost in my mind are our former PM John Key, and National MP Paula Bennett.  They too lived through tough times.  Both were reliant on government support for a time - John Key as a child who's mother was on the Widows Benefit, and Paula Bennett via the DPB as a young Mum.  I'm not saying they didn't work hard to get to where they are now.  I've seen the video of John Key working the stock market, pissing into a bottle.  I'm just saying that other people work just as hard and don't move far from where they started.  I'm scared that if I forget where I came from, if I forget how it feels to have less choice, to be hungry, I could easily be like them.

The Cycle of Poverty                 
It doesn't always look like this         
but a good overview nonetheless.       

So while I am not doing the Ration Challenge, I've decided I will do a food challenge.  After last year, I think I'm going to have to do one every year to ensure I don't forget.  This year I've decided I'm going to do the Live Below The Line challenge for 7 days instead.  The last time I planned on doing this I had to flag it as I found out I was pregnant with Etta the week before I was due to start...  Now the time for this actual challenge has already passed this year.  But given my goals are (in a way) selfish, there is no reason why I can't just do it anyway.

I have chosen this challenge because, while it feels as though it'll be easier than the Ration Challenge, it is still going to be a challenge.  I will have $19.95 to feed myself for seven days.  The main difference between this and The Ration Challenge is that I have some choice.  The Ration Challenge was particularly hard due to the dire lack of vegetables.  While the perks in the Ration Challenge did drive me to fundraise more, it simultaneously added to the stress of doing the challenge.  I know people who live on this amount, or a little less, or a little more, most weeks.  It is important that I remind myself of how it feels to be like them.  The flow on effect of having limited options.  And I can write about my experience and hope it gives an insight as to why it's so important to have compassion for those with limited means.

I also understand that donating money is a privilege.  Many want to give, but truly cannot.  Last year I felt as if a few of my friends and whanau felt bad about not donating, or not donating more.  I don't like making people feel bad.  So I'm not going to ask for donations on social media.  I will post some links in my blogs in case people want to donate independently, and will also provide links later on for places you can donate food or time to help those in need.

The wonderful, prolific vege, puha

Doing this off book means I'm allowing myself a couple of perks.  The perks are things we can all do to supplement our diet here in NZ, but were not possible in the Ration Challenge***.  Because I'm an experienced forager, and know many in poverty are not, I'm only going to forage basic foods found in most places around NZ - dandelion, puha, nasturtium, rosemary and wild fennel.  Equally, I've opted to spend a little of my $19.95 on pantry basics that will last six+ weeks, to trade (by value amount) for pantry basics I could conceivably have bought during previous weeks if this was my normal budget.  I've chosen salt, pepper, turmeric, garam masala, soy sauce and small amounts of flour and white sugar.

And because I don't want this to impact my family as much as The Ration Challenge did last year, I am doing it at a time that works best for us.  So my Challenge week will be the 21st to the 27th of May (after Etta's birthday celebrations are finished).  Last year the last night of the Ration Challenge fell on our annual Matariki celebration - which is literally a feast with old friends.  That was hard!  I'm also not taking on as many additional hours at work that week (this was hard in that I suck at saying no).  I know that doing this demonstrates my privilege, but I am making some allowances for my health this year.

Refugee camps in Jordan.  It's no small thing.

If you are in good health and want to understand what it's like to live with less, I highly recommend participating in The Ration Challenge.  It is tough, but it gives the gift of insight into how whole communities survive on so little.  It forces us to form communities, and support strangers.  The lessons I learned from doing this year are invaluable.  I cannot emphasise this enough.  And I promise I will sponsor you.

* Talk about First World Problems...

** In fact, Murray told me he was very glad I wasn't doing it again as last year was also tough on him and the kids...
*** Because it was emulating the situation for refugees in camps in Jordan, which are basically settled on dust.