So I'm trying not to just write about weight loss (I have about three unfinished posts about other stuff I'm currently working on) but, like any venture into new territory, this exercise thing is exciting. Getting stronger, fitter and losing weight feels fantastic. But these aren't the only new experiences I'm having. I'm also discovering a whole new world. And some new experiences have been disturbing.
I have always been afraid of 'gym people'. In my brain, they were always fit, buff people interested in sports and looks and sporting. In other words: the antithesis of me. So I expected there to be a disconnect with me existing in a gym space. But the truth is, I have had zero altercations in the gym. In the gym everyone is completely self-absorbed. And not in a bad way. It's just that most people have gone in there (me included) with a plan of what they want to achieve with their time. Folk in the gym are focused. They don't give a fuck what anyone else is doing unless they're using a piece of equipment they want. And even then, so far I haven't seen that result in any kind of conflict.
The pool, however, is a different story.
In the pools I have seen racism, intolerance and sexism on at least a weekly basis. One of the worst places for this is in the water walking area. I find this quite funny because it's supposed to be a chill activity. Water walking is low impact, anyone can do it, and it's often recommended by medical professionals for people with joint or weight issues. It's a great way to get active without having to (the horror) start jogging. I've seen people of all colours, sizes and ages enjoying the benefits of walking in the water. And many, many times I have also seen intolerance of difference in the water.
The only culprits of this I've seen (so far) are older, white women.
I've seen old white ladies complain about kids in the water walking area because they were laughing. I've seen old white ladies make shit up about Pacifika women to try and get them out of the pool. I've seen old white ladies complain that they do not have enough space when there are literally only six people in the water walking area and only three lanes open for swimming that aren't booked for classes. These incidences are not all attributed to the same old white lady. The intolerant old white lady is a real thing (I see this regularly in my retail life as well).
Old white ladies have been the bane of my water walking experience.
Lucky for me I seldom water walk these days. These days I'm mostly a lane swimmer. So while I've left the old white ladies in my wake I have discovered a new enemy.
Men.
Follow the directional rule Jerks!
Not all men. But the Jerk Man territory is not exclusively white. It's also not exclusively old (although the majority I've encountered are over forty). But I can tell you right now, the Jerk Man is real and he is a Jerk. The first time I experienced Jerk Man, it was more like Just Annoying Man. It was a dude who just kept talking at me while I was clearly just trying to swim. Like acknowledging his presence was more important than my plans. After I stopped responding he left me alone, so it wasn't too bad. Still, I'm glad this has only happened once. The most common kind of Jerk Man I've encountered is the dude who swims into you when you are just going about your business swimming, in the manner the arrows on the sign tell you to. Jerk Man invades your space. And he does not apologise. He crashes and says nothing. And then sometimes, if you don't immediately vacate that lane, he will crash into you again. When that happens, it's hard to believe it's just an accident. It's like these men believe the lane belongs to them.
I have had one collision with a woman (the % of being crashed into by a man vs a woman in my experience is about 6:1). When this happened, we stopped and had a conversation about it so we could mitigate it occurring in the future. Then we both kept on swimming and not crashing. Problem solved. When a woman (or me) accidentally scrape each other underwater (common occurrence when doing breaststroke) an apology is usually elicited.
So this made me wonder if the Jerk Man is actually just being a Man? The fact that I collide less with women leads me to believe that we are more conscious of the space around us, and how we move through it. Maybe it has never occurred to the man that this space is not just his? This immediately made me think about the 'walk like a man' challenges that made the rounds not so long ago. There's even a word for it now (manslamming). Men crash into me because they have not considered that we exist in a shared space. They have never considered that someone will not get out of their way. They are inherently used to all space being theirs. So why would they apologise when they collide with me (I'm obeying the swim rules)? These dudes aren't even aware that they are being Jerk Men.
This idea is further informed by my experiences in the sauna and steam room. While it took me some time to get comfortable being shut in a tiny, hot room with other humans, now it is part of my regular gym experience. I'm not sure if 'sweating it out' is actually helping me lose weight, but it's definitely relaxing after a workout. Anyhow. I have noticed a few differences between the sauna and the steam room:
1) More women frequent the steam room than the sauna
2) I feel more comfortable in the steam room.
It didn't take me long to work out why. It's hard to see people in the steam room. Women, as dictated by so many aspects of society*, are not supposed to take up space. So we probably feel more comfortable being in the room where our existence is obscured. Or potentially, we are uncomfortable in our own skins. We are nervous about being seen in a small space near naked. We are afraid of commentary, or being hit on, or just looked at funny. It seems like men do not feel the same way.
Both spaces are equally frequented by men. Men of all ages**, shapes and colours. And these men make noise. They are not trying to make noise, they are simply not trying not to make noise. While women sit there silently (besides some ladies who make a slapping sound as they do their post-workout massage) trying not blend into the walls men do not. Men talk to their friends. Men sniff and cough. Men breathe loudly. Men drink noisily and tip water over themselves noisily***. These men are not trying to assert themselves. They are not being threatening. They are just simply just taking up space.
