So, the actual challenge has kind of snuck up on me.
It starts in little over a week's time.
And while I am happy with how my fundraising is going - like, really, really amazed and so grateful to all my super generous sponsors, the reality of the challenge is starting to set in.
I am prepared. I mean, I have an anxiety disorder, so I am SUPER prepared in terms of meal planning. But I don't know how prepared I am for the reality of living on such a limited diet.
And when I signed up for this it was so far in the future I said 'yes' to commitments that I hadn't even realised were during the period of the challenge. Part of the reason I thought I could do this was that I could pare things back and just try and have an easy(er) week than, say, someone working full time. What I have since realised is that I am actually working a 31 hour week that week and being parent help on Etta's first school trip. And like many Mama's of small children, I still cannot recall the last time I managed to sleep more than four consecutive hours (Abby has only slept through the night once ever, I kid you not). So lordy! I have not made things easy for myself.
And the truth is, food and wine are my two biggest ways of self-soothing. Right now, I'm high on cheesy GF pasta, some potato chips, two glasses of wine and a fruity herbal tea. This is what I do to get through - I live for flavour. In truth, I am unsure how I will get through without? I think this is a big part of why this challenge appealed to me. Yes, I absolutely am in it for helping those whose lives are so much harder than mine. Who do not deserve to be where they are - who deserve so much better. But like most humans, there is vested interest in doing what I do. This challenge is in aid of Syrian refugees, but it is also in aid of myself: maybe I will show myself I can survive without all this food self soothing.
This is why there are few photos of me lately
It feels awkward being bigger.
Because the truth of my life right now is that I've been diagnosed with a medical condition that means I put on weight.* Consequently, I am now the heaviest I've ever been. I know, it sounds like I'm just overeating, but I am not eating hugely different to how I used to. And these days when I do diet, it makes literally zero difference anyway (lord, I have tried!) so I'd rather live the tasty life. I am unused to being much bigger than I've always been. I've always swung about 5 kg around a certain midpoint. But I have a strong family history of heart issues - my Grandfather died when he was just in his 50's and my Dad has already had two stents put in after multiple heart attacks. I've been told by a Dr that getting much fatter is not really a healthy option for me. And I want to be here for my kids as long as I can be. So I agree that getting fatter is not an option for me.
But that's enough of that heavy stuff. I think in order to get through it's important to focus on the positives. And today's post is mostly for me to refer back to on the days that I have rice brain, and I'm stressed, and I am crying**. So that I have a plan for those hard days. So I can make it through the week. Because all my generous donors are counting on me. And I am counting on me.
And because aside from raising money, this is the whole point. To put myself in one small way, in a Syrian refugees shoes. This list of reminders contains many self care options that refugees will not have available to them. I feel so thankful that I do.
Hannah's List of Challenge Tips
I got a super fancy Ration Challenge bottle!
1) Remember, it's only one week! This period is finite. Just like when you were in labour with Abby and you knew it would come to an end at some point in time, so you had to just focus on getting through as quick and as clean as you could. The folk the the Zataari camp do not have an endpoint. Suck it up Hannah!
2) Drink more water! If you are feeling dizzy, drink some water, or eat a sliver of carrot to get through. Drink from that fancy bottle you got. Remember your sponsors who got you that fancy bottle.
3) The amount of food available is enough to sustain you, it is just your regular lifestyle tricking you into thinking it can't. There is no reason for you to pass out - at any point. If you are feeling low you do have little sugar boosting snacks on hand. You can do this. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time - you will get through.
4) Cuddle Nettie and Roux. Your cats are awesome and will appreciate the cuddles. And if they are not feeling like cuddling, buy that dog pillow from work. It's inanimate, feels like a dog and you can cuddle it indefinitely.
5) Take a bath. Water therapy works for you. Past Hannah has (pick up some bath bombs when you're at work on Sunday past Hannah) bought a couple of nice bath things for the days you need baths to make this feel more special.
6) Ask Murray for help if you can think of anything he can do to help. He is awesome. He will help you. Do not ask Murray to share his chips though. That is cheating.
7) Ask anyone else for help. Make sure work understands why you may be less competent than usual. Check in with your usual kid helpers if they can help any extra over this crazy week. Do what you can to get some support if/when you need it. Maybe even call a friend (?) to hang out if you randomly feel like socialising will distract you. Ask. For. Help.
