A belated post on Trans Awareness Week

So I wrote this post for trans awareness week.  But at that time, one of my trans friends wasn't doing so great, so I decided to delay posting as didn't want to do anything that might make things unintentionally harder for her.

The reason I'm posting it now is that I think it's important.  I have heard and read so many negative posts and articles about trans folk during, and since, the Commonwealth Games.  And it was made very apparent that treating trans folk with the same dignity and respect as everyone else, still seems to make a lot of people uncomfortable.

  These may seem like harmless words             
but they aren't harmless to everyone          

I am not trans.  I'm cis.  Consequently, I cannot speak on behalf of the transgender community.  I write here from the position of someone who has friends and whanau that are trans.  I also speak from the position of someone who has made mistakes, and is still learning how best to show the trans folk close to me that I care for and respect them,

I'll start with the absolute basics by explaining a little about the differences between biological gender, gender and sexuality.

Our biological gender is the gender we are born with.  When we think of biology we immediately think male and female, but not everyone is male or female.  About 1.7% of the population are born intersex.  This is approximately as common as people having red hair - so it's not that uncommon.

Our gender is how we define ourselves - female, male, gender queer, trans or however we choose.  People who are transgender define themselves as different to the gender they were born as.  People who are cisgender define themselves as the same as the gender they were born as.  People who are gender queer see themselves as neither, both or a combination of male and female.

Our sexuality is a completely separate issue to our gender or biological gender.  In simple form, it relates to who we are attracted to: straight, gay, bisexual or assexual.  But there are many other forms of sexuality people identify with.

I think one of the reasons some people are uncomfortable with the idea of trans folk is that it rocks the boat.  You fill out a survey - first question asks if you are male or female.  You have a baby - first question is whether it's a boy or a girl.  You tell someone you've had a girl - they say oh!  She's so pretty!  As a culture, we define many things based on a binary view of gender.  Our language is full of gendered pronouns.  Acknowledging that gender isn't simply a binary system can really seem to mess with peoples world views.

What I hear repeated time and again is that trans folk have a choice.  In some respects this is true.  Trans folk can choose to live closeted in a body that doesn't feel like it belongs to them.  For many trans folk this means choosing death - and I do mean that literally.  Or they can choose to transition and have a chance at feeling more themselves.  I do not believe anyone who isn't trans can really understand this.  Sure, for whatever reason some of us are not 100% comfortable in the skin we're in.  This is not the same thing as being uncomfortable in the gender we were born into.  Consequently, I do not feel anyone who is not trans has any right to judge this choice.

And some people seem to think that being trans seems is just another a new idea, a fad even, like going gluten free.  The truth is it really, really isn't.  There are many cultures that historically ascribed to a non-binary system of gender including Samoan (fa'afafine), Indian (hijra), Native American (llamana) and Māori (Takatāpui). And in all of these cultures these non-binary folk had an accepted role to play - here, in Aotearoa they were often tohunga - specialists and educators.  Many of these traditional ideas were suppressed with the arrival of Christianity which held a binary view of gender and a hetronormative view of sexuality.  Thankfully, as we reconnect with our history over time, we recover the truth of our pasts.

All that has happened, between now and a few years ago, is that trans folk are becoming more visible.  Given that so many trans-women were on the front lines of the gay rights movement, it's well past time.

Shortland Street's first trans character played by a trans actor (Tash Kennedy)

The other group that are becoming slightly more visible are the intersex community.  Of course, being intersex is also nothing new.  It is just a normal biological variant that has existed in numerous forms for as long as humans have existed.  But since the 1920's 'normalisation' surgeries have been carried out to 'fix' intersex people.  Many of these are purely cosmetic - recreating genitals to appear more female, or more male.  And these are still carried out today.  In fact, there is only one country in which it is illegal to perform unnecessary gender-reassignment surgeries on children (Malta).  We seem intent on reshaping those who are different to fit into very specific boxes.

And many intersex people do not have obvious physical gender differences - it is completely possible you know someone who is intersex, and this is just not something you know about them.  Many people do not actually find out that they are intersex until they hit puberty, or when they are even older.  What has started happening more, is that more of the intersex community are speaking out about their experiences, and we are starting to hear them.  We are starting to realise that forcing people to conform to a form that doesn't fit can be damaging.  It's sad that it's taken us this long to understand something so simple.   

Even so, in a world filled with male and female bathrooms, gender segregated clothing, even gender segregated Nerf guns, how easy do you think it is to tell someone that you are neither, or both?  If you never had to tell anyone, and you were, in fact, encouraged not to, would you tell someone you were intersex?

Hanne Gaby Odiele - out and proud in spite of being told 

repeatedly by medical professionals to keep her intersex identity secret.

