So it is Mothers Day today.
And I am a horrible, cynical person who works in retail - so it's hard for me not to see it as much more than a marketing ploy. Nevertheless, I do think it is nice that we have one day a year to recognise all that our mothers do for us and all that the mothers in our communities do for their families. And for those of us who are Mums ourselves, it is nice to have a day where we might just feel appreciated for all that we do.
It is difficult not to fall into the trap of buying gifts for Mothers Day. As a beneficiary with longterm illness, my Mum doesn't have a lot, so I do feel like Mothers Day is an opportunity to get her nice, useful things. But many Mum's are not in the same position as mine. I am one of those Mums. So every time my lovely partner says 'what do you want for Mothers Day?' I am kinda stumped. I know the kids will make me a card, and that'll be lovely. But there are no present type things I really need. I do need undies, but I suspect I will be better at picking
comfortable ones (and for me, comfy undies are a MUST HAVE) than either
Murray or the kids, so I'd rather just get them myself.
And while what I'd really like for Mothers Day is a lie in, time to myself, big cuddles and a lovely meal I haven't cooked myself, like many mothers who work retail, I will be working today. Consequently, doing all of those things today is just not possible. And Murray usually cooks on Sundays anyway, so a nice meal I didn't cook is just a regular Sunday dinner. So after thinking about it over the last few days I realised what I really wanted for Mothers Day was to show kindness to mothers and children who have greater need than me.
A big part of why I am doing the Ration Challenge is that I want my kids to see the impact kindness can have on others lives. When I did the Circle Of Security parenting course one of the questions they asked at the outset was to list three qualities you most want for your children. At the top of my list was kindness. There is no such thing as a perfect parent and I am certainly not an all-rounder at this parenting bizzo*. But the one thing I will work desperately to instill in my kids, is the importance of being kind.
Because I truly believe that through showing kindness and compassion for all people, we can make this world a better place. So I try to exercise this every day. It is in the little things - thinking before we speak, apologising when we say something wrong or hurtful unintentionally, learning from our mistakes - and just lending a hand when we can. With my kids it's about listening to them, working on solutions to problems together and noticing when they need a little boost or a lot of cuddles. And I am not perfect at this either. But I work hard to be better at it. And while there are many folk in need of a tonne of kindness right here in our neighbourhood**, I do think it is important to look at the bigger picture to really put things in perspective.
Currently we are witnessing the highest amount of displaced people worldwide on record. Etta knows what war is. I think it was the ANZAC Ted book she got last Christmas that prompted this discussion. She is a curious kid and we have tried our best to answer her questions honestly and in an age appropriate way. Having a context in which to explain what being a refugee means helps her to better understand the long term effects of war. This also helps her to recognise her own privilege, and gives her more tools to live a compassionate life. And Abby is little, but even so she will be absorbing more of this than we think.
The kids hitting the 'donation' button with Dad.
Who doesn't love pressing buttons?
Were the kids keen on giving Mum some seemingly intangible thing rather than something they chose themselves? No, they were not. Regardless of their lack of understanding, it gives them an idea of just how much we value helping others. And through doing the prep work for the challenge and the discussions that consequently come up in our home, we reaffirm to them just how important we feel it is to work hard to help others.
I cannot comprehend what it would be like to be a mother during a state of war. I cannot really comprehend war. I don't know how I would cope with the loss of independence that comes with losing ones home, family and country, nor how I would swallow my pride to accept support from strangers. But I do know that as parents we adapt to the unexpected situations that face us, because we have little choice but to do so.
There are many, many refugee mothers and children in this world, especially in Jordan where many Syrian refugees have sought asylum. This breaks my heart. And while I know I cannot singlehandedly stop a war and rebuild a nation, I believe that collectively we have the power to improve the lives of those affected by the displacement of war. And as a mother, I empathise with the struggles of other Mothers, whether I fully comprehend them or not. It doesn't matter if it's a Mum from Kindy, a Mum in my family or a Mum on the other side of the world. The truth is the end goal for us is largely the same - trying to do what is best for our families***.
I have chosen to put my empathy into action via The Ration Challenge which is running in New Zealand for the first year this year. This is a fundraiser, and awareness campaign for those living in the Zataari Camp in Jordan, where, for one week, participants eat the same rations as a Syrian refugee. Funds are used to provide desperately needed things like food, sanitary items, medicine and education. Of course, there are other ways you can help refugee families closer to home through non-monetary means. You can volunteer to help refugee families settle into New Zealand life, or donate household goods to help these families get started.
