Ten Stupidist 'Essentials' I Could Find Online

So I came up with this list after trying to find a few things to top up Abby's birthday presents.  I'd done most of her birthday shopping before lockdown, so this wasn't necessary.  But like most parents I wanted her fifth birthday to feel special.  Especially given the situation.  Soon I found myself sucked into the online shopping hole, and while I didn't find much for Abby*, I did become obsessed with finding the least essential 'essentials' available.

This has taken me some time as it's a tricky thing to do.  What we deem essential is actually quite personal.  Things I find frivolous may be considered a necessity by some.  And while the government has clarified, what they've deemed 'essential' is still quite broad.  And while some retailers have really considered each and every item they've included in their 'essentials' range**, others have taken a much looser approach.

10) Baby Bunny Romper (Postie Plus)

Coming in at number 10 is this velour baby bunny romper.  This was the only thing on the Postie Plus website I thought pushed the boundaries on 'essential'.  Yes, it is cute.  Yes, it is warm.  Yes it is well priced.  But are there more practical warm options you can buy for a baby?  Yes.  Now I love me some velour, but it is way less breathable than cotton or merino.  And cos babies can't regulate their temperature like us grown ups they could easily overheat in this outfit.  Sure, you can take some cute Easter pics, but when we're on lockdown due to a pandemic that is killing tens of thousands of people, is that really so important?  I guess this bunny romper helps bring a sense of normalcy to some folk.  I get that.  I think bunnies are cute, but I also think dressing babies up to get attention is a little exploitative.  I know many will debate me on this.  This is why I have carefully placed this at number 10.

9) Durex Bullet (Mightyape)

I expect equally as much disagreement here.  This gem, like the majority on this list, comes to us courtesy of Mightyape.  While I can see this might be a great time for getting jiggy for some, it's hard to justify this as 'essential' when it's function can be carried out manually.  I don't feel like this about all 'adult' items.  I think lube is very essential.  It reduces friction which reduces condom breakage, and uncomfortable chafing.  Lube prevents unwanted pregnancies, STI's and pain.  Lube is basically medicine.  But vibrators?  The only argument I can come up with is that it may reduce depression rates in solo bubbles.  Or pregnancy rates in flatting bubbles.  I mean, these are both valid arguments which is why this bullet only makes it to number 9.

8) Play Table and Chairs (Farmers)
So while you can't buy actual furniture right now, for some reason it's totally ok to still buy tiny furniture for tiny people.  I mean this is not essential baby stuff - at least the bunny costume keeps a kid warm.  This is a toy.  And while it can function as a table the folk small enough to sit here probably cannot eat unaided.  Furniture is not deemed essential.  Toys are not deemed essential.  What the fuck Farmers? I'm sure you argued it's case as a 'nursery' item, but it has the word 'play' in its name.  It's a toy.

7) Automatic Pet Feeder (Mightyape)

Not only have we missed the two overseas holidays we had planned*** and the local ones we re-planned when international travel was off the table, but holidays are off the table for all.  Want to go to your bach this Easter weekend?  Don't.  You've been told.  We shouldn't have to be setting up blockades for idiots and yet it seems we must.  So no-one in New Zealand needs an automatic cat feeder.  Some essential workers might be working crazy long shifts right now and might find this handy, but otherwise they're redundant.  And they will be for some time.  Travel is basically off the agenda until we're back down to Level 1 and that's not going to be soon.  Plus isn't lockdown kinda ideal for pets and pet owners?  Surely this is the ideal time to be snuggling, feeding and playing with our pets?  I mean, there are so many very real health benefits in spending quality time with pets and right now we need as much of this as we can get.  You should see how shiny and happy my cats are right now.  Ain't no robot feeding my pets.

6) Satinelle Epilator (Farmers)
This is another item that will be contentious.  I've chosen it more as a representation of the very many unnecessary 'health and wellness' items available for purchase right now.  It is necessary to remove our body hair?  Well, no.  Not unless you're getting a tattoo or having a medical procedure and both of these things are not commonly happening right now.  And in both cases usually someone else does this for you.  Surely hair removal, bubble bath and foot masks are not 'essential' right now?  There are certainly some retailers that normally sell this stuff that have opted not to (Postie Plus, Bed Bath and Beyond and Kmart are a few).  I mean, I love face masks and bubble baths, and yes, self care is good for our mental health.  But if there were ever a time where we should be working out how to DIY this stuff that time is now.  No-one actually needs these things.

