On art or not to art

 

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 The art of fridge display

So, you know how recently I posted about Etta sleeping through the night and me having time to do more fun stuff?

Well, that was short lived as Etta's had a cold for about a week and her sleep has reverted to waking two to six times a night.  Babies huh?  Can't live with 'em, can't continue the human race without 'em.

And before that happened, I made a decision to take part in something to help encourage me to try and be more creative.  So I thought the perfect place to start was with the 100 Days Project.  Back in my prior life as an art student, many of my earlier projects (2nd year painting) were focused around the repetition of a certain thing daily (or hourly) in a set time frame.  So this appeals.  Also, the scope is broad enough that I can pretty much make it work for me.  Initially, I set my sights low (make and photograph a cup of tea a day - talking about the importance of self care), but then decided it wouldn't really push my brain much, so I've decided to be just slightly more ambitious.

I argue with myself a LOT over whether to make art or not in general.  In light of having made a person, it now seems trite.  I stopped writing poetry because it just seemed lame.  Please don't take offense my poetry peoples I'm just being honest.  Post-Etta I'm just not in the head space to write apart from stuff like this.  It just doesn't make sense to me any more.  It may be temporary.  And it's not writers block, it's a gut wrenching aversion to writing poetry (as in if I try, I feel like puking on myself in shame).

And making art feels similar, but not the same.  There is still fun in 'making' for me, but there is no fun in 'wanking'.  By this I mean I enjoy the act of doing and creating, but I have absolutely no desire to put it into a social framework, or seriously look at art that does that.  This is not just cos I have no brain (although I'm sure it's a part of it), but also that I'm finding it hard to dedicate thought to something as esoteric as fine art.

Because at the moment, my life is too basic.  It is about eating, sleeping, working, surviving.  And with an election coming up, and even The Lego Movie taking the piss about NZd's poverty situation (right around 1.27, sorry, couldn't find a shorter clip), I feel like I have bigger things to worry about than whether people can view my knitted vibrators within the context I've created around them.  And I'm not one of those romantic people who think that art can change the world (sorry, I'm an asshole).  I'm more of a food sharing on social media type.  I'm a teach-people-how-to-grow-and-cook-food type.  I'm more a lets-change-the-world-by-voting-and-actions-and-education type.  And I knit vibrators.  That's not going to help with the poverty.  Trust me. 

I still enjoy art discourse, and am grateful I am still a little in the loop with being lucky enough to contribute to Ngaio Rue's Rework (which I encourage you all to read and comment on).  But it's hard for me to see it's validity in the same way as I did pre-Etta.  Most of my brain is dedicated to deciphering Auckland's ridiculous weather patterns in order to get nappies dry, and how to distract a baby while you cut it's claws, and working out meals we can all eat, and budgeting, and if I do X many hours of extra work what cool family thing can we do.  Which probably seems banal and boring.  But I guess I like being banal and boring.

I think that many people post art school with borderline practices, or non practices still feel this pressure to create.  I have spent a little time trying to reconcile this myself having dedicated four years to study, and much time to exhibition organising, writing, crafting and zineing since.  But the conclusion I've come to is that I utilise all these things, and all these aspects of me in my daily life, so I don't feel like I need (much of) another outlet.

I make up (and sing) stupid songs.  I build cool stuff with blocks.  I make yum (and pretty) foods.  I bake.  I play Etta's xylophone.  I work out creative ways to manage exhaustion (ie: fueling on coffee and sugar and bad films to stay awake - not hugely different from art school except that coffee used to be booze).  I engage in discourse around pirates with the Wiggles.  Basically, my life is just one giant arts party.

But I guess most of that party is being thrown for someone else.  Maybe.  I'm not totally sure on that one.  But it will probably be good for my brain if I try and focus some of that creativity on something a little more 'real world art'.  As practice.  For if I want to rejoin the grown up world some day.

So watch this space... I promise you there will be fun things to follow.  The only hint I'll give you as to what form my 100 Days Project (which starts on Friday) will take is this: DGIAE...

to be continued...