I know this post has become exactly what I cynically said Mothers Day was all about - marketing. And of COURSE I'd love for more people to sponsor me for the Ration Challenge**** or to take up the charge and get on board themselves.
But the real purpose for this post is promoting kindness. I feel so grateful to live a life that is just teeming with kind, amazing and supportive Mums. And I feel so grateful for my Mum, who is one of the kindest people I know. Having all these wonderful Mothers around has made my transition to motherhood a lot less scary. I'd love to see more of us extending that kindness to Mothers outside of our Kindy, our families and our Facebook groups, because not everyone is as lucky as I, and maybe you, are. Sometimes all that kindness requires, is a warm 'I get it' smile at a stranger when their kid is melting down at the playground.
Collectively, we are wiser and stronger, and kindness forges that connection.
Happy Mothers Day.
* Having anxiety does make some aspects of parenting tough. And I am not great at messy play, rough-housing or silly play with the kids. Luckily, I have a Murray (my partner) who is GREAT at being silly and rough-housing with the kids, and a Mum who is great at messy play. I figure having a super team of grown ups that are good at different things makes things better for everyone.
** The at home charity we regularly support is Kidscan as child poverty has a massive affect on us both here in NZ, and directly in our local community (Etta's school is one which receives support from Kidscan)
*** And of course, we are a part of that family - self care is as important as the care of any other family member. Be kinder to yourselves Mummies! Treat yourself with the same care, love and respect you give to others.
**** If you can't see my hyperlinks for any reason, and you do want to sponsor me - just go to https://my.rationchallenge.org.nz/hannah-may
Also, ignore the recommended donations if they look too crazy - they are quite high! Every little bit counts - just $5 will feed a family at the Zaatari camp for one day, which still makes a huge difference.
OR to be kind to a total stranger just click on the 'sponsor someone' link on the Ration Challenge hub, search a random first name and sponsor whoever shows the lowest fundraised amount. It all goes to the same place in the end!
And I am a horrible, cynical person who works in retail - so it's hard for me not to see it as much more than a marketing ploy. Nevertheless, I do think it is nice that we have one day a year to recognise all that our mothers do for us and all that the mothers in our communities do for their families. And for those of us who are Mums ourselves, it is nice to have a day where we might just feel appreciated for all that we do.
When you work in a department store
it's hard not to be cynical
it's hard not to be cynical
(and yet still I bought Mums present here...)
It is difficult not to fall into the trap of buying gifts for Mothers Day. As a beneficiary with longterm illness, my Mum doesn't have a lot, so I do feel like Mothers Day is an opportunity to get her nice, useful things. But many Mum's are not in the same position as mine. I am one of those Mums. So every time my lovely partner says 'what do you want for Mothers Day?' I am kinda stumped. I know the kids will make me a card, and that'll be lovely. But there are no present type things I really need. I do need undies, but I suspect I will be better at picking
comfortable ones (and for me, comfy undies are a MUST HAVE) than either
Murray or the kids, so I'd rather just get them myself. And while what I'd really like for Mothers Day is a lie in, time to myself, big cuddles and a lovely meal I haven't cooked myself, like many mothers who work retail, I will be working today. Consequently, doing all of those things today is just not possible. And Murray usually cooks on Sundays anyway, so a nice meal I didn't cook is just a regular Sunday dinner. So after thinking about it over the last few days I realised what I really wanted for Mothers Day was to show kindness to mothers and children who have greater need than me.
A big part of why I am doing the Ration Challenge is that I want my kids to see the impact kindness can have on others lives. When I did the Circle Of Security parenting course one of the questions they asked at the outset was to list three qualities you most want for your children. At the top of my list was kindness. There is no such thing as a perfect parent and I am certainly not an all-rounder at this parenting bizzo*. But the one thing I will work desperately to instill in my kids, is the importance of being kind.