5) Kitchenaid Standmixer - Raspberry Ice (Mightyape)

I used to sell these and they are an AMAZING machine.  I love Kitchenaids.  Heavy as shit at 13kg, but sturdy, practical and amazing.  I want one so bad, but don't bake enough to justify the expense or bench space.  My friend has one.  Her husband bought it for her as a birthday gift.  I am so jealous.  At $1,199 this baby don't come cheap.  And in a time of uncertainty and job loss, where many are struggling to even source flour, owning a Kitchenaid doesn't really seem like a priority.  If you have a really big family and are baking all the time because everyone is suddenly all home then maybe?  But when you have a lot of folk to feed then cost is probably a concern, and given you can pick up a stand mixer for 1/3 of the price elsewhere, and a decent one (Kenwood) for almost half the price it seems unlikely.  I see this and see the bourgeois panic purchasing stuff they really don't need online because their lives have been turned on their heads.  And that ain't necessary.

4) All Blacks Bar Fridge (The Warehouse)
While I'm certainly not the biggest sports supporter out there (I truly just don't care), I miss my gym HARD.  I miss swimming.  It's something that's just not possible during lockdown.  Not only did it keep me fit, but it kept me sane.  It sucks that I can't go swimming.  I miss the sauna.  And like the gym membership card in my wallet, this bar fridge is a reminder of all we're missing right now.  I mean it's not quite rugby season yet, but it will be soon and the reality is that (dare I say it?) there might be no rugby.  This fridge will remind you of that every time you go to grab a beer.  Speaking of beer, this fridge also supports binge drinking.  Unless someone's that concerned about their flatties (or children) pinching food over lockdown, no-one will buy it for any other purpose.  It's not a freezer - you can't store food in it for long periods.  This is purely for beer, or the things like beer, that you can still acquire during lockdown.  Not only does this item provide the means to drink excessively, but for some, it will also give them a reason.  RIP sports. 

3) Jelly Belly Jumbo Beanboozled Spinner Game (Mightyape)

While some folk are reliant on council food parcels, and others can't get bread, flour or yeast you can rest assured that your supply of inedible jelly beans is still available.  I like games.  We have a ridiculous collection.  And while I can see the fun in this, it just seems ludicrous that this is available when many are struggling to have basic nutritional needs met.  Especially given almost half of this food is barely edible.  Someone gave us a small version of this for Christmas (I have no idea who or why).  So I've tried them.  And I can tell you that the blood and squid ink flavours are inedible****.  Given this set includes even more foul flavours, like dead fish and stinky socks, I expect the rate to be even higher here.

2) Pootin Lavatory Mist (Mightyape)

This is only not number one because technically it has a use.  And when confined in small spaces for long periods that use is actually quite useful.  Scented with jasmine and green tea, Pootin promises to alleviate stenches from the bathroom.  Does it deliver?  I don't know.  I will never know.  I will never purchase this Pootin.  Is it funny?  Yes!  Poo jokes are always funny.  Poo + politicians is definitely funny!  Is it necessary?  No, absolutely not.  Just burn a match for fuck sake.

1) Inkless Printing Kit For Pets (Mightyape)

I know cat people and I know dog people.  I myself am animal people.  I love my pets.  I love my neighbours pets and yes, I think of my pets as members of my family.  But do I think it is necessary to get their paw prints on paper right now?  No, I don't.  Will other folk?  Yes, of course and I'm not going to judge them for it.  But would I consider this an essential item right now during a pandemic?  No. I really don't.  That is why this made it to number one.  It has literally zero necessary function.  Go cuddle your pets.  It's free.  And they will love you for it.

Whether you agree or vehemently disagree with my list I strongly encourage you to consider making one of your own.  Doing this made me really consider my values and how these play out in the real world.  Putting thought to what we consider 'essential' is a really helpful thing to do in uncertain times.  It helps put things in perspective.  It helps us realise we can survive without all of this stuff.

