On being a pregnant cripple part deux

This is me a few weeks ago at our bach - I'm WAY fatter than this now (it was too hot for pants - it's still too hot for pants)

So I thought I'd catch ya'll up with where things are at re: pregnancy and crippledom.  Am I still a pregnant cripple?  

Yes, yes I am.

So after I last wrote a few things happened.

Very shortly after writing a complaint to my doctors clinic re: the crappy Dr, I received a phone call from the head of practice.  He concurred that this particular Dr has a shite bedside manner and apologised.  He gave me another consult via the phone and said based on previous history, notes and pain levels, I should go on the sickness benefit.  I said no thank you - going on the sickness benefit would just make me more depressed (Murray probably also earns too much).  I asked if I could just try the drugs and cutting work back and doing all the exercises and see how that goes.  He said that was fine, and at this stage, it's working ok.

I have been regularly seeing my physio .  Last week was an awesome week where for the first time she could tell me my hips were sitting in the right place.  This was fantastic news as by this stage both of my hips were displaced.  The left hip was also very tight, and kept catching on tissue near the joint when I did things like tried to get up from the toilet, which resulted in me often getting 'stuck' for several minutes.  After a few good days sadly, my hip started doing this again, so it's back to the physio I go for some more painful hip/butt massage and manipulation.  Hoping a few days of good hips is a sign of more days of good hips to come.

I really like yoga now.  Every Tuesday I'm tired, and kinda don't want to go, but I make myself, and afterward I always feel great.  There are skills I am learning which are applicable to many areas of my life, and I always come out of class feeling relaxed.  Every time we have to do some sort of 'visualisation' that's too out there for me, I just visualise something awesome but somehow related, like memes about cats, or babies wearing sunglasses, or bad catch phrases from the 80's.  Murray and I went to one of my yoga teachers couple's workshops which is about massage and acupressure for pregnancy and labour.  That was awesome.  Now Murray knows some sweet massage moves, and also (I think) feels a little more confident about how to be useful when I do go into labour.

I'm also doing my best to get in the water as much as I can.  The other side effect of my hips being wonky is my lower back is in constant pain whether walking, sitting or lying down.  Even with the brace on it is painful for me to do simple things like make the bed.  And with getting heavier (I went from just fat looking to REALLY pregnant looking about two weeks ago), each week is more difficult than the last.  Being in the water takes that weight off for a while.  It means I can feel like a regular person for a bit - I'm not in pain, and I have much better mobility.  Exercise is really important to aid in getting my hips to do what they're supposed to, and this is much easier in the water.  I'm exercising regularly more now than I have at any other time in the last five years.

And despite being very sore, and having to take codeine, and needing to 'take things easy' (which I'm not very good at) - I'm feeling pretty good.  My brain is working well enough to read - and what I'm reading combined with what I'm learning in yoga makes me feel confident that I will be able to deal with labour no matter what happens (high chance of needing C section if my hips don't sort themselves out).  And I'm pretty sure all the endorphins from exercise are also helping me be less anxious.

I still think pregnancy sucks, but it's manageably suck.  Learning about what physiologically happens through pregnancy and labour has taken the fear out of the process and for me that's been the biggest thing.  I still have broken capillaries all over my chest that I'll get lasered at some point.  I still have bleeding gums and the occasional blood nose.  And I've just begun experiencing that wonderful thing they call 'reflux' (never had it before so took me a while to work out what it was - it's gross). 

And I've had a few 'happies' since I started looking really pregnant:

- someone got up so I could sit down on the bus home from work
- a lady let me go in the front of a long toilet queue at the pools 

- a boy racer dude offered me a ride home in his lowered 90's Subaru with tints and a blow off valve (I declined because I was 200 metres away from my house, and blow off valves are stupid)

- I freaked out my yoga class on Tuesday by my hip 'sticking' when I was in the Downward Facing Dog.  I would have laughed at me.

So it's not all bad...

On Being A Pregnant Cripple

Check out my smiley belt.  Sexy as.

Back pain is common in pregnancy as we not only put on disproportionate weight, but also produce a hormone called relaxin, which 'relaxes' ligaments, bone structures and arteries in preparation for birth.  This can make some women feel super awesome, but can also cause issues as bits of the body may 'relax' into awkward places.  I have had back pain, and treatment before, but none of it compares to what I am experiencing now due to pregnancy.

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As a relevant, early sidebar, I started doing maternity yoga about three weeks ago.  I decided to do this because I wanted to do some prep for child birth.  I have learnt a lot from this yoga class.  I learnt that I was basically doing everything wrong.  I was sleeping, sitting and standing wrong.  I learnt about relaxin, and about some positions I shouldn't get into, not just because they aren't lady like, but because they might damage me now cos of the stupid relaxin.

I left my first yoga class completely re-educated, traumatised, and worried about how I would possibly be able to sleep in a different-to-usual position.  I cannot stress enough that this education was very useful.  If you are going to give birth for the first time, I recommend going to maternity yoga.  In spite of the fact that it makes me nauseated (due to low blood pressure) and tearful, I am learning things I may never have learnt without it.  And they are practical and logical things - not just hippy la la things.