Because I truly believe that through showing kindness and compassion for all people, we can make this world a better place. So I try to exercise this every day. It is in the little things - thinking before we speak, apologising when we say something wrong or hurtful unintentionally, learning from our mistakes - and just lending a hand when we can. With my kids it's about listening to them, working on solutions to problems together and noticing when they need a little boost or a lot of cuddles. And I am not perfect at this either. But I work hard to be better at it. And while there are many folk in need of a tonne of kindness right here in our neighbourhood**, I do think it is important to look at the bigger picture to really put things in perspective.
Currently we are witnessing the highest amount of displaced people worldwide on record. Etta knows what war is. I think it was the ANZAC Ted book she got last Christmas that prompted this discussion. She is a curious kid and we have tried our best to answer her questions honestly and in an age appropriate way. Having a context in which to explain what being a refugee means helps her to better understand the long term effects of war. This also helps her to recognise her own privilege, and gives her more tools to live a compassionate life. And Abby is little, but even so she will be absorbing more of this than we think.
The kids hitting the 'donation' button with Dad.
Who doesn't love pressing buttons?
I cannot comprehend what it would be like to be a mother during a state of war. I cannot really comprehend war. I don't know how I would cope with the loss of independence that comes with losing ones home, family and country, nor how I would swallow my pride to accept support from strangers. But I do know that as parents we adapt to the unexpected situations that face us, because we have little choice but to do so.
There are many, many refugee mothers and children in this world, especially in Jordan where many Syrian refugees have sought asylum. This breaks my heart. And while I know I cannot singlehandedly stop a war and rebuild a nation, I believe that collectively we have the power to improve the lives of those affected by the displacement of war. And as a mother, I empathise with the struggles of other Mothers, whether I fully comprehend them or not. It doesn't matter if it's a Mum from Kindy, a Mum in my family or a Mum on the other side of the world. The truth is the end goal for us is largely the same - trying to do what is best for our families***.
A Syrian family in Zataari Camp receiving their ration pack.
I have chosen to put my empathy into action via The Ration Challenge which is running in New Zealand for the first year this year. This is a fundraiser, and awareness campaign for those living in the Zataari Camp in Jordan, where, for one week, participants eat the same rations as a Syrian refugee. Funds are used to provide desperately needed things like food, sanitary items, medicine and education. Of course, there are other ways you can help refugee families closer to home through non-monetary means. You can volunteer to help refugee families settle into New Zealand life, or donate household goods to help these families get started.
I know this post has become exactly what I cynically said Mothers Day was all about - marketing. And of COURSE I'd love for more people to sponsor me for the Ration Challenge**** or to take up the charge and get on board themselves.
But the real purpose for this post is promoting kindness. I feel so grateful to live a life that is just teeming with kind, amazing and supportive Mums. And I feel so grateful for my Mum, who is one of the kindest people I know. Having all these wonderful Mothers around has made my transition to motherhood a lot less scary. I'd love to see more of us extending that kindness to Mothers outside of our Kindy, our families and our Facebook groups, because not everyone is as lucky as I, and maybe you, are. Sometimes all that kindness requires, is a warm 'I get it' smile at a stranger when their kid is melting down at the playground. Collectively, we are wiser and stronger, and kindness forges that connection.
Happy Mothers Day.
My lovely Mothers Day card from Etta
made with help from her lovely Kindy teachers.
made with help from her lovely Kindy teachers.
And just FYI, I do not give her thousands of toys.
* Having anxiety does make some aspects of parenting tough. And I am not great at messy play, rough-housing or silly play with the kids. Luckily, I have a Murray (my partner) who is GREAT at being silly and rough-housing with the kids, and a Mum who is great at messy play. I figure having a super team of grown ups that are good at different things makes things better for everyone.
** The at home charity we regularly support is Kidscan as child poverty has a massive affect on us both here in NZ, and directly in our local community (Etta's school is one which receives support from Kidscan)
*** And of course, we are a part of that family - self care is as important as the care of any other family member. Be kinder to yourselves Mummies! Treat yourself with the same care, love and respect you give to others.
**** If you can't see my hyperlinks for any reason, and you do want to sponsor me - just go to https://my.rationchallenge.org.nz/hannah-may
Also, ignore the recommended donations if they look too crazy - they are quite high! Every little bit counts - just $5 will feed a family at the Zaatari camp for one day, which still makes a huge difference.
OR to be kind to a total stranger just click on the 'sponsor someone' link on the Ration Challenge hub, search a random first name and sponsor whoever shows the lowest fundraised amount. It all goes to the same place in the end!
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