Be safe, be kind and be compassionate.

Happy lockdown Easter everyone!


* If it's helpful there are limited toys available both online and instore at Countdown, and a very limited selection of party stuff and knock off family boardgames at Pak n Save.

** Kmart, Bed Bath and Beyond and Briscoes truly seem to have thought about what they've kept available as 'essentials'.

*** While I'm sad about this, I think that the decisions made by our government have been pretty spot on and I'd much rather miss out on a holiday than propagate a pandemic that kills our most vulnerable.

**** Oddly, I found the vomit, moldy cheese and toothpaste actually ok.

On Kindness In The Face Of Coronavirus

As happens when there's a pandemic, much has changed in the very short time since my last post on coronavirus.  My position on this remains unchanged in that people need to remain calm for us to get through this intact.  What I want to reiterate in this post is how important it is to pay heed to what is required to flatten the curve and ensure we handle this more like South Korea than Italy.

Thank you Toby Morris

Why is it important to flatten the curve?

Because if we don't, frankly we'll see many unnecessary deaths.

The reality is that while we have protocols in place for this sort of thing, our hospitals just don't have the capacity to deal with this.  In all this craziness you may have forgotten that just last year we saw four times as many folk in Auckland visiting their GP's with flu-like symptoms (of which over 60% of cases were actually the flu).  In fact, last year Auckland ran out of flu vaccines.  What will happen this year if Covid-19 hits proper?  If there is a large, sudden influx into hospitals it will impact on all health care services.  So even if you (like me) are at low risk of dying from coronavirus, you may still be affected by the impact that coronavirus has on our health system.

Just because there are only 8 confirmed cases here does not mean we are out of the woods.  This is definitely an attitude I've heard from many.  Given it's just over two weeks since our first confirmed case, and the virus can present 14 days after contact it's very likely we'll see more soon.  And the reality is that most of the countries hit worst are in the Northern Hemisphere.  They are just coming out of their Winter.  Ours hasn't even started yet.  This isn't going to be over for us for quite some time.

We were due to head to Australia this week.           
While the kids were sad they miss out on Koala Breakfast,  
there are more important things at stake.              

And this is something new.  Whilst we have seen pandemics since pretty much forever, we haven't seen one like this in my lifetime.  Yes, there was the swine flu, but that was undeniably different.  The fatality rate for swine flu was 0.02%.  The fatality for coronavirus has crept up globally to 3 - 4%*.  So while it's not as deadly as measles, it is far more deadly than our last pandemic.  And with the world becoming progressively more global it has moved fast.  This virus has been confirmed in 140 countries and counting.  No-one was aware of coronavirus until the 31st of December 2019.  The first death from the illness was recorded in Wuhan on the 11th of January.  By the 13th of January, the first case outside of China was reported in Thailand.  By the 28th of February here, on the other side of the world, we had our first recorded case in New Zealand.  This has spread very, very quickly.

But not all countries have the same fatality rate.  In South Korea, the fatality rate on closed cases is 6%.  But over in Italy the closed case fatality rate is 44%.  That's a huge difference.  And the reason for this difference is that South Korea learned from their brush with MERS in 2015, took coronavirus seriously and had a plan in place for pandemics.  Italy did not have the infrastructure to deal with so many very sick people at once which is why the death rate leapt so suddenly.  Here in New Zealand our government is trying to emulate the plans set by countries like South Korea.  So while travel restrictions may be inconvenient, self-isolation daunting and the cancellation of public events a bit of a bummer, it is for good reason.  If we can avoid a 44% fatality rate** then surely it's worth it?

How does kindness come into this?