8) Do not forget that you actually have cookies and peanut butter. Yes, they are limited. But they are still cookies and peanut butter. You are luckier than most. Remember there is an extra cookie for a really bad day. Maybe today is that day? Think about it - will tomorrow be harder?
Best movie for putting life into perspective
9) Watch Atanarjuat; The Fast Runner. If you feel like shit just remember that you are not a naked Innuit dude running indefinitely in below zero temperatures with your balls shrunk up into your stomach due to some curse a rando put on your family. Remember what this movie has done for you in the past - it has got you through. It can get you through again. If you have too much rice brain to handle a three hour subtitled movie just watch Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - it's shorter and funnier and will remind you you have never been a mole woman even though you have definitely been a person trapped in 80's and 90's soundtracks. Kimmy will help get you through.
10) Message Sonali and check in with her - if she is busy, post on the Ration Challenge Facebook page to check in with the other participants. Remember - you are not alone in this. Others will be struggling too. Check in with them. Rant away. Get strength from others in the same boat.11) Get our of the house. If the kids/house/pets are making you crazier than normal cos you don't have your usual food crutches just GET OUT. Go look at some birds. Go to the park. Take your Ration Challenge drink bottle.
12) Read the messages from your amazing donors. They believe in you. You can believe in you too.
* * * * * * * * * *
Recipes! Yes, as always, there are recipes.
I am so thankful to have enough donations to have earned an extra protein! While I strongly considered eggs for a while (120 grams of protein is about 2 small eggs) I decided that peanuts are not only more flavoursome, but also easier to spread out over a period of time. And I realised that if I make peanut butter from some of those peanuts, not only do I get a fucking delicious spread, but I can use it in making my hummus to give it better depth of flavour. I have previously often used peanut butter rather than tahini when making hummus just because of the price differential, so I know it tastes good.
This recipe uses most of my 120 grams of peanuts, but it leaves enough that I have a few left for teeny snack boosts over the week.
Peanut Butter
1/2 cup of peanuts (shelled)
pinch salt (if you have it)
2 - 3 tsp vegetable oil
1/4 - 1/2 tsp sugar
1) Roast the peanuts by placing on a baking tray in an oven at 180 degrees celcius. Check after 8 - 10 minutes and turn. Cook until smells delcious and peanuts are slightly golden. Yum! Cool.
2) Pulse in food processor until chopped. I do not have a small enough food processor for this quantity so I used my magical little Tupperware hand wizz thingee which I usually use to make hummus.
3) Add oil and salt/sugar (if you have it) to taste. Wizz until it starts to become a creamy, buttery texture.
This makes about 1/3 of a cup of peanut butter which equates to being able to have 2 teaspoons of peanut butter a day. And it is delicious! It has the Abby-licks-it-off-a-spoon seal of approval. I will likely use some of that to add protein to, and flavour my breakfast. I also plan on using some to make the following recipe...
Peanut Butter Biscuits
So the real truth about my other biscuit recipe is that it was awful. Was it edible? Yes. But did I enjoy eating the biscuits? Not really...
As soon as I realised I could make peanut butter, I realised I could make a better biscuit. I also realised I should just use white sugar. In terms of dietary health stuff I will not be having enough of it for it to negatively impact on my tummy health, so I don't need to deviate from the standard challenge options on this item.
So anyway, here is my new recipe:
2 Tbsp white sugar
1 1/2 Tbsp vegetable oil
1 Tbsp peanut butter (from previous recipe)
2 tsp milk
1/4 cup of gluten free flour
1 Tbsp chopped peanuts. (optional)
1) Preheat oven to 180 degrees celcius.
2) Mix sugar, oil and peanut butter in a small bowl. Add milk and flour. Mix. Add peanuts.
3) Use a teaspoon to shape into small balls and flatten with a fork.
4) Cook for about 9 minutes until just starting to brown
Makes about 7 - 9 small cookies. Enough to make you feel like you get to eat cookies on this challenge.
And these too get the Abby seal of approval. And mine. These are delicious and a serious improvement on the caramel biscuit recipe I posted earlier. I am so grateful to those generous donors who got me some nuts and enabled this cookiness to happen. Truly grateful.
