On Video Shop Ettiquette

A pic from back in the day - look how skinny!

I've been pondering on this post for some time now and keep forgetting to use my tiny time windows to write it!  Given my life outside the house (still) working in an ever more obsolete industry, I thought I'd share some observations of the 'dos and do nots' of video rental customers:

DO read the signs or ask a Retail Assistant what to do when wanting to sign up for a Video Shop membership.

DO NOT get a whole pile of DVDs, put them on the counter, ask to sign up then throw a hissy fit because you don't have the right ID.  Us asking for a form of valid photo ID and proof of current address is not Naziism.  Me not signing you up because you do not have this is me doing my job properly, not me being a bitch.  It's pretty standard.  You look like a jackass throwing an adult tantrum in a public place.

DO return DVD's into the 'Returns' slot which is usually located right in front of you when you walk in the door.  Pretty easy really.

DO NOT place DVD's randomly over the counter, on the counter or any other random place that is not the 'Returns' slot.  We ask this for your own good. When you don't return DVD's properly they can easily be taken by any random person who happens to be around as we have more jobs than just watching the general returns area like a hawk.  If this happens, the DVD's remain on your account as they will not yet have been returned through the computer system which will cause you problems, and you may end up having to pay for said incorrectly returned DVD's.


DO rent a Bluray disc if you have a PS3, PS4 or Bluray player.  DO ask what Bluray is if you don't know.

DO NOT rent a Bluray disc if you don't.  It is quite likely you won't be able to play it.  We will swap it for a regular disc no problem, but it's just wasted everyone a bunch of time.

DO ask a Retail Assistant for recommendations if you are stuck for ideas.  DO let us know what genres you most enjoy, and what some of your favorite movies are. 

DO NOT expect that the Retail Assistant will have exactly the same taste in movies as you... But DO feel free to give us feedback (without swears)

DO NOT get angry that we don't have a specific movie that hasn't been released at cinemas yet in New Zealand.  It is not our fault you are so up with the play.  Equally, DO NOT get angry at your Retail Assistant if they don't know what this movie is.  It hasn't been released yet.  We are not the knowers of all things.

If you have brought up the wrong case and there is another customer at the counter when you return, DO wait patiently until they are served.  It is not their fault you brought up the wrong case.

DO NOT step in front of them like the Shop Assistants only job is to service your every whim and all others are your lessers and must bow to your greatness.


DO bring ID with you if you want to rent anything more than an R16 and are either young, or suffer from 'baby face'.

DO NOT get mad if you don't have ID and can't rent the movie you'd like to.  Even if you're of age.  Most of us don't have a spare $10,000 lying around if you aren't and we get caught, so most of us won't take that risk just because you're sad.

DO NOT rent movies with subtitles if you don't like reading.
DO NOT rent festival films if you want a plot resolution.
DO NOT rent R18 Contains Sexual Violence warninged films if you don't want to see sexual violence.

DO compliment your Video Shop Assistant when they give you great service.

DO NOT treat your Video Shop Assistant like a retard.  Not all retail workers are all idiots.  Most retail workers (especially in video shops) have other occupations or time sucking hobbies away from work.  Or genuine world take over plans.  And even if they don't, retail is a valid occupation that requires skill.  Some of these skills include (but are not limited to):

Cash handling - maths and stuff
Literacy skills - alphabetising etc
Product knowledge - self explanatory
Research skills - we can't know everything but we should know how to find out
Computer skills -We don't just give you DVDs and then put them back on the shelf after...
People skills - knowing when it's not appropriate to use the word 'cunt' and when/when not to recommend 'Roadhouse'
Small people skills - coping well with unexplained crashes and shrieking
Ability to handle stoners/drunks/meth heads/jerks/regulars and awesome people
Ability to work under pressure - doing everything by the book when there's a queue
Conflict resolution - essential.  The public can be jerks but you can't call them jerks.
Multitasking - doing all of the above at the same time.
Ability to stand up and not take breaks indefinitely
Ability to hold urine/faeces - if working sole charge, this is a 'must have' skill

DO bring your children to the video shop.  There is lots of space to run around in and lots of fun stuff to look at.

DO NOT leave your children in the video shop while you go elsewhere for any random period of time.  We are not child minders.  It is not our responsibility to look after your child or even ensure they stay in the store.  For all you know we might be pedophiles or axe murderers.  Seriously.  They're your progeny.  What's wrong with you people!!!

If you have a crush on someone in retail:
DO be brave and ask them out.  The worst that can happen is that they say no.  It will probably just be awkward the next time you see them, then after that it'll be back to normal retail/customer banter.

DO NOT ask the person weird personal questions, when their shifts start/end or call them at work to talk about generic niceties.  Do not turn up to every shift they work.  Do not ask other work colleagues when they are working next.  Do not constantly stare at their breasts/crotch/feet.  Do not talk incessantly about your mother.  Do not converse for a long time with us and then rent porn where the actor/actress on the cover looks eerily similar to us.  This isn't flattering.  Do not expect that because we are nice to you we want to be your girlfriend/boyfriend.  We work in retail.  It's our job to be nice.

And finally:

DO rent porn if you want to.  If you want to rent porn make your selection reasonably quickly and act as though you are renting any other movie.  We're ok with it.  It's part of our job.  It's nothing to be ashamed of.  Normal banter applies.

DO NOT spend 10 minutes pretend browsing the shop, then spend 10 minutes in the porn room, then emerge from said room with a weird bottle with a small amount of a milk like substance in it.  You look dodgy as fuck doing this.  If you need to jack off to porn as soon as you see it please do it via the internet at home like most people.