I've heard comments from many that they're not at risk.  It's just a flu.  It's no biggie.  And the thing is that for many of us, it won't be***  But that more than anything puts the onus on us.  To keep those less fortunate safe.  The elderly, those with compromised immunity and those newly pregnant.  This is a scary time for them.  Truly.  And while many of them will be self-isolating and putting strategies in place to manage, not everyone will be able to.  The reality is that  regardless of our health, we all need to eat.  I work with a number of people who are immune compromised and for most it's just not financially feasible to self-isolate.  And I work in an industry that deals with the general public.  There will also be many who may not know they are immune compromised; those in poverty who can't afford healthcare, those who are too busy to get things checked out.  Or those who are only just pregnant and haven't had a positive test yet.  I will be surprised if any one of us does not know at least one other person in this position.  These are the people who should be at the forefront of  how we choose to handle this.

It's also important to remember this will inadvertently affect those in poverty the most.  How can you self-isolate when you live with 11 other people?  How can you get tested for covid-19 when you have no car?  When you have no money to pay the doctors?  How can you keep your sick kids home from school when if you don't go to work there's no money to buy groceries?  And how can you keep up to date if you have no internet access?  If we are well and able we need to do our best to contain this virus before it hits those with less privilege than us.  Because they are the ones who will pay the most for our selfishness and stupidity.  And in truth, the ability to travel overseas shows a level of privilege.  A level of freedom.  And for those stuck in place by circumstance to be effected the worst by this just sucks.  Those of us with privilege need to support those with less.

I can't remember who it was, but someone said something along the lines of: 'act as if you have covid-19 rather than as if you are trying to avoid getting it.'  This is fantastic advice.  If we are sick, we work hard to avoid making others sick (well, most of us do).  Given many folk have tested positive that are asymptomatic, you could easily have this virus and not know it.  When I was 20 I had Epstein Barr virus with no symptoms for potentially weeks****.  And while I wasn't exactly kissing a bunch of people at that time, I'd hate to think how many people I may have given it to just through proximity.  There is no harm in acting with caution*****.

It's good to have enough basic food for two weeks

While there is no need to go to the lengths some have taken to prepare, it's probably a good idea to have enough food for two weeks in case you do need to self isolate.  However, if you don't it won't be the end of the world.  Close proximity is  'being within 2 meters of someone for more than 15 minutes'.  So if you don't need to self-isolate, shopping is still fine provided you don't chat whilst standing close for more than 15 minutes.  Taking the kids to the park is fine with the same addendum.  Going to the beach is fine.  And if you are self-isolating, having friends, whanau, supermarkets or delivery drivers drop things off to your home is also fine.

A friend (who is a Doctor among many other things) posted this fabulous, simple advice:

Things that work to reduce coronavirus spread:
- Washing hands and cough etiquette
- Social distancing, self isolation
- Looking after each other; especially the vulnerable
- Following official recommendations

I'm going to add to that:

- Try not to touch your face (it's hard! But I'm trying)

- Try to follow basic health measures to avoid the flu

- Get the flu injection. If we can cut down on flu cases this should have a flow on effect to hospitals which will make it easier for them to handle the impact from coronavirus. Even I'm doing this for the first time ever this year*****

- Don't be a selfish git.

This is a great opportunity for positive changes going forward in terms of self reliance and sustainability.  A great opportunity to learn and use new greetings.  Whilst things are uncertain it's important to focus on the positives.  And it's so, so important to think of others, and act with kindness.



* This is not based on closed cases - this includes open cases so may actually be much higher.

** It's also important to remember that deaths caused by a health systems inability to service people with non-coronavirus related issues are not included in these stats.

*** From a health perspective.  From a financial and lifestyle perspective, this will likely impact all of us in some way.

**** I had none of the standard symptoms besides extreme exhaustion.  I had been to the GP and while they checked my iron and B12, they never thought to test me for EBV.  It wasn't until I saw a homeopath who asked me a bunch of questions about my health that I was tested (she worked in conjunction with doctors and wrote a list of tests I should have).  Knock homeopathy/naturopathy all you like, but when they work in conjunction with medicine, just the act of actually listening, and asking questions to gain a holistic view can offer insight beyond what a GP on a tight schedule in a busy clinic is able to offer.

***** Unless you're using it as an excuse to hoard resources in which case there is much harm.  Panic buying puts unnecessary pressure on everything.  It's not helpful to anyone.

****** Not an anti-vaxxer, I just react to a LOT of medications so have some anxiety about having a jab that I know a lot of people have an adverse reaction to.