Our humble Christmas tree (and bless our mess)
Hello Blog
Sorry it's been so long.
With a barrage of baby illness and parental brain fuzz there's been no
chance of visiting you. Don't get me
wrong - there's been time - just not brain or stamina to even consider writing. My brain has been awash with blog topics over
the last month: baby feeding, Unitec Design department job losses, the
marketing/gendering baby clothing debacle.
And today I've decided not to be precious about my writing, and not to
be intellectual, but to write about the obvious at hand: Christmas.
So it's Etta's first Christmas and time to start establishing our own family traditions. And as a lover of Christmas, this is super important to me. BUT, there are a lot of things about contemporary Christmas I don't love. One of those things is Santa and here are my main reasons why:
So it's Etta's first Christmas and time to start establishing our own family traditions. And as a lover of Christmas, this is super important to me. BUT, there are a lot of things about contemporary Christmas I don't love. One of those things is Santa and here are my main reasons why:
- Santa divorces gifts received from the notion of
'giving'
- Santa makes more visible the gap between rich and poor
- Santa encourages us to lie to our kids
'What do you want for Christmas?' is the standard Santa-lap-child dialogue. Not who are you spending Christmas with, not what are you getting Mummy and Daddy - just what do you want. And combined with the amount of marketing we encounter in our daily lives, the message that 'YOU NEED THIS THING' is constant, and really doesn't need reinforcing by a bearded man in a red suit.
'What do you want for Christmas?' is the standard Santa-lap-child dialogue. Not who are you spending Christmas with, not what are you getting Mummy and Daddy - just what do you want. And combined with the amount of marketing we encounter in our daily lives, the message that 'YOU NEED THIS THING' is constant, and really doesn't need reinforcing by a bearded man in a red suit.
To me Christmas is about giving to those you love. It may be gifts, it may be food, it may be
time, or it may just be kind thoughts.
If you are Christian, the importance of giving is highlighted through
the nativity story - Jesus wasn't expecting anything, but people wanted to give to their new messiah. Jesus wasn't making lists and awaiting
Furby's - and if he weren't a newborn babe I think he would just have been
stoked so many people showed up to say hi.*
I love giving to others, and Christmas is prime time for
doing that. I want to share this love of
giving with Etta. So of course she is
going to get presents, but from us, not 'Santa'. And because Murray is
'pro Santa' we've come up with a compromise - which is St Nicholas who made gifts for the orphans (in simplified version). So in the vein, Etta will
have one handmade St Nicholas present to remember this kind act each Christmas. And coming up to Christmas we will also sort
through her toys, and give half of them away to charity. When she is older, she can choose what she
keeps, and what she gives away, and to whom, herself.
Because Santa is all about gifts, and what kids want from
Santa is informed by marketing, Christmas is a time that clearly establishes
the kids whose parents have money, and the kids that don't. This, combined with the 'Santa only gives
presents to good kids' thing further concretes the rich = good, poor = bad
dichotomy which has been exacerbated by the 'bene-bashing' of our current
government.
This is not only important to me because of my political leanings, but because I was the poor/bad kid growing up. I was the kid that asked my Mum if I'd been bad, as my Santa gifts were not comparable with that of my middle class cousins. This must have been heartbreaking for my parents. They did their best, and in spite of this I have very fond memories of Christmas because we celebrated other things. But for many, Santa puts undue stress and pressure on those who just can't afford him. Because of my values I can't pass this dichotomy on to my daughter. Plenty of other people will do this for her. I want to ensure that at least, at home, she knows that a person is not valued by what they, or their parents, earn.
This is not only important to me because of my political leanings, but because I was the poor/bad kid growing up. I was the kid that asked my Mum if I'd been bad, as my Santa gifts were not comparable with that of my middle class cousins. This must have been heartbreaking for my parents. They did their best, and in spite of this I have very fond memories of Christmas because we celebrated other things. But for many, Santa puts undue stress and pressure on those who just can't afford him. Because of my values I can't pass this dichotomy on to my daughter. Plenty of other people will do this for her. I want to ensure that at least, at home, she knows that a person is not valued by what they, or their parents, earn.
The lying thing... now this will be the hardest point for
folks to swallow. For most, Santa is not
lying, but 'magic' and I totally get that.
I get the wonder of childhood, the tooth fairy, the mystery of falling
asleep somewhere and waking up somewhere else.
I get the excitement around reindeer excrement. Trust me, I do. But for me, when I found out that it was a
ruse (and I didn't find out until I was quite old, maybe even 9) because I had believed
so strongly in the magic I lost faith in my parents. I know that most kids don't feel/react this
way. I know this will have been more
pertinent to me because I had other reasons to distrust my parents, but in
spite of this, I can't conscionably lie to my daughter. I just can't.
We will do our utmost to ensure that she doesn't ruin the magic for others, but as my Mum pointed out - she will not be the only kid at her school who doesn't 'do' Santa. We live in a multicultural world these days, especially in Auckland. Many people who live here do not have faith systems that revolve around Christmas. Etta will not be alone in her Santalessness.
And instead of Santa we'll teach her about the origins of Christmas. About the nativity story and why Jesus is important (culturally, not just in a theological sense). About St Nicholas and the orphans (ignoring the whole 'dowry' drama), and about Winter Solstice. We'll go at her pace, but we will not boil Christmas down into the simple Santa/gift dealio.
We will do our utmost to ensure that she doesn't ruin the magic for others, but as my Mum pointed out - she will not be the only kid at her school who doesn't 'do' Santa. We live in a multicultural world these days, especially in Auckland. Many people who live here do not have faith systems that revolve around Christmas. Etta will not be alone in her Santalessness.
And instead of Santa we'll teach her about the origins of Christmas. About the nativity story and why Jesus is important (culturally, not just in a theological sense). About St Nicholas and the orphans (ignoring the whole 'dowry' drama), and about Winter Solstice. We'll go at her pace, but we will not boil Christmas down into the simple Santa/gift dealio.
And Etta will still have magic. The magic in Christmassy smells - ginger and
cinnamon, fresh pine and mint, BBQ and roast.
The magic in the rustle of wrapping paper, in Christmas carols and fairy
light lit nights. And the magic in that
warm feeling you get when you give to others and receive a genuine smile.
Meri Kirihimete ki a kotou, arohanui mai x x
* Just need to clarify I am not religious (although I was raised vaguely Christian), but love the nativity story and am totes down with Jesus. So many good life lessons in his teachings, many of which are especially pertinent today.
