I thought I better do a follow up to my last post.
And given that I'm hoping this is no small time thing, I will probably do more of these follow ups as things change.
In the last two weeks I've seen big changes - although my weight hasn't changed much at all. It seems to have stabilised - I haven't gained any, but I haven't lost much either. I sit between 72.2 and at the highest - 75. But have been mostly around 73. While this has felt a little frustrating, it's not so bad because of the other changes I'm seeing.
I've lost about 5 centimeters off my waist. In Americaspeak, that's 2 inches. It's a whole dress size! I'm not out shopping for a whole new wardrobe because in all truth, I've been just wearing too-tight clothes for a while now. I already had to buy bigger clothes after my first jump in weight and refused to spend even more. The bras I refused to replace which dug into my bulging flesh now sit as they should. I can even fit into the sports bra that has literally never fit me. I bought it on a whim 6 months ago (it was a good brand on clearance and I thought it might encourage me to exercise). And that's been handy because now I do need sports bras. My clothes are sitting better and I feel much less self conscious than I did just a few months ago.
And I've been given my exercise program. On seeing what's expected of me I immediately regretted putting 'core strength' as one of my priorities. While some parts of the program are ok for me, and the trainer absolutely took my interests and needs into account, some parts are hard. I know they are supposed to be hard - how else am I going to get fit? But because they are directed at my areas of weakness, they are super hard for me. I know, I know, I asked for this. But a girl can still complain, right? On the first run through with the trainer I realised just how weak my core is. I struggled with a couple of the exercises - one which I've seen/done in yoga numerous times and I just suck at, and one which is truly hard. All of the arm based exercises set were ok for me, and after running through those I started to feel more confident.
And then I met The Grinder.
The Grinder is a machine designed to make people like me cry. It is like a bicycle for your hands, but I find this harder than any bicycle I've ever sat on. The trainer said 'So you go this direction for 30 seconds and try and keep above 50rpm, and then go the other way for 30 seconds.' So I did that. And it was hard, but I managed it. I felt a real sense of achievement. And then they said 'Now, you're going to do that for five minutes.'
Five minutes.
Were they kidding? There is no way I can do that for five minutes. I strained my left tricep just doing that for one minute. That machine is crazy. That machine will be the death of me, of my arms anyway. So far, I have only managed two minutes. I stopped there because I felt like if I did another minute I might not be able to drive home from the gym. But I'm not going to just not do it. I will keep trying. Maybe six months from now I will manage five. This sort of goal is just as useful to have as a weight loss goal. How cool will it be to be that much stronger?
This is the goal at this stage.
Subject to change (due to tiredness)
The other thing I'm proud of is that I have been utilising that membership as best I can. Any time I can get away from the house alone, I have gone away to the gym. I've managed to go four times a week for the last two weeks. And we were away on holiday for two days over that time! Most of the time I have just been swimming. But now that school is back I'm hoping to get into some sort of regular exercise regime.
While I have not been in the gym as much as I'd liked*, I am feeling positive about what I am doing. Because regardless of how I'm exercising, it's more than I was doing. I am getting fitter, stronger and slimmer. There are a number of everyday things I am finding easier to do - shifting stock at work, picking up the kids. Seeing the results in this way - making life easier, really makes me keen to see even bigger changes in the future.
What I am struggling with at the moment is (as always) balance. Being new to regular exercise, there are many things to learn. One of the things that will just come over time is understanding my bodies limits. When to push through, and when to stop. In the gym, I find these things present themselves more easily - but this could equally be that I'm just not pushing as much as I could because it feels so foreign. When I get shaky or something hurts or my breathing becomes inconsistent, I stop. Swimming is different. Swimming is relaxing. Swimming is enjoyable for me, and because I pace myself I can just do it for quite a long time and often don't realise I've hit my limit.
I've had a couple of occasions that I felt ok in the water only to come out of the pool and realise I was shaky on my feet. Maybe that's ok? I'm not sure. I seem to be ok. This is often the case when I go straight from work to the pool so I'm probably just tired from being physically active over a long time. The thing is though, I've found this is one of the best times for me to go swimming. Not just because it works in well with having childcare available, but because it helps my feet stop hurting (side effect of working retail) and takes the pressure off all those achy joints. It has been one of the best things for work related aches.
Abby's first swimming lesson.
It's been almost that long since I felt comfortable
enough in my skin to go in the water.
Now I'm struggling to get out!
Exercise is also addictive... Just like chocolate it releases endorphins which make you feel good. So once you start feeling good, you naturally want that feeling more and more. This is why (for many folk) it's a great way of managing anxiety and depression. In this respect, it is certainly working for me. I've cut my medication back down (after raising it a little to manage panic attacks in October). On the other side of things I just have to be mindful of my tendency to get hooked on crutches. I've done this with diet and exercise before (in my early 20's). Making large, measurable changes to your own body can feel very powerful. If you've had periods where you felt you had no control in your life, discovering that you have power can be a dangerous thing. It's easy to get caught up in these changes. This is why I've set realistic, gradual weight loss goals and done very little to my diet. I don't want to get caught up. Addiction is unhealthy, whether it's to sugar, heroin or exercise.