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So why is it important to be aware of the trans and intersex communities?

I think the answer to this is the reason why people feel particularly uncomfortable about these communities.  It's important because they show that simplifying gender down to two polarities is not right.  Yes, simplifying makes things easier.  It makes ticking boxes on forms easier.  It makes explaining things to our kids easier.  But it isn't the truth of the world we live in.  It leaves a lot of people out of the equation.

The estimate for the percentage of folk who are transgender in the US is 0.6%.  Combining* this with rates of intersex folk puts people who are gender varying from biology - at over 2% of the population.  That's 1 in every 50 people.  Putting that into the context of the NZ population that's 94,447 people not represented by the terms 'male' or 'female'.  And that number is conservative and also doesn't include people who identify as non-binary, gender queer or gender fluid.

How do you think being left out impacts on these people?

Here are some trans folks stories and here are some more.  And here is a short blog post from a young intersex person on how important it is to see people like themselves accurately represented by media.

I am not trans.  I cannot speak about how this feels.  What I can speak about though is evidence, and data suggests that being trans is pretty fucking hard.  In the US, the trans community are nine times more likely to attempt suicide than the average cisgendered American.  They are twice as likely to live in poverty than their cisgendered peers.  And over half of the people in the survey I'm referencing here were nervous about using public restrooms for fear of confrontation.  Last year alone (until November) in the US over 25 trans folk have lost their lives due to fatal violence.  They were murdered purely because they chose to live life as the person they wanted to be.

It is important to me to show those I love within this community that their feelings are valued.  The best way I can do that is through respecting their feelings and listening to and being accepting of their wishes even if I don't always fully understand them.  There are some great lists of things we can do to support our trans peers available online like this one.

   Utilising non-gendered language just makes it 
           easier to be inclusive of everyone.

I am still learning.  I need to work on my use of language.  I find it easy to use pronouns correctly with friends I've only known post transition - I can remember hearing my flatmate who was transitioning at the time's real name (or 'dead name') and laughing because it didn't fit her at all.  I don't think I ever screwed up her gender.  But for those I've known before, during and after transition it's been harder.  It is just my lizard brain reverting to old relationships and ideas.  But really, this is just laziness - I can retrain my brain.  And it's such a small and simple thing to do.


And regarding trans folk participation in the Commonwealth Games. Folk thinking 'Oh!  These people are just transitioning so it's easier to win.'  Or 'They have an unfair advantage.  They should be competing in their birth gender.'  I think you need to understand just how tough transitioning can be.  I asked a friend to describe (in short form) her experiences with transitioning.  Here is some of what she said:

'Oh it's an intense journey.. It tends to come with extensive experience with mental illness and being displaced from a society you're still expected to somehow participate in despite how much it hates you. Hormones can be hell - if you've chosen to take them- and then there's so many different angles when it comes to hormones too.. Most of us don't know we can self medicate and are instead at the whim of doctors who don't know about or care about us.  So often we're put on pill regimes which are dangerous to our bodies, especially in the long term but just like with police.. we are .. well.. indoctrinated to trust doctors too. So that's an uphill battle.'

 

 Laurel Hubbard - fucking legend!

So lets just say trans athletes who are competing at Commonwealth level are dealing with a lot more than most athletes - mentally, emotionally and physically.  For some first hand accounts of the difficulties associated with competing after transitioning, check out Vice's excellent section on Trans Athletes.  I struggle to see how this places them at a physical advantage over their cisgendered competitors.

I've gone through IVF (closest cis comparison I can come up with to HRT), and while I was on IVF I was a crazy hormonal bitch.  I bloated.  Random things made me burst into ugly cries.  I had zero energy and little brain.  There is no way I would have wanted to do anything like train for a sporting competition.  It was hard enough just going to work every day.  And IVF is a researched and proven hormone treatment method.  Contrasting this with developing HRT for individuals with different hormonal requirements which is still quite experimental, I think I got off lightly.  And unlike IVF, HRT can be for life.

As a cisgendered person, I live a life of privileges I can't even comprehend.  And I think, with privilege comes responsibility.  It takes very little to show kindness and compassion for those who do not share this privilege.  My hope is that over time kindness can level the playing field so our trans friends and family can share in the privileges** so many of us take for granted.

* I am only putting trans and intersex folk together to prove a point about a binary view of gender being unhelpful.  I do not feel that any trans person should have to put 'gender diverse' on any form ever.  Trans folk should write whatever their preferred gender is on any form without fear.

** Privileges including (but not limited to) job stability, financial stability, being able to find clothes that fit our bodies, the acceptance of our friends and families, being happy in our bodies and selves, being able to leave the house safely.  Sure, we may not all share all these privileges (I do) but we are more likely to have them than our trans peers.