I'm learning a bunch of exercises, some that will hopefully help my back (I told my yoga instructor I was having issues).  And I bought a Swiss Ball the day after my first yoga class in an attempt to sit on the couch less (the couch is apparently evil).  I haven't been 100% good with my posture, but I'm aware of it and trying, and exercising and I am attempting to sleep differently.

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Concurrently...  About a month ago I found out you can get a physio appointment via your Midwife, so asked my Midwife to organise me one because I was having some lower back pain.  And then waited and waited.  I am a person who doesn't like to 'bug' people, so didn't want to 'bug' my Midwife for a few weeks.  Then she went on holiday, and I would have to 'bug' her birthing partner who I haven't met before.  So I didn't 'bug' her until I had to leave work because I had trouble turning on the computer...

As soon as I 'bugged' her, I got a phone call from the hospital to organise me an appointment for the next day (go Midwife!).  I wish I had been brave enough to bug her earlier.  This is one of the annoying things about being anxious.  I think had I been brave enough to 'bug' her earlier, my back may not have gotten to this point.  It still might have, but case in point, being braver is smarter. 

So on Wednesday I had an appointment with the hospital physio, and she was brilliant.  I like physio - I've done a fair whack of it, so it was also nice to be the 'good' patient wearing appropriate clothing and footwear and knowing stuff and things (once a teacher's pet, always a teacher's pet).   And it was so nice to be told I have the 'typical' symptoms of a hip problem.  It's really nice to be 'typical', because it means people know what to do with you.  My right hip is tilted too far forward, and is not very mobile.  Hence pain with movement, and sometimes extreme pain as other muscles and bits catch in the hip joint.  So the joint needs to learn where it's supposed to go, and needs to be mobilised.  So she did some very mild joint manipulation and fitted me with a Smiley belt and some more exercises to mobilise the hip.  I felt instant relief as soon as she put the belt on.

So I went to work yesterday feeling super confident with my new belt and understanding as to why my back was not my friend.  I wish confidence was a better placebo than I'd assumed.  At about 1.20pm I suddenly got sharp pain in my lower back.  This was a different to normal kind of pain as it was constant (usual pain is with movement).  Then my blood pressure dropped, and I almost collapsed.   I shakily sat down, took some Panadol, drank a bunch of water, and emailed my husband.

I thought it quite likely that my blood pressure dropped because my body was shocked by the pain.  So let him know what was going on, but that we didn't need to do anything unless I couldn't get my blood pressure to come right in the next half hour.  I figured in that time the Panadol would start kicking in, and with less pain, my body would start to calm down (I'm awesomely logical, even when in agony).  Then I started getting cramping across my pelvis.  This is scary when you're pregnant.  Because I have IBS I went to the bathroom to double check if it was gastro cramps (again with the logic), and to check for bleeding, of which there was none.  Phew!

After half an hour things were not right with more cramping and shakiness, so Murray picked me up and took me to the doctors.  Although the Doctor did check my stomach for rigidity to ensure everything was ok with the baby, he did little else - he didn't even check where I was at on a pain scale and I was crying in pain just trying to step up to the bed to get checked (Murray had to help me get down).  He recommended Panadol (despite knowing crying me was me on Panadol), rest and to call my Midwife.  Then they charged me for the appointment because it wasn't deemed to be related to pregnancy.  We were unimpressed.  I have complained.

My back-up Midwife was reassuring.  Although there was nothing she could practically do, she let me know there were options.  You can take more hard core drugs when pregnant than Panadol (yay).  She recommended to go to A&E if the pain levels didn't come down because they could give me these drugs.  And I can go back to the hospital physio which I plan to do next week. 

Over early evening my pain settled to a tolerable level with doing nothing.  Today, I can walk around with my belt on and only look slightly crippled.  But I can't stand for long, I can't bend down to do things like get a cup out of the cupboard, and I certainly can't go to work.  I am hoping that this has something to do with too much or 'new' exercise, and this will dissipate with rest, but who knows.

I am glad there is a plan.  But it is frustrating being in limbo.  How do you handle having a job when you are in a physical limbo?  I feel sorry for my boss.  She has a staff member who 'might' be ok for work but who knows?  I was really hoping to not feel like an invalid until I was much more pregnant than this.   And I shouldn't feel this way because I'm being  good.  I'm doing  the exercises.  I'm going  to yoga.  And I'm resting  (I have little choice).  Surely this means I should get a reprieve?  And yes, I know, patience is a virtue, good things come to those that wait etc.  But those waiting in pain and limbo may go into psychotic rage and kill things...

I am grateful that the baby is ok.  She has been kicking away at my bladder like an evil demon child, which is good.    And my back-up Midwife said pain is commonly 'unpredictable' in pregnancy, so I might wake up tomorrow and feel pretty good.  I really hope so.  In the interim, I am resting.  Our house is a state, but I will just sit (not on the couch) and watch DVD's like a good, albeit impatient, patient.