I am really looking forward to seeing how this first week of my new schedule works out. I'm hopeful that with the usual routine of school/kindy etc back having a routine will start to feel less frenetic and more normal. And I'm hoping to maintain this level of excited, without getting obsessive. I have my fingers crossed for both.
* Still swimming more than gymming
And given that I'm hoping this is no small time thing, I will probably do more of these follow ups as things change.
In the last two weeks I've seen big changes - although my weight hasn't changed much at all. It seems to have stabilised - I haven't gained any, but I haven't lost much either. I sit between 72.2 and at the highest - 75. But have been mostly around 73. While this has felt a little frustrating, it's not so bad because of the other changes I'm seeing.
I've lost this much already!
If I lose 10cm more I'll fit my old clothes
If I lose 10cm more I'll fit my old clothes
And I've been given my exercise program. On seeing what's expected of me I immediately regretted putting 'core strength' as one of my priorities. While some parts of the program are ok for me, and the trainer absolutely took my interests and needs into account, some parts are hard. I know they are supposed to be hard - how else am I going to get fit? But because they are directed at my areas of weakness, they are super hard for me. I know, I know, I asked for this. But a girl can still complain, right? On the first run through with the trainer I realised just how weak my core is. I struggled with a couple of the exercises - one which I've seen/done in yoga numerous times and I just suck at, and one which is truly hard. All of the arm based exercises set were ok for me, and after running through those I started to feel more confident.
And then I met The Grinder.
The Grinder is a machine designed to make people like me cry. It is like a bicycle for your hands, but I find this harder than any bicycle I've ever sat on. The trainer said 'So you go this direction for 30 seconds and try and keep above 50rpm, and then go the other way for 30 seconds.' So I did that. And it was hard, but I managed it. I felt a real sense of achievement. And then they said 'Now, you're going to do that for five minutes.'
Five minutes.
Were they kidding? There is no way I can do that for five minutes. I strained my left tricep just doing that for one minute. That machine is crazy. That machine will be the death of me, of my arms anyway. So far, I have only managed two minutes. I stopped there because I felt like if I did another minute I might not be able to drive home from the gym. But I'm not going to just not do it. I will keep trying. Maybe six months from now I will manage five. This sort of goal is just as useful to have as a weight loss goal. How cool will it be to be that much stronger?
This is the goal at this stage.
Subject to change (due to tiredness)
While I have not been in the gym as much as I'd liked*, I am feeling positive about what I am doing. Because regardless of how I'm exercising, it's more than I was doing. I am getting fitter, stronger and slimmer. There are a number of everyday things I am finding easier to do - shifting stock at work, picking up the kids. Seeing the results in this way - making life easier, really makes me keen to see even bigger changes in the future.
What I am struggling with at the moment is (as always) balance. Being new to regular exercise, there are many things to learn. One of the things that will just come over time is understanding my bodies limits. When to push through, and when to stop. In the gym, I find these things present themselves more easily - but this could equally be that I'm just not pushing as much as I could because it feels so foreign. When I get shaky or something hurts or my breathing becomes inconsistent, I stop. Swimming is different. Swimming is relaxing. Swimming is enjoyable for me, and because I pace myself I can just do it for quite a long time and often don't realise I've hit my limit.
Only 3kg until I'm roughly this size.
But feeling like I am at this level of confidence now.
Abby's first swimming lesson.
It's been almost that long since I felt comfortable
enough in my skin to go in the water.
Now I'm struggling to get out!
Exercise is also addictive... Just like chocolate it releases endorphins which make you feel good. So once you start feeling good, you naturally want that feeling more and more. This is why (for many folk) it's a great way of managing anxiety and depression. In this respect, it is certainly working for me. I've cut my medication back down (after raising it a little to manage panic attacks in October). On the other side of things I just have to be mindful of my tendency to get hooked on crutches. I've done this with diet and exercise before (in my early 20's). Making large, measurable changes to your own body can feel very powerful. If you've had periods where you felt you had no control in your life, discovering that you have power can be a dangerous thing. It's easy to get caught up in these changes. This is why I've set realistic, gradual weight loss goals and done very little to my diet. I don't want to get caught up. Addiction is unhealthy, whether it's to sugar, heroin or exercise.I am really looking forward to seeing how this first week of my new schedule works out. I'm hopeful that with the usual routine of school/kindy etc back having a routine will start to feel less frenetic and more normal. And I'm hoping to maintain this level of excited, without getting obsessive. I have my fingers crossed for both.
* Still swimming more than gymming
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