And this leads me back to the gym. The gym has very defined spaces. If you're on a treadmill it's not like someone else can accidentally just get on your treadmill without causing actual chaos. Same goes for the floor mats and suspension equipment. People don't crash because in the gym paths are designed not to cross. However, after noticing the noise difference in the steam room I realised the same rule applies in the gym. While most women elicit little more than a heavy breathe in the gym, men make all manner of 'PROU' 'HRRR' and 'PHOUUU' sounds****.
And this leads me back to those old white ladies in the water walking area. These women who are asserting themselves, who are making themselves heard. Maybe they are just sick of living in male spaces? Maybe they are just sick of having no space to call their own? Maybe, they are just trying to take up space, and the only way they feel they can do that is by taking space from those they can - children and POC's - in ways they can - by yelling at strangers or 'telling on' them to pool staff*****
Is a woman's only gym the solution?
This whole situation is just shit. Because it isn't changing. While yes, women and men of all ages, shapes, religions and ethnicity frequent the same (pool/gym) space, the accessibility within that space is not the same. I struggle to relax and get into the rhythm of swimming because of the constant fear that a man might crash into me. How many women have stopped swimming because they keep getting crashed into by men? How many parents have stopped water walking with their kids for fear of being yelled at by grumpy old white ladies? Not being able to have space definitely contributes to adverse effects on health. I can see why there are female/queer/POC only spaces. It's exhausting never being allowed to take up space
How we move through space matters. Do you move when someone walks toward you? Or do you expect others to move? Does it change depending on who the person is? Why is this? What percentage of a conversation do you take up? Do you put your arm on plane armrests? How much space do you take up? And who is enforcing this madness?
We are.
Other than just crashing into men so hard they start getting injured, I can't think of a simple solution besides talking about it. But we've been talking about manslamming since 2015 and nothing has changed. Besides being aware that this issue exists, we need to make others aware of it. We need to actively call it out when we see it. We need to recognise our own ingrained behaviours and consider how these affect others.
And for those who take up space, who don't move, who never apologise, they must realise the onus is on them. For those so disempowered they can't even sniff in a sauna, how scary do you think direct conflict would be? How hard is it to just notice where you are going and adjust your walk path? How hard is it to listen to the viewpoints of others? If someone is expecting to be shut down every time they speak, they might eventually stop speaking. And it can be hard to recover that voice. If you have a voice, use it. If you are able to adjust your path, adjust it.
Because when you don't, you're really just a jerk.
* We are encouraged to be slim, to speak quietly, to look after others, to 'be nice'. And even though in the womb being female is the 'default gender' aliens would never know that looking at society as it is designed with men in mind. Most medical studies still use exclusively male rats ie: most medicine is made for men. It's unsurprising that many of us women feel let down by the medical system (and by all systems generally).
** But usually over 30
***I can understand that you may not believe me and if that is the case I recommend checking it out for yourself. Go sit in a unisex sauna. I will be very surprised if you don't notice a difference.
**** This has made me aware of just how important the noise element of Zumba classes is for women and why I feel so uncomfortable taking part in that aspect of it.
***** I've seen this happen numerous times. The pool staff know the old white lady is just being unnecessarily anal over nothing, but they do her bidding anyway. The pool staff know that if they don't then the wrath of that old white lady will be upon them. And that wrath has (false) teeth.
The quintessential scary 'gym dude' (love you Joseph Gordon-Levitt x x)
I have always been afraid of 'gym people'. In my brain, they were always fit, buff people interested in sports and looks and sporting. In other words: the antithesis of me. So I expected there to be a disconnect with me existing in a gym space. But the truth is, I have had zero altercations in the gym. In the gym everyone is completely self-absorbed. And not in a bad way. It's just that most people have gone in there (me included) with a plan of what they want to achieve with their time. Folk in the gym are focused. They don't give a fuck what anyone else is doing unless they're using a piece of equipment they want. And even then, so far I haven't seen that result in any kind of conflict.
The pool, however, is a different story.
In the pools I have seen racism, intolerance and sexism on at least a weekly basis. One of the worst places for this is in the water walking area. I find this quite funny because it's supposed to be a chill activity. Water walking is low impact, anyone can do it, and it's often recommended by medical professionals for people with joint or weight issues. It's a great way to get active without having to (the horror) start jogging. I've seen people of all colours, sizes and ages enjoying the benefits of walking in the water. And many, many times I have also seen intolerance of difference in the water.
The only culprits of this I've seen (so far) are older, white women.
I've seen old white ladies complain about kids in the water walking area because they were laughing. I've seen old white ladies make shit up about Pacifika women to try and get them out of the pool. I've seen old white ladies complain that they do not have enough space when there are literally only six people in the water walking area and only three lanes open for swimming that aren't booked for classes. These incidences are not all attributed to the same old white lady. The intolerant old white lady is a real thing (I see this regularly in my retail life as well).
Old white ladies have been the bane of my water walking experience.
Lucky for me I seldom water walk these days. These days I'm mostly a lane swimmer. So while I've left the old white ladies in my wake I have discovered a new enemy.
Men.
Follow the directional rule Jerks!