* Adenomyosis means my body produces more oestrogen than usual. And fat cells love to stick to oestrogen (or something like that, this is how I remember my specialist putting it anyhow), so it's like one of those graphs where things start to curve up. First, you get a little fat, and then the more fat you get the more fat you get. There's not much in the way of treatment for it other than what I'm already doing, but often it goes away when you hit menopause. So I have my fingers crossed that comes sooner rather than later.
* The raised oestrogen levels mean I'm also a crazy hormonal bitch most of the time and this makes me feel like I needs my wine and treats so I feel I'm gonna be one crying, angry bitch for most of this challenge. Sure, I hope to come to a zen-like state, but I'm realistic about my situation.
It starts in little over a week's time.
And while I am happy with how my fundraising is going - like, really, really amazed and so grateful to all my super generous sponsors, the reality of the challenge is starting to set in.
I am prepared. I mean, I have an anxiety disorder, so I am SUPER prepared in terms of meal planning. But I don't know how prepared I am for the reality of living on such a limited diet.
And when I signed up for this it was so far in the future I said 'yes' to commitments that I hadn't even realised were during the period of the challenge. Part of the reason I thought I could do this was that I could pare things back and just try and have an easy(er) week than, say, someone working full time. What I have since realised is that I am actually working a 31 hour week that week and being parent help on Etta's first school trip. And like many Mama's of small children, I still cannot recall the last time I managed to sleep more than four consecutive hours (Abby has only slept through the night once ever, I kid you not). So lordy! I have not made things easy for myself.
And the truth is, food and wine are my two biggest ways of self-soothing. Right now, I'm high on cheesy GF pasta, some potato chips, two glasses of wine and a fruity herbal tea. This is what I do to get through - I live for flavour. In truth, I am unsure how I will get through without? I think this is a big part of why this challenge appealed to me. Yes, I absolutely am in it for helping those whose lives are so much harder than mine. Who do not deserve to be where they are - who deserve so much better. But like most humans, there is vested interest in doing what I do. This challenge is in aid of Syrian refugees, but it is also in aid of myself: maybe I will show myself I can survive without all this food self soothing.
This is why there are few photos of me lately
It feels awkward being bigger.
But that's enough of that heavy stuff. I think in order to get through it's important to focus on the positives. And today's post is mostly for me to refer back to on the days that I have rice brain, and I'm stressed, and I am crying**. So that I have a plan for those hard days. So I can make it through the week. Because all my generous donors are counting on me. And I am counting on me.
And because aside from raising money, this is the whole point. To put myself in one small way, in a Syrian refugees shoes. This list of reminders contains many self care options that refugees will not have available to them. I feel so thankful that I do.
Hannah's List of Challenge Tips
I got a super fancy Ration Challenge bottle!
1) Remember, it's only one week! This period is finite. Just like when you were in labour with Abby and you knew it would come to an end at some point in time, so you had to just focus on getting through as quick and as clean as you could. The folk the the Zataari camp do not have an endpoint. Suck it up Hannah!2) Drink more water! If you are feeling dizzy, drink some water, or eat a sliver of carrot to get through. Drink from that fancy bottle you got. Remember your sponsors who got you that fancy bottle.
3) The amount of food available is enough to sustain you, it is just your regular lifestyle tricking you into thinking it can't. There is no reason for you to pass out - at any point. If you are feeling low you do have little sugar boosting snacks on hand. You can do this. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time - you will get through.
Nettie is just so FLUFFY!!
4) Cuddle Nettie and Roux. Your cats are awesome and will appreciate the cuddles. And if they are not feeling like cuddling, buy that dog pillow from work. It's inanimate, feels like a dog and you can cuddle it indefinitely.5) Take a bath. Water therapy works for you. Past Hannah has (pick up some bath bombs when you're at work on Sunday past Hannah) bought a couple of nice bath things for the days you need baths to make this feel more special.
6) Ask Murray for help if you can think of anything he can do to help. He is awesome. He will help you. Do not ask Murray to share his chips though. That is cheating.
7) Ask anyone else for help. Make sure work understands why you may be less competent than usual. Check in with your usual kid helpers if they can help any extra over this crazy week. Do what you can to get some support if/when you need it. Maybe even call a friend (?) to hang out if you randomly feel like socialising will distract you. Ask. For. Help.