I have had one collision with a woman (the % of being crashed into by a man vs a woman in my experience is about 6:1). When this happened, we stopped and had a conversation about it so we could mitigate it occurring in the future. Then we both kept on swimming and not crashing. Problem solved. When a woman (or me) accidentally scrape each other underwater (common occurrence when doing breaststroke) an apology is usually elicited.
So this made me wonder if the Jerk Man is actually just being a Man? The fact that I collide less with women leads me to believe that we are more conscious of the space around us, and how we move through it. Maybe it has never occurred to the man that this space is not just his? This immediately made me think about the 'walk like a man' challenges that made the rounds not so long ago. There's even a word for it now (manslamming). Men crash into me because they have not considered that we exist in a shared space. They have never considered that someone will not get out of their way. They are inherently used to all space being theirs. So why would they apologise when they collide with me (I'm obeying the swim rules)? These dudes aren't even aware that they are being Jerk Men.
This idea is further informed by my experiences in the sauna and steam room. While it took me some time to get comfortable being shut in a tiny, hot room with other humans, now it is part of my regular gym experience. I'm not sure if 'sweating it out' is actually helping me lose weight, but it's definitely relaxing after a workout. Anyhow. I have noticed a few differences between the sauna and the steam room:
1) More women frequent the steam room than the sauna
2) I feel more comfortable in the steam room.
Maybe this is the solution for women?
Both spaces are equally frequented by men. Men of all ages**, shapes and colours. And these men make noise. They are not trying to make noise, they are simply not trying not to make noise. While women sit there silently (besides some ladies who make a slapping sound as they do their post-workout massage) trying not blend into the walls men do not. Men talk to their friends. Men sniff and cough. Men breathe loudly. Men drink noisily and tip water over themselves noisily***. These men are not trying to assert themselves. They are not being threatening. They are just simply just taking up space.
And this leads me back to the gym. The gym has very defined spaces. If you're on a treadmill it's not like someone else can accidentally just get on your treadmill without causing actual chaos. Same goes for the floor mats and suspension equipment. People don't crash because in the gym paths are designed not to cross. However, after noticing the noise difference in the steam room I realised the same rule applies in the gym. While most women elicit little more than a heavy breathe in the gym, men make all manner of 'PROU' 'HRRR' and 'PHOUUU' sounds****.
And this leads me back to those old white ladies in the water walking area. These women who are asserting themselves, who are making themselves heard. Maybe they are just sick of living in male spaces? Maybe they are just sick of having no space to call their own? Maybe, they are just trying to take up space, and the only way they feel they can do that is by taking space from those they can - children and POC's - in ways they can - by yelling at strangers or 'telling on' them to pool staff*****
Is a woman's only gym the solution?
This whole situation is just shit. Because it isn't changing. While yes, women and men of all ages, shapes, religions and ethnicity frequent the same (pool/gym) space, the accessibility within that space is not the same. I struggle to relax and get into the rhythm of swimming because of the constant fear that a man might crash into me. How many women have stopped swimming because they keep getting crashed into by men? How many parents have stopped water walking with their kids for fear of being yelled at by grumpy old white ladies? Not being able to have space definitely contributes to adverse effects on health. I can see why there are female/queer/POC only spaces. It's exhausting never being allowed to take up space How we move through space matters. Do you move when someone walks toward you? Or do you expect others to move? Does it change depending on who the person is? Why is this? What percentage of a conversation do you take up? Do you put your arm on plane armrests? How much space do you take up? And who is enforcing this madness?
We are.
Other than just crashing into men so hard they start getting injured, I can't think of a simple solution besides talking about it. But we've been talking about manslamming since 2015 and nothing has changed. Besides being aware that this issue exists, we need to make others aware of it. We need to actively call it out when we see it. We need to recognise our own ingrained behaviours and consider how these affect others.
And for those who take up space, who don't move, who never apologise, they must realise the onus is on them. For those so disempowered they can't even sniff in a sauna, how scary do you think direct conflict would be? How hard is it to just notice where you are going and adjust your walk path? How hard is it to listen to the viewpoints of others? If someone is expecting to be shut down every time they speak, they might eventually stop speaking. And it can be hard to recover that voice. If you have a voice, use it. If you are able to adjust your path, adjust it.
Because when you don't, you're really just a jerk.
* We are encouraged to be slim, to speak quietly, to look after others, to 'be nice'. And even though in the womb being female is the 'default gender' aliens would never know that looking at society as it is designed with men in mind. Most medical studies still use exclusively male rats ie: most medicine is made for men. It's unsurprising that many of us women feel let down by the medical system (and by all systems generally).
** But usually over 30
***I can understand that you may not believe me and if that is the case I recommend checking it out for yourself. Go sit in a unisex sauna. I will be very surprised if you don't notice a difference.
**** This has made me aware of just how important the noise element of Zumba classes is for women and why I feel so uncomfortable taking part in that aspect of it.
***** I've seen this happen numerous times. The pool staff know the old white lady is just being unnecessarily anal over nothing, but they do her bidding anyway. The pool staff know that if they don't then the wrath of that old white lady will be upon them. And that wrath has (false) teeth.
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