8) Do not forget that you actually have cookies and peanut butter. Yes, they are limited. But they are still cookies and peanut butter. You are luckier than most. Remember there is an extra cookie for a really bad day. Maybe today is that day? Think about it - will tomorrow be harder?
Best movie for putting life into perspective
10) Message Sonali and check in with her - if she is busy, post on the Ration Challenge Facebook page to check in with the other participants. Remember - you are not alone in this. Others will be struggling too. Check in with them. Rant away. Get strength from others in the same boat.11) Get our of the house. If the kids/house/pets are making you crazier than normal cos you don't have your usual food crutches just GET OUT. Go look at some birds. Go to the park. Take your Ration Challenge drink bottle.
12) Read the messages from your amazing donors. They believe in you. You can believe in you too.
* * * * * * * * * *
Recipes! Yes, as always, there are recipes.
I am so thankful to have enough donations to have earned an extra protein! While I strongly considered eggs for a while (120 grams of protein is about 2 small eggs) I decided that peanuts are not only more flavoursome, but also easier to spread out over a period of time. And I realised that if I make peanut butter from some of those peanuts, not only do I get a fucking delicious spread, but I can use it in making my hummus to give it better depth of flavour. I have previously often used peanut butter rather than tahini when making hummus just because of the price differential, so I know it tastes good.
This recipe uses most of my 120 grams of peanuts, but it leaves enough that I have a few left for teeny snack boosts over the week.
Yummy peanut butter!
pinch salt (if you have it)
2 - 3 tsp vegetable oil
1/4 - 1/2 tsp sugar
1) Roast the peanuts by placing on a baking tray in an oven at 180 degrees celcius. Check after 8 - 10 minutes and turn. Cook until smells delcious and peanuts are slightly golden. Yum! Cool.
2) Pulse in food processor until chopped. I do not have a small enough food processor for this quantity so I used my magical little Tupperware hand wizz thingee which I usually use to make hummus.
3) Add oil and salt/sugar (if you have it) to taste. Wizz until it starts to become a creamy, buttery texture.
This makes about 1/3 of a cup of peanut butter which equates to being able to have 2 teaspoons of peanut butter a day. And it is delicious! It has the Abby-licks-it-off-a-spoon seal of approval. I will likely use some of that to add protein to, and flavour my breakfast. I also plan on using some to make the following recipe...
My teeny yield of precious peanut butter cookies
Peanut Butter Biscuits
So the real truth about my other biscuit recipe is that it was awful. Was it edible? Yes. But did I enjoy eating the biscuits? Not really...
As soon as I realised I could make peanut butter, I realised I could make a better biscuit. I also realised I should just use white sugar. In terms of dietary health stuff I will not be having enough of it for it to negatively impact on my tummy health, so I don't need to deviate from the standard challenge options on this item.
So anyway, here is my new recipe:
2 Tbsp white sugar
1 1/2 Tbsp vegetable oil
1 Tbsp peanut butter (from previous recipe)
2 tsp milk
1/4 cup of gluten free flour
1 Tbsp chopped peanuts. (optional)
1) Preheat oven to 180 degrees celcius.
2) Mix sugar, oil and peanut butter in a small bowl. Add milk and flour. Mix. Add peanuts.
3) Use a teaspoon to shape into small balls and flatten with a fork.
4) Cook for about 9 minutes until just starting to brown
Makes about 7 - 9 small cookies. Enough to make you feel like you get to eat cookies on this challenge.
And these too get the Abby seal of approval. And mine. These are delicious and a serious improvement on the caramel biscuit recipe I posted earlier. I am so grateful to those generous donors who got me some nuts and enabled this cookiness to happen. Truly grateful.
One very happy Abby
* Adenomyosis means my body produces more oestrogen than usual. And fat cells love to stick to oestrogen (or something like that, this is how I remember my specialist putting it anyhow), so it's like one of those graphs where things start to curve up. First, you get a little fat, and then the more fat you get the more fat you get. There's not much in the way of treatment for it other than what I'm already doing, but often it goes away when you hit menopause. So I have my fingers crossed that comes sooner rather than later.
* The raised oestrogen levels mean I'm also a crazy hormonal bitch most of the time and this makes me feel like I needs my wine and treats so I feel I'm gonna be one crying, angry bitch for most of this challenge. Sure, I hope to come to a zen-like state, but I'm realistic about my situation.
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